The "What's on your mind?" Thread -2017

[Mother Dragon]

When I open the cupboard it is in he comes running and starts purring the moment I get it out. His sisters aren't as thrilled by theirs.

Darwin starts purring, too. As soon as it's light to his eyes he thinks it's light enough for us to see so he wants his walk. He goes out into the back yard for about 15 minutes very early in the morning to beat the heat. He has to taste but not eat the grass, sampling all over the yard. He doesn't bother the raised pot garden, although he did take a look at one of the plants and thoroughly checked out the pot of catnip. He didn't eat any, though. My husband took him into the front yard once and he didn't like it one bit. He bolted for the front door. The short time seems to be enough for him and he's a much happier cat now.

Chocolate is definitely an indoors lady. No walking outside where her paws night get dirty!

I'd rather harness four running chain saws than try to catch and harness Velcro. Being ultra ADHD, he gets enough exercise racing around in the house, thank goodness.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

I have to go and do laundry tonight. I shall now pout about it for a few hours until the sun goes down.

 

[raina21]

I saw a moth on my door when I got home. Is it a Gypsy moth? A quarter is one inch, so that should let you see the size of this moth.

View attachment 189698

This is definitely an imperial moth!

 

[Alejandra Rico]

So. I was having a nice day, and my headaches have been better, so I started to ride my horse again (after a looong period) a couple of weeks ago.
And everything was going great. Seriously. My muscles remember everything and I am still able to do everything I am supposed to.
And today, jumping a tiny obstacle (as the exercise indeed was for changing direction, doing small circles and the kind), my horse lost foot and fell. And I couln't help but falling too.
So I am at hospital waiting for an XRay, half past twelve in the night. I have been waiting for two and a half hours, and I am bored to death. I think that my nose is broken.
So. What a stupid way of finishing the day.

 

[kashmir64]

So. I was having a nice day, and my headaches have been better, so I started to ride my horse again (after a looong period) a couple of weeks ago.
And everything was going great. Seriously. My muscles remember everything and I am still able to do everything I am supposed to.
And today, jumping a tiny obstacle (as the exercise indeed was for changing direction, doing small circles and the kind), my horse lost foot and fell. And I couln't help but falling too.
So I am at hospital waiting for an XRay, half past twelve in the night. I have been waiting for two and a half hours, and I am bored to death. I think that my nose is broken.
So. What a stupid way of finishing the day.

I am so sorry to hear about that. You must have hit hard and fallen wrong to get that damage. I know, I've done it myself. Not the nose, but definitely fell wrong. Hope you heal quickly.

How's the horse? A horse can bow a tendon easily if it lands wrong. That's a good 6 month healing time.

 

[Alejandra Rico]

I am so sorry to hear about that. You must have hit hard and fallen wrong to get that damage. I know, I've done it myself. Not the nose, but definitely fell wrong. Hope you heal quickly.

How's the horse? A horse can bow a tendon easily if it lands wrong. That's a good 6 month healing time.

He seems to be just fine! It was the very first thing I asked before getting up from floor, of course! He was walking fine and mainly just concerned about me.
It was a weird fall. I have been riding since I was six, so that makes 22 years of training. I am not taking part in show jumping competitions any more, so today's fall is just such nonsense.

 

[kashmir64]

My mom put me on a horse at 6 months. But since that doesn't really count, I started training smaller horses at the age of 7. Bigger than ponies, but smaller than a normal horse. I've done competitive riding most my life. I'm now in my 50's.

It doesn't matter how many times you've taken a fall, every time is different and just as scary.
I hope you'll heal quickly and get right back up there.

I can also say that every bad injury I've had, has been my fault.

 

[LTS3]

An update to my last post:

My supervisor talked to me earlier this week when she came to check out the facility. She said not to worry about [manager's name] thing because she has no idea what he is talking about and I have a clean slate with her. She looked really puzzled about the whole thing, too. If she has no idea what's going on, then maybe there were no complaints at all. Maybe the manager made it all up, either to continue to pick on me or use me as a scapegoat for something the supervisor did without permission two weeks ago (well she had to. One of our critical systems stopped working on a weekend after a power blip at 4am and she had to call someone she knows to come in as an emergency to fix it. Problem is, we have no contract with him). Or he was being chatty with people and somehow slipped in an innocent "So how's the team going? LTS3 is prety quiet. What do you think of that?" type question and then twisted the response around.

