Struggling After Loss & Dealing With Guilt

[jessaka]

Hi, We just had to have our dog put to sleep, so I understand your guilt. I wrote to a friend of mine who is a monk, and what he wrote to me really has helped, so I wish to share it with you:
Dear Jessaka
Thanks for your email. I am sorry to hear of your grief. It is normal, I think, to feel remorse when someone you love and who is so dependent on you dies. I have yet to have a dog who has died about whom I didn't feel remorse. I even felt remorseful when my dad died because I didn't give him grandchildren. It is because we love them and want to do the best for them.
Personally I don't think that you should let people talk you out of your remorse. It is an aspect of your grief and we could always have done better even when we are doing our best. I think the saying "good grief" applies here. Grieve well and allow enough space for every feeling to arise.
When Joey and Lucy die, probably when I am in my early to mid 70s, I don't plan on getting another dog. The sense of loss is so great and I already feel it now when I cuddle with them. Of course I can't be sure that I won't get another dog but it will have to be an old one. Even so, I love an old dog just as deeply and do I want to re-experience the grief. And what if I die first? So much to consider and yet the dog is so loving and beautiful and noble - a constant source of joy.

 

[di and bob]

Tilly206 , please don't think something else like meds could have made a difference. I am positive that no matter what would have been tried, it would have just prolonged the misery and the outcome would still be the same. you stated yourself that the fluid was building up faster than it could be removed, and sure, she might have improved a bit with lasix or even something else, but cats hide their pain so well it would have been agony for her to get worse again and again while treatments were tried and then they failed.
You wanted only the best for her, love can never be wrong. It is best at times like these to have a person, in this case a vet, that is not involved emotionally and can give rational, truthful answers. Our brains are too involved with our hearts to make sense. Death cannot take that which never dies. Your love is for eternity and you will be tied to that little girl for the rest of your life. Send her words of love and comfort, of joy..... you don't want her to be sent all that grief and tears. Thank her for sharing her life with you, she is at peace now because she was so well loved and will always be remembered. Let your own heart find peace through knowing you gave her what she wanted the most in this world, your love.
I'll keep you both in my thoughts and prayers, I'll pray for you both.