I know.Miss my girl so much. Seven months later and it just doesn’t seem to get any easier.
I'm so sorry. I followed your story of Chai from the beginning. It's unthinkable that you lost her so soon. She was a larger-than-life, over the top adorable being who you coaxed from frightened to fully happy. No wonder you're struggling. Along with being an emotional person and animal rescuer/feral socializer, I have major depressive disorder and PTSD from finding my father after his suicide. One thing I've noticed about myself is how a lack of sleep makes things so much worse. I don't know how you feel about something over the counter for sleep if you don't have a prescription, but now and then getting most of a night's sleep has made a world of difference in how I feel. Just a thought.Miss my girl so much. Seven months later and it just doesn’t seem to get any easier.
I'm right there with you. It's unbelievable how insensitive some people can be. I'm SO thankful for this forum because it's one place where I know there are people that can relate to my feelings. Listen, you had a devastating loss followed by more whammies and you're half a world away from your family. One reason I shared my history was to reaffirm to myself that there is no shame in seeking medical assistance when the cloud just won't lift.Antonio65 , agree with everything you’ve said.
Rant incoming... One thing that I just don’t understand is why *so many people* view the loss of an animal as somehow necessarily easier than the loss of a fellow human, and that I should be “over it” by now. This has made my grieving process so much more difficult and painful, and probably made it longer. I know I’m preaching to the choir here on this site but I just cannot fathom that kind of thinking. Grief isn’t measurable, for one thing, not in my opinion. It’s so completely dependent on the circumstances. No one would dare say that the loss of a grandparent is necessarily easier/harder than the loss of a sibling. Some say that losing your child is the worst kind of grief and some say it’s losing your parents. Different people grieve in different ways, amounts, and for different lengths of time depending on so many things. So why are people so quick to automatically dismiss someone’s loss of their animal friend as “just a pet”? I almost feel sad for those people, that their views towards non-human animals are so rigid and lacking compassion and nuance. They have clearly never had that kind of close bond with an animal.
Yes, Chai was a pet, but the role she played in my life wasn’t just a cute fluffy creature to look at and enjoy from time to time. She was really like my little baby. I waited nine months for her, buying her stuff and sharing pictures with everyone, and then brought her home and spent almost every waking moment caring intensively for her and recording her milestones and planning a future with her. And yes, it’s expected that we will all outlive our pets and will have to see them die eventually, but it’s not expected that they die so young in such a terrible way of an incurable disease after moving mountains to try and save them.
Anyway... it’s been an extremely devastating loss for me because of all these things, and having basically zero real-life support due to the “just a cat” mindset has not made anything better. It’s so very frustrating.
Have you tried amazon global? I know amazon sells about a dozen different brands of melatonin so you might be able to find it there.tnrmakessense , it’s funny you mention sleep because that’s been one of my biggest problems lately. I’ve struggled with insomnia all my life and my therapist is currently trying to help me fix my sleep schedule, but in the meantime I am exhausted every day even with caffeine. I’m sure it’s making everything worse overall. For the past 7 years or so a certain brand of melatonin worked wonders for me... unfortunately I can’t get melatonin here in Korea and I recently ran out. My sleep has definitely been suffering. I recently got a recommendation from a friend for an over-the-counter sleeping aid that I might try out. Thanks for reminding me.
I don’t think they’d let it go through customs unfortunately.Have you tried amazon global? I know amazon sells about a dozen different brands of melatonin so you might be able to find it there.
Amazon works with customs in the countries it ships to so they would know whether it's an acceptable item or not, you could try contacting them and see.I don’t think they’d let it go through customs unfortunately.
Eloquently and very well put, di and bob . I have a friend who's not "a cat person" but he is FRIEND enough to empathize with me because I am. He knows my cats are my FAMILY and he asks after them whenever we talk. I try do to the same re: his family's dog, even though I'm not a "dog person" -- their dog is loved by them, a member of their family, and important to them. That's all that matters. And yeah, bottom line, with friends/family/associates, it's not about the loved one as much as it is about them and their loss. If someone can't/won't empathize with a friend/family member/associate about THEIR loss, they aren't much.Anyone that says losing a 'pet' is less then losing a human is in my opinion not worth relating to anymore, relative or not. Your heart and soul just loves, it is way beyond human, animal, or even reptile, bird or fish. There are no boundaries, no rules, it does not know the difference, it just loves. I can honestly say losing my soulmate Chrissy effected me MUCH more then losing my own dad. Her death was premature, tragic, and my own fault. It will haunt me and traumatize me until the end of time. My dad was nearing 90, had suffered a stroke and was in a nursing home, something he told me many times he did not want to ever be in. He went from a vital, healthy, retired policeman to a wheelchair bound invalid in one night. His death three months later was seen by me as a blessing, a prayer answered. I miss him greatly, but do not view his death as traumatic.
