The "What's on your mind?" Thread -2017

[foxxycat]

yep that is so true=I was harassed in 5th grade=some nasty girl tried to get me to do things I was uncomfortable with-then when we went to school after that weekend=she told everyone horrible lies about me. I got whispers in my ear are you still a -----? in High school=I couldn't wait to leave that school. all my years I was a loner. I read books..I was reading dean koontz by 6th grade. I hated girls and loved hanging with boys=because they didn't pull the stuff girls do. I got involved in cycling. I hated riding the bus so I biked 5 miles to and from school to avoid the bus as much as I could.
Years later some of the popular girls said they had much respect for me. I was athletic and took no crap from anyone. I also had an art talent that I hyper focused on. Drawing, reading and MUSIC and my bike were my saving grace.

The trick is=STAND UP AND LOOK THEM IN THE EYE. They are cowards and someday they will see how dumb they are. But Don't give in to the urge to self harm or other coping methods that could cause harm. We all have to learn to love ourselves. It hurts. I know. I still cry to this day when I think about those nasty girls. My parents went to the principle to stop the nonsense and they said there's nothing they can do...the following year the nasty girl moved away-I don't even remember her name-I hated her with all my passion. Maybe she fixed her ways but I doubt it.

I did meet a few girl friends from the prior grade=those two girls are my best friends still. We don't chat as much as we have gone off the path but we still say hi on facebook and we try to keep in contact the best we can.

All I can say is people suck. So with my love of cats=going to people's houses to get away from my horrible home life and get away from horrible students=I felt trapped-meaning I couldn't stay home without being in an environment that was toxic. I vowed to never feel that way again.

Some things in my life have revealed to myself that I am now starting to feel trapped again=so I know I have to make some hard decisions to keep my sanity=job wise and love wise.

But for now=I cling onto my friends online, in person, my cats and hope this too shall pass. And learn coping skills. Because it's not my fault I was never taught this as a child-what I was taught-drink until I don't feel anything, take pills to numb the pain but as an older adult I know now that is not how healthy adults handle things. So my journey is leanring new ways to think=stop using the old crap voices telling me I am worthless. Because those voices are WRONG. We all deserve happiness and be treated like decent human beings.

Keep searching for real friends. PM if you need a shoulder. I have been there. But know there's a few of us gems left in the world-and NEVER GIVE UP.

From one tortured child to another=nothing but hugs and love.

 

[Mother Dragon]

Carrot's favorite thing about going outdoors is sampling plants. I have to keep him from doing it since he tends to go straight for the things that will make him puke.

Our other two cats, are not so into it. Angua screams the entire time she is outside. Ruby wants to be outside, but hates the harness. I believe she was an outdoor cat before (she ended up at a shelter with six kittens).

We think Darwin might have been an outdoor kitten, too. We adopted him when he was six months old. Although he's obviously a pure Russian Blue, he was probably a kitten mill kitten because he wasn't properly socialized. He's always wanted to get out side and would sit at the patio door and howl and scratch on the glass. We got a Cat Wallet harness for him. It fastens well with Velcro so it's quick on and off. They come in different sizes so it fits well and is hard to escape from. They come in a variety of colors and have several options. It might work better for Ruby.

If Angua hates going out, why do you take her out?

The 15 minute outing has made a world of difference in Darwin. He no longer scratches the glass and howls constantly. He's more affectionate and less aggressive.

Now if it only weren't so hot at humid even at daybreak...

 

[foxxycat]

last night had a bad talk about euthanasia and well today just trying to stay calm and be in the moment. I am looking forward to the next 2 weeks...and hope life stops throwing me shovels of wet nasty CRAP.

Enjoying the music I am listening to.

Found out info about my company and the socalled restructure plan is pushed out in December...so we should have a job until then...fingers crossed.

 

[raina21]

This is what's on my mind right now:


About time!

Margret

I agree!

 

[Graceful-Lily]

I haven't been properly keeping up on this thread; other things keep getting in the way for some reason, which is why I'm late responding to some things.



Graceful-Lily , free counselling should be available to you from your church, if you have one. The key is that you don't ask for "counselling" or "therapy," you ask for "pastoral care." If you don't have a church, or are uncomfortable going to your minister, try looking for a Unitarian Universalist Church. U.U. ministers have the same training in counselling as other ministers do, but they also have experience with people who have a variety of religious beliefs. Some U.U.s are Christians, some are Buddhists, some are Muslims, some are Wiccans, some are atheists or agnostics, etc.. So a U.U. minister knows better than to advise an atheist, say, to "just trust in God." You don't have to be a member to request pastoral care, and the minister will listen and do her or his best not to violate your belief system (at least, most U.U. ministers will -- we have a few incompetents in the clergy just as every church does, but if you run into one of those it shouldn't take you long to figure it out).

