- Sep 19, 2006
- Reaction score
- Glendale, CATifornia
You're far from the only person who does/did not handle a family member's or loved one's illness well. It's a complex issue, rooted, probably, in fear and denial. None of us want our loved ones to leave us!!! and when we subconsciously or consciously know they are going to, we become afraid, and deny, and push back, which often translates to hostility or anger or unwillingness. I was the same when my mom was in her final illness, because of that and because of family issues that were ongoing. But I KNOW my mom loved me and I loved her, and I KNOW she knows I am sorry for my less-than-wonderful reactions, at times, to her being ill, and to her relationships with other family members (long story -- won't go into it. It's over now). So again, don't beat yourself up over something that is very normal. If you pray, and if you send messages/thoughts to your mom, she KNOWS you love her. And I believe she is proud of you, because you are a compassionate, caring, giving, generous person. Those are the best qualities we can have.Cant believe you remember the beginning of my posts. I do feel like i have grown a lot since my mom has passed. But I hope i can make more progress soon. I havent managed my biggest goal, which is to be completely independent. The anniversary of her passing was last week 10/22/2016. I really hope she would be proud of me. I have a lot of unresolved guilt towards my mom. Mostly the anger i felt towards the end of her life. I didnt handle her illness very well, and was so angry and afraid towards the end.
Thank you for the advice. That is what i have been doing. Making small changes that have slowly built up. Some days are easier than others, but i already feel stronger and healthier.
My niece is 9 years old. My sister claims that my brother gave her permission to cut Abbys hair when she comes down to visit in December. They plan to do it behind my SILs back. Hopefully he doesnt change his mind.
Theres nothing like home cooked cuban food. I have yet gone to a restaurant that compares to my moms and my sisters cooking. If you have never tried congri, then you are missing out. I do still eat some cuban foods. But i try to focus more on fruits/vegetables. It has made me feel a lot better. I have type 2 diabetes, and my numbers have gone down significantly.
About my niece, its just frustrating, if they had cut my nieces hair 6 months ago, it would have grown out by now. My sister told me shes cutting her hair when she comes down in December. She spoke to my brother about the article i found. Hopefully it truly does get cut. Theres supposedly ways to remove matted knots, but i agree with you, i think its easier just to cut them. The knot became worse because they didnt handle it fast enough.
Thats awesome that you lived in Jamaica. What was it like there?
Shes staying home for now, at least until the end of the year. My SIL keeps claiming shes going to take care of it. But doesnt. Shes spent money on buying head wraps to hide my nieces hair on the school video camera. My sister is telling me shes going to be cutting out the knot this december. So if my niece goes back to school, she will be going with a pixie cut. But at this point anything is better than what she has.
I am glad you can afford that kind of care for your niece. I used to take care of my nieces hair, i would sit her in front of a TV and it would sometimes take me 20-30 minutes to ease the knots out of her hair. She has such tangly hair, not sure why. I would also trim her hair regularly myself. But her mom is impatient and would try to get it done fast and sometimes leave behind knots. I tried advising her, but parents dont really like receiving advice i have noticed. I can understand your niece. I have had to listen to my own niece scream as her mother tried combing her hair. i dont like the thought of a child feeling pain.
I am glad you will be able to celebrate in some way.
No need to apologize. Thank you for commenting, it means a lot.
i try to remind myself not to make other peoples problems my own, but im more like my mother than i thought. Up until the end she always worried more for others than for herself. But i am definitely working on improving my mindset. Having everyone here as a support has made a huge difference for me.
That's great news about the haircut. Yeah, maybe it would be possible to comb out the knot, but in my experience, it usually takes more patience and time than I have. Better to just start over and maintain the new growth. If she has multi-textured hair like I do, it does want to lock (knot) so it's really important to brush/comb it every day and work out any tangles right when they start.
JA rice and peas is similar to congri from what the online info says, except JA style is with red beans. Good on ya for modifying your diet and seeing progress! A lot of Caribbean foods are fruits and vegetables, and very healthy -- it's just the "additions" of meat that aren't so much that way. And sweets. And alcohol, which converts to sugar in the bloodstream. It's cane country all through there, so of course you have access to the best sugar there.
JA? Like Cuba, without Castro Really, although I've never visited Cuba, it's right next door to JA, so I expect they are similar in a lot of ways. JA is almost all the descendants of people who were forcibly taken from Ghana -- mostly Ashanti and Akan people -- and they have passed down culture, language etc. through the generations. The 2% or so whites, mostly from the UK, plus Chinese, Indian and other people, make it somewhat of a multicultural society. The main difference is probably that Cuba has the Spanish culture, language etc. where JA has the British. As islands, they're both incredibly beautiful, very fruitful, and also to a great degree, unable to get a lot of material things that continents have, depending on trade agreements and relationships between nations. Both nations have incredibly wonderful music, too.