The "What's on your mind?" Thread -2017

[foxden]

My Mom and my Fiancé parents and also the both of us have so much money locked into the wedding there is no way we could elope now. We have already been living together since October of 2015 so once the honeymoon is over nothing will change in the respect. I also have always dreamed since a little girl of having a wedding so that is important to me.

-----------------

And that's what is important right now. Just remember some things might not go perfectly, so let them go and you'll do fine.

My husband and I did not elope, but didn't have a big wedding either.

We were in grad school, 8 hours away from home, with no money or time for a fancy wedding.
We arranged for the mayor of Mackinac Island (Michigan) to marry us and called home a couple weeks before that to let our families know.
We went up by ourselves, but we hired a photographer. That was our grad school version of a "destination wedding", and we were still able to offer pictures to our families.

 

[Margret]

 
Well to be honest I have a lot on mind with my Wedding Day approaching very quickly. I will be getting married on April 15th and although all the major things have been settled it is just that last minute stuff that keeps floating around in my head that "What If" it goes wrong at the last minute. I know most of the things I am thinking are irrational and probably won't happen, but it is hard to shake. During the week when I am teaching Kindergarten I can focus on that for several hours so that takes my mind off of it and really another great reason to join here will keep me occupied talking about my cat Nala and seeing what other peoples cats are up to as well. I can't wait till these 42 days are up and my Day is here.

1. Something will go wrong, guaranteed.  It's in the nature of weddings.  Anyone who tells you different is either deluded or lying.
2. It won't make any difference at all.  You'll still have a lovely wedding.  You'll still be the star, and a beautiful bride.  Your family and friends will be happy for you.  You'll get some great pictures out of it.  And you'll have lots of good memories to tell your children and grandchildren someday.  And whatever it is that goes wrong will simply be something funny to make the stories better.
3. At my wedding, I was so focused on what we were doing that I was totally unaware of the thing that went wrong.  I believe this is not unusual.  One kind of walks around in a fog for an entire day; it's not until the day after that reality sets in, and by then it's too late to panic.
4. This is a day of joy.  Don't let embarrassment and worry spoil it for you.  The important thing isn't the wedding, it's the marriage that you and your husband will make together, after the wedding.

     

    

           

Margret

P.S.  I just noticed that you first joined us yesterday.  Welcome to The Cat Site.  We're very glad to have you and Nala here.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

 
@Mamanyt1953, if you have to make a choice between the daybed frame and the mattress, pick the mattress!  In a pinch you can put it on the floor, but the frame with no mattress is totally unusable

Margret.

 
Congratulations! Good luck with that! 

 (All right--word of advice. I recommend getting the mattress first. It's easier to use a mattress with no frame than it is to use a frame with no mattress.)

It does feel better--sleep helped a bit. I try to be careful at work--I know the job is dangerous. (And no--I don't think I get paid nearly enough.)

To both of you, yes, I had certainly thought of that.  I am also thinking that since I would be the one using the daybed and giving guests the big bed, and I can't get up from the floor without a crane and a firetruck, it really doesn't make a hill of beans worth of difference!

My Mom and my Fiancé parents and also the both of us have so much money locked into the wedding there is no way we could elope now. We have already been living together since October of 2015 so once the honeymoon is over nothing will change in the respect. I also have always dreamed since a little girl of having a wedding so that is important to me.

Best wishes, Darlin.   I hope everything is perfect!  Do remember, however, that sometimes it is the things that go wrong that we look back on and enjoy most later...much later, in some cases, but still...  When my ex's sister got married, it was in a beautiful Catholic church in Pensacola, Florida that was built in 17-something.  She wore a gown in keeping with the age of the church.  Everything was going so well until her groom took a step back and fell, taking the best man down with him, BOTH turned their ankles and completed the ceremony sitting in folding chairs that someone quickly brought in.  At the time Diane was SO upset about it, but now she loves that memory, and tells people, "Oh, he actually fell for me during the wedding ceremony!"

