Extremely Skittish Cat

[duncanmac]

Good that you talk to him. I think it helps them stay calm and makes them more vocal too, I think.

Enjoy the weekend with your girl hopefully the extra exposure will let her see you're not all that bad

Embarrassing story about talking to cats: Our shy boy Barry somehow got a bad scratch on his eye. I came home from work, saw it, captured him, and took him to the all night emergency vet. He was not happy and reverted to his withdrawn prior self. I was afraid of how he would react so I warned the staff that he was formerly feral and that this was his first vet visit. During treatment and exam, I am restraining Barry and talking to him the whole time. At one point I say "When this is all over I'll tell you about the time this happened to me too." We finish and pack him up and the vet looks at me and asks "So, what happened?" I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't talking to her.

 

[apparatchic]

Quick update on Rosa (since reading updates on other threads has been a godsend for me lately!): We're doing okay. Sometimes it feels really hard because she seems to be taking steps backward in her progress as much (or more) than forward. Some days she'll come out and watch Netflix with me in the evenings, other days (like today) it seems like everything I do makes her hiss at me. It's much easier to be positive on the Netflix days but I'm doing my best to remember that she's just going to take her own time and I don't need to fret as long as she has everything she needs.

Some things I've been working on:

-I started reading to her again today. I think I stopped because she was coming out in the evenings, but since she's not doing that much anymore I wanted to give her more time with me. Every so often I'd stop and give her some treats in her window (she even ate them while I was there!) so that she'd associate me with positive treat feelings.
-I'm keeping up trying to give her treats on the bed, but I only put them there if she lets me without hissing or running back to the window. Otherwise they go back in the bag.
-I'm trying to cut back on the chicken at mealtimes so that it can be a really great treat to bribe her with. (I miswrote in an earlier post and said I left chicken out for her if she gets hungry - I don't, she gets the same dry food in her 'all the time' bowl as at meal times, and I add the chicken at mealtimes!) Going from about 10g at each meal to 7-8g for a few days and moving down, and increasing the kibble by a bit to compensate.

I'm also going to try playing with her again tomorrow. I'm home sick (ugh) so I'll have some chances to make it work.

The owner of the rescue (who I personally saw give this cat ear rubs and a good brushing) has offered to come and see us on Saturday and I accepted. Part of what I'm worried about is that I don't know the best way to approach cats like Rosa since I've only ever really dealt with well-socialized housecats. I'm so worried she's going to judge my apartment as not being good for cats (since I don't have a lot of furniture, high spaces, chairs... I moved in June from another city and didn't bring that much with me!) - and honestly, I have put off buying furniture this summer to buy stuff for my cat, lol. But I hope she can help Rosa at least start not to see me as a threat. My only worry is that the whole thing will really upset Rosa, but honestly it upsets her when I change my bedsheets so I can't let that guide my decision making too much.

However, I did get a confirmation that I AM pretty good with cats last week. I was checking in on and feeding cats for some friends who were out of town. One of the cats is EXTREMELY shy and I didn't see her at all the first day except as a tortie blur in the background! But the second day I managed to get close enough for a few seconds of pats, and by day 3 she had claimed my lap. It felt really nice to know that I can make a cat love me in less than 2 months and counting!!!

 

[rubysmama]

Thanks for the update. I guess it's going to be one step forward, 1/2 step back with Rosa for a while yet. But even little progress, is progress.

That's great that the rescue owner is going to come to come see you and Rosa. Don't worry about your apartment, I'm sure she's not expecting a palace. It will be interesting to see how Rosa reacts to the rescue owner. Unless she's a cat whisperer, I wouldn't be surprised if Rosa greets her with hisses.

Let us know how it goes. Hope you have a restful day today. Maybe Rosa will sense you're not feeling well and come to give you snuggles.

 

[apparatchic]

rubysmama That picture is adorable!!! Too bad there's not a fluffy kitten service for sick days (although knowing kittens, it wouldn't be particularly restful lol).