The timing of this is weird, too, for two reasons. I've been back in the department for 5 months now. Everything was fine. The supervisor has been here for a month and now all of a sudden there are supposed complaints about me I had someone sneakily ask around the lab about me and no one knew of any complaints or issues.

And it's also mid-year review time. I haven't even filled out my part yet. I'm supposed to meet with both the manager and supervisor. I'm paranoid that the manager will continue to pick on the same issue again. I really want to meet privately with the supervisor beforehand and maybe try to explain that I'm a complicated introvert and what I need from her and the team in terms of getting me out of my comfort zone. Is that a good idea or not? I didn't have to do this with the previous supervisor because we've known each other for 12 years and she just understands me.

 

[Alejandra Rico]

My mom put me on a horse at 6 months. But since that doesn't really count, I started training smaller horses at the age of 7. Bigger than ponies, but smaller than a normal horse. I've done competitive riding most my life. I'm now in my 50's.

It doesn't matter how many times you've taken a fall, every time is different and just as scary.
I hope you'll heal quickly and get right back up there.

I can also say that every bad injury I've had, has been my fault.

I think today's was just the sand's fault, It wasn't as flat as It should, and my horse does particularly dislike that part of the arena.
I am usually good at falling, though I do not fall often since I was 16 or so, but today I coudn't manage yo fell right because It semt that Beleño (my horse) was recovering from his initial fall... We had too much inertia force, though, and when he got on his knees the second time, I couln't hold on. I am not as on fit as I used to be.
I wasn't even scared once I knew he was ok. I am mostly annoyed that I cannot ride for a while, and embarrassed because I hadn't fell for the past 4 years and when I finally do is doing something so easy.
So, finally, going home. Broken nose (thanks, helmet) and my neck is so so, but other than that, I am fine.

 

[kashmir64]

I think today's was just the sand's fault, It wasn't as flat as It should, and my horse does particularly dislike that part of the arena.
I am usually good at falling, though I do not fall often since I was 16 or so, but today I coudn't manage yo fell right because It semt that Beleño (my horse) was recovering from his initial fall... We had too much inertia force, though, and when he got on his knees the second time, I couln't hold on. I am not as on fit as I used to be.
I wasn't even scared once I knew he was ok. I am mostly annoyed that I cannot ride for a while, and embarrassed because I hadn't fell for the past 4 years and when I finally do is doing something so easy.
So, finally, going home. Broken nose (thanks, helmet) and my neck is so so, but other than that, I am fine.

I wasn't saying it was your fault. Oh no, that is not what I meant at all. I was saying that MY major injuries were my fault. Wasn't paying attention, got too cocky, zigged when I should've zagged.
One time when I was riding, my horse fell in a gopher hole. Didn't fall completely, as we were walking. But when he got back up, he hit my foot and separated the cartilage from the bone. This one wasn't my fault. Stupid gophers.

 

[Alejandra Rico]

I wasn't saying it was your fault. Oh no, that is not what I meant at all. I was saying that MY major injuries were my fault. Wasn't paying attention, got too cocky, zigged when I should've zagged.
One time when I was riding, my horse fell in a gopher hole. Didn't fall completely, as we were walking. But when he got back up, he hit my foot and separated the cartilage from the bone. This one wasn't my fault. Stupid gophers.

Don't worry a bit, I wasn't taking It as an offense, my teacher always says that It is the rider's fault for whatever that happens when riding a horse, because it is our responsibility to take care of our horse and ourselves. But today she was puzzled, no one expected that to happen, we where bot super focused in the exercise and it happened in one of the very few straight parts of it. His hooves are perfectly healthy and in good shape, so It has to be because of the underground stream that goes under that part of the arena...
Oh, whatever. I am going to try to sleep, it is half past three and I have ran out of adrenaline.
By the way, I don't know what gophers are, I will have to look It up.
Thanks for your kind words

 

[raina21]

As of yesterday, the trailer is officially ours! We also did the final walkthrough yesterday. A few things were still dirty (melted bag of ice in the freezer, the area around the back of the toilet was dirty and the awning was dirty) but we politely pointed them out and they took care of them right away.

