Cat Missing For 2 Months: Looking For Hope

[Mamanyt1953]

Sometimes something will happen that triggers a depression that then feeds on itself. IF you can get assistance with this, please do! I worry about you. You will still grieve your baby, but you won't be paralyzed by it, and you will be able to search for her far more effectively.

 

[LookingforMeowsy]

Psychological assistance is something I can not afford right now Mamanyt1953, and certainly when I get the spare cash I am rather going to use it to finance more facebook ads. Besides, in a way we all know what a psychologist is going to tell me. They will say that "she was just a cat" and that "there are many cats in the world" thus "I should move on and just get another one". But, we all also know that some cats are just too special and nothing in the universe will ever replace them. If she died in a natural way like my dear Jack did, well, then I wouldn't be so hurt, but in this case, the fact she may have been killed or been subject to suffering is what saddens me so horribly.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

I understand about financial issues, totally. But you are wronge about a psychologist. NO really good one would tell you that. Instead, they would focus on helping you deal with your depression and grief, not trying to convince you that it was "silly."

I keep that candle lit for both of you...every day.

 

[LookingforMeowsy]

Mamanyt1953, will God and his angels ever answer the call of your candle? Will this torment end anytime? Yesterday I cried again. I could not avoid remembering the first days when I rescued her from the streets. She would be lying on her side, unable to move, her hind legs and tail unresponsive, like if made of cloth. I put her in a box with blankets below and above her to keep her warm. It was, absolutely, like covering a human baby with blankets. And then, I'd take a baby bottle with milk and egg, lift her beautiful head with my hand and slowly spill the content so she could swallow. She would stare up at me, meow gently, as if thanking me or greeting me. I would tell her "vas a estar bien" (you're going to be fine) and then pick her up in my arms in order to cheer her up. I walked across the room, looking down at her angel eyes, listening to her faint purr. After minutes of giving her a walk, I'd put her back into her box, wrap her in these blankets made from old shirts and hope she could get better. And she did. In the beginning, she would manage to straighten one leg and then use it like a cane to lift her body. Many, many, many times she did fall on her side. But, little by little, with much effort and love, she did end up standing up. I thought her suffering did end when she was fully recovered. I would protect those little paws, that little head, that sweet nosie with my life. She means everything to me.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

And she knows that. Whereever she is she knows that. I weep for you.

 

[LookingforMeowsy]

Thank you for listening to me Mamanyt. Meowsy, she did remember, because, the spot where I put her when I rescued her in 2014, she always remembered that spot, because the only one time she got pregnant, she did choose the very same spot where her box was to give birth to his only child. That was the spot where two miracles happened: her surviving death, and then the birth of her kitten.

She left me with an unbreakable bond, a sensation that comes from within guts themselves, a need to protect and safeguard her forever. I feel no different than a dad who has lost their precious child. When I go to sleep, it doesn't let me dream. All I can do is just... feel this void in my chest, as her dad, feel that I am not there to protect her, to feed her, to cure her, to love her, to pet her.

Seriously, thanks for replying Mamanyt, thank you because, this forum, this place has become the only place where people understand what I am going through. Out here, nobody in my family understands what I am into. For them "its just a cat, man up". Very few people in here care for animals, there are not many veterinarians here because they know its no bussiness to put a veterinary clinic in a place where 90% of people don't care if an animal suddenly gets hurt or diseased. So when you listen and reply to me... it eases this burdern a little, and I thank you for it.

Fortunately, an individual whose name I am not sure if wants to be revealed or not, provided me with means to hold my facebook ad for 9.5 days longer, which is wonderful because I was not going to be able to pay for it until the end of the month. To you, and to that individual, my deepest thanks, for sheding a ray of light into this situation of mine.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

So many people don't understand how we can so deeply love an animal. Those people are missing the deepest, truest, most unselfish love in the world. And many of us here have, or have had a kitty "soul-mate." But we understand, we know. Most of us have lost a cat who was the universe to us, or we know that we one day will. Miausita is your kitty soul-mate.