No, I'm not trying to proselytize; that's against my beliefs. I'm just trying to provide useful advice.

Margret

There was an incident at my church involving my pastor and people in the congregation so I no longer feel comfortable going to anyone like that for help. I haven't been back to church since then actually. I just think I need professional help from a psychologist because the issues I have go much farther than bullying. Some might even be legal matters so I just thought it would be best to receive cognitive therapy or some kind of healing. Like getting to the root of the problem. But thank you. I appreciate the help.

 

[Graceful-Lily]

I am so so sorry that you are going through this. I know how you are feeling because I have been there. I can only tell you that It will get better at some point.
My bullying story began when I was 10. As yours, it started because of a rumour about me, made up from a girl who was supposed to be my friend. At the begining the other 29 studenthome would calle me names and pretend that I stink, but later on they just ignored me. They didn't recognize my presence at all, as if I did not exist. So I would read books during breaks and jode from teachers so that I would not be forced to go to the playground, where books (and thus, my only friends) where bot allowed. I got 3 friends (2 of them from a different class) when I was 16, and we are still friends 12 years later. I survived those years being a ghost thank to several reasons. I was good at horse riding and practiced this sport four days a week, which keep my chemical balance possitive. I so had my books, and later on, started writing my own stories... I saw my own light, as bright and huge that no one could turn it of. I shone despite their attemps to break me. And now, if I face any of them in the streets, or shopping, or in a caffe, I see the shame in their eyes for been such cowards. One of them did even invite me to join her and the other popular girls in a meeting this summer. Obviously, I said no.
When I went to College, another girl started to bully me. At that time I was strong enough to ignore her and anyone supporting her. In the end, It was clear that she was a bully, acting like a girl rather than like an adult. I ended up leaving Veterinary Medicine, but not because of her, but to become a filologist.
What I mean is that you can make It out of this mess. It is not your fault if the people around you where not educated to be decent human beings. It is not your fault if they cannot see how special and wonderful you are, the talent shining within you. It is not your fault if they can see how wonderful and talented you are and can not overcome their jeaulosy.
You are perfect the way you are and will no doubt find someone as good and special as you are, someone that will understand you. You deserve friends and will find them.
Needless to say that we do see how amazing you are and yo hace us to love and support you every step of your way, may It be in an open thread or by private conversation.
Sending you good vibes

I'm sorry for that happened to you. I guess what interest me the most is why people do this to others? What's the drive and the adrenaline rush behind it? What's their benefit? How does it make them feel like a superior person? Ya know? I just don't get it... I have always from a very young age believed that everyone no matter what should be treated with respect and kindness. But over the years, I've been so badly mistreated and hurt that I find it a constant struggle to keep that belief of mine up. I find myself becoming more bitter and angry before I even meet people because instead of seeing them as just a person, I see them as someone that could potentially hurt me so I try to avoid them or not get emotionally close.

 

[foxxycat]

100% agree..
I think it's peer pressure...the ones who do the bullying=they think hey I have power over this person-they
seek out the weak ones=we were too young to recognize this. Our teachers should have been aware what's going on. but sadly not meant to be.

I hope we can learn and be stronger. Stand up. Stare people down. Don't take their passive aggressive crap. We are worthy of respect and need to demand the same back. People have more respect for someone who stands up than for those who keep letting people hurt and use them. It's hard to change behaviors..especially if you are a people pleaser like I am. And keep the peace. So hard to do...I find myself isolating myself away from families and people so I don't get dragged into their bs because I have a hard time distracting and stop thinking the same repetitive thoughts..someday I will seek professional help...but for now I just do the best I can. If people don't like it-it's my life-not theirs is my moto. I have to sleep at night with my actions...just try to show yourself compassion and forgive yourself. The other person will get karma coming. Just sit back and let life do it's thing.

 

[Margret]

In my opinion, the worst bullies are the ones who feel uncertain about themselves. They bully someone else in hopes that it will establish them as someone not to be messed with.

My husband is 6'7", and was a total pushover growing up, but he was also the biggest kid in class. All the bullies knew he couldn't defend himself, so they'd start fights with him to prove that they could beat up the biggest kid in class. Worse, they could get away with it because the teachers would always side with the smaller child -- obviously the victim. Yeah, right.

