Please help! Super anti social cat!

[Aliiwaa92]

so I have an extremely high anxiety anti social cat. His name is kitten and he's 2 years old. We have had him since he was a little over a month old (born in the woods during a really cold winter). I have 3 other cats + 2 dogs and he gets along with them just fine but absolutely HATES any humans who aren't me (he occasionally tolerates my husband). We have tried just about everything to get him to come around to other people. Having friends come over and sit quietly in the living room, trying to have people sit on the floor in the room with him one at a time, treats, the feliway diffusers. Nothing seems to work. It's so bad that the vet has to give him a tranquilizer every time he goes in. The biggest issue is that he refuses to eat if I'm not home. A friend stayed at our house for two days while we went out of town and he refused to come out from under the sofa to eat or drink anything the entire time. To be honest he also refuses to eat while I am home unless I sit with him. So if anyone has any advice I would really appreciate it. I love him so much and I hate seeing how miserable he is every time we have company over. Also.... kinda worried that he would just starve to death if something happened to me.

 

[abyeb]

First of all, thank you for rescuing Kitten! Some cats can be harder to socialize than others, but you will find something that works for you! Have you talked to your vet about your concerns? Vets know a lot about behavior as well as medicine, so I would recommend asking if they have any suggestions. You could also consider asking your vet to see if there are any anti-anxiety medications that might work for Kitten, if that is something you may be interested in trying.

 

[rubysmama]

Hello and welcome to TCS. Poor Kitten. There's been threads before of cats who won't eat unless their "mom" is with them. Unfortunately I don't recall if anything suggested solved the problem. Are there any foods he can't resist? Tuna? Sardines? If so, maybe someone else feeding him one of those might help.

As for him only wanting to be around you, it's clear you are his "purrson". But you can't always be around him, so helping him learn to be comfortable around other people would be beneficial. That said, there are cat parents whose friends don't even know they have cats, as the cats disappear when visitors arrive. But again, getting him comfortable around your husband, and other people who care for him when you're away is something to work on.

TCS has these articles that might have some helpful suggestions for you:

10 Must-know Tips For Happy Living With A Shy Cat | TheCatSite
16 Top Cat Experts Share Tips For Dealing With Timid Cats | TheCatSite
14 Cat Experts Reveal: How To Get A Cat To Like Me | TheCatSite
How To Get A Cat To Come Out Of Hiding? | TheCatSite

18 Awesome Cat Feeding Tips By Thecatsite Staff Members | TheCatSite
Separation Anxiety In Cats | TheCatSite

 

[Aliiwaa92]

so I have an extremely high anxiety anti social cat. His name is kitten and he's 2 years old. We have had him since he was a little over a month old (born in the woods during a really cold winter). I have 3 other cats + 2 dogs and he gets along with them just fine but absolutely HATES any humans who aren't me (he occasionally tolerates my husband). We have tried just about everything to get him to come around to other people. Having friends come over and sit quietly in the living room, trying to have people sit on the floor in the room with him one at a time, treats, the feliway diffusers. Nothing seems to work. It's so bad that the vet has to give him a tranquilizer every time he goes in. The biggest issue is that he refuses to eat if I'm not home. A friend stayed at our house for two days while we went out of town and he refused to come out from under the sofa to eat or drink anything the entire time. To be honest he also refuses to eat while I am home unless I sit with him. So if anyone has any advice I would really appreciate it. I love him so much and I hate seeing how miserable he is every time we have company over. Also.... kinda worried that he would just starve to death if something happened to me.

First of all, thank you for rescuing Kitten! Some cats can be harder to socialize than others, but you will find something that works for you! Have you talked to your vet about your concerns? Vets know a lot about behavior as well as medicine, so I would recommend asking if they have any suggestions. You could also consider asking your vet to see if there are any anti-anxiety medications that might work for Kitten, if that is something you may be interested in trying.

Thanks so much for the advice! My vet has brought up anti anxiety medications before but I was trying to save that as a last resort. As much as I hate to admit it my cats are definitely the bosses around our house and getting them to take medicine has always been close to impossible. Also, they have never fallen for the hide it in their food trick .