Darlin, there are two kinds of people in this world. Those who see the things in this world as "its" and those who see the things of this world as "thous." You are a "thou" person. Each life has meaning and worth, and where you love, you give your whole heart. And I will tell you a secret...your heart can only hold as much joy as your sorrow has carved out space for. Right now, you see only that your furry daughter is gone, and you don't know where, or how, or why. And that is killing you. But your grief is carving your heart, and joy will follow one day, if you allow it.

For now, you are in my thoughts and prayers, as is Miausita. I think you must be a young person, probably much younger than my own sons, so I am sending you an Abuela's hug.

 

[LookingforMeowsy]

I may be not that young Mamanyt, I am 27, will perhaps be 28 in September. I do thank you deeply for considering me and my dear Meowsy in your prayers and so for sending me a hug, I take it, I thank you, for all of it.

Quite indeed, the pain I have felt has been such that if I were to find her, I would never complain about anything else ever again, because it has made me realize just how much more special she is to me. She always was, but now in her absence, I have realized that the greatest joy in my life would be to be with her again. Although, and I say this with the deepest sorrow, it now seems like it would be a miracle to find her alive. I still have hope... derived mostly from fear, my hope exists because it would be too horrible for me to admit that she is really gone. Meowsy is, for me, the embodiment of innocence. She was an extremely innocent cat.

I'll tell you of a small, brief memory, that however is one of the most beautiful memories I have of her. I called her Miausita not because I ran out of names, but because she is a very vocal cat. The type of cat that could hold a conversation with you. It was normal for her to meow 5 or 10 times in a row, sometimes more. And then one day there was a cardboard box in the house, and I decided to put her inside, because cats love boxes. When I placed her inside, she immediately adopted the "no legs" position. Then... and I write this now with tears in my eyes... I would close the box, just to open it right after and ask her: "Eres la gatita de la cajita?" ("are you the cat of the box?"), and she would meow to me sweetly, like if saying "yes". Then I'd close the box, reopen it and ask her the same thing, only to receive the same response. It was, for a reason, too cute. I frequently used to carefully rub that little head of hers, because she always seemed so fragile to me. And she'd meow each time. But she almost always did this thing where the last couple of meows were less loud than the former ones, as if she just sweetly murrmurred. Then, as I caressed her head, she could close her eyes with one last soft and quiet meow. A purr would follow. She would then, often, just remain there, sitting, half asleep, just giving me her precious company. She was also pretty kind to my deceased dog, they would often bump their noses against each other, like if greeting. But if someone did indeed hurt my beloved baby, then what kind of world is this? Why would someone hurt something as fragile, as defenseless, as sweet, as innocent as my baby was? Why would they do this to me? I do not lie Mamanyt, I cried today as well, I have reached the point in where I cry everyday...

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Oh, my Dear! What a lovely memory to share. Thank you.

SIGH...it is a world that is full of angry, mean people, and thoughtless people, and uncaring people. But it is also a world filled with people who care, who respect all life, who love, and who will reach out to help whenever possible. It is a world that encompasses everything. It is a world where anything might happen, from the profane to the sublime.

Sending thoughts of peace and comfort to you. And yes, had I begun having children at the "normal" age, you would be of an age for me to be an abuela. Perhaps a year or two too old, but very nearly.

 

[Plumeria]

If Mamanyt1953 is abuela, I am the auntie Your memory of Meowsy is beautiful and really brought her to life. I could picture her sitting in the box talking to you. It brought a smile to my face. These moments and memories are so precious when your baby is not in the safe clutches of your arms. Please know that I am thinking about you, your baby, and that I care. I understand how you would feel so greatful if you could only get your baby back. When you lose something so important...more important than your own life, everything becomes trivial and unimportant. It’s hard to find joy in anything, motivation to complete the simplest tasks, life becomes a chore. But you have to continue to stay strong for Meowsy. We don’t know where she is or how she is, but she loves you too and wouldn’t want to see you broken up because of her. And as always, be careful when taking to the streets to look for her. Hang in there.

