How Do I Accept The Fact That My Cat Does Not Like To Cuddle?

[aforumuser]

Maybe try making a big deal of her when you get home. Say "I'm home" when you come in the door. If she doesn't come greet you, say "her name, where are you?" Keep saying her name, till you find wherever it is she's sleeping. Then say "there you are." Even if she's asleep, pat her on the head. Scratch her chin. Tell her you missed her. Ask if she missed you. Ask her if she had a good day. Then ask "are you hungry?" Then go get her food ready. Don't just put it down, show her the dish and say "dinner's ready". Get her to understand those words mean food. And that you are the food provider. Course the result will be her eating, not cuddling with you, but at least she'll be responding to your words and actions.

Try not to expect too much from her. She is a cat and cats are by nature, independent creatures. That's why they can be left alone all day while their owner's are gone. And they do offer their affection on their terms. Usually when they want something.

What's your girl's name? Do you have a picture you can post of her?

her name is babycat. this is her:

i think she was given this name because she is very frightened and gets scared easily, similar to how a baby behaves yet she is 3 years old. i have no idea what babycat was like as a kitten. i assume very anti-social, trying to hide, not very confident, etc. lately i've just been not worrying about this. going about my business and doing what i need to do. simply feeding her and letting her sleep all day or wander around here and there

 

[kittyluv387]

A month with an adult cat is not long at all. There's hope for you yet. Who knows maybe she thinks she wont be at your home long either. She has barely had a chance to settle in, so give her some time and give her the occasional pets. Also try playing with her with toys and give her treats.

 

[danteshuman]

I assumed babycat because she is a very sweet cat deep down?

 

[maggiedemi]

She has very pretty markings. Is she a calico or tabby, I can't really tell?

 

[aforumuser]

she is a calico cat

 

[rubysmama]

Awwww.... Babycat is beautiful. Love her colouring. She looks pretty young too. Don't give up on her becoming an affectionate cat. Maybe she just needed you to be her forever adopter.

Was Babycat her original name? Or the one the shelter gave her? Either way, if you'd prefer to name her something else, she will learn her new name quickly. My Ruby was 2 or 3 when I adopted her and I have no idea what her original name was, and I didn't care for the name the shelter gave her, so I changed it to Ruby. And she learned it really quickly.

 

[Alejandra Rico]

You sound terribly dissapointed and I understand It, because I have been there too. My persian cross Raistlin was not well socialized when he was a kitten (his littermates died during the first two days and his mother was too possesive around him tothe point that he spent most of the time hiden from her to avoid being licked till baldness). Except for the first months, he was never a lap/cuddle Cat until he was five years old or so. He wouldn't even purr often. Yet, I knew he loved me because he always wanted to be around me. He is just not too physical, but we enjoy blinking sessions, and head bumps.
It is said that each cat comes with a number of cuddles. If you stop petting her right before she gets bored of it, you Will have her wanting more. It is stupid, but It works as cats like having the "last Word" in anything.
Do not give up. Most cats want to love and be loved, but after three families, It is difficult to bond to a new owner. I would compare it to fostering a 13 year old child who has already been in a couple of families before. Trust and affection have to be built.

 

[doomsdave]

aforumuser

Patience. And love in the meantime.

A month isn't long for an adult cat, as others point out.

The cat pictured below, Big Boy, was given to me about a year ago, by a cat-loving friend who was renovating the house where the people who fed him lived. He didn't live with them, though; he didn't like their other cat, or their dog. Though he's big and powerful, as cats go, he's very shy.

The picture was taken about three months later, in late September, and he was more willing to sit near me.

IMG_1588.JPG

• doomsdave
• Dec 5, 2016

He still only comes out at dusk, and won't sit on things in the daytime. He hides all day, then comes out.

He won't sit on my lap, but likes to sit next to me. This picture shows how big he is, hence the name.