I was sitting out on my front porch (in the freezing cold) a few minutes ago, and Little Bit came up actually onto the walkway that leads from the sidewalk to my porch!  He was no more than 10 feet away, and settled down quite comfortably while I talked with him for all of 15 minutes!  He tensed when I stood up to go in, but didn't run.  I am so hopeful that I can eventually get him to the point that he would be adoptable!  At that point, I'll get a rescue to come get him.

 

[NewYork1303]

My Mom and my Fiancé parents and also the both of us have so much money locked into the wedding there is no way we could elope now. We have already been living together since October of 2015 so once the honeymoon is over nothing will change in the respect. I also have always dreamed since a little girl of having a wedding so that is important to me.

Weddings do always have something go wrong. For us, my husband forgot his ipod, so we were missing the music. Luckily some last minute finding of songs with the cell phone worked out. There were a few other things that were weird, but I don't remember. 

One thing I would suggest: Do all of the paperwork (the legal part of marriage) before the ceremony. One less thing to stress about this way. Otherwise the signing the marriage stuff ends up getting in the way during the ceremony or after. It is easier just to get the paperwork done and handed off to the right person before the ceremony starts and there's a million other things to worry about.

 

[tallyollyopia]

 
Well to be honest I have a lot on mind with my Wedding Day approaching very quickly. I will be getting married on April 15th and although all the major things have been settled it is just that last minute stuff that keeps floating around in my head that "What If" it goes wrong at the last minute. I know most of the things I am thinking are irrational and probably won't happen, but it is hard to shake. During the week when I am teaching Kindergarten I can focus on that for several hours so that takes my mind off of it and really another great reason to join here will keep me occupied talking about my cat Nala and seeing what other peoples cats are up to as well. I can't wait till these 42 days are up and my Day is here.

Congratulations! And relax. Life will happen as it will, and the only thing you can do is stay afloat and enjoy the ride. 

 
Elope.  Just elope.  After my own wedding, I decided weddings aren't worth the stress.  No, I lie, I decided it a month before my wedding.  My FIL then told my husband and I that if we had decided to elope a month earlier, he'd have paid us $1000 but this close we were going through it.

(My MIL about spilled my blood when I nearly cancelled the wedding a couple hours before the ceremony.)

I'm not surprised. I hear people frequently get wedding jitters. (I haven't been married myself yet, so I don't know firsthand.)

 

1. Something will go wrong, guaranteed.  It's in the nature of weddings.  Anyone who tells you different is either deluded or lying.
2. It won't make any difference at all.  You'll still have a lovely wedding.  You'll still be the star, and a beautiful bride.  Your family and friends will be happy for you.  You'll get some great pictures out of it.  And you'll have lots of good memories to tell your children and grandchildren someday.  And whatever it is that goes wrong will simply be something funny to make the stories better.
3. At my wedding, I was so focused on what we were doing that I was totally unaware of the thing that went wrong.  I believe this is not unusual.  One kind of walks around in a fog for an entire day; it's not until the day after that reality sets in, and by then it's too late to panic.
4. This is a day of joy.  Don't let embarrassment and worry spoil it for you.  The important thing isn't the wedding, it's the marriage that you and your husband will make together, after the wedding.

     

    

           

Margret

P.S.  I just noticed that you first joined us yesterday.  Welcome to The Cat Site.  We're very glad to have you and Nala here.

 
To both of you, yes, I had certainly thought of that.  I am also thinking that since I would be the one using the daybed and giving guests the big bed, and I can't get up from the floor without a crane and a firetruck, it really doesn't make a hill of beans worth of difference!

Best wishes, Darlin.   I hope everything is perfect!  Do remember, however, that sometimes it is the things that go wrong that we look back on and enjoy most later...much later, in some cases, but still...  When my ex's sister got married, it was in a beautiful Catholic church in Pensacola, Florida that was built in 17-something.  She wore a gown in keeping with the age of the church.  Everything was going so well until her groom took a step back and fell, taking the best man down with him, BOTH turned their ankles and completed the ceremony sitting in folding chairs that someone quickly brought in.  At the time Diane was SO upset about it, but now she loves that memory, and tells people, "Oh, he actually fell for me during the wedding ceremony!"