 

[LookingforMeowsy]

Mamanyt, in a way you are being like a grandmother right now because, certainly, I have no grandmother to talk to. My biological one is alive, but is not one I can talk to. Don't have anyone else to talk about this, it is a topic that nobody has a heart for in the godforsaken place where I live.

Every day is sad, but today was even more. Someone called to tell me they had found my Meowsy, but that she was already dead. They gave me the direction, a place in a market 3 streets to the northeast. I found a corpse which fortunately turned out not to be her. But it was a cold reminder of what could have happened to her. The cat I found had his poor body completely destroyed, limbs were maimed, bones broken, ribcage and belly opened with the contents spilled out. It clearly didn't look like it was caused by a car. Instead, it completely looked like he was eviscerated by humans. The blunt cuts across his middle looked like if done with machetes or big knives, and then his bones were broken as if they used anything heavy to crush them. Cat was not her but... it really made me notice that these things are real, and it could have happened to my loved and missed Meowsy. It is the good wishes versus this insanely horrible reality of the place where I live. I have seen other dead cats but... this one had signs of having been viciously murdered by people, it is sickening that such "people" are allowed to live. When I returned home I felt like I was gonna collapse. I just wanted to curl and cry.

Could Meowsy still be alive out there in such a horrid place? Cats, in general, are strong, have endurance, are "like ninjas". But Meowsy was just too innocent, just too fragile, too sweet. The truth is that these qualities were not just subjectively perceived by me: she REALLY was very innocent as a cat. It was a cat I dared not to pet as I do to others. Whereas I rub other cat's heads with some bluntness, I always felt like doing it to Meowsy with extreme care, because her precious little small sweet head was something I did not want to bother in the slightest. With her, I always caressed her with extreme care and love. And she meowed when I did. After she managed to be able to walk again in 2014, she continued to do something for the rest of her life: she would "dance" everytime she was happy. Some cats do a kneading motion when they are feeling snuggly, but she did it every time when being held or when offered food. When I filled her bowl of food, she kneaded the floor beneath her, and since her body always remained so small and pure, it looked like if she was actually dancing prior to start eating. The same thing she did when I put her in my arms, I could feel her tiny pawpads against my shoulders, opening and closing intermittently like if kneading dough. At nights, it was like if she waited for me to put her in the spot, she would meow many times, walk rapidly behind me and be joyful about being there, the place where I took her home for the first time, the miracle spot. When walking towards me, since one of her hind legs never fully healed, it would look more like the fast paced walk of a rabbit since that leg rather bounced against the floor. Her tail, which also never healed as well, was never again able to fully stand, so it always seemed like if bent to the side. Once she reached the spot and her bed, she'd dance again, joyfully.

Plumeria, I am not even exaggerating, everytime I spoke to Meowsy, she ended her little speeches with one or two smaller meows, like if murmurred, and then she would close her eyes to rest almost everytime. It was beyond sweet to see these eyes shutting down at the same time the last meow came off. I would tell her "¿Sí?" ("really?"), she'd meow that last time with her eyelids halfway and her little snout barely opening, and I'd just end it by telling her "ay sí" ("of course"). Our conversations often consisted of just me asking her how she was, I'd receive one meow in response and I would keep it on. "¿Como estás Miausita?" ("how are you Meowsy?"), "¿todo eso te pasó?" ("did all that happen to her?"), "ay Miausita" ("oh Meowsy"), "sí Miausita" ("yes Meowsy"), "pobrecita de ti" ("poor of you"). She always felt like greeting me with one meow. Sometimes we played this small game where I poked her anywhere in her cute body and she turned her head to check what happened and meow cutely with every poke. She lied on her side, lift her two paws up and look at me like a human baby wanting to play with their dad. I poked her tiny paws, her shoulders, just to get that reaction from her. Sometimes, for some reason, she would get mad and bite me, but her teeth were so small it almost didn't hurt.

