People scaring my cat

[pattykat]

So i have a cat, just got him yesterday. He is very shy at the moment and pretty much hides all day. I don't bother him when he hides away and make sure he always has food, water, and litter near. I'm trying to let him adjust to his new home on his own but my family and parents are constantly coming over and bothering him. I tell them to leave him alone and let him get used to his new home first but no one listens. I specifically said not to pick him up because of how scared he was and if they wanted to see him just to pet him and give him a treat. My dad did not listen and picked him up and my poor baby tried so hard to claw out of his arms and go hide again, he's been hiding out all day now. Is there any polite way to tell them to stop and listen to me, they just roll their eyes and think I'm being too protective of him

 

[ohws]

Is there any polite way to tell them to stop and listen to me,

"My house, my rules. Leave the cat alone or Go away." is probably polite enough.

Honestly, your problem is not how your father treats your cat, it is how little respect he has for you and what is yours. It isn't about the cat.

 

[ginny]

 

Is there any polite way to tell them to stop and listen to me,

"My house, my rules. Leave the cat alone or Go away" is probably polite enough.

Honestly, your problem is not how your father treats your cat, it is how little respect he has for you and what is yours. It isn't about the cat.

I agree!  No need to be polite when obviously dad is not being polite either!  I'm constantly amazed at how many people just don't get it.  Maybe I just take it for granted that I can read cat body language and have basic knowledge of "how to treat a cat" ingrained in me.  

 

[govtlawyer]

I agree with the other posters.  Lay down the law.  Don't even let them come over to your house if they won't obey your rules.  They are very insensitive towards animals and disrespectful to you.  Good luck

 

[mackiemac]

"You have two choices...you can either leave the cat alone, or you can just leave. Your choice."

And if he tries to storm off in a huff... "Don't let the door hit ya where the Good Lord split ya! You can come back when you can leave my cat alone and obey MY house rules."

You are the Top Cat, not them.

 

[di and bob]

For the cats own good I would shut him in a bedroom, etc, so the family visiting doesn't see him, Then if they go in anyway maybe he can hide under the bed. I can't believe your dad could get close enough to pick him up, mine would have climbed the walls! 

 

[LTS3]

to what everyone has already said.

Can you limit visitors to your home for the time being? A constant stream of visitors and the strange smells and noises can stress out a new cat even more. Do people give you a heads up when they come over or do they just show up at the door? If they just show up, just firmly but politely tell them that it's not a good tme to visit. You can suggest to go out to a park or wherever to talk and socialize instead of your home.

 

[lizcat]

@pattykat I get the impression you live with your parents? If that's the case, I would try showing them articles about cat adjustment. Good luck!

 

[LTS3]

I got the impression @pattycat lives on her own in like an apartment and people are coming over (visiting) all the time which is stressing out the new cat?

I don't think it's unreasonable to limit visitors right now so the cat can adjust. And visitors should be told upfront to leave the cat alone or they have to leave. Keeping the cat in a closed off room while visitors are there may help but some people will still go find the cat and bother it

 

 

[govtlawyer]

My cat Mickey who passed away last September was a very shy cat.  He was loving and handsome beyond belief, but very shy.  Sparky, who is still with me is very outgoing and also handsome and loving.  So, for most of Mickey's 12 years with me he would hide as soon as anyone else entered my home.  I really wanted to share him with others and was disappointed that people couldn't get to know him.  He was always out and interacting with me.  Open and loving and playful.

When people came over they would see Sparky and ask about Mickey.  I would take them to the kitchen and slightly open up the doors under the sink and point him out.  Or, I would open up a curtain to a long hallway and point him out at the end of the hallway.  I forbade anyone to get any closer than I had brought them.  If anyone would start to go near him I would stop them and simply forbid them.  I would explain that he was frightened and they could look at him from afar, but no closer.

Everyone respected my rules and by extension respected Mickey and his shy nature.

I just reread your original post and see where you only had the cat for one day.  In that regard I understand better why your family wants to go to him.  They are no more or less frightening to him than you are - he is new to all of you.  I suggest that until he gets acclimated to his new home you kind of leave him alone.  If you go only a certain distance to him and stay back out of respect to his fearfulness, the other members of our family ought to do the same.  

Allow him to have his space and I think others will follow your lead.  Good Luck

 

[ginny]

My mom had two very shy kitties who were soooooo cutey cutes I couldn't help myself.  I wanted to hold and kiss them so bad, and they didn't like me one bit because of it.  I knew I needed to control myself and just let them come to me but I couldn't help it because they were so cute!!  My mom always just let them do what they wanted and come to her if they wanted to.  They always ran from me every time I came over to visit (

Her neighbor who does not like cats came to visit.  She totally ignored them while talking and talking and talking.  Good Lord, the woman did not know how to put a period on the end of a sentence.  Mom's kitties were all over her!  They came to sniff her and got up on her legs with both front paws, then sniffed her feet and sat near her.  And all the time she didn't even pay any attention to them because she was too busy talking.  So I think ignoring them - at least until they get to know you - is part of the key to being around shy cats.  They have to be the ones to decide to come to you.  

