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Still no update since last night. They usually update by now so now I'm absolutely terrified that something is wrong. I'm on pins and needles of his progress although they did say if anything goes south they would contact us. Still the radio silence is un nerving. I'm trying to make money to cover the bills but can't even concentrate with all that's going on. I can't shake the feeling that all of this could have been prevented had I not been so selfish wanting to keep him here, even if the first 10 months were outdoors. When will I learn to start doing what is right for them instead of being so stubborn wanting to keep them here? The guilt along with the worry is killing me. And he trusted me.
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