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• doomsdave
• Feb 28, 2017

Let us know how things go for your cat. You should notice gradual improvement over time, i.e., more affection shown, though she might never be a lap cat.

 

[doomsdave]

Big Boy has gotten friendlier, if not friendly, to the other cats. Here he sits next der Baron von Komfy to the left.

Neither are lap cats but both appreciate love.

Patience. And petting.

 

[Alejandra Rico]

I think there is also something we haven't mentioned buenas is still important. Both Raistlin an Big Boy are actually big cats. It is difficult to be comfortable on someones lap if you are a big cat and you do not really fit propperly in that limited space.
How big is Babygirl?
Un the picture you can see Raistlin compared to a Great Dane and a normal height desk.

 

[doomsdave]

Aww, how sweet.

I keep telling Big Boy how much everyone loves him, so maybe he'll be a little less mental.

Seems to be working.

He's big but not enormous. He can sit in my lap if he wants.

 

[elliesvictim]

Read up on cat body language and communication. I often do nose touches with my 18month female. It gives me a gauge on her mood. If she nose touches she happy if she doesn't she cranky. So that tells me not to pick her up at that time. Also letting a cat smell the back of your hand lets the cat give you permission. If you place a hand infront of her nose she'll either dip her head towards it or away. Towards your hand to smell it gives permission to pat. Once again of back off tells you to save it for another time.
Also don't try and force it. Cats, I believe, relate to being aloof. It's often how they behave. If you force it they resent it. Don't worry at some point they will come to you for contact. Just let it happen.
As an example I picked up my cat for a cuddle and she ran away from me. So I left her alone. Now I'm trying to watch the football and she refuses to leave me alone.
Let it happen. Good luck.

 

[doomsdave]

Lap cats can be a mixed blessing.

Tar Baby, pictured below, aka as Da Lap Hawg, Miss Butt-in-You-Face, and Enough Already is an example.

I got her from a shelter and she was a friendly one, from the get-go. Once she decides she likes you, you'll tire of her lap-sitting long before she does. And, she evicts other cats who want a bit of lap-time. (I have five cats. So far.) If I lean back in the chair, she'll put her furry butt in my face. (Mmmpphh, mmphh! Pftooey!) She pussy-foots across the computer keyboard, fa-la la la. Sometimes she drapes herself over my shoulder and talks in my ear, as pictured below.

But, I love her to death, like all the others. Some cats just aren't like her, and maybe that's a good thing. Too many butts in the face get unsanitary after a while.

image.jpg

• doomsdave
• Dec 8, 2016

IMG_2114.JPG

• doomsdave
• Mar 2, 2017

 

[aforumuser]

I rewarded her with fancy feast gravy lovers tonight. I know that she very much enjoys this food so I decided that for being a receptive kitty I will treat her to this food. Normally, she walks up and leaves when I try to cuddle but she was on my bed and I was able to get a solid 15 seconds of cuddle time. I decided to cut the cuddle time short because I didn't want her to decide to get up all of a sudden and walk away like she usually does

 

[Draco]

15 seconds is a lot! I don't get a lot of cuddle time with one of my cats, so I treasure every second!

 

[tabbytom]

That's

 

[doomsdave]

progress!

 

[Lionheart22]

It took my cat Sophie over a year to become a lap cat. Similar situation, I got her from the shelter as an adult and it was her third home. She became cuddlier after I got back from a two week trip, guess she missed me!

 

[doomsdave]

There are many subtle signs a cat's liking you more. She'll sit near you more than she used to. When you get up and go to another room, she'll follow you and sit near you again. When you go to bed, she'll find a place in the bedroom to sleep, too.

Sometimes it's so gradual you don't notice for a month or more.

Patience, and petting conquer all. Or, a lot anyway.

 

[bayareakitties]

There must have been some reason you adopted her, did she "speak" to you somehow at the shelter or where you adopted her? Also I agree with some posts here, lap cats can be a mixed blessing.