At least yesterday I got in contact with someone who knows the neighbor who moved at about the same time than when Meowsy got lost. He says he will ask them where they live, their exact adress (he revealed to me more or less where they live, at least its not far away), the next time he meets them. In a way I think that those people who moved might have taken my Meowsy with them, believing she had no owner. But if this fails, if they don't have her after I track them down, then I don't know what I will do, I'll be with no clues again as to where look for her.

She is, truly, the light of my life. If she is already gone from this world then I beg to be put to sleep as well. I can not deal with a reality in where she died.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Perhaps your Meowsy is with them, being treated well. That is what we shall pray for.

But you must not give up on life, you know. No matter what. We need, desperately need, all of the kind souls in this world, or we are lost. YOU are one of those souls, and every breath you take makes this world a better place for having such a gentle, caring spirit in it.

Hugs across the miles, and the candle is still lit!

If you are Catholic (being where you are, there is a good chance of that), Saint Gertrude is the Patron Saint of cats...you might also petition her. It certainly won't hurt a thing! And considering your sorrow, Saint Jude might also help.

 

[LookingforMeowsy]

Today I am beyond brokenheart. Inside me there is a pain that I can literally feel deep in my heart. Honestly, nothing feels worse than this. Mamanyt, someone just told me something horrible less than an hour ago.

Every night, more or less at 10:00 pm I walk to the next street in order to feed 3 homeless cats. I have been doing so for about 1 year. They are not exactly homeless, as they have refuge in an abandoned house. Sometimes, when I am feeding them, there is an old woman who greets me and comes close to pet the cats while they eat. Today, that woman spoke to me. She asked me how my search is going. I told her that she has been missing for almost 3 months. She shook her head and stared at me with some sadness. Then, she told me that people are really evil around here, that, she has seen how kids from the streets pick up cats in order to take them into their homes and torture them. She told me how, a time ago, the children of her neighbor once took a cat in, and that she saw how the children pulled the cat from their tail in order to smash the poor creature against a wall, over and over. Then, she continued on how she had a cat she liked a lot, but the cat disappeared a month ago and that she is almost sure that people must have stolen her cat just to torture it. And when she told me those things I completely pictured in my mind how someone could have done just that to my baby, pick her up by her tail and smash her against a wall... I, inside was just screaming no, no no no no, just no... of course I was calm and just continued talking to the woman, but as soon as I reached home I just... I just.... I'm crying... first I see that poor dead cat from yesterday and now this??? I just... I can't... I'm shaking, I'm crying.... no... just no....

 

[Furballsmom]

It is strangely easy to allow oneself to be sucked into the ugliness.

Whether it is YouTube videos that are disgusting, evil and cruel, or people who are preying on your vulnerability, or telling you all about their experiences, the effect is all the same.

You are the only one who can make the choice to be strong enough to stand against it. If you continue to fall down under the weight of the ugly evil, then your cat and those ferals you're feeding, and any creatures in the future who would benefit from your care won't have anybody.
Good luck.

 

[LookingforMeowsy]

i dearly worked hard to protect her sweet body, her sweet paws her sweet tail her poor fragile body, she was my treasure, my love my baby my daughter... what did they do to her?!?!? what did they do to her?!??!?!
i raised her as a child i loved her as my daughter her precious little self was what i most loved in the world, she was so fragile so small so innocent... what did they do to her??!?! what did they do to her?!?!?!?
no... just nooo... just no no no NOOO
my poor baby.... im crying... no... just no...

 

[Mamanyt1953]

But this was NOT your cat and might NEVER be your cat. You must remember that because something very horrible happened to one cat, it does NOT mean that it MUST have happened to Meowsy. Hold on to that, very tightly. You must not allow this to make you lose either hope or your will to go on making a difference, simply by being you. We are with you.

