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Discussion in 'Crossing the Bridge' started by rosegold, Dec 7, 2018.
Looks like you drew yourself a new forum avatar.
@rosegold I just caught up with your posts and wanted to offer a few thoughts.
As I may have said elsewhere, our family has lost two beloveds to FIP. One, my beloved Sun, was diagnosed at age 2 with dry-form FIP and because his wonderful vet monitored him closely and gave him frequent Immunoregulin and B-12 and sometimes steroids, he lived an almost record-breaking time, leaving us at just around age 16, assisted, when his health deteriorated terribly and his weight loss and inappetance were severe. He let me know he needed to leave.
Some years later, a little former street kitten came into our lives via neighbors who loved her but who had very little money and a large feline family already. She seemed very healthy and got her first series of kitten innoculations from the same vet who treated our Sun so well. In those times, an FIP vax was recommended. It was in the form of nose drops. Having lost my beloved Sun, I felt that the responsible thing to do was to have this vax administered to Koala Naomi as well.
It was as if a light was suddently dimmed. Seemingly overnight, she swelled up and her eyes got a haunted look. We planned to take her in in the morning to see her vet. She went to sleep in her basket.
In the morning, she was gone. I knew it was FIP. I believe she contracted it from the vax. She was not yet 3 months old.
I have never had that vax for any cat since.
Having lost many, many loved ones -- feline, human, and other -- in my life, I know the bleakness you speak of in terms of feeling others do not understand or care very much. Indeed, a lot of people don't understand and some do not care. We ache for both in our grief.
Being a spiritual person, I have always found great comfort in Prayer. I also go to my cats for consolation, because I know that there is no one more sensitive and intuitive than cats, especially my own cats who are so close to me and know me so well.
The pain of loss never goes away, for me. It changes; I become stronger and more able to bear it through the day-to-day of life. But missing their physical forms, their warmth, their love, their incomparable camaraderie, their loving eyes, their purrs, and so much more, never goes away. My spiritual beliefs are that we will be together again in due time, never to part. They are the beings closest to perfection of any on this earth, and their love is pure and eternal.
I also believe that once we are reunited, all will become clear. There will be no misunderstandings, no unknowingness, no doubts, no uncertainties. The communications between us will have no barriers. The veil will be lifted.
Until that time, I know that my beloveds who have gone on watch over me.
Your beloved Chai does, too. Know that.
How beautiful, @tarasgirl06! There's something here for all of us who have loved—and lost—our feline friends over the years. My husband and I were just talking about our sweet Max the other day...how his loss in 2017 still feels fresh and raw in some ways. It doesn’t diminish our love for Lily, Iris, and Mocha. But we still love Max. He just isn’t physically here, although it seems as if there are times I can almost sense him beside me. I can close my eyes and see him. It helps.
I am glad that Max is with you and that you are aware of it. Sometimes this happens with me, too, with one of my loved ones who has gone ahead. Sometimes they come to me in dreams, too. And human loved ones as well. A few weeks ago I had a dream about someone I cared about a lot, a long time ago. He did not love me -- he had a girlfriend he loved, and she left him, after which he was seriously trying to self-destruct. I even told other friends that I thought he would succeed. We lost touch.
After this dream I had, which was definitely out of the blue and not prompted by anything, I searched him on the internet.
Sure enough, he passed away, years ago, at a very young age. It did not give the cause, just the place, far from where we knew each other, somewhat near where I later lived in the Mojave.
Coincidentally, or not, the dream was just a few days shy of an anniversary of his passing.
I will never know a lot of things, but I will always love him.
So beautiful. Your talent to draw such a perfect likeness of Chai, means she will always be with you.
It’s not exactly Chai-related but... My amazing, wonderful dog back home is in the hospital and is not doing good. He’s only 10 but he developed a sudden swelling behind his eye and was in terrible pain. They thought it might be an abscess so they made a hole in his mouth to drain it, and he was able to come home with antibiotics... but he was still in such distress and pain that my parents decided to take him back to the emergency vet so they could monitor him overnight and the vets will try to decide what to do in the morning.
This is all way too soon. I can’t believe I’m possibly losing another beloved pet. And he’s halfway across the world so I can’t be with him. I’m trying to prepare myself for the worst but I honestly don’t know how I will survive losing Chai and then Strider so close together. I’m also feeling all the same helplessness and anticipatory grief that i felt with Chai. Please send good vibes for my little boy.
I'm sorry. Sending vibes.
Poor Strider. Thinking of you. Hug the girls, even if they squirm.
Healing vibes for Strider.
I'll say a prayer for your Dog.
*PRAYERS* for Strider
Thank you everyone. They still haven’t diagnosed him with certainty yet but they’ve basically been able to rule out any cancerous tumor, which is a positive. But he’s still not in the clear... it may be a foreign body like a foxtail or it may be a rare myositis of the muscles surrounding the eye... He’ll likely be referred to an ophthalmologist. He may end up losing the eye. I feel so terribly upset that I can’t be there with my little
guy. I have a three-day weekend coming up and I even considered flying to the US, being there for a few hours, and flying back, just to reassure him and tell him I love him... but I just don’t think it’s reasonable.
