Venting....

tarasgirl06

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Cant believe you remember the beginning of my posts. :heartshape: I do feel like i have grown a lot since my mom has passed. But I hope i can make more progress soon. I havent managed my biggest goal, which is to be completely independent. The anniversary of her passing was last week 10/22/2016. I really hope she would be proud of me. I have a lot of unresolved guilt towards my mom. Mostly the anger i felt towards the end of her life. I didnt handle her illness very well, and was so angry and afraid towards the end.

Thank you for the advice. That is what i have been doing. Making small changes that have slowly built up. Some days are easier than others, but i already feel stronger and healthier.

My niece is 9 years old. My sister claims that my brother gave her permission to cut Abbys hair when she comes down to visit in December. They plan to do it behind my SILs back. Hopefully he doesnt change his mind.




Theres nothing like home cooked cuban food. :loveeyes: I have yet gone to a restaurant that compares to my moms and my sisters cooking. If you have never tried congri, then you are missing out. I do still eat some cuban foods. But i try to focus more on fruits/vegetables. It has made me feel a lot better. I have type 2 diabetes, and my numbers have gone down significantly.

About my niece, its just frustrating, if they had cut my nieces hair 6 months ago, it would have grown out by now. My sister told me shes cutting her hair when she comes down in December. She spoke to my brother about the article i found. Hopefully it truly does get cut. Theres supposedly ways to remove matted knots, but i agree with you, i think its easier just to cut them. The knot became worse because they didnt handle it fast enough.

Thats awesome that you lived in Jamaica. What was it like there?



Shes staying home for now, at least until the end of the year. My SIL keeps claiming shes going to take care of it. But doesnt. Shes spent money on buying head wraps to hide my nieces hair on the school video camera. :headshake: My sister is telling me shes going to be cutting out the knot this december. So if my niece goes back to school, she will be going with a pixie cut. But at this point anything is better than what she has.

I am glad you can afford that kind of care for your niece. :loveeyes: I used to take care of my nieces hair, i would sit her in front of a TV and it would sometimes take me 20-30 minutes to ease the knots out of her hair. She has such tangly hair, not sure why. I would also trim her hair regularly myself. But her mom is impatient and would try to get it done fast and sometimes leave behind knots. I tried advising her, but parents dont really like receiving advice i have noticed. I can understand your niece. I have had to listen to my own niece scream as her mother tried combing her hair. :sigh: i dont like the thought of a child feeling pain.



I am glad you will be able to celebrate in some way.:heartshape:



No need to apologize. :heartshape: Thank you for commenting, it means a lot.

i try to remind myself not to make other peoples problems my own, but im more like my mother than i thought. Up until the end she always worried more for others than for herself. But i am definitely working on improving my mindset. Having everyone here as a support has made a huge difference for me. :loveeyes:
You're far from the only person who does/did not handle a family member's or loved one's illness well. It's a complex issue, rooted, probably, in fear and denial. None of us want our loved ones to leave us!!! and when we subconsciously or consciously know they are going to, we become afraid, and deny, and push back, which often translates to hostility or anger or unwillingness. I was the same when my mom was in her final illness, because of that and because of family issues that were ongoing. But I KNOW my mom loved me and I loved her, and I KNOW she knows I am sorry for my less-than-wonderful reactions, at times, to her being ill, and to her relationships with other family members (long story -- won't go into it. It's over now). So again, don't beat yourself up over something that is very normal. If you pray, and if you send messages/thoughts to your mom, she KNOWS you love her. And I believe she is proud of you, because you are a compassionate, caring, giving, generous person. Those are the best qualities we can have.
That's great news about the haircut. Yeah, maybe it would be possible to comb out the knot, but in my experience, it usually takes more patience and time than I have. Better to just start over and maintain the new growth. If she has multi-textured hair like I do, it does want to lock (knot) so it's really important to brush/comb it every day and work out any tangles right when they start.
JA rice and peas is similar to congri from what the online info says, except JA style is with red beans. Good on ya for modifying your diet and seeing progress! A lot of Caribbean foods are fruits and vegetables, and very healthy -- it's just the "additions" of meat that aren't so much that way. And sweets. And alcohol, which converts to sugar in the bloodstream. It's cane country all through there, so of course you have access to the best sugar there.
JA? Like Cuba, without Castro :flail:Really, although I've never visited Cuba, it's right next door to JA, so I expect they are similar in a lot of ways. JA is almost all the descendants of people who were forcibly taken from Ghana -- mostly Ashanti and Akan people -- and they have passed down culture, language etc. through the generations. The 2% or so whites, mostly from the UK, plus Chinese, Indian and other people, make it somewhat of a multicultural society. The main difference is probably that Cuba has the Spanish culture, language etc. where JA has the British. As islands, they're both incredibly beautiful, very fruitful, and also to a great degree, unable to get a lot of material things that continents have, depending on trade agreements and relationships between nations. Both nations have incredibly wonderful music, too.
 

Artchic528

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Hello! I’m a bit late to this thread (mostly because I just joined) but I want to offer all the light, love and good vibes I can! :sunshine::redheartpump::hugs:

I know it’s not always an easy road on this journey we call life, but I like to think we are given these challenges to teach us and prepare us for what’s to come. May you have the strength to get through your difficult times and remember that you can always come here for cute cat/kitten pics if you need a boost in feeling better!
 

Willowy

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I am glad you can afford that kind of care for your niece.
Not me; my mom does this stuff. I'm not sure my brother or ex-SIL would take the time or money to do it. Anyway, Cost Cutters has discounts on Tuesdays. . .used to be $10 but might be $12 now. That's when they go.

