Traveling In The Car /desperate

[Looking for hope]

I love my cat. She's my world. She's curled on my chest as I type (with full access the a large house and another gentle human).

She's a perfect cat. She always licks after she chomps, I got her from a failing no kill shelter when she was a year old, and have had her for 6 years now.

She's a wonderful single cat. She's been great with other animals in the past, but is becoming a grumpy old sheltered cat. She likes the quiet and soft blankets. We don't have issues. I respect her consent very much, never hold her when she doesn't want to be, unless I'm brushing her or her teeth/trimming claws.
Even then, she's tollerant, and if she goes so far as to hiss, telling her "we do not use that launguage" is enough. She's had multiple dental surgeries, and she's so bad with vets, they send meds home with the meds because shes too quick and vicious for them to get her to take them. I come to pick her up, and she scratches bad enough the vet tech had to let her go, and she came running and jumped in my arms. We have a strong bond.

I get home, and she's there for me. She follows me around. She's stayed up to a month at a time with different people (which nearly killed me (we are so codependent) and she acts out/looses weight/scratches furniture/attacks other animals/doesn't listen. And then I get back and she's a perfect angel.
She's never been abused.
Not until yesterday.

She's had issues in cars and planes the entire time I've had her. I can't keep her in a carrier. I've tried acclimating her to four different ones, but she feels safest on my lap, and will try to "escape" till her nose and paws are bloody. I've tried Xanax, I've even tried Benadryl. It would be one thing if she just curled up on my lap, but she cries constantly, occasionally working herself into yowling fits, she can go for hours. Her nose is dry, she's hoarse, I am in the brink of insanity.
I flew with her once, and she peed herself (had calm access to a cat box before the flight). She yowled the whole flight, I tried to comfort her, but she was so pannicked, I don't even think she knew I was there. She skinned her nose so so bad, so bad.
I just cried the entire flight. Not to mention how anxious I was about being such a disturbance. Needless to say, I'll never put her on a plane again.
But I need to move. I've had to move before, and she stops eating if I leave her. She's an absolute brat if I leave her with anyone.
And I need her. I have PTSD, anxiety, depression. She's my family. She's my child. She's my everything.

She's only terrible in a car if I'm there. It's like she realizes I'll listen, so she's got to tell me, CONSTANTLY, that we're going to die. Doesn't matter how much time I work with her on carriers or the car. She's a wreck, and she drives me insane. She's not in pain. She's fine. She's never died in a car before. She's got kitty pheramones and comfy places and food and water and her catbox.
She even has her scratching post.

It's not safe for me to drive with her.
Her meowing rips me apart,
Not to mention keeping her off the dash of from under my feet.
I hit her last night. We we're moving, which is stressful for her (and me) and she was yowling, and just going and Going and GOING. And I was yelling/crying at her to stop, and then trying to just ignore it, but it gets in my head and I seriously almost considered just getting out and walking away from the car and her.

I hit her. Not hard enough to hurt her, but it startled her for sure. And it worked. She stopped yowling, but a minute later she started up again, so I smacked her back again, so now she's got her ears pinned and she's still yowling. And I'm hating myself and thinking about just commiting suicide, but also just trying to get through this drive and I cannot. Handle. The. Meows.
So I squeeze her neck when the yowling gets really bad. And I say "NO" and I repeat this. And she's quiet for almost 5 minutes, just sitting on my lap, I know my strength. I'm a very sensitive person. I didn't actually hurt her.
But I've never actually done something like that. And I feel terrible. She doesn't seem to be holding grudges, she had a whole house to sleep in, one she's familiar with, and she still chose me. After I'd smacked her in the car.

I love her. It's only in the car she's so vocal, and only when I'm there. And I've tried a thundervest too. I just don't know how to get us anywhere in one piece, and I can't just stay where I am. We're moving with a 10 he car ride Thursday. I wish somebody could sedate her. It's not just the noise. It's like she picks the meow noises that will most get me to react. She sounds like somebody is pulling her intestines out. It's awful.

I can't leave her. Maybe I could, but then I'd have to trust somebody, and I don't see how anyone could love her more than I do, and she's rediculously bonded to me.

 

[Furballsmom]

Hi
Get earplugs plus headphones. Yes I realize there's a safety issue and you need to hear, however Mack's are a type that works , and also pick up something in this list below/next post

 

[Furballsmom]

...and for heaven's sake find a way to calm yourself, chamomile tea, holy basil, L-tryptophan, something.