The whole thing has made me so upset about missing Chai, too, and brought back so many painful feelings. It’s 5am now and I haven’t slept yet... slept barely 4 hours last night... Is this just what life is like having pets? Constant stress and sadness and paranoia that they will die?? I came home from work to find that Chilli had torn the plastic wrapper off a water bottle and munched on it. I don’t know if she ingested any and she seems fine but it freaked me out. Sigh.
I keep feeling like I’m in the wrong reality... surely I can just rewind and go back to the alternate universe where Chai and Strider are happy and healthy and I have many more years with them.
I think it's just life in general, once you open your heart, be it to other people or pets. Sending hugs your way.
Fresca eats plastic any time she can get ahold of it, then throws up shortly after. I do a good job of hiding or throwing it away but whenever my parents are here they always leave plastic bags laying around. Fresca just LOVES to eat the handles off of grocery bags then deposit it somewhere for me to find, usually in the middle of a hallway.
If Chilli did eat any she'll probably throw it up.
Heartfelt *PRAYERS* continuing! for successful recuperation in whatever the matter may be.
Of course the care of our beloved family members is and should be what is most important to us. Personally, my mindset is to the positive rather than the negative -- every day with my loved ones is a treasure to be enjoyed and grateful for.
No one ever knows what will happen, to them or anyone else, at any given time. If you are spiritually inclined, the popular thought of "Let go, and let god" is excellent to follow and embrace. That is what is most helpful not only for yourself but also for your loved ones, who need you to be strong, healthy and positive.
Strider is doing so much better! Such a relief. He's blind in the eye but he's doing well and is making a good recovery. He's the best dog ever. I just wish I could be with him, but I know he's happy with my parents.
This video made me smile today. I miss this fat little cat so much. What a fantastic, special girl she was.
Usually, it is difficult for me to be thankful for her life without simultaneously mourning her death... but today for some reason, I was able to feel so truly GLAD that she had the happy ending she did. I mean, for me it wasn't a happy ending... but for her it was. After all, Chai didn't have any concept of her death being "too soon." All she knew was that she spent the last few months of her life safe, happy, and loved. And her very last moments of consciousness were spent peacefully in my arms without any pain. I wish we could all die like that! That's got to count for something. Why should my perspective or experience of her last few months and death necessarily be the "true" one? She was just as much a living, breathing, thinking, feeling creature as I am. Her experience was just as real and valid as mine. I'm going to try to start honoring that experience, and recognizing her joy even alongside my own pain. Even in those last few days... I know she could feel my pain and sadness, but I know that she was also just happy to be purring by my side and quietly comforting me. I know she was thankful for every pet I gave her and even for the last sedatives and painkillers that made her feel calm and painless. Most of all, I know she was thankful for the love, care, and forever home I gave her for 3 months. She told me so, all the time, as clearly as a cat possibly could. <3
The therapy appointments have really helped me so far. Maybe a little personal, but I don't mind sharing: there was one question the therapist asked that really struck me. She asked, "When was the last time you truly liked yourself?" Without hesitation, I answered, "When I was with Chai." It was kind of shocking, and emotional, to realize how one little cat changed me so much. I'm still working through grief and guilt, but I think with time and healing, that self-love Chai taught me will return even stronger. Honestly, I'm naturally a very pessimistic, self-deprecating person who never really thought much of myself... but Chai really brought out the best of me... whatever innate kindness, patience, compassion, sense of humor, and responsibility I happen to have was unearthed when I was with her... and now I just have to learn that even without her, I can still be that person.
Cats' love is indeed powerful! And I hope you believe and know that Chai is watching over you, and that you will be reunited in due time, never to part again. May the love you shared empower you! Those who know the love of cats are privileged.
It's good to hear your Dog is doing better, it's always harder dealing with something like that when you can't be there. You'll be able to spend time with him once you get back home at least.
And you're right, that's a better way to view the time you had with Chai. She was completely happy with you so yes that does count for something, it counts for a lot actually. What you gave her she most likely would not have had otherwise and her final months would have probably been spent scared and hiding from people there at that shelter. It's entirely possible they may not have even noticed she was so sick since she wouldn't let any of the volunteers handle her.
The fact that you learned some things about yourself from sharing your home with her you could view as her gift to you. Now that you know what you are capable of just think of what you can accomplish rehabilitating other scared Cats as a foster, you would be an asset to any shelter or rescue.
.....Now if only that would pay the bills. I know I'd certainly never work another day in my life if I got paid doing animal rescue and rehabilitation.
I'm glad to hear Strider is doing better!
Chai led such a beautiful life. I'm happy she was able to help you like yourself. She made such a big impact on everyone who knew about her.