Yeah, at her age she's old enough to say what she wants done with her hair. If she wants to try combing it out, one method is to soak her hair in coconut oil, put a shower cap on, and leave it overnight. In the morning it should comb out fairly easily, and then the oil can be washed out. That's how people get rid of dreadlocks without cutting/shaving them, so if it works for dreads it should work for most tangles. Her parents probably won't put in the time, but if she wants to try that when she comes to visit, that's one option.
 
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terestrife

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You're far from the only person who does/did not handle a family member's or loved one's illness well. It's a complex issue, rooted, probably, in fear and denial. None of us want our loved ones to leave us!!! and when we subconsciously or consciously know they are going to, we become afraid, and deny, and push back, which often translates to hostility or anger or unwillingness. I was the same when my mom was in her final illness, because of that and because of family issues that were ongoing. But I KNOW my mom loved me and I loved her, and I KNOW she knows I am sorry for my less-than-wonderful reactions, at times, to her being ill, and to her relationships with other family members (long story -- won't go into it. It's over now). So again, don't beat yourself up over something that is very normal. If you pray, and if you send messages/thoughts to your mom, she KNOWS you love her. And I believe she is proud of you, because you are a compassionate, caring, giving, generous person. Those are the best qualities we can have.
That's great news about the haircut. Yeah, maybe it would be possible to comb out the knot, but in my experience, it usually takes more patience and time than I have. Better to just start over and maintain the new growth. If she has multi-textured hair like I do, it does want to lock (knot) so it's really important to brush/comb it every day and work out any tangles right when they start.
JA rice and peas is similar to congri from what the online info says, except JA style is with red beans. Good on ya for modifying your diet and seeing progress! A lot of Caribbean foods are fruits and vegetables, and very healthy -- it's just the "additions" of meat that aren't so much that way. And sweets. And alcohol, which converts to sugar in the bloodstream. It's cane country all through there, so of course you have access to the best sugar there.
JA? Like Cuba, without Castro :flail:Really, although I've never visited Cuba, it's right next door to JA, so I expect they are similar in a lot of ways. JA is almost all the descendants of people who were forcibly taken from Ghana -- mostly Ashanti and Akan people -- and they have passed down culture, language etc. through the generations. The 2% or so whites, mostly from the UK, plus Chinese, Indian and other people, make it somewhat of a multicultural society. The main difference is probably that Cuba has the Spanish culture, language etc. where JA has the British. As islands, they're both incredibly beautiful, very fruitful, and also to a great degree, unable to get a lot of material things that continents have, depending on trade agreements and relationships between nations. Both nations have incredibly wonderful music, too.

Your post made me tear up for some reason. It made me feel like less of a horrible person. I've felt so guilty all these years since my mother passed. I tried so hard to be there for her, but i was so afraid and angry. And the anger hasn't really gone away.

My health is still steadily improving. I've lost 7lbs so far and my clothes are fitting looser. Just been focusing on eating healthy and exercise. It's not easy. The medicine im on causes so much hunger. It wakes me from sleep at times.


You've made me want to read up more on jamaica. I was just looking up photos and the beaches are so beautiful! 😍 It makes me want to see more of this beautiful world.

Hasn't been a great day today. My sister called us up. My nieces bf hasn't been paying as much rent (hes been sick and had to switch to a lesser paying job. ) so bills are behind again. She's saying again she wants to close down the house or rent it. She says she's stressed trying to help us. Even though she lives for free off her husband and doesn't need to worry about working. She doesn't want the husband to help with this house because she doesn't want him thinking he has rights to "her" house. Even though she lives for free in his house. 😅🤣 they're married so he is the half owner of this house anyway.

Shes made the threat of wanting us to move before. Not sure if she means it this time.

I'm not going to stress. Hopefully my brother will keep his word. He's failed me before but I'm hoping he won't want me living in the streets.

She's been trying to get money from the house insurance but it never gets resolved. Not sure what's going to happen. Im hoping i don't end up in my childhood home. My cats won't be happy there.

My sil hasn't done anything for my nieces hair. She bought a product months ago thats for severe matted hair. But i think she's given up. I'm just going to leave it in my sister's hands. At this point it's better to just chop off her hair. I've never seen a ball of knot like that. We tried all the methods online one day (the entire day) that knot didn't budge. Its not even a knot. Her hair just became a ball of hardened hair.

One of the cats scratched my nephew. Call me an awful aunt, but I'm hoping thatll stop him from annoying them. Thank God i had the feeling to cut their nails last week so he wasn't hurt badly. Just a small scratch.

Hello! I’m a bit late to this thread (mostly because I just joined) but I want to offer all the light, love and good vibes I can! :sunshine::redheartpump::hugs:

I know it’s not always an easy road on this journey we call life, but I like to think we are given these challenges to teach us and prepare us for what’s to come. May you have the strength to get through your difficult times and remember that you can always come here for cute cat/kitten pics if you need a boost in feeling better!
Thank you for your kindness. 🥰 im grateful for the all the support and everyone that joins in here to keep me company.

This place is definitely the one place i go to when i want to feel better.

Not me; my mom does this stuff. I'm not sure my brother or ex-SIL would take the time or money to do it. Anyway, Cost Cutters has discounts on Tuesdays. . .used to be $10 but might be $12 now. That's when they go.

Yeah, at her age she's old enough to say what she wants done with her hair. If she wants to try combing it out, one method is to soak her hair in coconut oil, put a shower cap on, and leave it overnight. In the morning it should comb out fairly easily, and then the oil can be washed out. That's how people get rid of dreadlocks without cutting/shaving them, so if it works for dreads it should work for most tangles. Her parents probably won't put in the time, but if she wants to try that when she comes to visit, that's one option.
We tried coconut oil in warm water. And all the methods we saw online. Even bought a product thats for severely matted hair. Nothing affects the ball of hardened hair. I truly think it's best to just cut it off. She smells so bad. I'm praying she doesn't have bacteria growing on her scalp. My sister comes down in a month. Hopefully it'll be taken care of. Whenever i talk to my sil she swears she can fix it.
 

tarasgirl06

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Your post made me tear up for some reason. It made me feel like less of a horrible person. I've felt so guilty all these years since my mother passed. I tried so hard to be there for her, but i was so afraid and angry. And the anger hasn't really gone away.

