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- #221
Yes, & I can't wait for them to sprout up some more & really bloom!
How lovely, a little pot of tulips! Being in the pot they should last nicely too.
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My Sweet Angel Baby Crossed the Rainbow Bridge 2/5/16
- Thread starter angels mommy
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Grief is like that with time, and days, all getting messed up. A month really is not that long ago.
Our thoughts always seem to have to go to that last day. Perhaps it's because our minds have to sort out our emotions and memories, or maybe we have to...and want to remember that last day, and those last moments. Every moment is important, so I figure, that because you were in "doing-mode" that day, that now in "feeling-mode" or "thinking mode"...is when all those memories return.
Looking at Angel's scrapbook, though, I would hope that the photos would bring back all those other days, and that the last day would take on some other meaning...in that you had to help Angel, and let him go from his suffering, and so that last day would be important, but only because of the tremendous bond and love you shared. The sadness would fade from the memory and only love would remain.
I think, though, that this would have to take more time, and for everyone it's different. So one month, or four months later does not matter, but each day will get better in lessening of the sad thoughts.
Sometimes, I think the worst is when the grief moments just seem to happen, or when you think you are over it, and your emotions are not. But then again, maybe it's better that they just happen, get released and then you feel spent, but a little better. (When my cat died, I just wanted to feel it all fast, and get it over with...but it does not seem to happen like that, either. So I guess it just takes it's own time, to lessen the pain.)
Looking at Angel in the photo with the frame.
And it reminded me of those other photos, where you had them captioned with "smart kitty", looking at the sandwich, and 'wiseguy'. You could probably write a whole book about "Angel...the International Cat of Mystery", with funny captioned photos. Or maybe a photo book about "what would Angel say".
(IDEA: Maybe you should consider hanging some of your 'crafts' in some of those downtown stores. That frame and shells look pretty Artistic, so if you had some extra time, and did some more "Art Pieces"...I could see some being sold. Though, I don't know how people actual price out their artwork pieces.)
Funny thing about grief: it doesn't really care who it affects and it most certainly doesn't care if you're suffering from previous grief beforehand. Before I had the honor and pleasure of having my sweet Midnight in my life, I had a wonderful snow white kitty named Ivory. She was a little alooff, kind of shy and withdrawn, having been abused by her previous owners. I adopted her after seeing her eyes, so clear and blue and beautiful, peer right into my soul, and I just could not resist. I worked hard to gain her trust, and in her lat 15 months on this island earth, I think I gained a great majority of it. I used to watch her sleep, and sometimes, she had night terrors, and watching her go through this was hard. She'd wake up, get her wits about her, then come over to me, and I'd just hold her for a while, however long she needed it, whether that was 5 minutes, or an hour.
She became lethargic and sickly, and one day I took her to the vet, scared to death of what I might learn, and sure enough, I discovered she was suffering from renal failure, as well as feline HIV. Towards the end, she stopped eating all together, and one day, I watched her fall on my living room rug, and cry out in absolute pain. She looked at me with that pain in her eyes, and I just knew I couldn't let her go through this anymore. I called my vet, and she agreed that it would be the most humane thing to do to let her cross the Bridge. I held Ivory in my arms as the meds put her to sleep. She breathed three more times, then I felt her body slacken, and I knew she was gone.
It's been over 35 years since her passing, yet yesterday as I was driving to St. Louis, this came back to me with a vengeance. I had to pull over, and I cried like a baby. I take comfort in knowing Ivory doesn't hurt anymore, and is happy, playing with Midnight (I just know they'd be great friends), but it is true, when an event of that magnitude occurs, we always seem to remember the very last moments. This is neither wrong nor right, it just is what it is. Grief is a quiet thing, but it sure packs quite the punch.
She became lethargic and sickly, and one day I took her to the vet, scared to death of what I might learn, and sure enough, I discovered she was suffering from renal failure, as well as feline HIV. Towards the end, she stopped eating all together, and one day, I watched her fall on my living room rug, and cry out in absolute pain. She looked at me with that pain in her eyes, and I just knew I couldn't let her go through this anymore. I called my vet, and she agreed that it would be the most humane thing to do to let her cross the Bridge. I held Ivory in my arms as the meds put her to sleep. She breathed three more times, then I felt her body slacken, and I knew she was gone.
It's been over 35 years since her passing, yet yesterday as I was driving to St. Louis, this came back to me with a vengeance. I had to pull over, and I cried like a baby. I take comfort in knowing Ivory doesn't hurt anymore, and is happy, playing with Midnight (I just know they'd be great friends), but it is true, when an event of that magnitude occurs, we always seem to remember the very last moments. This is neither wrong nor right, it just is what it is. Grief is a quiet thing, but it sure packs quite the punch.