We won't be able to tow it home for another week or so though. So we are having it parked/stored in the campground across the street from the dealership we bought it from.

Awesome news though! The labor for hooking up the electricity is going to be COMPLETELY FREE!!! We had an electrician come out and look at the pole where our main power supply comes from and he took one look at it and said, "wow that is really old. That needs replaced." The pole that our power supply is on has been there for at least 50 years And it kinda leans to one direction (which we didn't notice but as soon as the guy said it we saw how it leans) so I am glad it is going to be replaced so I don't have to worry as much about the pole falling on the trailer in a storm.

The electrician has a certain amount of credit that he gets for replacing those old poles, so it won't cost us a thing (not even a labor charge!!!) AND we get brand new power supply for the entire house+ the trailer!!!!

Once the electricity is hooked up and the ground is dry enough in the yard we can go get the trailer !!!

 

[NewYork1303]

Darwin starts purring, too. As soon as it's light to his eyes he thinks it's light enough for us to see so he wants his walk. He goes out into the back yard for about 15 minutes very early in the morning to beat the heat. He has to taste but not eat the grass, sampling all over the yard. He doesn't bother the raised pot garden, although he did take a look at one of the plants and thoroughly checked out the pot of catnip. He didn't eat any, though. My husband took him into the front yard once and he didn't like it one bit. He bolted for the front door. The short time seems to be enough for him and he's a much happier cat now.

Chocolate is definitely an indoors lady. No walking outside where her paws night get dirty!

I'd rather harness four running chain saws than try to catch and harness Velcro. Being ultra ADHD, he gets enough exercise racing around in the house, thank goodness.

Carrot's favorite thing about going outdoors is sampling plants. I have to keep him from doing it since he tends to go straight for the things that will make him puke.

Our other two cats, are not so into it. Angua screams the entire time she is outside. Ruby wants to be outside, but hates the harness. I believe she was an outdoor cat before (she ended up at a shelter with six kittens).

 

[handsome kitty]

OK...last night, something happened. I'm going to try to put it into words, but there really aren't any.

Into the clearing between the buildings they came,
wisping out of the woods,
slinking along the foundations,
by ones and two they came
as silent as the night.
Never have I seen them all,
not in one place, never before.
Sweet calico Dulcie and Tortie Kit of the plumed tail,
Ginger and white DiCaprio came next, then
Black and smoke Midnight Louie, his long coat immaculate
Deep ginger Fast Eddie arrived, with Little Bit on his heels,
and finally, Joe Grey, looking so like his namesake.
They lay quietly, waiting...
I did not see The Old Man arrive,
Could not tell from where he came,
But he is not to be mistaken.
His tuxedo coat is scruffy with age,
But his head and half-tail were high
as he paced onto the grass and sat.
Then, then...
each cat, in turn, approached him,
touched their nose to his,
and slipped away into the night until
The Old Man sat alone and somehow
Majestic.
I do not know what it is that I have seen,
Or why the gooseflesh runs like foxfire on my arms,
But there is Magick in the air tonight.

I just started reading this series

 

[Margret]

I saw a moth on my door when I got home. Is it a Gypsy moth? A quarter is one inch, so that should let you see the size of this moth.

View attachment 189698

Looks like a cat toy to me. (Sorry, I'm not that up on moths.)

Margret

 

[Margret]

kashmir64 , P.E.O. stands for Philanthropic Educational Organization; I just looked it up. See: P.E.O. Sisterhood - Wikipedia

Very cool, by the way. Margret

 

[Margret]

@tallyollyopia, I don't know how you're managing it.

When I went in for cataract surgery I told the surgeon, well in advance, that most common locals don't work for me. When the time came they smeared my eye with a salve containing one of the locals that don't work. Every time they did they asked me if I was allergic to it, and every time I said "No, but it doesn't work for me." And every time they ignored everything after "No." So here I am, surgery is starting, and the surgeon touches my eye with a cotton swab. I jerk, and I hear the surgeon say, in the most amazed tones, "Oh! She felt that!" Yes, I felt that, because the local you were using was one that doesn't work on me! I don't understand why doctors ask questions and then refuse to listen to the answers.