 

[Plumeria]

I take it law enforcement in your area isn't reliable? What a horrible and enraging thing to hear from your neighbor! Did she do the right thing and stop these devil children when they were torturing the cat, or did she just stand there and let it happen? Her actions or lack there of, says a lot about her too. Are there other animal lovers in your community? If so you guys could form a neighborhood watch group, just for animals.

As others have said, the cats this lady mentioned were not Meowsy. I know it's difficult when you don't know what happened to your baby. You keep imagining all these scenarios and the fear and negative self-talk can pull you into a dark place. You must take deep breaths, give yourself time to calm down, and know that there are other good people like you and us out there. The world is not all evil. You are a precious, good human being, that animals are counting on to continue to feed and protect them. You have more work to do. You are needed in this world, so I know it's hard, but you have to keep yourself together.

 

[LookingforMeowsy]

Mamanyt, Plumeria, before I adress the things you wrote, I have very bad news to inform.

Today, I finally found the person who I believed to be the only occupant of the abandoned house. Here I put a capture from Google Maps so you can easily visualize the location. In there, A is where I live, and B is the abandoned house.

The person turned out to be a rather kind middle aged woman, a mother of two who works at a chemistry laboratory in a public university. I tracked her down to the very office where she dispatches. When I found her, she recognized me; I definitively saw her face in the past, and she even asked me how's my mom doing. Then I told her that I had something important and delicate to talk with her, and she kindly stopped what she was doing to give me all of her attention. I explained her my situation, and ultimately how I suspected she may know what could have happened to my cat. She sighed after listening to me, she looked at me with the face one uses when about to give bad news to someone, and then she told me this: "No te va a gustar lo que te voy a decir, y sí entiendo, pero vas a pensar cosas hasta más feas" (You won't like what I will tell you, and yes I understand, but (after this) you will think uglier things").

She explained me that hers was not the only family renting in that house. There was a second family, and this second family was the reason she had to move. She left the house in December 2017 because she could no longer stand the other family living in the lower level of the two-story house. It turns out that the other family were Santeria practitioners consisting of one blind man, a woman and perhaps a third person. She told me they were weird and annoying people, and that they were troublemakers who were in bad terms with the surrounding neighbors and the landlord.

"Yo no podía dejar que mis hijos escucharan los gritos de los animales que mataban. En el patio dejaban los cadáveres adentro de cajas de madera y les ponían veladoras encima, y los dejaban ahi hasta que se llenaban de moscas, yo veía la sangre escurrir de las cajas, el pelo y plumas sobre el piso, no quería que mis hijos vieran eso, por eso me cambié de casa. ¿Y el tipo que estaba supuestamente ciego? Yo no lo creo, lo ví muchas veces sentado viendo televisión" ("I could no longer allow my children to listen to the screeches of the animals they killed. In the yard they dropped the corpses in wooden cages and then they placed candles over them, then flies would arrive once they started to rot, I saw the blood flowing out of the boxes, there was fur and feathers on the floor, I didn't want my sons to have to look at all that, I had to move somewhere else. And the guy who was supposedly blind? I don't think so, I saw him many times sit watching TV").

She explained me that these people used to sacrifice roosters in their Santeria religion. I asked her if she ever saw them explicitly killing a cat and she told me that she couldn't be sure, but that she knows that each of the saints these people worship demand sacrifices of specific animals, be it roosters, bunnies, dogs or cats. She told me how she didn't like the idea of having her children having to look at the dead and rotting animals left on the common yard, so she moved as soon as she could. I asked her if she knew where they went or what were their names, but she only offered me means to contact the landlord as she always evaded any kind of contact with these people. That and she gave me the name of one of them. Then she told me that she hopes I can find my cat safe and alive before we parted ways.

