Geoffrey Small Cell Lymphoma

[tarasgirl06]

I finally broke down tonight-- just now. ... I am praying that I can deal with this.. I am praying for strength, courage, knowledge, and love... I need love in my life.. I desperately need it.. I am getting frightened.. I am feeing alone--lonely... feeling that I am going to lose something/someone who is very important to me.. I guess all the emotions I suppressed at first, are finally hitting me ---is really hitting me-- and very hard.

I guess it is my being alone all my life; being so committed to my parents...especially my dad-which is partial, if not majorly involved in this--I devoted most ofmy life to my mom and especially to my dad.. missed out on so many things. I still feel as if Lost Artie too early__ I did not have enough time with my 'soul-kittie".

Now, Geooffey is younger but with a worse diagnosis..and is totally avoiding me,, He is not my at.. He is hiding.. I am really feeling the loss. I miss my little boy... I miss cuddling.. I miss taking to him.. I miss the LOVE..

I guess I miss love.. I need love in my life.. at my age.. What do I do?? The life span for small cell lymphoma is usually 2 years... OMG>. I will be too old to adopt another cat... I need some type of unconditional love in my life. I have been alone too long... and too lonely...
Ok.. really venting and feeling so down.. It is life.. but... it seems as if I have had so many bad things happening to me.. I need love-- unconditionally..

Geoffrey is running away from me.. I cannot cuddle.. not even close. He runs when I look at him..He is hiding under my bed.. not cuddling at all.. 3 days of this... Too much for me..
I cannot go near him, he runs... I feel horrible.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dr B called me today--his day off. He was helping his secretary, who isn over whelmed with work. They are so busy..

Geoffrey's Prednisolone dose was wrong.. It was doubled the amount he should have been prescribed.. I do not know who is at fault---but I am kind of mad about this... "I" am the one who caught this.. I do thank the 'authoritative' forum for bringing this to my attention... .I think the double dose has caused a diabetic reaction. Geoffrey is hiding form me, lethargic, drinking tons of water. DR B told em to stop it until he feel better.. So no prednisolone tonight and all day tomorrow.

I have to send a reminder ring tomorrow for him to re-p[rescribe the Chlorambucil into capsule dose. I cannot give hi the prescribed dose, which is in chew treats.. I tried yesterday; getting it all over Geoffrey, me, the floor, my clothes... It was ridiculous..

The Capsule is 0.1 mg higher---meaning a new script.. dam... Dr B said that is ok--Geoffrey is a big cat---long, high, lanky, muscular..no fat to him.

Thank you for listening..
I hope I may, by posting all of this: my feelings, Geoffrey's responses , helps others...I am not selfish.. so I do not want to take advantage of this forum--which I love...

thank you..

And I apologize for typos.. I am not proof reading things..

.

First of all, Cindy, why apologize for having feelings? There is no need. And TCS is here for all of us who love our cats. You're exactly where you need to be.
Someone really screwed up with the dosage! but hoping and praying that it is not going to be a problem. Just do as Dr. B. says and pray they pay close attention from here on. Like I've said, just because someone is a doctor does not mean (s)he is perfect or right. But if you trust this care team, to with them. You have to start somewhere. Hoping you're praying daily and leaving it Where it needs to be. We do not have answers to so much. We travel blind through so much of life. But the Creator of all certainly knows all and is the best Place to start. You have Faith. Let that guide you.
No one knows how long anyone has in this life. I know the soul is eternal and that you will meet ALL of your loved ones again in due time, as I will mine. We can be assured of that.
As for the future, you are NOT "too old to adopt another cat." Many shelters have "seniors for seniors" programs where the cat can go back to the shelter if necessary. Especially in these times of so much uncertainty, I would think that would be widely available. So there is a possibility for the future if it works for you.
I've been really social, been married 3 times, had a lot of relationships, lot of friends, and am still social with compassionate, kind people (who love cats. Because cats are so central to my life.) but I have always found that the unconditional loyalty and love of cats is of a different nature than the love of humans, so it's more precious to me.
Geoffrey is going through changes right now and he may just feel he wants some time to himself. I hope you can give him that, but be there for him when he decides to come out of his shell.
I'm not going to say, "Oh, it'll all be okay!" because no one knows that. But you do know you love Geoffrey and Geoffrey loves you. One step at a time.