I think you're right with Rosa, we're just in a bit of a regression period right now, but she's allowed! I'm sure Rosa will greet the rescue owner with hisses - it's pretty much her main method of communication lol! But maybe I can learn how o approach her better which I would really appreciate.

 

[Etarre]

Thanks for the update! Although I know it probably seems like your progress has been slow, it's important that you and Rosa now have enough familiarity with each other to have established a baseline. At least at this point you know what's normal for her, and can work from there. I bet the visit from the rescue owner will also provide some additional information.

Please don't stress out about the size/furniture in your home. The rescue owner will be really impressed by your patience with Rosa and your willingness to work with her, and everything else is secondary.

I adopted my first cat when I was living in a 300-square-foot studio apartment, before my furniture had been shipped to me from out of state, so it was basically an unfurnished box with a loft bed. I was so scared they wouldn't let me have my cat when they saw it, but it was fine...and they pointed out that the cat would love the loft bed if I wrapped the ladder in twine so she could climb it, which was excellent advice. So all's well that ends well...

 

[apparatchic]

I hadn't thought of it in terms of knowing Rosa's baseline but you're right - we're learning about each other! Silly girl's been patrolling her window against the birds who live outside it - I'm so glad I at least have a window with a HUGE tree outside so that she has lots of cat TV to watch.

She did pee a little on my bed this morning so that was great. I'm keeping an eye on her to make sure it was just a weird accident - she hasn't had any litterbox issues for weeks (even the stress poops outside the box have stopped) and it wasn't a lot but now I'm on alert. (I'm also not totally sure it was pee, since it didn't smell at all and might have just been that she drank water a little too fast, but I Nature's Miracle-d it a ton just to be sure!) These little floofs are so anxiety-causing!

 

[apparatchic]

Another update! A bit of a saga this time...

So, a few days ago I noticed a few small gnats in my house while I was sitting on the couch. No big deal, I thought, and I cleaned the drains and made sure there wasn't any food hanging around my house. Then yesterday I saw them again, and realized they weren't flying... they were jumping.

Everyone who's seen this knows where this is going. Some internet research confirmed it; these were not gnats. We had fleas.

It was a stressful night. I put out a trap (dishsoap and water in a tupperware container) that caught some, and when I woke up this morning, it was action time. First to PetSmart, to get flea spray and other flea-discouraging things (and like six other things because I can't walk through a pet store without finding something I hope my cat will like), and then home, where I vacuumed EVERYTHING and sprayed EVERYTHING. Fortunately the vacuum makes Rosa head for the bathroom to hide under the bathtub, which is conveniently where I kept her while I did the same for all the stuff she sleeps on and my bed and pillows and desk chair... etc. I am SO lucky to have hardwood floors!!!

The owner of the rescue came once all that was done and she is such a pro. She scruffed Rosa (I previously thought this could only be done for kittens) and had her in her lap in no time, and Rosa did totally just melt under her ear rubs. I got to pet her! But her skin under her fur was so bumpy and I felt so bad that I nearly cried. I have no idea how long she's had them or anything but I hate the fact that she was uncomfortable and I had no idea.

The rescue owner applied Bravecto to the back of Rosa's neck (so we didn't have to convince her to eat something with a Capstar crushed into it, thank goodness). She also brushed her a bit and clipped her nails (which were super super long, even on her back paws) which was great since now she won't be getting stuck to things anymore.

The behavioural point of this story is that the rescue owner told me I could keep going at Rosa's pace, but that she thinks I should instead be getting Rosa used to touching by scruffing her and sitting her in my lap for ear rubs and brushing. I'm nervous, but once the Bravecto has done its magic (I think in 24-48 hours), that cat and I are going to be having cuddles. If I could have felt the skin on her head and neck, this would NEVER have gotten so bad and she wouldn't have been uncomfy for so long.

I'm sure Rosa's still under the bathtub, but she'll come out eventually. I just feel so bad for her. I had no idea you could scruff adult cats! I've clearly got a lot to learn. But I'm so grateful for the rescue owner who came and helped me out, and I'm SO glad the spray seems to have done the trick with the adult fleas and that the spray and the Bravecto will help with the rest.