 

[pattykat]

Sorry yes I do live on my own, my parents do live right across the street though so come to visit almost daily. Thank you for the suggestions everyone.

 

[Kat0121]

Sorry yes I do live on my own, my parents do live right across the street though so come to visit almost daily. Thank you for the suggestions everyone.

I was about to reply when I realized that @MackieMac  said exactly what I was going to say- but I'll add to that

Your family needs to understand that your cat is still getting used to a new home with lots of new surroundings and smells. Now, add new people to the mix and it can be overwhelming for a cat. Heck, it could be overwhelming for anyone. You didn't mention where the cat came from but depending on his background, he might need more time to settle in than another cat. 

Please ask your family members to look at this situation from the cat's point of view. Ask them how THEY would feel if they were the cat and being subjected to being picked up, poked and prodded despite making it VERY clear that they weren't happy. I doubt that they would like it at all. They are REALLY not going to like it if the cat lashes out at one of them out of fear and they get scratched, bitten or both. Will they then decide that the cat is "mean"? 

Right now, the cat needs to be around ONE person and that person is YOU. That cat is your family now too and he deserves to be treated with the same respect that every other member of your family expects for his/herself. You need to lay down the law. Respect the cat's wishes or go home. If they come over, they need to let the cat come to them when he feels he is ready. The more that they allow the cat to adjust and get used to his new home his way, the more likely it is that he will approach them out of curiosity and then a relationship can start to build.

Have you ever noticed that someone who "doesn't like cats" often gets approached by a cat in a home that they visit more than someone who loves cats? This is because someone who claims to not like cats is far less likely to seek out the cat's attention. We cat lovers find it hard to resist them. When someone ignores a cat, this makes it easier for the cat to check them out at their pace and approach them if they feel like it.

I think it's nice that your family is excited that you have a new cat and while their hearts may be in the right place, they need to understand how cats do things. Cats are not small dogs. Their love and trust needs to be earned. If your family members take the time to earn his love and trust, they will have a lifelong friend in him just as you will. 

Good luck getting through to them. We're here for you if you need us. If they have any other questions,, we'll be happy to answer them. Just let them read this thread. They may think that they are under attack here but they aren't. We are all advocates for cats but at the end of the day, we want ALL of you to be one big happy family. 

 

[Caspers Human]

My dad did not listen and picked him up and my poor baby tried so hard to claw out of his arms and go hide again...

Not trying to seem rude but it sounds like Dad got what was coming to him. 

Years ago, I had a roommate, Greg, who didn't like my cat, K.C.

He would go after the cat and, one day, he chased the cat under the sofa.  Greg reached under the sofa to get K.C.  I warned him not to do that.  "Umm... Greg, I wouldn't do that if I was you..."

No sooner did the last syllable come out of my mouth, then K.C. attached himself to Greg's arm, clawing and biting like crazy!  Greg's arm was shredded, virtually to ribbons! 

"I told you so," I smirked!

Greg learned a valuable lesson that day!  Don't mess around with the cat if he doesn't want to mess around with you!

It sounds like your dad got a smaller version of that lesson.

I guess some people have to find things out for themselves. 

 

 

[ginny]

 
Not trying to seem rude but it sounds like Dad got what was coming to him. 

Years ago, I had a roommate, Greg, who didn't like my cat, K.C.

He would go after the cat and, one day, he chased the cat under the sofa.  Greg reached under the sofa to get K.C.  I warned him not to do that.  "Umm... Greg, I wouldn't do that if I was you..."

No sooner did the last syllable come out of my mouth, then K.C. attached himself to Greg's arm, clawing and biting like crazy!  Greg's arm was shredded, virtually to ribbons! 

"I told you so," I smirked!

Greg learned a valuable lesson that day!  Don't mess around with the cat if he doesn't want to mess around with you!

It sounds like your dad got a smaller version of that lesson.

I guess some people have to find things out for themselves. 

 

So true!  Non-cat people need to listen to cat people because we know cats!  Last August when I and this nice stranger teamed up at Walmart's parking lot to rescue a little black kitten hiding under the cart rack, we had a devil of a time getting a hold of the little one!  Finally after about 30 minutes, she got him out from under my car!  The little kitty must have been stunned because he just sat there when she let go of him.  It was really hot and I told her I was going to get my water bottle and I said to her "Now, HOLD the little kitten gently by his scruff because he will run off!"  She didn't listen.  He ran off back under my car, this time he got up near the motor in front.  We spent another hour and a half trying to get him out.  If only she had listened!  But to her credit, she stayed till we got him safely!  