 

[iPappy]

I am so so sorry for all this going on. I wish there was something I could do.
I would be upset that the dosage was wrong, too. But on the bright side, maybe this hiding behavior is something you will see a massive decline in once he's back to feeling more like himself.
The type of cancer my dog has is usually a 5-10 month prognosis. It wasn't diagnosed until a month ago but he had his first symptoms show up over a year ago. He's at my feet chewing on a frozen kong and chasing his sister out of the room if she comes near it. A poor long term prognosis isn't a guarantee.
I wish I could give you a big, big hug and we could just sit and chat over coffee or tea or something.

 

[iPappy]

First of all, Cindy, why apologize for having feelings? There is no need. And TCS is here for all of us who love our cats. You're exactly where you need to be.
Someone really screwed up with the dosage! but hoping and praying that it is not going to be a problem. Just do as Dr. B. says and pray they pay close attention from here on. Like I've said, just because someone is a doctor does not mean (s)he is perfect or right. But if you trust this care team, to with them. You have to start somewhere. Hoping you're praying daily and leaving it Where it needs to be. We do not have answers to so much. We travel blind through so much of life. But the Creator of all certainly knows all and is the best Place to start. You have Faith. Let that guide you.
No one knows how long anyone has in this life. I know the soul is eternal and that you will meet ALL of your loved ones again in due time, as I will mine. We can be assured of that.
As for the future, you are NOT "too old to adopt another cat." Many shelters have "seniors for seniors" programs where the cat can go back to the shelter if necessary. Especially in these times of so much uncertainty, I would think that would be widely available. So there is a possibility for the future if it works for you.
I've been really social, been married 3 times, had a lot of relationships, lot of friends, and am still social with compassionate, kind people (who love cats. Because cats are so central to my life.) but I have always found that the unconditional loyalty and love of cats is of a different nature than the love of humans, so it's more precious to me.
Geoffrey is going through changes right now and he may just feel he wants some time to himself. I hope you can give him that, but be there for him when he decides to come out of his shell.
I'm not going to say, "Oh, it'll all be okay!" because no one knows that. But you do know you love Geoffrey and Geoffrey loves you. One step at a time.

That knowledge of knowing we'll all be together again on the Other Side keeps me going in so many ways in all avenues of my life. I think of all the furry friends I have lost and the thought of seeing them again when my time here is up is what keeps me motivated. I have broke out a lot of books on this subject in the past few weeks and I always leave feeling so much more at peace and content than when I first picked up the book. Even if I cry most of the way through. I hate crying (it's not an issue of pride, I just get a dull thudding headache every time I do!), but sometimes it's really necessary to just let it out. Let out the emotion so you can see things more objectively and come up with a game plan. It's hard to plan what you're going to do and how you're going to do it when you're still dealing with so much shock.
They put my dog on a prednisone at the start of his symptoms. He usually is a chill, gentle, sweet (oh, this dog just oozes sweetness) soul. After a few days on the prednisone, he was panting, agitated, restless, and was not himself. I was not happy with this, so I called the vet. We lowered the dosage, and within 24 hours he was back to himself. We found the "sweet spot" on how much he could tolerate comfortably, and I was so happy to have his sweet little personality back. I'm sure once the dosage is adjusted, he'll rebound. My dog also was drinking water like a camel. Diabetes crossed my mind, but so far so good on that. He's back to drinking a normal amount.

 

[IndyJones]

Take a breath and relax. Compassion fatigue is very common and hard on you. You are not alone by any means.

 

[artiemom]

Thank you, everyone.. I had a good cry.. probably posting TMI on here.. But I guess I needed to really express myself.
I held it inf or almost a week. That is a long time for me--a crier.

The Prednisolone is leaving Geoffrey's system. It was early this morning, that he was more himself. He woke me up to tell me he pooped and his box was full.. He did not cuddle with me or sleep with me, during the night. I missed him.

I did not dose him last night and today will be a Pred fee day. He needs his body to build up from the overdose. I think I am going to call the pharmacy and complain.

Right now, Geoffrey is looking out the window.. as he normally would. Not back to normal but almost there.

It is a chemo day today.. Wish me luck.. I am going to crust up some hydrolyzed treats and coat the chew treat with it; On a paper plate, with gloves.