 

[Aliiwaa92]

Hello and welcome to TCS. Poor Kitten. There's been threads before of cats who won't eat unless their "mom" is with them. Unfortunately I don't recall if anything suggested solved the problem. Are there any foods he can't resist? Tuna? Sardines? If so, maybe someone else feeding him one of those might help.

As for him only wanting to be around you, it's clear you are his "purrson". But you can't always be around him, so helping him learn to be comfortable around other people would be beneficial. That said, there are cat parents whose friends don't even know they have cats, as the cats disappear when visitors arrive. But again, getting him comfortable around your husband, and other people who care for him when you're away is something to work on.

TCS has these articles that might have some helpful suggestions for you:

10 Must-know Tips For Happy Living With A Shy Cat | TheCatSite
16 Top Cat Experts Share Tips For Dealing With Timid Cats | TheCatSite
14 Cat Experts Reveal: How To Get A Cat To Like Me | TheCatSite
How To Get A Cat To Come Out Of Hiding? | TheCatSite

18 Awesome Cat Feeding Tips By Thecatsite Staff Members | TheCatSite
Separation Anxiety In Cats | TheCatSite

Thanks so much for the links! I appreciate the help. Kitten is definitely one of those disappearing cats. My brother and his family live across the street so they stop by all the time and they swear im lying about his existence lol. My niece stayed with us for the weekend and sat down in our walk in closet (his hiding spot) with his favorite food for hours one day quietly waiting for him to come around to her but it didn't work. My husband always says its because I coddle him to much but I can't help it . I feel terrible even saying this but sometimes I do wonder if he might not be all there mentally. I have been rescuing ferals for over 10 years but I have never come across a cat like him. I love him so much and dont want to change him but it hurts to see how afraid he is of other people.

 

[Hellenww]

It's ok if he never likes any other people. He's still young so your chances are good you could teach him to accept food from others. I'd slowly move myself out of the room while he is eating until he is eating with you out of the room. It could take weeks or months. If you can get him to the point that you can put down the dish and leave the room then you can try having someone else put down the food and leave the room.

 

[rubysmama]

Thanks so much for the links! I appreciate the help.

Let us know if anything helps.

 

[di and bob]

I would put some food and water down next to where he hides and see if any is gone the next day when company comes. I would think he would eat eventually if you are gone. I've had sick cats that don't eat for three or four days, which isn't good for their livers, but they are fine. I am one of those people that visiters never know I have cats. My little girl is the worst, she takes two days to come out again after they leave. She also poops in her carrier at the vets. I put food and water down nexy to their hiding place when we have overnight company and I can hear them eating during the night. There is a litter box in the room too.
Some cats will never be comfortable around strangers. And to tell you the truth I would rather have them that way with all the weirdos in this world. Since they are totally indoors now, I hope I never have to worry about it again, especially after witnessing one of mine getting deliberately run over. (They swerved over to the other lane to hit him) Don't force your little one to be social. There are too many other things that are more important to worry about. I have had social cats, usually with Siamese backgrounds. To have them constantly trying to get on the laps of company that doesn't like cats or have a 300.00 suit on is not fun either. Cats are very stubborn and don't 'get' rejection!

 

[duncanmac]

Kitten is not anti-social, she is a former feral with a high survival drive - which means a massive distrust of people. She has chosen you as her human which doesn't mean that she likes you - it is more - she trusts you.

We have a former feral, and it took months for him to trust me - gotten through persistence, play, and mostly just being around him in a non-threatening way. We have had him for close to three years now and my wife is just starting to be able to pet him. He started out like kitten and would hide as soon as the door bell rang and not come out for hours after guests left. He still runs and hides now, but he will come out quicker, often with guests still over.

Play with Kitten in areas you want the cat to be - play will give her "ownership" of those areas and confidence to be in them. This will give her confidence to come out and see people.

Follow the good advice you've been given above and give Kitten time.