 

[Caspers Human]

Yes, if you HAVE TO grab a cat and hold on to it for a reason that is for its own good, there is a right way to do it and a wrong way.  Even the sweetest, most docile cat can turn into a swarm of flying razor blades when stressed.

"Cat People" or not, most people just don't understand.

Wrapping a cat up in a towel or a blanket or something is probably the best and safest way for all involved...people AND cats.  A pair of sturdy, leather work gloves and a heavy jacket is probably second best.  But, like your situation, sometimes you just have to make due.

I agree with grabbing the cat by the scruff of the neck but you also have to grab the cat, down near the bum with your other hand, then firmly but gently bend the cat's spine, roughly into a "U-shape."  Doing so prevents it from twisting around and tagging you with its claws.  It might sound harsh but, when you have to hold and restrain a cat for some reason...to give it medical care or to get it out of a dangerous situation...it might be necessary to "just do it."

Honestly...  90% of the time, it is better to just leave the cat alone.  Believe it or not, most cats are more than capable of taking care of themselves.  I submit, THAT is the thing that most "Non-cat People" fail to understand.

For pattykat...  I agree with you that, when the cat doesn't want to come out and be sociable, other people should leave it alone!

The "lesson hard-learned" is one of the reasons but there is something that I think is more important.

If you want a cat to come and socialize with you... to pet... to play... to snuggle and purr... you do NOT want to make the cat afraid of you!  Reaching under to grab the cat and pull it out only frightens it and makes it more afraid of you.  If you have to do it for good reason, that's one thing but if you do it too much, the cat will only be afraid of you and will take a lot longer to be friends with you.  It might never be friends with you if things get really bad.

There's something that kind of peeves me off...  People will harass a cat until it becomes fearful then, when it won't let you pet it, they blame it on the cat!

Pattykat, you are right and other people in your family are wrong.  You have the right to stand your ground and tell them to leave the cat alone.  If they ever want the cat to be friendly with them, they'll have to let the cat come out of hiding on its own timetable.

If they don't, they are liable to get a lesson like my former roommate, Greg! 

 

[ginny]

 
Yes, if you HAVE TO grab a cat and hold on to it for a reason that is for its own good, there is a right way to do it and a wrong way.  Even the sweetest, most docile cat can turn into a swarm of flying razor blades when stressed.

"Cat People" or not, most people just don't understand.

Wrapping a cat up in a towel or a blanket or something is probably the best and safest way for all involved...people AND cats.  A pair of sturdy, leather work gloves and a heavy jacket is probably second best.  But, like your situation, sometimes you just have to make due.

I agree with grabbing the cat by the scruff of the neck but you also have to grab the cat, down near the bum with your other hand, then firmly but gently bend the cat's spine, roughly into a "U-shape."  Doing so prevents it from twisting around and tagging you with its claws.  It might sound harsh but, when you have to hold and restrain a cat for some reason...to give it medical care or to get it out of a dangerous situation...it might be necessary to "just do it."

In this case it was necessary.  I didn't accurately describe all that happened the way it did.  It was 8:30 pm on a HOT Sunday night and I had to get home to eat and get ready for work the next day.  When she got the kitten out from my back wheel well, she sat him on her lap while seated on the pavement.  At first she held him and petted him, and when he didn't move, she let go.  He sat there calmly for a little bit.  Then I asked her to  gently hold on to his scruff (while I got up to get him some water), NOT hold him up in the air, but while he was still seated on her lap.  I knew the kitten would run when I got up.  The moment I got up, she said "oh he's just fine!"  And that's when she let go again, just as I was getting up.  When I made noise getting up, that's what scared him and he took off.  And it took FOREVER to get him out from the front of my car near the motor.  

I do already understand that any cat regardless of their size who is scruffed for any reason needs to be supported under the bum if held up off the ground of off the person's lap or off the surface.  

 

[Caspers Human]

I do already understand that any cat regardless of their size who is scruffed for any reason needs to be supported under the bum if held up off the ground of off the person's lap or off the surface.  

Scruffing a cat is like picking up a running buzz saw!  You must keep them both pointed away from people and fragile objects! 

Okay... seriously...

You're right.  That other person didn't understand about cats.  Besides holding on to the cat to keep it from getting away, in a situation like yours, the person needed to hold the cat to reassure it and help it feel safe and secure.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Although a great, big grownup part of me sooooooooo agrees with the "lay down the law" contingent, another part of me remembers how incapable I would have been of saying that to my parents until I was well away from them...and living across the street, you aren't.  I think, in your situation, closing the cat in the bedroom when company come over will probably be the least stressful solution for the cat and you.

 

[theenderkitty]

You could put him in his own private room and forbid anyone from going in there