I think it's time to speak with the Patient Representative. Any doctor who is keeping your grandmother from getting a mineral she needs to survive is guilty of malpractice. It would be different if they didn't have the history right there, but they do, so there's no excuse.

Margret

 

[Margret]

I haven't been properly keeping up on this thread; other things keep getting in the way for some reason, which is why I'm late responding to some things.

I'm dreading starting my second year of college this September. Last semester did not end on a high note. I've been bullied, used, and picked on for literally my entire life. Middle school were some of the worst years. I was left with a dark view of how people should treat other people they care about.

I thought high school would be better but I was wrong. From the very start, a girl started rumors about me and everyone believed her. Especially a girl who I considered to be my best friend. She stopped talking to me for an entire year and some months. Everyone else followed her lead except for a few people. Because of all the rumors which were obviously not true, I was left isolated and my depression and anxiety only got worse.

I spoke to the guidance counsellors at my school but they didn't do much to help me. People eventually started being friends with me again when they discovered that the rumors weren't true but it was never the same after that. I never left like I truly fit in. Then, there was one incident where a guy started being really nice to me. He was running for school president. He won the election and soon after, he pretended like he had no idea who I was. That's just some stories. I could write a whole book if I put them all together.

Anyway, I thought college would be different since I was doing what I love, art. It started out great but slowly got worse as the weeks progressed. I had a friend, a very close friend. We were almost the same in how similar we were and we shared a lot of the same values so we got along very well. But she was very depressed and stressed out so she dropped out of the program. I haven't heard from her since.

I've hardly made any friends the first semester so when the second one came around, the anxiety took over. I didn't talk to anyone and I could see them staring and talking which made my anxiety worse. I eventually became friends with those people through mutual friends but it was short lived. I never really "belonged" in their group. Most of their conversations surrounded drinking and smoking. I did go out with them once but there was too much alcohol. I felt very uncomfortable because I neither drink nor smoke and I have no interest whatsoever in doing so.

Right before the end of the second semester, I left the group chat. I had a bestfriend but she disappeared around the same time. Without explanation. She just stopped reading my messages. I felt broken.

One girl messaged me promptly and asked why I had done so (left the group chat). I told her the truth, she read my message, and never responded. I have so much fear about starting my third semester. I'm afraid it will be worse. I love the school and the professors. It's the college I dreamed about going to but the people make me nervous. I keep replying what happened over and over again in my mind. I keep thinking about whether or not I made the right choice by leaving them. The friendships just felt too forced and I have always had a fear of people leaving me whether through death or fighting.

I saw them one time after and as soon as I walked into the room, all the talking stopped. I got nothing but dirty looks. I get anxious just typing this out now. I spent most of the summer depressed and crying. I almost didn't pay my registration fee because I feared going back.

I always viewed college as my safe space where I could let go and be myself but that reality is slowing but surely fading away.

*If you read all of this. Thank you so much. It means a lot.

@graceful-lily, free counselling should be available to you from your church, if you have one. The key is that you don't ask for "counselling" or "therapy," you ask for "pastoral care." If you don't have a church, or are uncomfortable going to your minister, try looking for a Unitarian Universalist Church. U.U. ministers have the same training in counselling as other ministers do, but they also have experience with people who have a variety of religious beliefs. Some U.U.s are Christians, some are Buddhists, some are Muslims, some are Wiccans, some are atheists or agnostics, etc.. So a U.U. minister knows better than to advise an atheist, say, to "just trust in God." You don't have to be a member to request pastoral care, and the minister will listen and do her or his best not to violate your belief system (at least, most U.U. ministers will -- we have a few incompetents in the clergy just as every church does, but if you run into one of those it shouldn't take you long to figure it out).

No, I'm not trying to proselytize; that's against my beliefs. I'm just trying to provide useful advice.

Margret

 

[Margret]

This is what's on my mind right now:


About time!

Margret

 

[Alejandra Rico]

I'm dreading starting my second year of college this September. Last semester did not end on a high note. I've been bullied, used, and picked on for literally my entire life. Middle school were some of the worst years. I was left with a dark view of how people should treat other people they care about.

