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- Thread starter angels4mom
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Angels4Mom just tore out my heart with her OP. I am wondering if some of her pain has lessened a little now?
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- #243
^I'm sorry.
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How have you been, @angels4mom ?
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- #246
I'm okay. How are you?
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Hi @angels4mom good to hear that you're okay. Today, for me was not so good. Woke up, and first thought was negative.....but now focusing on something else.....so feeling better.
I guess there will always be good and bad days...or else just moments in the day....will feel bad/sad. I just want to be able to control it.....but I cannot at times.
okay, enough of me, bringing you down.....will talk some other time. see you around the site. have to go to computer repair shop now.
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- #248
You're not bringing me down. I'm sorry your day's not good.
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thanks @angels4mom I think everyone has days like this, I just find I have to distract myself, and tomorrow will be better. Woke up and thought, why did I put my cat to sleep.....it was such a fleeting thought...and rationally I know why, because he was sick and was suffering. So this thought does not even help me.
Later tonight, have to take my mom in to an appointment. She has early altszheimer's and just needs medication to slow it down. The appointment is just a cat scan, so nothing difficult.
I think that these two things together, kind of threw me.
The reason, I said I did not want to bring you down, was because, sometimes when someone else is doing okay and having a good day,.....you don't want to rain on their parade.....you know what I mean.
Later tonight, have to take my mom in to an appointment. She has early altszheimer's and just needs medication to slow it down. The appointment is just a cat scan, so nothing difficult.
I think that these two things together, kind of threw me.
The reason, I said I did not want to bring you down, was because, sometimes when someone else is doing okay and having a good day,.....you don't want to rain on their parade.....you know what I mean.
There will be a lot of ups and downs in the road to healing, and just when you think you might feel better something comes along and you're back to square one. We all do the best we can and different things work best for different people. The best for me was to keep as busy as I could, definitely focus on something different then where my thoughts were leading me. A year ago I would burst into tears when I said my Chrissy's name, now I can say her name and just feel an incredible sadness, but that is an improvement. Just knowing other people feel as we all do on this site helps, we are not alone in our grief. I cry at night sometimes for the pain all of you are going through, I know it too well. Angels4mom, cat nap, and all of you, bless you all for the incredible love you shared with your little ones and for the mourning you are now having to go through. Take care.....
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- #251
One thing that gets to me is remembering that his seizures stopped at around 6 am, later that day he tried to stand up. He tried at the hospital too. He was fighting it and I took that from him.
You took his pain away, you gave him comfort and love when he needed you the most. Yes. you took it from him and you let him rest, you took all his pain and fear and made it your own, there is no greater love then what you did, you will be blessed for your mercy and your love. You both will cherish the love you shared in your hearts and in your spirits until the end of time.
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I have been pretty busy going places, but overall, pretty good.
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- #255
Thank you. Those are precious words. When he came to me he had so many things wrong with him. A tick in his ear, fleas, mites and I eventually found he had worms. The fleas, tick and worms were taken care of. He liked the flea combing. Like his own personal soothing grooming. I held him in one hand to do it. That's how little he was. He even nodded off. The former owners took him from his mama at an early age. He remained loving but also his personality changed. He became aggressive. Not vicious. Just aggressive. He was picky around the litter box. I told him he was more prissy than my girl kitties. He didn't like his tummy touched even lightly. I never put it together that something was wrong until after he passed. The crankiness is a sign of Lyme. The sensitive tummy I thought was because he was a boy who didn't like to be touched near his naynays and some cats don't like their bellies touched. At the hospital the vet said his tummy pain she found could be his kidneys. The kidney failure. It all makes sense. All of that plus the seizures and the tick. I just wish I had known. I tried to give him a good life.
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You did give him a good life.
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I think what Di and Bob said about taking away his pain is true and important. After my sister's cat was put to sleep, I googled some conditions and I'm guessing Sotches had saddle thrombus. Sotchy was dying and even if he did live, the odds of his recovering were very low and the odds of it happening again were high. There's no guarantee Cocoa would ever get better or have much quality of life, don't let your guilt and sadness let you doubt. You did the best thing for your precious furbaby.
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- #258
It's hard to get it out of my head that my little guy was fighting it. He tried to stand up. It kills me inside.
Don't be sore at me for saying this, but I am certain your beloved cat would want you to think about the life you shared and not about his death. He is looking down at you and he is sad that you are sad. This is what I am doing since Zimmie died. I've been brooding about watching her die instead of focusing on all the good times we shared. She would not have wanted me to be sad.
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- #260
I know but the thoughts of his illness find me. I don't go looking for it. I do talk to him. I tell him we had a lot of tough times but we had a lot of fun too. Have you seen the pic on the ear mite article here? It looks like Cocoa when he was a baby.
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