For her, look into these;
Only Natural Pet has a product called Just Relax Calming spray with essential oil (catnip oil).

There's this one, be sure and scroll all the way down the page;
Bach Flower Remedies - Rescue Remedy Pets Dogs Cats Horses Birds

Richard's Organics Pet Calm-this one is drops that you put on the tip of the tongue. Also, Quiet Moments Cat treats, and there is Calming Care, Calm-o-mile, Sentry, Natures Miracle calming spray, Vetri-Science's Composure is another item to look at, Pet Remedy (it has valerian) is yet another, as is Essential Pet Pet-ease, Only Natural Pet (brand and website) has calming products, Pet Naturals also has one I believe.

Also Thunderease has diffusers as does Sentry, Comfort Zone and feliway as mentioned although diffusers are expensive and not always the answer.

If it's legal where you are, you might want to check with your vet but some people have good results with CBD oil, plus there are vet-prescribed calming products too.
Lambert Vet Supply is a website to look at, and of course chewy, also there's Petwishpros, animaleo, 1-800-petmeds, Petco and PetSmart, and other pet stores.

There is also a product called a lickimat which could be helpful, as cats can be calmed by the process of licking. The LickiMat - Food Puzzles for Cats

This discussion's post talks about some other products;
Calming Treats For A Very Picky Cat

 

[Looking for hope]

So is it better to just drown her out, then to tell her "no!" For a particularly wrenching yowl/ praise her when she's being quiet and calm. Which she is capable of. It's like she's having panic attacks. Should I try Xanax for the fourth time? I think being high makes her moremanxious??? Benadryl? The thundershirt doesn't do anything, as she's an anxious groomer I think it makes it even worse. I'll do pheramones, not sure how much it helps, but it can't hurt.

 

[Lisannez]

I am so sorry to hear you are struggling with this. We all have our moments so try to do your best to forgive yourself and move forward. Hitting a cat never stops the behavior so that's not usually helpful at all. It may make the human feel better for a second, then worse for years. You could try making a loud noise that usually is enough to scare them, but I doubt it will stop this behavior. The cat is already scared so more scaring is not helpful. One of our cats is like this in the car. She meows the entire four hours that we travel to and from my Mom's house, she pants, her nose gets wet, she is VERY stressed. Luckily we do not have to do that all that often. Her sister cat could care less. Nothing and i mean nothing we have tried works to completely eliminate the behavior, the vests, the meds you name it. I do agree that she does it more when my fiance is there, he had her first before he met me, but she still does it with just me. Ironically we have flown with her and she was quiet the entire time. As far as the car, we thought she hated being in the carrier, so I held her, that made it worse. We got a cat seatbelt, hope. We blew cold air from the ac in her face thinking she was feeling sick, nothing. We put the carrier on the floor and covered it, no dice. We tried taking her out halfway to show she was not going to the vets, did not help one bit. She's happy as a claim once we arrive at my mom's but on the trip back we are right back there again. I have a few tips that have helped a little bit for us, but have not eliminated things entirely. Take her on shorter more frequent trips so she does not always associate the car with stress or going somewhere she does not want to. I am talking about weekly at minimum. Give her a treat before she gets into the car (presuming no motion sickness) and after she gets out. Calm yourself down. Cats sense our feelings, and if you are anxious and stressed so is your cat. Ignore her. Do not respond at all. And one silly thing that really worked for me is that I sing to her. I have a terrible voice, but for whatever reason she loves Patriotic songs lol so I do it, and she quiets down. I suspect my singing calms me down, and the cat senses that so she does the same. She's otherwise not an anxious cat at all, so the car thing is an anomaly. We can only figure that she had a bad experience as a kitten in the car. Finally, if you feel like you cannot tolerate your cat and may become physical, walk away and ask for help. Give yourself sometime and try to calm down. She will be fine for that time that you need to calm down.

 

[Furballsmom]

Try singing, and something in the list I provided, those are safer than Benadryl (which didn't work anyway -?).

Actually, also stay away from the pheromone based products, sorry, I should have deleted those from the list unless you want to try the one that's mom cat pheromone, but I'm not sure they'll work in this. But some members swear by it, so it may work for your kitty.