I thought high school would be better but I was wrong. From the very start, a girl started rumors about me and everyone believed her. Especially a girl who I considered to be my best friend. She stopped talking to me for an entire year and some months. Everyone else followed her lead except for a few people. Because of all the rumors which were obviously not true, I was left isolated and my depression and anxiety only got worse.

I spoke to the guidance counsellors at my school but they didn't do much to help me. People eventually started being friends with me again when they discovered that the rumors weren't true but it was never the same after that. I never left like I truly fit in. Then, there was one incident where a guy started being really nice to me. He was running for school president. He won the election and soon after, he pretended like he had no idea who I was. That's just some stories. I could write a whole book if I put them all together.

Anyway, I thought college would be different since I was doing what I love, art. It started out great but slowly got worse as the weeks progressed. I had a friend, a very close friend. We were almost the same in how similar we were and we shared a lot of the same values so we got along very well. But she was very depressed and stressed out so she dropped out of the program. I haven't heard from her since.

I've hardly made any friends the first semester so when the second one came around, the anxiety took over. I didn't talk to anyone and I could see them staring and talking which made my anxiety worse. I eventually became friends with those people through mutual friends but it was short lived. I never really "belonged" in their group. Most of their conversations surrounded drinking and smoking. I did go out with them once but there was too much alcohol. I felt very uncomfortable because I neither drink nor smoke and I have no interest whatsoever in doing so.

Right before the end of the second semester, I left the group chat. I had a bestfriend but she disappeared around the same time. Without explanation. She just stopped reading my messages. I felt broken.

One girl messaged me promptly and asked why I had done so (left the group chat). I told her the truth, she read my message, and never responded. I have so much fear about starting my third semester. I'm afraid it will be worse. I love the school and the professors. It's the college I dreamed about going to but the people make me nervous. I keep replying what happened over and over again in my mind. I keep thinking about whether or not I made the right choice by leaving them. The friendships just felt too forced and I have always had a fear of people leaving me whether through death or fighting.

I saw them one time after and as soon as I walked into the room, all the talking stopped. I got nothing but dirty looks. I get anxious just typing this out now. I spent most of the summer depressed and crying. I almost didn't pay my registration fee because I feared going back.

I always viewed college as my safe space where I could let go and be myself but that reality is slowing but surely fading away.

*If you read all of this. Thank you so much. It means a lot.

I am so so sorry that you are going through this. I know how you are feeling because I have been there. I can only tell you that It will get better at some point.
My bullying story began when I was 10. As yours, it started because of a rumour about me, made up from a girl who was supposed to be my friend. At the begining the other 29 studenthome would calle me names and pretend that I stink, but later on they just ignored me. They didn't recognize my presence at all, as if I did not exist. So I would read books during breaks and jode from teachers so that I would not be forced to go to the playground, where books (and thus, my only friends) where bot allowed. I got 3 friends (2 of them from a different class) when I was 16, and we are still friends 12 years later. I survived those years being a ghost thank to several reasons. I was good at horse riding and practiced this sport four days a week, which keep my chemical balance possitive. I so had my books, and later on, started writing my own stories... I saw my own light, as bright and huge that no one could turn it of. I shone despite their attemps to break me. And now, if I face any of them in the streets, or shopping, or in a caffe, I see the shame in their eyes for been such cowards. One of them did even invite me to join her and the other popular girls in a meeting this summer. Obviously, I said no.
When I went to College, another girl started to bully me. At that time I was strong enough to ignore her and anyone supporting her. In the end, It was clear that she was a bully, acting like a girl rather than like an adult. I ended up leaving Veterinary Medicine, but not because of her, but to become a filologist.
What I mean is that you can make It out of this mess. It is not your fault if the people around you where not educated to be decent human beings. It is not your fault if they cannot see how special and wonderful you are, the talent shining within you. It is not your fault if they can see how wonderful and talented you are and can not overcome their jeaulosy.
You are perfect the way you are and will no doubt find someone as good and special as you are, someone that will understand you. You deserve friends and will find them.
Needless to say that we do see how amazing you are and yo hace us to love and support you every step of your way, may It be in an open thread or by private conversation.
Sending you good vibes