My health is still steadily improving. I've lost 7lbs so far and my clothes are fitting looser. Just been focusing on eating healthy and exercise. It's not easy. The medicine im on causes so much hunger. It wakes me from sleep at times.


You've made me want to read up more on jamaica. I was just looking up photos and the beaches are so beautiful! 😍 It makes me want to see more of this beautiful world.

Hasn't been a great day today. My sister called us up. My nieces bf hasn't been paying as much rent (hes been sick and had to switch to a lesser paying job. ) so bills are behind again. She's saying again she wants to close down the house or rent it. She says she's stressed trying to help us. Even though she lives for free off her husband and doesn't need to worry about working. She doesn't want the husband to help with this house because she doesn't want him thinking he has rights to "her" house. Even though she lives for free in his house. 😅🤣 they're married so he is the half owner of this house anyway.

Shes made the threat of wanting us to move before. Not sure if she means it this time.

I'm not going to stress. Hopefully my brother will keep his word. He's failed me before but I'm hoping he won't want me living in the streets.

She's been trying to get money from the house insurance but it never gets resolved. Not sure what's going to happen. Im hoping i don't end up in my childhood home. My cats won't be happy there.

My sil hasn't done anything for my nieces hair. She bought a product months ago thats for severe matted hair. But i think she's given up. I'm just going to leave it in my sister's hands. At this point it's better to just chop off her hair. I've never seen a ball of knot like that. We tried all the methods online one day (the entire day) that knot didn't budge. Its not even a knot. Her hair just became a ball of hardened hair.

One of the cats scratched my nephew. Call me an awful aunt, but I'm hoping thatll stop him from annoying them. Thank God i had the feeling to cut their nails last week so he wasn't hurt badly. Just a small scratch.



Thank you for your kindness. 🥰 im grateful for the all the support and everyone that joins in here to keep me company.

This place is definitely the one place i go to when i want to feel better.



We tried coconut oil in warm water. And all the methods we saw online. Even bought a product thats for severely matted hair. Nothing affects the ball of hardened hair. I truly think it's best to just cut it off. She smells so bad. I'm praying she doesn't have bacteria growing on her scalp. My sister comes down in a month. Hopefully it'll be taken care of. Whenever i talk to my sil she swears she can fix it.
"Horrible person"??? You? You seem like one of the kindest, most thoughtful and patient people I've even encountered! I was also angry when my mom got sick. I wasn't angry at her, but it might have seemed that way. Of course, I was angry at the tobacco companies that had advertised their products as being so sexy and cool, the media that pimped them, and the society that bought into it lock, stock and barrel. She could have made the decision not to smoke? Of course. But that is quite a lot of pressure from the society she lived in and as a beautiful woman, she naturally wanted "the look" -- smoking was part of it. She used to use cigarette holders! and she wore all the clothes, shoes, hats, gloves -- the whole 9. It would have been very difficult for her not to buy into the image. Most of her friends probably smoked, too. Bottom line, I felt helpless and frustrated and angry at being powerless to do anything to take the sickness away. We were best friends, not just mother and daughter. Like you, I did not want my best friend to leave me.
Your niece will be happier and I'm sure, more comfortable without the terrible problem that her hair has become. I did that (as an adult) and wore wigs while it grew out. I chopped it off to about 1-2". I used oil on my locks to keep it from drying so much, but it did nothing at all as far as unlocking the locks goes. I don't think anything will work when it's like that. It's still my biggest headache (literally) but at your niece's age, it's really her mom's responsibility to maintain it. I hope it happens.
Seven POUNDS! That's fantastic! Keep up the good work and don't let anything get in your way of reaching your goal.
JA is beautiful, like Cuba. But bear in mind that for many reasons, it is full of poverty and violence. It's one of the highest-crime locations on earth. Colonialism leaves lasting scars. If you visit as a tourist and stay in the tourist areas, it's probably okay. I didn't, and I saw the real society -- some of the kindest and wisest people I've ever met, resourceful, creative, generous and friendly, along with greedy international corporations, self-absorbed landowners and tourists, and that legacy of systemic racism. A complex place.
The same can be said of Cuba, I'm sure, in different ways.
Well, if someone scratched, I'm pretty sure it wasn't without cause. But I hope it doesn't happen again, and my concern is 99.9% for your cats. *PRAYERS* continuing that somehow, a better living situation will open up for you.
 

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Congrats on the seven pounds!!! That's awesome that you're starting to see a difference in how your clothes fit, too.

The nice thing about hair is that it grows. So when you're able to cut off your niece's hair, it won't be permanent.

I hope your living situation works out one way or another.
 
