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- #421
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- Apr 25, 2018
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I miss Sandy so much.
The other cats are sharing the room with me now. Panda still hasn't given me any obvious signs of depression although that may not mean he doesn't feel it. He's still very active with the other cats atleast. I still watch the videos and look at the pictures even of this thread that I have taken of her down to the very last moments. It's so difficult to believe that after all of the time and effort in gaining her trust that it would end so abrubtly to cancer. I never would have guessed it would come to this. I miss when she would run up to my bed when I was waking up in the mornings or barraging my feet when I came in my room or feeding her and Panda together. I know it couldn't last forever, I just thought I had more time.
I guess I'm strucken in a sense of confusion. It's like my heart hasn't fully accepted that she's gone and it still expects to see her and when I look at the pictures I can almost convince myself that she's still here. Part of me wants to just wait until I reuinite with her in heaven, the other part of me says I should try to look for her again on earth as if I'm literally convincing myself her soul is still abound. I don't know. I can't tell what really happens after she crossed the bridge, its way outside of my scope but my heart always hopes.
Maybe I'm just in denial.
The other cats are sharing the room with me now. Panda still hasn't given me any obvious signs of depression although that may not mean he doesn't feel it. He's still very active with the other cats atleast. I still watch the videos and look at the pictures even of this thread that I have taken of her down to the very last moments. It's so difficult to believe that after all of the time and effort in gaining her trust that it would end so abrubtly to cancer. I never would have guessed it would come to this. I miss when she would run up to my bed when I was waking up in the mornings or barraging my feet when I came in my room or feeding her and Panda together. I know it couldn't last forever, I just thought I had more time.
I guess I'm strucken in a sense of confusion. It's like my heart hasn't fully accepted that she's gone and it still expects to see her and when I look at the pictures I can almost convince myself that she's still here. Part of me wants to just wait until I reuinite with her in heaven, the other part of me says I should try to look for her again on earth as if I'm literally convincing myself her soul is still abound. I don't know. I can't tell what really happens after she crossed the bridge, its way outside of my scope but my heart always hopes.
Maybe I'm just in denial.