I will try not to monopolize this forum.

 

[tabbytom]

artiemom ,

Sending hugs

 

[tarasgirl06]

Thank you, everyone.. I had a good cry.. probably posting TMI on here.. But I guess I needed to really express myself.
I held it inf or almost a week. That is a long time for me--a crier.

The Prednisolone is leaving Geoffrey's system. It was early this morning, that he was more himself. He woke me up to tell me he pooped and his box was full.. He did not cuddle with me or sleep with me, during the night. I missed him.

I did not dose him last night and today will be a Pred fee day. He needs his body to build up from the overdose. I think I am going to call the pharmacy and complain.

Right now, Geoffrey is looking out the window.. as he normally would. Not back to normal but almost there.

It is a chemo day today.. Wish me luck.. I am going to crust up some hydrolyzed treats and coat the chew treat with it; On a paper plate, with gloves.

I will try not to monopolize this forum.

Hoping you DO call and let them know. It's my feeling that when people don't do that, the status quo prevails, and the status quo ain't good. Where precious lives and health are concerned, we need to YELL nonstop.
Hoping and praying today is a better day, for Geoffrey and for you.
Tears, and talking, are cathartic. It's when those are kept inside that harm can happen. We need to express ourselves. And we need to let off the charge of emotions. I try to laugh every day and cry every day.

 

[iPappy]

Thank you, everyone.. I had a good cry.. probably posting TMI on here.. But I guess I needed to really express myself.
I held it inf or almost a week. That is a long time for me--a crier.

The Prednisolone is leaving Geoffrey's system. It was early this morning, that he was more himself. He woke me up to tell me he pooped and his box was full.. He did not cuddle with me or sleep with me, during the night. I missed him.

I did not dose him last night and today will be a Pred fee day. He needs his body to build up from the overdose. I think I am going to call the pharmacy and complain.

Right now, Geoffrey is looking out the window.. as he normally would. Not back to normal but almost there.

It is a chemo day today.. Wish me luck.. I am going to crust up some hydrolyzed treats and coat the chew treat with it; On a paper plate, with gloves.

I will try not to monopolize this forum.

 

[iPappy]

Hoping you DO call and let them know. It's my feeling that when people don't do that, the status quo prevails, and the status quo ain't good. Where precious lives and health are concerned, we need to YELL nonstop.
Hoping and praying today is a better day, for Geoffrey and for you.
Tears, and talking, are cathartic. It's when those are kept inside that harm can happen. We need to express ourselves. And we need to let off the charge of emotions. I try to laugh every day and cry every day.

Absolutely.
And from a business perspective, if it was something that was just missed or didn't get noticed, the workers NEED to know so they can learn from that mistake.
I didn't laugh for 2 weeks after my dog was diagnosed, then something funny was said. I lost it. I laughed harder and harder until I sounded like Pennywise. I needed to. It IS very therapeutic when your emotions are ready for it.

 

[neely]

Geoffrey's Prednisolone dose was wrong.. It was doubled the amount he should have been prescribed.. I do not know who is at fault---but I am kind of mad about this... "I" am the one who caught this.

Cindy, if it helps I had a similar situation awhile ago with Carleton. He was getting a low dose of a med to calm/relax him before getting groomed. Then all of a sudden one time I noticed the syringe with the liquid med was filled up more than in the past. I always save the previous scripts and double checked the amount just as I would do for myself. Turns out a new vet had prescribed the wrong dose for sedation instead of relaxation. I immediately called and, of course, they apologized up and down and replaced it with the correct dose. They also told me they took it very seriously and had a meeting with the entire staff about this issue. Just out of curiosity, whose name was on the script that approved the dose of Prednisone for Geoffrey? Mistakes happen but I'm so thankful you caught this. You are truly an excellent cat parent.

I'm sorry Geoffrey has been hiding, doesn't want to cuddle and is out of sorts. It's so hard because you can't explain to him what's happening and that you're only trying to help him. I'm also sorry you feel so alone right now. We can't be there in person but we're all here for you to lean on and for support. I think sometimes when we are dealing with more than we expected it takes a toll on us. I can't alleviate your feeling of loneliness but I sincerely hope Geoffrey rallies and it will perk up your spirits. Thinking of you and sending special thoughts to let you know we care.