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terestrife

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"Horrible person"??? You? You seem like one of the kindest, most thoughtful and patient people I've even encountered! I was also angry when my mom got sick. I wasn't angry at her, but it might have seemed that way. Of course, I was angry at the tobacco companies that had advertised their products as being so sexy and cool, the media that pimped them, and the society that bought into it lock, stock and barrel. She could have made the decision not to smoke? Of course. But that is quite a lot of pressure from the society she lived in and as a beautiful woman, she naturally wanted "the look" -- smoking was part of it. She used to use cigarette holders! and she wore all the clothes, shoes, hats, gloves -- the whole 9. It would have been very difficult for her not to buy into the image. Most of her friends probably smoked, too. Bottom line, I felt helpless and frustrated and angry at being powerless to do anything to take the sickness away. We were best friends, not just mother and daughter. Like you, I did not want my best friend to leave me.
Your niece will be happier and I'm sure, more comfortable without the terrible problem that her hair has become. I did that (as an adult) and wore wigs while it grew out. I chopped it off to about 1-2". I used oil on my locks to keep it from drying so much, but it did nothing at all as far as unlocking the locks goes. I don't think anything will work when it's like that. It's still my biggest headache (literally) but at your niece's age, it's really her mom's responsibility to maintain it. I hope it happens.
Seven POUNDS! That's fantastic! Keep up the good work and don't let anything get in your way of reaching your goal.
JA is beautiful, like Cuba. But bear in mind that for many reasons, it is full of poverty and violence. It's one of the highest-crime locations on earth. Colonialism leaves lasting scars. If you visit as a tourist and stay in the tourist areas, it's probably okay. I didn't, and I saw the real society -- some of the kindest and wisest people I've ever met, resourceful, creative, generous and friendly, along with greedy international corporations, self-absorbed landowners and tourists, and that legacy of systemic racism. A complex place.
The same can be said of Cuba, I'm sure, in different ways.
Well, if someone scratched, I'm pretty sure it wasn't without cause. But I hope it doesn't happen again, and my concern is 99.9% for your cats. *PRAYERS* continuing that somehow, a better living situation will open up for you.
Thank you for your kind words, they mean a lot to me. :heartshape:I wasnt angry at my mom either. I was just angry in general. I'm sure our moms understood.They knew us better than anyone else after all. I understand your regrets about your mom smoking. My mom also smoked on and off for as long as i can remember. Even though she passed of pancreatic cancer, she did have some tumors in her lungs. So who knows where the cancer originated? I wish she had been able to quit long ago. She swore she wasnt addicted, but she would always go back to the cigarettes when she needed to feel better. Its a horrible habit/addiction to have.


I feel bad that i didnt know more about how bad things are in jamaica. Its made me realize i should read up more on whats going on in other countries. I have heard awful stories about Cuba as well. My family struggled so much that my mom, dad, and my two eldest siblings came on a ship many years ago. The conditions on the ship were horrible. As they were in line to leave, people were standing by throwing rocks at the people trying to leave. My sister was hit on the head by a rock.

I cant imagine how bad things were that they would risk getting on a ship, not knowing what would happen to them. My mom told me she wanted better for her children. I have never gone to Cuba. My mom told me she would never go back unless communism is gone from cuba. I dont feel right going there knowing she sacrificed so much to get away. I see so many people making fun of the USA but i feel grateful to be here, and the opportunities that my mom helped give me.

As for Elsa, i turned her cat tree around so he wont be able to see her easily. I just hope it doesnt happen again so my niece wont start having issues with her. We've been getting along, and shes been defending the cats from her son. I dont want her to go back to being angry and yelling at the cats. Of course, i dont want the baby hurt either. But i do want him to stop bugging the cats.




Congrats on the seven pounds!!! That's awesome that you're starting to see a difference in how your clothes fit, too.

The nice thing about hair is that it grows. So when you're able to cut off your niece's hair, it won't be permanent.

I hope your living situation works out one way or another.
Thank you! :heartshape:I'm trying to be positive, even though i have gained/lost weight so many times before. Trying to focus on making changes i can keep up with this time.

I just hope my brother doesnt change his mind. My SIL has been so adamant about saving her daughters hair. I think my niece will feel so much better once its cut off.
 

tarasgirl06

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Thank you for your kind words, they mean a lot to me. :heartshape:I wasnt angry at my mom either. I was just angry in general. I'm sure our moms understood.They knew us better than anyone else after all. I understand your regrets about your mom smoking. My mom also smoked on and off for as long as i can remember. Even though she passed of pancreatic cancer, she did have some tumors in her lungs. So who knows where the cancer originated? I wish she had been able to quit long ago. She swore she wasnt addicted, but she would always go back to the cigarettes when she needed to feel better. Its a horrible habit/addiction to have.


I feel bad that i didnt know more about how bad things are in jamaica. Its made me realize i should read up more on whats going on in other countries. I have heard awful stories about Cuba as well. My family struggled so much that my mom, dad, and my two eldest siblings came on a ship many years ago. The conditions on the ship were horrible. As they were in line to leave, people were standing by throwing rocks at the people trying to leave. My sister was hit on the head by a rock.

I cant imagine how bad things were that they would risk getting on a ship, not knowing what would happen to them. My mom told me she wanted better for her children. I have never gone to Cuba. My mom told me she would never go back unless communism is gone from cuba. I dont feel right going there knowing she sacrificed so much to get away. I see so many people making fun of the USA but i feel grateful to be here, and the opportunities that my mom helped give me.

As for Elsa, i turned her cat tree around so he wont be able to see her easily. I just hope it doesnt happen again so my niece wont start having issues with her. We've been getting along, and shes been defending the cats from her son. I dont want her to go back to being angry and yelling at the cats. Of course, i dont want the baby hurt either. But i do want him to stop bugging the cats.






Thank you! :heartshape:I'm trying to be positive, even though i have gained/lost weight so many times before. Trying to focus on making changes i can keep up with this time.