Oof. Pet parenthood has not been easy on me (or my poor cat) so far! But I'm looking forward to trying to improve my relationship with Rosa more quickly. (And her fur is SO soft!!!)

 

[rubysmama]

Fleas!!!! Poor Rosa. And poor you. Hope you aren't allergic to flea bites.

Did the rescue person say anything about "how" Rosa got fleas? My guess is she came home with them. Maybe when she's not so itchy she'll start being more open to you touching her.

I'm not sure about scruffing adult cats. Hopefully other members will comment, but I thought you should only scruff an adult cat in an emergency.

 

[apparatchic]

rubysmama Fortunately I don't think I am - at least, I saw a couple of bites but nothing got really itchy or swollen! Although I do wonder if that's why I've been sick. I HATE bugs so this has me super twitchy and checking every 10 seconds to make sure they're not on me!

The rescue owner didn't say anything - she might indeed have come home with them honestly, but it's hard to tell since it's been 9 weeks now. I would have thought it would be noticeable sooner, but Rosa's neck felt awful, so I don't know if it's just taken this long to be visible. But it's just as possible that I bought something in on my shoes or the dogs next door have them or anything else.

I'm not sure about the scruffing. It didn't look like Rosa was in pain at all but I need to do some more research.

 

[rubysmama]

Generally shelters give cats flea meds, so they shouldn't have fleas when adopted out. So maybe they came in the the neighbour's dog. But if that's the case, you'll have to keep Rosa on fleas meds, which is usually not necessary for an inside cat.

Glad you're not allergic to flea bites. I am. Or at least I get ugly red welts when bitten. I haven't had a flea bites in years now. And since my Ruby is indoor only, don't expect to.

Don't want to stress you out, but you may have to spray again, as the flea eggs hatch. I know, ewwwww...

Here's a couple TCS articles that may be helpful, if the fleas show up again.

Cat Fleas
Homemade Flea Remedies For Cats

And, yes, do read up on scruffing. A quick Google search seems to suggest it's ok, as long as you don't lift them while scruffing. But then another said no scruffing at all. So definitely research it.

 

[apparatchic]

We'll see how things go - whatever else happens, I don't intend to let these things start reproducing ever again! I got the BIG bottle of anti-flea spray (with growth inhibitor so they don't become full adults) for all my furniture. And I sprayed some in the bathtub where we treated Rosa... it was disgusting but it proved that the spray works! I'll definitely spray every so often to make sure my home stays inhospitable to the little jerks.

Ugh, that sounds awful. I'm lucky that I'm not allergic because these guys clearly set up shop!

Thank you for the links, they're great!

 

[Wile]

I'm sure Rosa's still under the bathtub, but she'll come out eventually. I just feel so bad for her. I had no idea you could scruff adult cats!

I agree with rubysmama that scruffing a skittish cat might not be the best approach. With my own skittish girl if I had scruffed her it likely would have made things worse by making her feel trapped. At the same time I also agree with the rescue worker that you should by trying to get Rosa used to your touch. As you learned the other day, petting your cat is a way of keeping an eye on their health. You can try for quick pets during moments when Rosa is asleep or relaxed.

I really do recommend you teach Rosa a release command so that you can manage her hygiene a bit better without her resenting you. I used to use the bathroom to trap my girl. Then I would sit her on the toilet to keep her in one place while I brushed her teeth and clipped her nails. Once finished I'd say "all done!" and open the door/give her a treat, then ignore her. She's gotten so good about this process that she now jumps up on the toilet seat herself when we're in the bathroom ^_^

 

[apparatchic]

I agree with rubysmama that scruffing a skittish cat might not be the best approach. With my own skittish girl if I had scruffed her it likely would have made things worse by making her feel trapped. At the same time I also agree with the rescue worker that you should by trying to get Rosa used to your touch. As you learned the other day, petting your cat is a way of keeping an eye on their health. You can try for quick pets during moments when Rosa is asleep or relaxed.