 

[artiemom]

Yesterday was horrible. I tried crushing some hydrolyzed chicken treats to coat the Chemo chew treat. G refused it. I gave it to him on paper plate, with all the crumbs.. Nope. I got frustrated, grabbed him and tried giving it him, like I would a pill.. down his throat... Still not all of it. This was at 10 am

Went out around 12:30pm. Returned 1:30pm. G was screaming at me, as soon as I opened the door. He had peed, pooped. Still screaming. Walked into bedroom, blinds closed to keep it cooler. It was hot outside.
Stepped in vomit. A huge amount.. which included the Chlorambucil. I stepped in it. Sock thrown in sink.

Cleaned up vomit #1. Saw another spot--cleaned that up.. Walked to trash room.
Went to open up bedroom blinds. Saw G had vomited, brown liquid, all over my dirty clothes hamper!!! OMG>>> a mess.
It was now, 2pm... My cleaner was arriving at 2pm.. Dr B's secretary leaves at 3pm..

Cleaner dropped her stuff off, I was cleaning my hamper and the towel which was on top.. It is plastic, but--still, every nook, and cranny. When I thought I was done, I found more..

As I was emailing Dr B, Geoffrey came out, starting chomping on the plastic bag the cleaner brought in... I was done that point.
I locked him in my bedroom with litter box, food, water.

Dr B got back within 10 minutes.. on email.. no meds until at least Friday.. and his secretary wanted an update today.. Well she got an eye and earful.. dam.

It smelled of Natures Miracle. I do not usually use that, because even unscented, it still smells. There was so much vomit, I had to use the heavy duty stuff.
He was in there for 2 hours.

During evening, G was coughing/sneezing... I thought it was because of the NM... It kept on..

Tried to go to bed after 10pm... Coughing/sneezing continued.. a lot..
This was too much.. what do I do? Do I go to the ER.. I listened to his lungs--putting ear to his chest. No congestion.
It continued.. He could not get any rest.

I got out of bed around 11:30pm.. At this point, he was getting meatloafed. I sent an Email to Dr B.
I watched him--definitely coughing..
Another email to Dr B.. called a friend, who I knew would be up.
Debating on ER visit.. decided to wait.

He was drinking a ton.. over 1 water bowl at that point.

I tried to sleep on recliner.. leaving G my bedroom. Put on sleep music.. nope.. worried.
Pulled out sofa bed at 1:00 AM.
Geoffrey found me... yup..

Turned over at 5:30Am.. up at 5:45 am.. Geoffrey still coughing.. not as loudly, but he is sick.. He is bad.
Listened to his breathing... It is short quick breathes.. not good.

I am thinking aspiration foreign body--food, from either me, with the dam chemo, and crushed treats.. or from when he violently vomited.

He is nibbling.. drinking so much water. Now, it is 2 bowls since yesterday..
Yes, he is going in today.. I am going to pack a bag, after this. I will take a quick shower. I should have done it before, typing, but.. I need my coffee...

It is going to be a torrential rain storm day today.. and there is already an accident on one of the main roads into Boston.

I am feeling guilty about causing this..
and so bad for Geoffrey. He is really sick..

I wish I could communicate with him.... I really do..

 

[rubysmama]

Sending hugs to you and healing vibes to Geoffrey. Be careful driving in the rain.

 

[iPappy]

I'll be thinking of you today. Please be careful on the roads.
I hope there's good news when you get back.

 

[Lari]

I'm sorry this is so rough. Best of luck today.

 

[tarasgirl06]

Yesterday was horrible. I tried crushing some hydrolyzed chicken treats to coat the Chemo chew treat. G refused it. I gave it to him on paper plate, with all the crumbs.. Nope. I got frustrated, grabbed him and tried giving it him, like I would a pill.. down his throat... Still not all of it. This was at 10 am

Went out around 12:30pm. Returned 1:30pm. G was screaming at me, as soon as I opened the door. He had peed, pooped. Still screaming. Walked into bedroom, blinds closed to keep it cooler. It was hot outside.
Stepped in vomit. A huge amount.. which included the Chlorambucil. I stepped in it. Sock thrown in sink.

Cleaned up vomit #1. Saw another spot--cleaned that up.. Walked to trash room.
Went to open up bedroom blinds. Saw G had vomited, brown liquid, all over my dirty clothes hamper!!! OMG>>> a mess.
It was now, 2pm... My cleaner was arriving at 2pm.. Dr B's secretary leaves at 3pm..