I just hope my brother doesnt change his mind. My SIL has been so adamant about saving her daughters hair. I think my niece will feel so much better once its cut off.
People don't understand that almost everything is contextual. By that, I mean it depends on an individual's life how (s)he feels about where (s)he lives. I have had dear friends from Cuba who, I guess, are glad to be here, but miss their homeland, as many people do who leave their countries for whatever reason. I also had an American friend who travelled to Cuba to visit friends -- his politics were very much to the left and he thought Cuba was a very good society. Cuban culture is, like all cultures, complex, and has much beauty and many things to hold onto. It is a post-colonial society as well -- and things were really atrocious under Batista, which is why the revolution occurred. Power corrupts. Always. Jamaica has a somewhat similiar history but was colonized by the Spanish and then by the British. Their two major political parties are one that is more left (PNP) and the other which is more right (JNP) and they trade off, like the Democrats and Republicans do here. People are VERY passionate about politics there. Many times the military has interceded in pre- and post-election unrest. To me, there are always positive and negative things about any place. I'll never be a nationalist or a flag-waver; and as a minority I feel a lot of unhappiness about US history and my own history as well, but I do not forget the many advantages we still do have here, and give credit where credit is due even while wanting and working for better.
As for your niece's hair, IMHO there's nothing to save. It's unsalvageable and is causing her trouble. Hopefully the problem will be solved once it is cut -- as you say, hopefully there's nothing deeper going on there.
Good idea about turning the cat tree around. Your nephew is very young still. He may not undertstand. But when you're young is the time to start learning; and IMHO some of the most important lessons we ever learn are compassion, kindness, personal responsibility, and gentleness toward those who are smaller and more vulnerable than we are, especially. It's up to the guardians to teach kids these things.
You're doing great. I also hope your brother honors his relationship to you if need be, but even more, I hope something else becomes available that will be better for you and your cats, where you have autonomy and they have safety and less stress.
Keep up the great work. And don't forget what you're going for in terms of your goal. It is a sacrifice to feel hungry and want comfort; but the results are something you can really be proud of and that will increase your self-esteem.
 
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terestrife

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People don't understand that almost everything is contextual. By that, I mean it depends on an individual's life how (s)he feels about where (s)he lives. I have had dear friends from Cuba who, I guess, are glad to be here, but miss their homeland, as many people do who leave their countries for whatever reason. I also had an American friend who travelled to Cuba to visit friends -- his politics were very much to the left and he thought Cuba was a very good society. Cuban culture is, like all cultures, complex, and has much beauty and many things to hold onto. It is a post-colonial society as well -- and things were really atrocious under Batista, which is why the revolution occurred. Power corrupts. Always. Jamaica has a somewhat similiar history but was colonized by the Spanish and then by the British. Their two major political parties are one that is more left (PNP) and the other which is more right (JNP) and they trade off, like the Democrats and Republicans do here. People are VERY passionate about politics there. Many times the military has interceded in pre- and post-election unrest. To me, there are always positive and negative things about any place. I'll never be a nationalist or a flag-waver; and as a minority I feel a lot of unhappiness about US history and my own history as well, but I do not forget the many advantages we still do have here, and give credit where credit is due even while wanting and working for better.
As for your niece's hair, IMHO there's nothing to save. It's unsalvageable and is causing her trouble. Hopefully the problem will be solved once it is cut -- as you say, hopefully there's nothing deeper going on there.
Good idea about turning the cat tree around. Your nephew is very young still. He may not undertstand. But when you're young is the time to start learning; and IMHO some of the most important lessons we ever learn are compassion, kindness, personal responsibility, and gentleness toward those who are smaller and more vulnerable than we are, especially. It's up to the guardians to teach kids these things.
You're doing great. I also hope your brother honors his relationship to you if need be, but even more, I hope something else becomes available that will be better for you and your cats, where you have autonomy and they have safety and less stress.
Keep up the great work. And don't forget what you're going for in terms of your goal. It is a sacrifice to feel hungry and want comfort; but the results are something you can really be proud of and that will increase your self-esteem.
People that travel to cuba typically see the tourist spots and fall in love. That is what my mom always told me. She told me Cuba is incredibly beautiful, but that they werent safe there. Towards the end of them living in Cuba my dad became very lucky and got a good job. So things were finally looking up for them. Unfortunately, there isnt much law and order in Cuba. The police would break in, take what they wanted, and break things in the house. They couldnt stand to see someone doing well. My father would be arrested for no reason. It was a constant occurrence. There were periods of hunger where they couldnt get food, and times when they did well. My mom loved cuba. But when she moved here, she told me she felt like an American, and she felt that way until the day she passed. She loved this country so much. Sorry i tend to drone on when i think of my mom. You're right though, there is good and bad everywhere. Just look at all the craziness happening in the USA this past year alone, and with the elections.

Remember how i mentioned we had ticks? Havent seen any in a few weeks. But found two a few days ago.I just bought Kitty a new heated cat bed. You can see a tick on the bed itself if you look at the picture with Elsa in the bed. I am hoping this mean we have almost caught them all.

Kitty was loving her new bed but shes offended that Elsa is using it. I had to throw away Kittys old bed because it was immersed in water. Not sure if i should buy another one. I live in Miami, but i have this weird idea that cats get aches and pains as they get older, so i like keeping around a heated bed. Kitty is turning 9 years old on 11-23.

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So close to getting rid of all those ticks!

You're so kind to your cats. I didn't realize nine was so old! I think Sparkle's about 11, and she seems to be moving around same as always, so I hope she doesn't have any pains she's not letting us know about.
 

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People that travel to cuba typically see the tourist spots and fall in love. That is what my mom always told me. She told me Cuba is incredibly beautiful, but that they werent safe there. Towards the end of them living in Cuba my dad became very lucky and got a good job. So things were finally looking up for them. Unfortunately, there isnt much law and order in Cuba. The police would break in, take what they wanted, and break things in the house. They couldnt stand to see someone doing well. My father would be arrested for no reason. It was a constant occurrence. There were periods of hunger where they couldnt get food, and times when they did well. My mom loved cuba. But when she moved here, she told me she felt like an American, and she felt that way until the day she passed. She loved this country so much. Sorry i tend to drone on when i think of my mom. You're right though, there is good and bad everywhere. Just look at all the craziness happening in the USA this past year alone, and with the elections.