I really do recommend you teach Rosa a release command so that you can manage her hygiene a bit better without her resenting you. I used to use the bathroom to trap my girl. Then I would sit her on the toilet to keep her in one place while I brushed her teeth and clipped her nails. Once finished I'd say "all done!" and open the door/give her a treat, then ignore her. She's gotten so good about this process that she now jumps up on the toilet seat herself when we're in the bathroom ^_^

I'm just not sure I'm going to have an option - it is literally the only way I've seen her stay for any kind of touching. I've never seen her asleep or relaxed when I've been too close, she's super vigilant and will hiss and run away if I approach.

But she was so, so upset last night - meowing throughout the night, which she hasn't done since the first few days I brought her home - and didn't eat anything yesterday after eating some of her breakfast, so I don't know. This morning she hasn't gone to eat her breakfast, she's just sitting on one of the ledges of her cat tree.

Then again, it was SUCH a stressful day yesterday - the vacuum running (which I might have to do again today, to try and get remaining fleas at various stages of development), being stuck in the bathroom, the rescue owner's visit, and me in and out doing laundry and cleaning things. Plus everything must smell weird because of the spray.

I'm not sure what I'll decide but I appreciate all the feedback from everyone - it genuinely helps. My heart just hurts for this poor baby and I'm SO glad we were able to get the Bravecto on her. There are way, way less fleas around the house this morning than there were yesterday so I'm confident the spray and vacuuming worked for the house and it's just a matter of being vigilant.

 

[Hellenww]

scruffing a skittish cat might not be the best approach

I'm of 2 minds and experiences on this.

25 yrs ago My SIL moved and needed to leave her 2 cats with us. One of them, Sippy, was very skittish. He grew up with loving people but was very bonded with my SIL but afraid of others. He'd come near me without touching and look at my lap. With him I did pick him up, not by the scruff, and hold him in a gentle but firm hug speaking softly until he relaxed. Each day he relaxed quicker. In about a month he would jump up to sleep on my lap.

10 yrs ago I adopted Sqeeker. Right from the start he was afraid of all people even though he was born and raised in foster and his littermates were very outgoing. I adopted him because I had a strong feeling him and my Yoshi would be great friends and they were from the first second Sqeeker came into the house. Sqeeker has very set boundaries on when and where in the house he will allow any touching. Picking him up is almost always out of the question. On the rare occasion he raises up to be lifted when I'm petting him. If I don't release him as soon as his body becomes stiff even if he is still purring he will run when he sees me for the rest of the day.

It is truly a dance where you have to learn you kitty's body language and no 2 cats are the same. You're already doing great.

 

[apparatchic]

@Helenww Thanks so much - it really is a dance.

Rosa still hasn't eaten today, so I'm worrying about her a bit - wondering if she's having side effects from the Bravecto or if she's still really stressed. I'm slating tomorrow morning for picking her up and brushing her - I'm sure it will make her feel better - but I'm quite nervous about doing it. She did stay in her cat tree all morning which was VERY weird for her, and she only hissed a little when I brought her breakfast out so she could have some if she wanted - I got way closer to that cat tree than I ever have before she hissed! But she was up very late last night for cat karaoke so I'm trying not to make a big deal about it.

Just hoping she eats today or tonight - fortunately she always has food available (I measure it out so I know what she gets in each bowl, but there's always at least one with food in it) so when she gets hungry she can eat whenever she wants.

 

[rubysmama]

Sorry she's not eating. Maybe stress from yesterday. Hopefully she'll eat something soon.

About touching her. I seem to recall reading that someone dipped their hand in catnip and when they put their hand toward the nervous cat, the cat rubbed up against them. So something else you might consider.

 

[apparatchic]

Day 1 of Trying to Actually Touch My Cat: Fail. She'd been hiding behind the bathtub all day, which is where the rescue owner fished her out so easily, so in my hubris I decided to give it a shot. I got her brush, a container of chicken to try to tempt her appetite, and a towel, and stuck my arm down there as confidently as I could...