Cleaner dropped her stuff off, I was cleaning my hamper and the towel which was on top.. It is plastic, but--still, every nook, and cranny. When I thought I was done, I found more..

As I was emailing Dr B, Geoffrey came out, starting chomping on the plastic bag the cleaner brought in... I was done that point.
I locked him in my bedroom with litter box, food, water.

Dr B got back within 10 minutes.. on email.. no meds until at least Friday.. and his secretary wanted an update today.. Well she got an eye and earful.. dam.

It smelled of Natures Miracle. I do not usually use that, because even unscented, it still smells. There was so much vomit, I had to use the heavy duty stuff.
He was in there for 2 hours.

During evening, G was coughing/sneezing... I thought it was because of the NM... It kept on..

Tried to go to bed after 10pm... Coughing/sneezing continued.. a lot..
This was too much.. what do I do? Do I go to the ER.. I listened to his lungs--putting ear to his chest. No congestion.
It continued.. He could not get any rest.

I got out of bed around 11:30pm.. At this point, he was getting meatloafed. I sent an Email to Dr B.
I watched him--definitely coughing..
Another email to Dr B.. called a friend, who I knew would be up.
Debating on ER visit.. decided to wait.

He was drinking a ton.. over 1 water bowl at that point.

I tried to sleep on recliner.. leaving G my bedroom. Put on sleep music.. nope.. worried.
Pulled out sofa bed at 1:00 AM.
Geoffrey found me... yup..

Turned over at 5:30Am.. up at 5:45 am.. Geoffrey still coughing.. not as loudly, but he is sick.. He is bad.
Listened to his breathing... It is short quick breathes.. not good.

I am thinking aspiration foreign body--food, from either me, with the dam chemo, and crushed treats.. or from when he violently vomited.

He is nibbling.. drinking so much water. Now, it is 2 bowls since yesterday..
Yes, he is going in today.. I am going to pack a bag, after this. I will take a quick shower. I should have done it before, typing, but.. I need my coffee...

It is going to be a torrential rain storm day today.. and there is already an accident on one of the main roads into Boston.

I am feeling guilty about causing this..
and so bad for Geoffrey. He is really sick..
View attachment 422690
I wish I could communicate with him.... I really do..

YOU did not cause this, Cindy. There are so many things in life that are so unfair and that we do not have answers to. This is one of them.
*PRAYERS* from the heart for sweet Geoffrey, and for you. Hoping and praying that better will come.

 

[artiemom]

Ok---back from Angell. Got in as fast as I could.
Geoffrey had a really good exam, blood test (CBC) and chest x-ray.

Geoffrey has a mild case of bronchitis. Not 100% definitive--just waiting for the official report.
It is thought that the cause and effect, again, not yet proven is from the Natures Miracle which I used on the large vomiting area..
He immediately began coughing after it was used.

My cleaner used: vinegar, water, baking soda, a bit of blue Dawn detergent. So nothing bad to cause this reaction.

The treatment is prednisolone. I have it on hand. Dr B wants to give Geoffrey's body a full break form medications, since he has had it so rough.
I have to check in with him tomorrow.

While he was out of the apartment, he did not cough much.. only a tiny bit. Once in here, he started. I have the bedroom door closed, the window open, with 2 fans going..
I got on my hands and knees, sniffing the carpet. I do not smell anything.. I am going to check the hamper, and clothes.
The trash was thrown away.. so I do not know where the smell is coming from.
I am exhausted. Did not even wash boring dishes or vacuum.. just showered, not finished with coffee and out the door.

I am going to pull out my sofa bed, and lie down.

 

[tarasgirl06]

Ok---back from Angell. Got in as fast as I could.
Geoffrey had a really good exam, blood test (CBC) and chest x-ray.

Geoffrey has a mild case of bronchitis. Not 100% definitive--just waiting for the official report.
It is thought that the cause and effect, again, not yet proven is from the Natures Miracle which I used on the large vomiting area..
He immediately began coughing after it was used.

My cleaner used: vinegar, water, baking soda, a bit of blue Dawn detergent. So nothing bad to cause this reaction.