Remember how i mentioned we had ticks? Havent seen any in a few weeks. But found two a few days ago.I just bought Kitty a new heated cat bed. You can see a tick on the bed itself if you look at the picture with Elsa in the bed. I am hoping this mean we have almost caught them all.

Kitty was loving her new bed but shes offended that Elsa is using it. I had to throw away Kittys old bed because it was immersed in water. Not sure if i should buy another one. I live in Miami, but i have this weird idea that cats get aches and pains as they get older, so i like keeping around a heated bed. Kitty is turning 9 years old on 11-23.

View attachment 359099View attachment 359100View attachment 359102
Every place has its beauties and its good and bad, I guess. The beauty is mostly natural. The bad is mostly human. The good? A combination, I guess. I tend to give all credit to the Creator when anything is good. But it is said that He helps those who help themselves, meaning it's up to us to do the good things. We have free will. Trouble is, a lot of people misuse it.
What a beautiful cat-a-tat! And they look like they really love it. *I'd love it myself, if I could fit into it!*:crackup:Cats' body temperature is normally 101F or so, and they do like warmth (though not TOO hot) and soft, cozy places to curl up, no matter their ages. But yes, as they get more mature, they probably appreciate those things even more. Another bed might be welcomed! Although all of the many cat beds I've bought are either in closets, or thrown out after they were used as litterboxes :insertevillaugh:. The only one that's still out is a beautiful one from Drs. Foster & Smith. Baby Su doesn't use it much, but Elvis does from time to time. It has fake sheepskin inside and pretty fabric outside.
I hope you get ALL of those ticks! They are nasty little things.
The same thing happens here with police if they are corrupt. And there are plenty of those. Human beings are human beings, no matter what uniforms they wear or positions they hold. The good ones are great and we need more of them! Those who prey on the vulnerable, especially in the name of "law and order," religion, organizations supposed to help, or politics, are the lowest of the low IMHO and they give a bad name to all. Trust is a fragile thing and once it is broken, it is very hard to regain. I've had bad experiences with the police myself, as an innocent person, and it is difficult for me to trust them or believe they have my best interests at heart. But our society needs them. It needs them to do what they say they are here to do: PROTECT AND SERVE. I give credit where it's due. But you have to earn my respect, not through fear but through integrity.
 
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So close to getting rid of all those ticks!

You're so kind to your cats. I didn't realize nine was so old! I think Sparkle's about 11, and she seems to be moving around same as always, so I hope she doesn't have any pains she's not letting us know about.
It could just be my assumption. From what i have read, cats can live into their 20s. So i would guess 10 years old to be the equivalent of a human in their 50s. I think thats when most people start feeling aches and pain. Kitty is still very agile so i dont think shes in any pain.

But it makes me feel better to have the heating pad for her. :heartshape: Many years ago, i saw her do a bad jump from her tree. I took her to the vet and they never figured out what was wrong, she was only in pain for a day. She used the heating pad from the moment she was hurt. Its never happened again (knock on wood!), but the heating pad helped her that one time. its also great for miami "winter" they dont leave their heating pads during those days. lol

Every place has its beauties and its good and bad, I guess. The beauty is mostly natural. The bad is mostly human. The good? A combination, I guess. I tend to give all credit to the Creator when anything is good. But it is said that He helps those who help themselves, meaning it's up to us to do the good things. We have free will. Trouble is, a lot of people misuse it.
What a beautiful cat-a-tat! And they look like they really love it. *I'd love it myself, if I could fit into it!*:crackup:Cats' body temperature is normally 101F or so, and they do like warmth (though not TOO hot) and soft, cozy places to curl up, no matter their ages. But yes, as they get more mature, they probably appreciate those things even more. Another bed might be welcomed! Although all of the many cat beds I've bought are either in closets, or thrown out after they were used as litterboxes :insertevillaugh:. The only one that's still out is a beautiful one from Drs. Foster & Smith. Baby Su doesn't use it much, but Elvis does from time to time. It has fake sheepskin inside and pretty fabric outside.
I hope you get ALL of those ticks! They are nasty little things.
The same thing happens here with police if they are corrupt. And there are plenty of those. Human beings are human beings, no matter what uniforms they wear or positions they hold. The good ones are great and we need more of them! Those who prey on the vulnerable, especially in the name of "law and order," religion, organizations supposed to help, or politics, are the lowest of the low IMHO and they give a bad name to all. Trust is a fragile thing and once it is broken, it is very hard to regain. I've had bad experiences with the police myself, as an innocent person, and it is difficult for me to trust them or believe they have my best interests at heart. But our society needs them. It needs them to do what they say they are here to do: PROTECT AND SERVE. I give credit where it's due. But you have to earn my respect, not through fear but through integrity.
Thankfully my cats don't get bored with the things i buy them. The cat bed i threw out has been used for many years. She really loved it.

Kitty just hates sharing with Elsa and will avoid spots used by her. :headshake:

I'm sorry you have had bad experiences with the police. They are so important, since their job is to keep us safe. Its the one person you should be able to reach out to for help. But you hear so many horror stories. Personally I have always been treated kindly. Some have been strict and serious, and some have been friendly. I don't really have much experience with them though. Just from a speeding ticket, a small accident i was in, and from seeing them around and asking them questions. When i started reading about police brutality, it saddened me that things like that were happening. The horrible things i have read about just made me sick.

My brother had a horrible experience with the police. They were looking for a hispanic man with tattoos, and they wrongly accused my brother. The lady didn't get a good look at the person that robbed her. Police just grabbed him as he was walking around minding his own business. They had to end up removing his mug shot from the internet since he was mistakenly arrested. It was horrible.
 

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It could just be my assumption. From what i have read, cats can live into their 20s. So i would guess 10 years old to be the equivalent of a human in their 50s. I think thats when most people start feeling aches and pain. Kitty is still very agile so i dont think shes in any pain.