I was sitting out on my front porch (in the freezing cold) a few minutes ago, and Little Bit came up actually onto the walkway that leads from the sidewalk to my porch!  He was no more than 10 feet away, and settled down quite comfortably while I talked with him for all of 15 minutes!  He tensed when I stood up to go in, but didn't run.  I am so hopeful that I can eventually get him to the point that he would be adoptable!  At that point, I'll get a rescue to come get him.

You know, in a case like that, I really don't think it's a social faux pas to ask the guests to sleep on the mattress instead of in your bed. I'm sure they'll understand.

And don't get so eager you rush things. Taming Little Bit will take a lot more time, but will probably be worth it in the end. (And then again, he may never truly be tame. 

Yay! 

 No work tonight!!!  The battery is out of my phone, I'm about to go to bed, and I will have  my two days off--before another six days in a row. 

 

[mommy2nala]

Thank You all so much. You all are so right. I should enjoy the ride. I have pretty much done all the dirty work now and it should be now time to coast into that special day with just maybe tying up a few loose ends here and there. Then when the day gets here let the pampering begin and the fun begin. Sure I know I will be nervous especially for the ceremony, but come time for the reception it will be time to let my Bride Hair down and have a few cocktails and let loose.

 

[tallyollyopia]

Thank You all so much. You all are so right. I should enjoy the ride. I have pretty much done all the dirty work now and it should be now time to coast into that special day with just maybe tying up a few loose ends here and there. Then when the day gets here let the pampering begin and the fun begin. Sure I know I will be nervous especially for the ceremony, but come time for the reception it will be time to let my Bride Hair down and have a few cocktails and let loose.

Word to the wise--don't let too loose. The reception is recorded and everything stays on YouTube.

 

[tallyollyopia]

Well, I recently got out of the shower, and while I was in it a song came to my head. (What was that Tally? You write songs? Yeah, but I don't really sing because my singing voice isn't that great. People tell me so all the time.) Anyway, I wrote it down as soon I got out (just finished in fact) and thought I'd share with you all (and yes, I know it's dark--I'll be better after a couple days rest). Here it is--currently unnamed. (Name ideas would be appreciated.)

My armor is my lover,

My shield it is my friend.

My sword my confidant,

Who defends me without end.

Still I have to wonder why,

When the battle has been won,

Each step seems to mean,

A new war has begun.

On the battlefield I must face,

The foe who believes in right.

I fight them with all I have,

And destroy them with my might.

I can't help but hope that one day,

I'll be able to pack my friends away.

Will I then be able to meet and make,

Some people for more than a day?

My armor is my lover,

My shield it is my friend.

My sword my confidant,

Who defends me without end.

Each day trudge forward and go,

Slaying both my friend and foe.

The field is full of blood and mud,

I must clean my armor of this crud.

What would my life be living for,

If in the world there was no war?

Would there be people to greet,

And new faces we could meet?

The bugles sound at sunset,

The battle has been won.

They sound again in morning:

A new war has begun.

My armor is my lover,

My shield it is my friend.

My sword my confidant,

Who defends me without end.

There are those who say,

I should take my armor,

And my shield and sword,

And put them all away.

But tell me what else a girl can do,

When each step starts a war anew.

The bugles sound and have to say,

A new war starts today.

My armor is my lover,

My shield it is my friend.

My sword my confidant,

Who defends me without end.

The bugle sounds at sunset,

It says the battle's won.

The bugle sounds at morning---

A new war has begun.

 

[artiemom]

@Mamanyt1953

And now for happier news!  My dear, dear friend, Krys, who lives in Pennsylvania, is coming to visit me in late April!  With any luck whatsoever, I will be able to buy both the daybed frame and mattress before she gets here!  I know I'll have the money for one, but the other might be problematic.  CROSS YOUR FINGERS FOR ME!

Glad to hear your friend is coming for a visit. You will have an awesome time... I agree with the others, to just get the mattress, if you cannot afford both... or perhaps an air mattress?? some are on sale now.. for a temporary fix...