To be fair, I did touch her. Briefly. She hissed and moved over. I tried again, there was hissing/spitting, and she ran for her window cave. I brought her dinner, blinked at her (she blinked back or maybe just got sick of looking at me), talked to her a little, and left her alone. We'll try again tomorrow.

I'm worried because she hasn't eaten since yesterday morning and because I've read way too much about flea medication having terrible effects on cats today and I keep thinking I see her twitch. Which I'm sure I have not actually seen in a medical side effect way, but it's making me crazy.

 

[Mailgirl18]

Hi all! I'm hoping for some advice/support/experiences from people who have adopted extremely shy/skittish cats. I'm a first-time cat mom and I really want my girl to be happy, but all my previous experience with cats (growing up with them, roommates' cats, cat-sitting for friends) has been with, um, normal cats. My cat is not a normal cat.

I adopted Rosa about 7.5 weeks ago from a local rescue organization. She's a 1.5-year-old domestic medium/longhair and the floofiest of floofs, mostly grey but with a white chin, neck, tummy, and mittens. She was listed on the rescue site as "very shy but sweet", but when I read her vet records more thoroughly after I adopted her, they listed her as "semi-feral as a kitten", after which she was rescued, adopted, and given back to the rescue by the adopters for being too shy. When I met her, but she DID allow the rescue volunteers to groom her and pet her, and I knew because she was older and shy she wouldn't be easy to find a home for, so I took a leap of faith in myself and went for her.

One thing I KNOW I did wrong but can't undo is that I didn't restrict her to one room when she got here. I just didn't know to do it. So she's had access to my entire (small) one bedroom apartment from the get-go. She also had some tummy issues with the first food I tried to transition her to from the rescue's food, so she was on a bland diet of poached chicken twice a day and has slowly transitioned to a new food that she's doing great on.

It's been a tough 7.5 weeks but we've made a lot of progress, and I'm just wondering at this point if there's anything else I could be doing. When I got her, she spent three or four days hiding under my bathtub or kitchen counter, and it took her two full days to start eating; she also yowled incessantly for the first few nights, though I haven't heard her make a sound (that wasn't hissing) since then. After that, she claimed my bedroom window (behind the curtains) as her "safe space", which is where she hangs out and where she retreats when she's stressed. She started exploring my apartment more and more, and will now come out and sit on my TV stand or her cat tree or in the living room window at night when I'm reading or watching TV. (She LOVES the TV and is fascinated by it every time it's on.) We have sessions where I blink slowly at her and she'll blink back at me (or sometimes maybe she just falls asleep).

She still hisses when I get too close. I got up the nerve to try and pet her yesterday and I actually did get pretty close before she bolted, but when I tried to actually touch her, DRAMA! She hissed and spat and bolted back to the window cave. I've been getting hissed at a lot more since then, although she does still blink back at me if I move slowly and let her see that I'm not going for her.

The reason I tried this yesterday was just because she got a lot more skittish last week and stopped coming out at night/etc. This coincided with both getting a cat tree and the weather changing significantly here in Ottawa, both of which are changes I know can affect cats. I really worry about not being able to help her if she's sick or hurt, and she's VERY fluffy so I would like to brush her (there is a furminator that's been sitting in her window spot so she can get used to it that I would REALLY like to use). As well, her claws seem to get stuck on fabric (and one time in her own darn fur, which was very stressful for both of us) and I'd love to trim her nails.