Is CBD legal where you are? Or try valerian, etc

If you'd rather not sing try MusicForCats . com

 

[Looking for hope]

Thank you both so much! All those tricks with carriers, I've tried with no success. If I want her nose and paws unijured, she cannot be contained. I'd prefer if she'd be quiet laying down somewhere in the car, but if my lap is what works best, I better just not crash the car. ((I went off my meds last month, which is not helping anybody in this situation.)) I've tried valerian for me before, and had minimal success.
My cat is a champion with rejecting meds. She doesn't like treats or wet food, so jamming a pill down her throat/using a syringe is the only way to go. With two vet techs and the vet, the dropper ended up smacked across the room with drugs dripping down the wall. I think I failed to actually get Benadryl in her, I know cut pills taste awful, and I didn't want to keep trying with a very upset furbaby.
CBD works great for me. I have two days to make sure I'm in a good headspace. I'll test her on it today and see how she reacts.
I have feliway, and was planning on using it, but no pheramones??
Really. If she could just be asleep, everything would be fine and actually quite lovely.

 

[duncanmac]

I know the feeling - I had to take two of my guys to the vet - a ten minute drive - and one of them yowled so badly it was breaking my heart. Had to call the wife for encouragement.

You are short on time - but would something like this work:

 

[Furballsmom]

If you already have the feliway, give it a go I'm sending super vibes that something works for you-all

 

[Furballsmom]

(...it's just that when the pheromones don't work, they sometimes can make things worse, that's all I was thinking of).

 

[maggiedemi]

I would keep her in the carrier. That's much better than hitting her or squeezing her neck.

 

[Looking for hope]

Thank you so much. I think the pheramone collar I got once smells too strong, so I might hide part in her bed.(not sures who approved that for sensitive kitty nose). She likes it when I sing, and I'll have lots of podcasts. I'll spray my car tomorrow night so it has time to settle, and really, CBD is genius. I hope it's as much of a miracle worker for her as it is for me. Thank you for being supportive!! I've got to remember how much is her picking up on me. And also... As the responsible adult/cat owner, it's up to me to not let her yowling cause me to spiral. I need to remember to pull over and take a break now and then. Thank you.

 

[Looking for hope]

I would keep her in the carrier. That's much better than hitting her or squeezing her neck.

I would definitely say that a smack on the side is better than tearing her claws apart and having a bloody face. She's a mess... Cannot be contained. I know it's a safety issue with driving. But seriously. I've tried training her with a carrier, and calm music, and pheramones, and feeding her in the car in the carrier. It's not an option for us. And I know I shouldn't have let myself get to that place. I need to check in with myself so I can be there safely for her.

 

[Furballsmom]

Hang in there, I'm so glad we were able to give you ideas to work with!

 

[Looking for hope]

I'm also not trying to make excuses for my actions. I still can't quite believe I did that. But also I can, because I was there, and I did it. She's happy, purring with me. Not injured. I cannot put myself in that sort of situation again. I was a shitty cat mom. It's inconsistent with our relationship.

 

[Furballsmom]

 

[KarenKat]

Oh, I feel your pain! Our boy Trin was 15 lbs of stubborn tabby and would also literally rub his nose raw in the carrier. Didn’t matter which type of carrier he managed to have no nose by the end of 5 min.

Of course he’s the one that needed multiple vet visits to the special vet that was 30 min away. We ended up letting him out in the car as well. My boyfriend (his cat) would sit in the back and make sure he didn’t kill us all and I would drive. It worked so much better - and his nose stayed pristine. He would yowl too but it doesn’t sound like it was as bad as your girl gets.

If you have someone who can drive, then you could be in the back comforting. Are you alone on this move or is someone with you?

 

[maggiedemi]

Did you try covering the carrier with a sheet?

 

[PushPurrCatPaws]

I'm sorry but I do think you must find a way to keep her in a carrier while you are traveling in a car. Do you want to get into a car wreck?! If you are now hitting her once, twice, then squeezing her neck, etc., that is not okay. In comparison, she (and you) are safer with her in her carrier.

 

[maggiedemi]

Like the other poster said, you could put her in the soft cat bag, then put that in the hard carrier. I have that soft carrier and I don't think she could hurt herself in it. It goes over the head, then you zip it up:
https://www.chewy.com/cat-in-bag-e-z-zip-cat-carrier-cobalt/dp/168657