But it makes me feel better to have the heating pad for her. :heartshape: Many years ago, i saw her do a bad jump from her tree. I took her to the vet and they never figured out what was wrong, she was only in pain for a day. She used the heating pad from the moment she was hurt. Its never happened again (knock on wood!), but the heating pad helped her that one time. its also great for miami "winter" they dont leave their heating pads during those days. lol



Thankfully my cats don't get bored with the things i buy them. The cat bed i threw out has been used for many years. She really loved it.

Kitty just hates sharing with Elsa and will avoid spots used by her. :headshake:

I'm sorry you have had bad experiences with the police. They are so important, since their job is to keep us safe. Its the one person you should be able to reach out to for help. But you hear so many horror stories. Personally I have always been treated kindly. Some have been strict and serious, and some have been friendly. I don't really have much experience with them though. Just from a speeding ticket, a small accident i was in, and from seeing them around and asking them questions. When i started reading about police brutality, it saddened me that things like that were happening. The horrible things i have read about just made me sick.

My brother had a horrible experience with the police. They were looking for a hispanic man with tattoos, and they wrongly accused my brother. The lady didn't get a good look at the person that robbed her. Police just grabbed him as he was walking around minding his own business. They had to end up removing his mug shot from the internet since he was mistakenly arrested. It was horrible.
I'm so sorry your brother had to go through that. That's the problem!!! But in his case I am glad they actually did the right thing. The problem of policing is big, deep, and wide, and goes back to the founding of the country, basically. Anyone can read about it online, though it's a very depressing subject. Reform is DEFINITELY needed. But will it ever happen? I'm not very confident of that. Yes, they are supposed to "protect and serve" EVERYONE in society, not just those on the top. There are very good ones, and mediocre ones, and very bad ones, just like with people in any group. But they have the power over us, which makes the bad ones very dangerous.
As to Kitty, I guess she's like all of us -- she has her bad days and her better days. It's wonderful that you are thoughtful and caring, and provide soft beds and heating pads for your beloved cats. I have pix of my cats burrowing under covers and curling up together in winter in the Mojave. Their coats grew very plush and they looked amazing! especially Rani angel.
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It could just be my assumption. From what i have read, cats can live into their 20s. So i would guess 10 years old to be the equivalent of a human in their 50s. I think thats when most people start feeling aches and pain. Kitty is still very agile so i dont think shes in any pain.

But it makes me feel better to have the heating pad for her. :heartshape: Many years ago, i saw her do a bad jump from her tree. I took her to the vet and they never figured out what was wrong, she was only in pain for a day. She used the heating pad from the moment she was hurt. Its never happened again (knock on wood!), but the heating pad helped her that one time. its also great for miami "winter" they dont leave their heating pads during those days. lol



Thankfully my cats don't get bored with the things i buy them. The cat bed i threw out has been used for many years. She really loved it.

Kitty just hates sharing with Elsa and will avoid spots used by her. :headshake:

I'm sorry you have had bad experiences with the police. They are so important, since their job is to keep us safe. Its the one person you should be able to reach out to for help. But you hear so many horror stories. Personally I have always been treated kindly. Some have been strict and serious, and some have been friendly. I don't really have much experience with them though. Just from a speeding ticket, a small accident i was in, and from seeing them around and asking them questions. When i started reading about police brutality, it saddened me that things like that were happening. The horrible things i have read about just made me sick.

My brother had a horrible experience with the police. They were looking for a hispanic man with tattoos, and they wrongly accused my brother. The lady didn't get a good look at the person that robbed her. Police just grabbed him as he was walking around minding his own business. They had to end up removing his mug shot from the internet since he was mistakenly arrested. It was horrible.
I'm not suggesting these as a fix for your niece's hair, which DOES need to be cut IMHO. But last week at the store, I happened to pass by the display of hair stuff, and there was this 2-pak of Revlon combs. One is hot pink with a curved tail and the other is white/clear and plain. Both have really wide teeth and they're made of a strong kind of plastic (I've been a comb-killer all my life, so finding strong combs that don't break under my wire hair is a big deal). The 2-pak was $3 and change here. You might want to keep an eye out for these. I used the pink one for the first time yesterday to comb out my wet hair after washing it, and it took me far less time to do, with far less pain.
 
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I'm so sorry your brother had to go through that. That's the problem!!! But in his case I am glad they actually did the right thing. The problem of policing is big, deep, and wide, and goes back to the founding of the country, basically. Anyone can read about it online, though it's a very depressing subject. Reform is DEFINITELY needed. But will it ever happen? I'm not very confident of that. Yes, they are supposed to "protect and serve" EVERYONE in society, not just those on the top. There are very good ones, and mediocre ones, and very bad ones, just like with people in any group. But they have the power over us, which makes the bad ones very dangerous.
As to Kitty, I guess she's like all of us -- she has her bad days and her better days. It's wonderful that you are thoughtful and caring, and provide soft beds and heating pads for your beloved cats. I have pix of my cats burrowing under covers and curling up together in winter in the Mojave. Their coats grew very plush and they looked amazing! especially Rani angel.
View attachment 359193
I'm not suggesting these as a fix for your niece's hair, which DOES need to be cut IMHO. But last week at the store, I happened to pass by the display of hair stuff, and there was this 2-pak of Revlon combs. One is hot pink with a curved tail and the other is white/clear and plain. Both have really wide teeth and they're made of a strong kind of plastic (I've been a comb-killer all my life, so finding strong combs that don't break under my wire hair is a big deal). The 2-pak was $3 and change here. You might want to keep an eye out for these. I used the pink one for the first time yesterday to comb out my wet hair after washing it, and it took me far less time to do, with far less pain.
Oh my gosh, what a big fluffy cat! Shes beautiful. :heartshape: I love the idea of a toy basket.