 

[KatKnapper]

here you can see how brown and orange he got

010416 019.JPG

• segelkatt
• Feb 27, 2017

and this is how he looks like now, he still has a little orange and white left on his tail which I hope will also go away.

Now that you mentioned it @segelkatt  no it's not the photo.  From the front, he looks like a black/white tuxedo.  As you go from his shoulders back it turns from black to a dark brown and continues to his hind area.  I suspect what you say is true about him being naturally black and white from the start.  I took him in as an adult cat from a predominately outdoor life, so I don't know for certain.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

 
Congratulations! And relax. Life will happen as it will, and the only thing you can do is stay afloat and enjoy the ride. 

I'm not surprised. I hear people frequently get wedding jitters. (I haven't been married myself yet, so I don't know firsthand.)

You know, in a case like that, I really don't think it's a social faux pas to ask the guests to sleep on the mattress instead of in your bed. I'm sure they'll understand.

And don't get so eager you rush things. Taming Little Bit will take a lot more time, but will probably be worth it in the end. (And then again, he may never truly be tame. 

Yay! 

 No work tonight!!!  The battery is out of my phone, I'm about to go to bed, and I will have  my two days off--before another six days in a row. 

For one horrible moment I thought you were referring to my comments on weddings, and then my brain kicked in!  LOL...you are right.  Mattress first!

I posted this in another thread, but I'm so happy I'm repeating it here.  Last night I was sitting out on my front porch (I do that now even when it is VERY cold!) and Little Bit came up within 10 feet of me and hunkered down and stayed for a good ten minutes while I talked with him!  He was watchful of his surroundings but fairly relaxed.  He tensed a bit when I stood up to go in but didn't take off like he usually does.  Baby steps, and we're months away from knowing if he can ever be placed in a real home, but I have some hope now!  I am NOT counting on it, but at least we may be able to trap him and get him in a managed colony!

 

[tallyollyopia]

 
@Mamanyt1953

And now for happier news!  My dear, dear friend, Krys, who lives in Pennsylvania, is coming to visit me in late April!  With any luck whatsoever, I will be able to buy both the daybed frame and mattress before she gets here!  I know I'll have the money for one, but the other might be problematic.  CROSS YOUR FINGERS FOR ME!

Glad to hear your friend is coming for a visit. You will have an awesome time... I agree with the others, to just get the mattress, if you cannot afford both... or perhaps an air mattress?? some are on sale now.. for a temporary fix...

 Congratulations! 

 And lots of good luck! 

 
For one horrible moment I thought you were referring to my comments on weddings, and then my brain kicked in!  LOL...you are right.  Mattress first!

I posted this in another thread, but I'm so happy I'm repeating it here.  Last night I was sitting out on my front porch (I do that now even when it is VERY cold!) and Little Bit came up within 10 feet of me and hunkered down and stayed for a good ten minutes while I talked with him!  He was watchful of his surroundings but fairly relaxed.  He tensed a bit when I stood up to go in but didn't take off like he usually does.  Baby steps, and we're months away from knowing if he can ever be placed in a real home, but I have some hope now!  I am NOT counting on it, but at least we may be able to trap him and get him in a managed colony!

Sounds like progress to me! 

 

[arouetta]

Sigh.  I'm not going to rant again, I promise.  But.....

Friday I traveled 100 miles to my last PCP to discuss my medicine.  More things for the letter to the state medical board.  He took me off the new medicine, told me to take half a tablet for three days then off.  Friday night I fell asleep for the first time in 2 weeks really quickly without any problem.  I actually felt at one point like my conscious mind was on a dimmer switch that was quickly being dimmed and I just turned off my thoughts and let that dimmer switch turn off.  I slept 12 hours.  Last night, same dimmer switch, but I woke up really early this morning, I think because I slept 12 hours the night before.

Sleep is a wonderful, wonderful thing.  I'm glad I have it again.

 

[arouetta]

Any advice for grooming a cat that absolutely hates being brushed?

She used to be so good about taking care of her own fur.  Now, nope.  Her face and her front paws look great, the rest looks moth-eaten and clumpy.

But the only place she will tolerate being brushed is the top of her head.  That's great, that's like being petted.  The rest?  I ought to invest in chain mail gloves.