People who view 'pets' as just animals are to be pitied. They have missed out on one of the greatest experiences in life, a true companion, friend, and soulmate in many instances. These little ones just love us for who we are. They don't care about money or what neighborhood they live in, they are just happy to be with us and to love us. Losing one of these little ones is a private, personal experience. No one will ever grieve for them like we do because it was our love, not theirs. That may why they seem uncaring, they don't share the same feelings and experiences we have with these precious God sent angels. But if they are our friends, or supposed to love us ,they should still empathize with us, offer sympathy and condolences, because even though they don't feel devastated like we do, they should know WE are and need some comfort. I always look at peole differently from there on out if they diminish my feelings. The same I do with people who confess to hating cats, to hurting or even killing them. I don't want or need them in my life. Life is too precious and too short to waste on people like this, and you should be able to grieve any way and for any amount of time you want. It is your love, your hurt. And I for one will extend my heart to you, my tears for the pain you are in, and my prayers that you will heal in time. I know your pain, it is mine too......
So well and beautifully put (and felt), di and bob !I just wanted to add that time IS a healer of all wounds, it just takes much longer for some than others. That does not mean some love less or more, it is just their own personal timetable. It took me over 5 years to even begin to heal, for some it may be 10 or even more, for some, months. It is hard to focus on something besides loss, but trying to focus on what you gained from the love of those angels is the start. Focusing on all the hurt and pain that is such a small part of our relationship with our loved ones, reinforces and brings on more pain. That pain will never go away, but it can be managed. It must be replaced with positive feelings that make you feel better about yourself. Open your heart to another love. It can never be the same, but it can turn into true love further down the road, and if not, provide a wonderful companion and friend. They just need someone for THEM to love, they need someone in their life to be there, to provide them with a home and care. Feelings, even love will follow. Affection is a start.
You have to puposely seek peace and contentment to obtain it, just like anything else. If you can't make yourself love again, just do what you can to focus on positive life events, like fostering or raising money for a shelter that needs it, find a cause to get motivated for the future.
Always remember, love is an emotion, a feeling, something spiritual. It is spontaneous, it can grow, it can happen even against your will. It does not happen to everyone, and you are so fortunate to know it and to experience it. Yes, even though it can bring such pain. One day everyone eventually realizes that they spent an awful long amount of their life being miserable. Don't wait until it is too late to enjoy what time is given to you. Don't wrap yourself up in your pain and misery and keep every good thing in life out. The past cannot be changed, and all of us need to take that first step into the future, one small purposeful change that begins the journey of healing. One step in front of the other, one day at a time.......
Do you talk to Chai? I talk to my departed loved ones, human and animal, and it helps.tnrmakessense , it’s funny you mention sleep because that’s been one of my biggest problems lately. I’ve struggled with insomnia all my life and my therapist is currently trying to help me fix my sleep schedule, but in the meantime I am exhausted every day even with caffeine. I’m sure it’s making everything worse overall. For the past 7 years or so a certain brand of melatonin worked wonders for me... unfortunately I can’t get melatonin here in Korea and I recently ran out. My sleep has definitely been suffering. I recently got a recommendation from a friend for an over-the-counter sleeping aid that I might try out. Thanks for reminding me.
I know you have lots of reminders of Chai around your home. Which can be a comfort. However, have you considered putting them away for a little bit. Just to give yourself some time not see her darling, sweet face every day and be instantly reminded of your heart-break and sorrow.Miss my girl so much. Seven months later and it just doesn’t seem to get any easier.
That's a good thing to do IMHO. I have a shrine set up for my folks and I go in there and pray and talk to them.Do you talk to Chai? I talk to my departed loved ones, human and animal, and it helps.