Things I've been doing/trying:

-Feliway diffuser in the main living area (seems to help, although it's expensive so it's super annoying that the current one only lasted 20 days instead of 30!)
-"Quiet Moments" calming spray with pheromones on her fave places
-Cat tree with condo (the condo faces the window and has two exits, neither of which face me so she can have her own space) and she loves curling up on the top of the tower... so much that she pooped up there yesterday for whatever cat reason. Yes, I have enzyme cleaner now!
-"Calm down" cat treats with melatonin and some other stuff in them (she won't eat these on their own but I crumble them into the dry food that she gets with her breakfast/dinner)
-Talking to her in a quiet voice, letting her know when I'm in the room

Things that have failed:

-Playing. I've gotten her playing a FEW times with the string on a wand toy, but I think mostly she's still too scared. I will keep trying with this.
-Treats/food. She is the least food motivated cat I've ever met. She is TOTALLY uninterested in wet food, which I've never seen in a cat before, and I've only seen her eat treats I've given her a handful of times; she'll wait until I'm gone before going for them.
-Toys. She spent a while knocking several mice and a little catnip beaver around, but she hasn't been playing with them lately.
-Catnip. She got into it ONCE and rolled around and seemed happy, but since then it seems to do absolutely nothing for her.

Things I am considering:

-Rescue Remedy. Except I think essential oils are bad for cats? It was recommended by a friend.
-Changing her to strict meal times twice a day and taking the food away instead of having food in a bowl in the kitchen as well as her dinner/breakfast in her window
-Literal anxiety drugs for my cat, if I can find/afford a mobile vet clinic that can successfully examine her and they think it would help

I'm especially wondering about changing her meals. Is this cruel? Would she just hate me more? Or would she start to actually associate me with the delicious crunchies and hand-chopped poached chicken that she eats every day?

Is there anything I'm missing?

I'm sorry I've written a novel but if you have any suggestions for getting us to a place of tolerance and even snuggles, you'd be my hero. Please help a cat mom who was in NOOOO way prepared for this (I apologize to all cat gods listening, I did not think it would be this tough!) but loves her cat and wants to do better by her.

 

[Mailgirl18]

Welcome to cats! They are each so different from one another, yet remarkably the same. One thing I wouldn't do - and it is up to you - is leave food out. My cats eat twice a day - when I wake up and when I get home from work. Cats in the wild do not have food available to them at all times. Anyone I know who has a "chubby" cat is someone who leaves food out. Trust me - they don't need it! My cats are all a nice size with no big, sagging bellies! Another thing - and again, up to you - dry food is for owner convenience only. It was never made to be a nutrient rich food source. They get dry skin, flakes, and dull coats. There are many articles about it. I feed only high quality canned - if I didn't have so many cats I would make my own! When I had only three, I made my own, and let me tell you - they were in top health and their coats were incredible! The better the food quality, the less you will see the vet! True! The last time I called for something, and I don't even remember what it was, the receptionist said "...we haven't seen you for a while!" That's a good thing, right? One of the cats I made my own food for was a "hider". She just about lived in the basement. After a while of eating super nutritious food, she came out - socialized - was happy - bloomed just like a flower! I was amazed. A friend of mine makes his own food. He has only three - invested in a top quality grinder - throws in whole chicken breasts, thighs, etc. The cats get calcium from the ground up bones - just as if they were in the wild. I never hear him talk of problems or vet visits. A little research will show you many home-made recipes. I truly believe that many problems can be solved by changing the diet to the one most closely resembling what they would get in the wild. They are little tigers you know! There are also a world of books - one that is really worth the money is "The Natural Cat" by Anitra Frazier. I have rambled on too long - you are doing a great job - just fine tune it, and she will come around!

 

[Mailgirl18]

One more thing to try - baby food. Just make sure to look at the labels. An older cat of mine who was ill really liked the squash! Just make sure the food doesn't have anything else in it - 100% of whatever you are trying it for. Chicken, pumpkin, squash, whatever. Usually the kind for small babies. One other thing - what is "scruffing?" I have never heard this term before. As for the fleas, try something called DE - it is make of crushed up shells of teeny tiny animals like snails or something. It's harmless to people and animals, but it cuts the outer exoskeleton of fleas and they die. You can sprinkle it on rugs, around the perimeter of your home - outside (keeps ants away too!) even work it in to the fur of the cat - if you can. I'm sure if you Google it you can find out more. It's really cheap too.