So pretty much the routine is feel her over for mats, cut out as much of said mats as I can before she tells me to stick it in kitty language.  With luck, I won't quite push her to biting before I cut a decent amount out for the session.  She starts growling from the first second so I have to work on her while she's upset and try to judge how upset she is at any given second.

If I don't work on a spot enough times in a row to get the whole thing out, after a few sessions I'll go to work on that spot again and find it's as smooth as a baby's hiney.  She ripped the remains of the mat out with her own teeth.

Well I don't want her hurting herself so I work hard to fully get a mat out before she gets that desperate.  But I don't want to be reactive, I want the mats to not form in the first place.

Help.

 

[tallyollyopia]

 
Sigh.  I'm not going to rant again, I promise.  But.....

Friday I traveled 100 miles to my last PCP to discuss my medicine.  More things for the letter to the state medical board.  He took me off the new medicine, told me to take half a tablet for three days then off.  Friday night I fell asleep for the first time in 2 weeks really quickly without any problem.  I actually felt at one point like my conscious mind was on a dimmer switch that was quickly being dimmed and I just turned off my thoughts and let that dimmer switch turn off.  I slept 12 hours.  Last night, same dimmer switch, but I woke up really early this morning, I think because I slept 12 hours the night before.

Sleep is a wonderful, wonderful thing.  I'm glad I have it again.

Nothing feels better than getting a good night (or day's) sleep when you haven't been sleeping well for a long time. It sounds like you're on the right track, finally. Good luck! 

 
Any advice for grooming a cat that absolutely hates being brushed?

She used to be so good about taking care of her own fur.  Now, nope.  Her face and her front paws look great, the rest looks moth-eaten and clumpy.

But the only place she will tolerate being brushed is the top of her head.  That's great, that's like being petted.  The rest?  I ought to invest in chain mail gloves.

So pretty much the routine is feel her over for mats, cut out as much of said mats as I can before she tells me to stick it in kitty language.  With luck, I won't quite push her to biting before I cut a decent amount out for the session.  She starts growling from the first second so I have to work on her while she's upset and try to judge how upset she is at any given second.

If I don't work on a spot enough times in a row to get the whole thing out, after a few sessions I'll go to work on that spot again and find it's as smooth as a baby's hiney.  She ripped the remains of the mat out with her own teeth.

Well I don't want her hurting herself so I work hard to fully get a mat out before she gets that desperate.  But I don't want to be reactive, I want the mats to not form in the first place.

Help.

Maybe the problem is with the brush. We have the same problem with Asia, and we fixed it by using a comb instead. (What? Tally, that sounds crazy!) I know, and the first time we did it was more of an accident than anything, but now she'll come up, without prompting, for a grooming and roll over so we can get her other side and tummy as well. Why a comb and not a brush? No clue. 

 When I find something that works, I don't question it.

Speaking of Asia, I thought I'd share this with people who have cats in cold climates: I was getting worried about Asia because she hasn't been drinking nearly as much water as the others (she's not that  much smaller than the other cats), and I remembered that the last time I ran the foot bath (which I haven't done since the hot water heater began acting up and we've been drinking bottled water). See, the last time I ran the foot bath, after the water cooled (it doesn't have a heating element) she drank the warm water. I was surprised, but didn't think anything of it, until earlier when I was worried about how much water she hasn't  been drinking. So I thought: maybe the water is too cold for her. (We're in the middle of another cold spell. 

 This weather just will not make up its mind whether it wants to be hot or cold.) So, I heated some bottled water in the microwave (we've been giving the cats bottled water too), mixed the hot water with the cold in the bowl to make warm, and she guzzled  it. She drank it so quickly I was afraid she was going to get sick--and now I know. Hey, my tax refund should be coming in--sometime, is there a company that makes heated cat water bowls that can be programmed to keep the water at a specific temperature?