Margret

 

[Alejandra Rico]

I agree, Margret , bullies do not always chose "weak" victims, but those who can be a threat for their status. Pretty girls may attack a girl who doesn't know that she is pretty too, or who doesn't give importance to it. Gifted and talented children can be bullied because they are percieved as superior to the rest, so It is better for not so clever children to bully them, or so they thought.
As for the reason, Graceful-Lily I think that there are several reasons. Some of those bullies simple know no better because they don't have healthy relationships with their families, they learn hurting as the main means of comunication. Some others are spoilt kids whose parents have made them believe they are better than anyone else and that they deserve anything they want, and that they can do whatever to get what they want (objects, popularity, et ). Some are just followers, too weak as to not follow a stronger bully, because they are afraid of been the next.
And then, I guess that some others, a smaller percentaje, are plainly not good people. They are agressive one way or another and they feel good by hurting others.
I used to be like you at the begining, too afraid of being hurt again. I am not an extrovert, and big groups of people make me feel very uncomfortable, which is not good in college because groups are huge.
This is what I learnt: if you smile, people will be more prone to like you, or at least, don't dislike you. It doesn't have to be a big smile, you don't even have to show your teeth. It is like wearing a mask, so no one knows what you are thinking. I started It as a game while walking to my grandpas' home, showing a soft smile in my face to see how many people would smile me back. It helped me recover faith in my belief that most people are nice.
I still do It now and then and you would be amazed of how many people smile back. It warms my heart. It worked at college too. The first couple of years both in Veterinary Medicine and in English Philology, I belonged to a very closed group of people. During my third year at E.P., I started playing my game; at the end of the year, I was socializing with several different groups which wouldn't have melt otherwise (the super smart
guys, the party animals, some d&d players, etc). What I mean is that you can make things change. You are good, smart and talented, so you can be a wonderful member to any group. They just have to realize that.

 

[handsome kitty]

There was an incident at my church involving my pastor and people in the congregation so I no longer feel comfortable going to anyone like that for help. I haven't been back to church since then actually. I just think I need professional help from a psychologist because the issues I have go much farther than bullying. Some might even be legal matters so I just thought it would be best to receive cognitive therapy or some kind of healing. Like getting to the root of the problem. But thank you. I appreciate the help.

Does your college have someone you can speak to about this? At my daughter's school they even had therapy animals for the college kids to hold and pet. During finals they would bring the animals to the quads so over stressed students could get a quick fix.

 

[Margret]

Does your college have someone you can speak to about this? At my daughter's school they even had therapy animals for the college kids to hold and pet. During finals they would bring the animals to the quads so over stressed students could get a quick fix.

Oh, cool! What a good idea!

I'm about to leave to run a few more errands, so I'm probably off-line until late tonight. @Mamanyt1953 has asked me to inform people that she's having a vertigo attack and has taken to her bed until it passes, so don't expect her to post this evening.

Margret

 

[arouetta]

Sigh.

Someone talk about something fun. I could use distraction.

 

[Alejandra Rico]

Sigh.

Someone talk about something fun. I could use distraction.

I don't know if this is funny, but It makes me smile. My 4 months old Freya has developped some weird fascination towards the shower and now she goes there at night and mews and chirps un there so that I make water run. She doesn't like getting wet, but she seems to love watching running water.

 

[Graceful-Lily]

I'd like to but not interested. School has become my safe place and I'd hate to bring old baggage there and have it feel like middle school and high school all over again. I already messed up with making friends, I don't want to make it worse by being overly emotional all the time talking about my problems. Also, the councillors office is in a major hallway. Everyone and anyone can see you coming in and out of there. That very thought makes me uneasy.

But anyways... Something fun? Let's see... Does anyone rollerskate? On quads? Like this:

 

[kashmir64]

But anyways... Something fun? Let's see... Does anyone rollerskate? On quads? Like this:

That takes me back to the '70's.

Last night Samai was chasing something and jumped on the living room screen. It popped out and she fell into the yard. It was raining, not just a sprinkle, buckets of rain. I ran out to get her and she was frozen in one spot looking very scared. I could see what she was thinking, "Mommy, mommy, help me mommy.
I took her inside and she wouldn't leave my side. She even slept with her paw in my hand all night without attacking it.
I hope this lasts, but I'm not counting on it.

Also, forgot to mention, the rain water made her coat even more silky. If that is even possible.

 

[arouetta]

I don't know if this is funny, but It makes me smile. My 4 months old Freya has developped some weird fascination towards the shower and now she goes there at night and mews and chirps un there so that I make water run. She doesn't like getting wet, but she seems to love watching running water.

Pictures please.