So, the neighbors I was looking for, the ones who moved at about the same time my beloved Meowsy went missing are the second ones, the santeria-practitioners. On the internet I found that santeros do a lot of their obscene animal-sacrificing rituals during Easter week. Meowsy went missing since April 1 but... what if I'm wrong and she went missing March 31? Then it means she disappeared during the last day of the week when they do these stupid rituals. Then I remembered how the last thing I ever knew of Meowsy was a scream coming from the direction where the abandoned house is. My hands were shaking, my eyes completely covered in tears, my stomach felt empty and sick as I asked myself "and what if that scream was Meowsy telling me to save her?". Back then I thought it was just her doing her normal post-coital scream she used to do after having sex with the tuxedo cat who lives in the rooftops since years ago. But now in complete despair I realized... what if it was her being brutally murdered by those monsters in one of their moronic rituals?!?!?!

All I know is that I have to track down this people as well, but, as anyone reading this may imagine, I have a bad feeling, as it takes only a brief Google search to realize these kind of people kill animals for their "religion". Meowsy was always a territorial cat. Even back when she lived in the streets, she didn't move away from the old car that served her as refuge. She never went far once living with me, I knew the only places she ever went to were only the rooftops of the surrounding houses, namely the catholic church (the big red building right below the house where I live) and the two or perhaps three neighboring houses. My mother says that "maybe they took Meowsy to keep her as a pet to give company to the blind man, I don't feel in my guts that Meowsy is dead yet". She is either naive or just wanted me to not cry anymore.

Earlier today I realized I have spent 235 USD in facebook ads after all this time. On the internet there are stories of people who have found their cats in matter of hours thanks to facebook, even one of a man who only spent 18 usd to get noticed by the person who found his cat. I have easily spent the same amount in physical missing cat signs -all of which got tore down by a political party as I explained before-. I have looked for her almost everyday for 3 months. Am I not searching hard enough? Or... was she really killed since the first day by those monsters? I have to track down this people. For now, I won't be able to meet the landlord until monday (the landlord, as coincidence, also works in the same university, I got told where the office is).

Mamanyt, I am trying to have hope. Even at the times where despair takes control of me, even then I try to have hope. I have hope because even up to this moment I am not able to simply accept that Meowsy has died, and since I can't accept it, I try, very hard, to have hope.

Plumeria, law enforcement does not care in here. Mexico is the fourth country in the world with the highest level of impunity as of today. The policemen don't care about the violence, the murders, the drug traffic etc. Many times, policemen themselves are friends with cartels and criminals. The law doesn't care about the people unless they are rich or influential. And, certainly, the law cares even less about animals down here. The place where I live counts as a high maginalization zone. So the law cares even far less about anything in this place. The closest I have to a "group" to watch for animals is only the woman who lives close to the homeless cats I feed. She greets me and claims to "keep out an eye for them during the day". Thanks for thinking of me as a nice person, it certainly brings me joy to take care about the defenseless little cats of the streets, even if every time I do I can only feel nostalgia and regret for Meowsy.

For now things look far worse. I'm scared. Very scared. Nedless to say sad and devastated. The search continues on foot and through facebook. I'll find these people, if they did something to Meowsy, they will pay.

Thanks a lot for still reading the updates and responding to me. Thanks for making me not feel so alone in this.

 

[Plumeria]

Wow, this is unexpected. It sounds like something out of a movie or novel. You hear about juvenile delinquents mistreating animals but Santeria practitioners? Wow. I just don’t understand people who get a thrill out of harming others. It’s a good thing they moved off of your street. It’s a shame that Mexican law enforcement is so corrupted. Just keep in mind that right now, we still don’t know what happened to Meowsy. These former neighbors are definitely creepy, but there are other people out there - good and bad. As always, be careful during your searches.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

With no definite sightings, we just do not know. We don't. But I know that you are beyond devestated. My heart is with yours, every step of the way, and I keep that candle lit.

I know a bit about the area (or others like it, at any rate) you speak of, the "marginalized" areas. PLEASE be careful of yourself when you are out there. This world canNOT afford to lose another gentle soul.