The treatment is prednisolone. I have it on hand. Dr B wants to give Geoffrey's body a full break form medications, since he has had it so rough.
I have to check in with him tomorrow.

While he was out of the apartment, he did not cough much.. only a tiny bit. Once in here, he started. I have the bedroom door closed, the window open, with 2 fans going..
I got on my hands and knees, sniffing the carpet. I do not smell anything.. I am going to check the hamper, and clothes.
The trash was thrown away.. so I do not know where the smell is coming from.
I am exhausted. Did not even wash boring dishes or vacuum.. just showered, not finished with coffee and out the door.

I am going to pull out my sofa bed, and lie down.

It's said that a cat's sense of smell is 14 times greater than a human's. Go with what you know has worked, on cleaning. If you think Nature's Miracle is too strong, then I'd discontinue that, too. It's never bothered anyone in our family, but everyone is different. It could be nothing to do with that, though. It's almost impossible to ascertain cause without doing allergy tests. But it could just be that he does have bronchitis. Which we hope and pray is 100% treatable.
I'm glad of Dr. B's advice. He does sound like a good and caring vet.
May your rest rejuvenate and give you strength.

 

[artiemom]

Yes, Geoffrey is not improved, today.. so he is going Doxycycline... if he does not improve after 2 days, then stop it and start the Pred.

Poor thing. I aired out my bedroom, all afternoon and night... slept on the sofa bed, G tried to cuddle but could not.. too much coughing. He ended up spending all day and night on top of a worn sleep shirt, I had on top of my bed.

Going in soon to pick up script. I did a good vacuuming of my bedroom---esp the areas where the vomit/natures Miracle was...

 

[tarasgirl06]

Yes, Geoffrey is not improved, today.. so he is going Doxycycline... if he does not improve after 2 days, then stop it and start the Pred.

Poor thing. I aired out my bedroom, all afternoon and night... slept on the sofa bed, G tried to cuddle but could not.. too much coughing. He ended up spending all day and night on top of a worn sleep shirt, I had on top of my bed.

Going in soon to pick up script. I did a good vacuuming of my bedroom---esp the areas where the vomit/natures Miracle was...

*PRAYERS* from the heart for you both, Cindy. May the right help for Geoffrey be on the way.

 

[artiemom]

I think the one dose of doxycycline has helped Geoffrey. It took a few hours, but I think he is breathing easier, with less
coughing frequency. Thank you, God...

Poor baby is completely exhausted. I picked up a few things at the grocery store. Geoffrey never came out to greet me, check out my purchases, sniff the cart or even go after the plastic. I knew he was very sick.

Dr B's Secretary, J, was checking on us all day.. Love her, also...

Yes, I think Geoffrey was running a fever last night.
I am kind of wondering why I was not sent home with the antibiotic, yesterday. Unless the official X-ray report read something differently.. or Dr B. wanted to see if G could fight this on his own. Who knows? With Human Bronchitis, they are hesitant to prescribe antibiotics, unless you have an underlying condition: like Asthma.. I know from my own experiences.

This morning, he could barely keep his eyes open. No, the third eyelid was not showing.. I checked.
I have instructions for the weekend, on what to do if the Doxycycline does not work. He told me what to do..how many doses to wait on the doxycycline, before switching to the heavy duty Prednisolone--which I have on hand.

Dr B is not on this weekend, but his Associate/Resident is---just in case. I have his name, and instructions to call and speak with him BEFORE I even think of going to ER.

I like Dr B.. He is dedicated to keeping his patients OUT of the ER...

Now, praying for the Insurance Company to reimburse me...

Geoffrey is curled up, on a towel; which is on top of my hamper. I am not disturbing him.. food intake has been a bit low, same with water.
I would love to give him some laxatone, due to hard stool--not being able to brush him. Since he is on an antibiotic, I do not know what havoc that will do to his GI system. Better not to tempt fate..

As Dr B always says--less medication is better.

Anyone reading this: I thank you for your caring. I have a funny feeling, this journey is going to be a long one. I will try to cut back on posting. I do not want to monopolize this forum.. not taking advantage of the kind people on her and the administrators.. And ANNE!!

I hope, someone, at sometime, somewhere; can learn/get support/ get some type of understanding that they are not the only one going through things.. and perhaps, gain some insight --into feelings, etc...