But anyways... Something fun? Let's see... Does anyone rollerskate? On quads? Like this:

Back when I was a kid, I lived in the middle of nowhere. There wasn't much to do, but there was a rollerskating rink. It was a lot of fun. The only problem was the building was old as dirt which meant the skating surface was concrete that was smooth as glass. That's not a fun surface to learn how to rollerskate on. No one died though, and I don't think there were any broken noses.

That same building was the gathering point for the yearly Easter egg hunt. The older kids were turned loose in the woods to the west. The little kids were turned loose in the pasture to the south. Being a pasture meant the grass was really low and there were no trees or shrubs, so the little kids could easily find eggs and be visible. But being a pasture meant cow patties. And yes, they did put Easter eggs on the dried cow patties.

That takes me back to the '70's.

Last night Samai was chasing something and jumped on the living room screen. It popped out and she fell into the yard. It was raining, not just a sprinkle, buckets of rain. I ran out to get her and she was frozen in one spot looking very scared. I could see what she was thinking, "Mommy, mommy, help me mommy.
I took her inside and she wouldn't leave my side. She even slept with her paw in my hand all night without attacking it.
I hope this lasts, but I'm not counting on it.

Also, forgot to mention, the rain water made her coat even more silky. If that is even possible.

Whoops! Hopefully she'll never jump on a screen again. And hopefully she'll bounce back to her normal self by this evening, even though you like this phase.

 

[raina21]

Pictures please.



Back when I was a kid, I lived in the middle of nowhere. There wasn't much to do, but there was a rollerskating rink. It was a lot of fun. The only problem was the building was old as dirt which meant the skating surface was concrete that was smooth as glass. That's not a fun surface to learn how to rollerskate on. No one died though, and I don't think there were any broken noses.

Where I live, the skating rink is just the regular old wood. But it also has metal handrails and a giant wooden DJ booth in one corner that isn't protected by the handrails (meaning skaters could actually hit it when on the rink).

The last time I went skating will probably be my last, as someone DID die. It was during boys-only skate time and a bunch of young boys were skating really really fast and one of them accidentally shoved another one into the DJ booth when they were coming around the curve. He slammed his head against the booth and then fell even harder on the floor. He was immediately unconscious and by the time the paramedics got there he wasn't breathing and had no hartbeat. Everyone was barred from skating from the point of the accident (obviously) until the paramedics left. They tried to revive him for a really long time but he never woke up.

 

[segelkatt]

I am so so sorry that you are going through this. I know how you are feeling because I have been there. I can only tell you that It will get better at some point.
My bullying story began when I was 10. As yours, it started because of a rumour about me, made up from a girl who was supposed to be my friend. At the begining the other 29 studenthome would calle me names and pretend that I stink, but later on they just ignored me. They didn't recognize my presence at all, as if I did not exist. So I would read books during breaks and jode from teachers so that I would not be forced to go to the playground, where books (and thus, my only friends) where bot allowed. I got 3 friends (2 of them from a different class) when I was 16, and we are still friends 12 years later. I survived those years being a ghost thank to several reasons. I was good at horse riding and practiced this sport four days a week, which keep my chemical balance possitive. I so had my books, and later on, started writing my own stories... I saw my own light, as bright and huge that no one could turn it of. I shone despite their attemps to break me. And now, if I face any of them in the streets, or shopping, or in a caffe, I see the shame in their eyes for been such cowards. One of them did even invite me to join her and the other popular girls in a meeting this summer. Obviously, I said no.
When I went to College, another girl started to bully me. At that time I was strong enough to ignore her and anyone supporting her. In the end, It was clear that she was a bully, acting like a girl rather than like an adult. I ended up leaving Veterinary Medicine, but not because of her, but to become a filologist.
What I mean is that you can make It out of this mess. It is not your fault if the people around you where not educated to be decent human beings. It is not your fault if they cannot see how special and wonderful you are, the talent shining within you. It is not your fault if they can see how wonderful and talented you are and can not overcome their jeaulosy.
You are perfect the way you are and will no doubt find someone as good and special as you are, someone that will understand you. You deserve friends and will find them.
Needless to say that we do see how amazing you are and yo hace us to love and support you every step of your way, may It be in an open thread or by private conversation.
Sending you good vibes

WHAT IS A "FILOLOGIST"? I can't find a definition on wikipedia or anywhere else.

 

[Willowy]

WHAT IS A "FILOLOGIST"? I can't find a definition on wikipedia or anywhere else.

Maybe the spelling is different? I think that poster speaks Spanish. I found this:

Philology is the study of language in written historical sources; it is a combination of literary criticism, history, and linguistics.

 

[arouetta]

I saw Philology too. Google returned a couple of Spanish hits, those had an "F" instead of a "Ph".