We tried every comb and treatment possible on her hair. I think it just needs to be cut at this point. We both used rat tail combs and spent hours picking at her hair. She has a huge ball on the top of her head and its just a ball of her knotted hair. Her mom is delusional and believes she can fix it.

Today has been a stressful day. As you guys know i have had issues with my nieces son bothering the cats. He went from crawling after them, to throwing things, and now he chases them with his ride along cars. I have told my niece that i am worried he will hit my cats legs. Elsa already scratched him. She tells him to stop, but shes not firm enough. He is very spoiled and just has a tantrum when you discipline him. I dont know what to do anymore. I dont know if i should reach out to my sister, and i dont know if she will even care. I know he is an innocent child. But its getting frustrating. Its completely my nieces fault.

I have these awful moments where i wish she would just get out and never come back. Im sick of dealing with her and having to play nice. I love my niece, i really do. And most days we actually get along. But i hate that my cats dont feel comfortable in their own home. Then even i start feeling frustrated with the cats. With everything i have to deal with, and not feeling well. I have to also deal with the cats breaking things, scratching my nephew, and worrying that they'll be hurt. Sometimes i wish i lived completely alone and didnt have to deal with anyone at all. That makes me sound awful, as i love my cats. I just so badly need my own space, and some peace and quiet. The noise in this house is unbearable sometimes. The baby having tantrums and screaming all day long. My niece with her shows on repeat. She puts the tv on all day with i love lucy, charmed, and the same kid shows running. Over and over and over and over again. I had to wear headphones because i was starting to feel such anger hearing the same things on repeat. I found myself listening to i love lucy and feeling like my breathing was funny and felt panicky. I know that sounds insane, but i think its the accumulation of everything.

I'm going to have to get on blood pressure medication. i had hoped that it would go down fast with all the changes i have made, but my pressure isnt going down. The headaches are horrible. Im just sick of everyone. And then the cherry on top, my car decides to stop working. Its only a few years old and its not turning on.

Its just been one of those days. I cant even be downstairs and spend time with the cats because my nephew starts obsessing with them.

Sorry for the negative post. Its after midnight and needed to get this negativity out of my system.
 

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Oh my gosh, what a big fluffy cat! Shes beautiful. :heartshape: I love the idea of a toy basket.

We tried every comb and treatment possible on her hair. I think it just needs to be cut at this point. We both used rat tail combs and spent hours picking at her hair. She has a huge ball on the top of her head and its just a ball of her knotted hair. Her mom is delusional and believes she can fix it.

Today has been a stressful day. As you guys know i have had issues with my nieces son bothering the cats. He went from crawling after them, to throwing things, and now he chases them with his ride along cars. I have told my niece that i am worried he will hit my cats legs. Elsa already scratched him. She tells him to stop, but shes not firm enough. He is very spoiled and just has a tantrum when you discipline him. I dont know what to do anymore. I dont know if i should reach out to my sister, and i dont know if she will even care. I know he is an innocent child. But its getting frustrating. Its completely my nieces fault.

I have these awful moments where i wish she would just get out and never come back. Im sick of dealing with her and having to play nice. I love my niece, i really do. And most days we actually get along. But i hate that my cats dont feel comfortable in their own home. Then even i start feeling frustrated with the cats. With everything i have to deal with, and not feeling well. I have to also deal with the cats breaking things, scratching my nephew, and worrying that they'll be hurt. Sometimes i wish i lived completely alone and didnt have to deal with anyone at all. That makes me sound awful, as i love my cats. I just so badly need my own space, and some peace and quiet. The noise in this house is unbearable sometimes. The baby having tantrums and screaming all day long. My niece with her shows on repeat. She puts the tv on all day with i love lucy, charmed, and the same kid shows running. Over and over and over and over again. I had to wear headphones because i was starting to feel such anger hearing the same things on repeat. I found myself listening to i love lucy and feeling like my breathing was funny and felt panicky. I know that sounds insane, but i think its the accumulation of everything.

I'm going to have to get on blood pressure medication. i had hoped that it would go down fast with all the changes i have made, but my pressure isnt going down. The headaches are horrible. Im just sick of everyone. And then the cherry on top, my car decides to stop working. Its only a few years old and its not turning on.

Its just been one of those days. I cant even be downstairs and spend time with the cats because my nephew starts obsessing with them.

Sorry for the negative post. Its after midnight and needed to get this negativity out of my system.
PROTECT YOUR CATS. Yes, everyone involved needs to be on board. And letting a kid do these things can't go on. Kids who get away with stuff like that think it's okay and continue, and escalate. It must be STOPPED NOW. Your cats are nowhere near as big or strong as a kid.
I hope and pray you can get your car going again.
And yes, I didn't mean the combs were a solution. Her hair needs cutting. But once it's cut and growing out, combs like that can be so helpful in keeping her hair from doing the same thing again. I can't believe how good these combs are. This morning I was able to comb a knot out of my hair, close to the scalp, that I had a lot of trouble with. It didn't take long and it wasn't anywhere near as painful as it was when I used my other comb.
 

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I'm sorry you're having such a rough day. Cars are the worst. I just had to spend a ton of money on mine and of course the most expensive repair was likely my fault (there was a hole in the exhaust pipe and I'd run over something in the road I thought was small enough I could just drive over but flew up and hit the underside of my car).

I'm not surprised your blood pressure is high with the stress you live with. I wish you could live with just your cats too! I don't know if it's an option to try baby aspirin instead of official blood pressure medication? My midwife put me on it because of my MTHFR mutation, but I know it's often prescribed to pregnant women to keep blood pressure down as well, and may be cheaper.

I'm sorry your nephew is escalating with the cats. It's so rough and I wish your niece would take more responsibility.
 
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