 

[segelkatt]

She is not going to hurt herself by pulling out the mats, so don't worry about that. As to why she suddenly has a hissy fit about getting brushed I don't know. Have you tried combing her instead of brushing?  I have a pick, a comb with really long tines like Blacks use to comb their Afros, which gets through all the hair down to the skin, it works pretty well to comb a longhaired cat. If she is really having a fit it might be time to see the vet and see if he/she can find a reason. I brush my Maine Coon with a wire brush BACKWARDS to make sure i get all the loose hair off, he loves it and I have never found more than a tiny mat on him. Now the Persian ---- that's another story, she mats practically while you are looking at her, I have to take the scissor to her many times.

 

[foxxycat]

brushing kitties: Floey had old injuries so her backside was no go zone. I got a soft toothbrush and started using that on her bib and under her pits. It was long enough that I could retract fast enough if the claws came out and small enough that she normally liked it. If the cat hisses when brushing-the brush could be pulling on her fur. Honeybee HATES being brushed-we found a horse brush-it's a big clunky thing but one or two drags of this on her fur does the job of three-five swipes of a normal brush. Plus the bristles are soft enough she can bite them if she wants. Floey bit the toothbrush-and loved her razor sharp claws on my arm. We were not able to cut her claws=only the groomer could and even then it took two of us to hold her down while she spat and hissed. SHe really hated her paws touched-I think it has to do with her old war wounds-something got ahold of her left scarring on her back=we buzz shaved her one time. I cried when I saw the scars. So maybe that's why your kitty won't tolerate brushing.

Honeybee just spoiled. I haven't seen any scars on her-she too has been buzz shaved once. The hair is so fine on her that it pulls when it's brushed. You can get different styles of brushes and try them. I prefer a slicker type brush but honeybee was having NONE of that.

 

[arouetta]

It's not a sudden hissy fit, she's always hated being brushed.  It's just that her ability to care for her own fur has been going downhill and it's somewhere near the bottom of the hill now.

I do use a comb now, I will try to work the comb between mat and skin so I can cut safely.  Failing that, I cut the tiniest pieces off at a time until it's as far down as I feel I can safely go and then I take a comb to what's left in the hopes that the fur is so short that it can't hold together and I can work it out that way.  If that fails, I wait a few days for the fur to grow out some and hope the base isn't as matted and start all over.

She mats the worst where she hates being touched the most.  The more I can touch a certain spot, the less bad the mats are and the easier time I have at working them out.  Where she adores being touched (the head), she takes care of the fur perfectly.

And it's hard to believe she's not hurting herself by ripping out the mats.  I mean, to yank out every piece of fur by the roots out of her skin at once over a decent sized area - it may not be catastrophic damage but I can't believe that she isn't causing herself pain at the time.

I just don't know what to do to prevent mats when she just won't tolerate any grooming.

 

[foxden]

arouetta
Have you ever tried the cat grooming gloves or mitts?
This one has a lot longer teeth/nubs than the ones I've seen before
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B01L5HP68M/?tag=&tag=thecatsite.

Other gloves have only rubber spots or smaller nubs. She might tolerate these, since it would be more like petting her.

 

[foxxycat]

Maybe there is pet safe conditioner=coconut oil? something to help keep it from tangling? We used coconut Oil on Floey's backside as she was too fat to clean herself. It helped keep her clean and it's safe for them to lick. Honeybee for now seems to take care of the tangles-but I know I have to brush her belly once a week. oh she HATES this. I hold her and Jon uses the horse brush on her belly. I don't like it because it doesn't take loose hair off as much but it won't tug or pull. I am just trying to get her to allow me to brush her. He uses the slicker brush on her back and tail which she tolerates but he is always giving her treats so maybe that's why she puts up with it.  I got unprocessed coconut oil in a glass jar and it works well. maybe you can try that?

As far as biting/scratching=I have an old puffy jean jacket winter coat I wear as well as my tig welding gloves so she can bite me and it doesn't hurt. I don't have to wear the jacket anymore but I still need the gloves when we go to the groomers-that's a battle in itself. Two of us hold her down the best we can or at least do sections at a time. Maybe you know someone who does cat clippings? Groomers are starting to do cats more now. There's a method but it's a two person team for sure. I found her through a coworker..maybe getting your kitty shaved would save the aggravation.