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- #225
Ivory sounds like she was really beautiful. She was blessed to have you care for & love her the way you did, coming from the past she did, as you mentioned.
You are right, every day is different. Most days, I am fine now, but once in a while, something will get me. I know when I order & then get the urn in, & have to go through putting his ashes in it, I will be emotional.
My mom bought me some flowers yesterday, since it was one month. It just doesn't seem like it has been a month now.
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The scrap book is a great idea; that sweet boy needs to have his story saved and shared. RIP sweet Angel
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- #227
Thanks Eric, that's what his scrapbook kind of is. All pictures throughout the time I had him. From the first picture I took of him sitting up on the porch railing, to many, many more over the next 6 & 1/2 - 7 yrs.
The scrap book is a great idea; that sweet boy needs to have his story saved and shared. RIP sweet Angel
I know I've posted some of the pages, but maybe I will see if I can take picts of them all, in the order that they are in the book, so it's like you guys looking through it, the way it is.
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- #228
Well, today, I finally washed all of Angel's beds. Now I just have to find a place to put them away. I will probably put them all in a trash bag to keep them clean, & find some space "somewhere." I really need at least one more closet here!! The cat tree is sitting in the corner that the litter box used to be in. I told a friend of mine that he could take it, if he thinks his kitty will take to it w/ Angel's scent on it. He thought she might, so is gonna try it. I found some catnip spray under the sink from a long time ago, so will give him that to spray on it. I just haven't called him to let him know he can come & get it yet. Each of these things are a little hard to do, as it's small steps of letting go. I also finally just ordered the urn.
This is what I ordered. I liked that there was a place for a picture, & most of all, I like what it says
This is what I ordered. I liked that there was a place for a picture, & most of all, I like what it says
Kelly I don't know how you do it, I am shedding tears looking at Angel's stuff. The Urn is beautiful and the saying is so appropriate. You did everything you could have and I know if it required more you wouldn't hesitate one second.
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- #230
Thank you so much Eric. Yes, there are times it's not easy, & would be nice if I had someone here with me. "Just another part of being single." I guess I can do what I do is because I know I did everything I could.
Kelly I don't know how you do it, I am shedding tears looking at Angel's stuff. The Urn is beautiful and the saying is so appropriate. You did everything you could have and I know if it required more you wouldn't hesitate one second.
The only picture I really have a hard time looking at is the one I took that Monday before at the vets after he got the feeding tube in & had a 2 hr. chemo drip. Looking at that, & the week following up to that Friday, I'm sure he was ready to go at that point, but the feeding tube was my last attempt to get food in him, in hopes he would improve, & get through what I'd hoped was a rough patch, instead of the beginning of the end.
But with too many lymph nodes swelling up to the point of being able to feel them, & especially the ones in his throat, it just was aggressing too much, & after hearing his breathing Thursday night when I picked him up to come & lay with me, I just knew. They say you will know, & I did. I loved him too much to make him suffer anymore, even though it tore my heart out to make that decision.
I later had peace knowing he wasn't suffering anymore, & from everyone here's prayers. Also in the fact that I think deep down, I knew his time was coming, so all week, I had been telling him everything I wanted to tell him, so many times. I couldn't have loved him more! I loved him more than I have ever loved anything ever. He really was my baby.
the link wouldn't work for me
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Just wanted to send you hugs and prayers. I am sorry I havent said this sooner-I didnt know what to say other than I am sorry. I still don't know what to say but my heart breaks. I hope you are doing as good as can be expected. I need to read up on this thread...Have been slacking on reading..I just wanted to send you hugs.
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You made me cry too. Big hug for you.. I know how hard this is for you. You did everything for that little guy. Angel will love you forever.
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- #235
Aww, thank you guys so much! I love you all for all of the support & love you have given!
I wish I could hug you all !!!!!
@kittensmom, Were you finally able to get the link to open in another browser?
I went out & found a new Easter dress today! (haven't bought a new one in at least a couple of years)
I'll have to take some pictures on Easter!
Then, I went over to my parents, & put some more coats on my coffee table. It just needs a few more coats on the top, & it will be done!
@kittensmom, Were you finally able to get the link to open in another browser?
I went out & found a new Easter dress today! (haven't bought a new one in at least a couple of years)
Then, I went over to my parents, & put some more coats on my coffee table. It just needs a few more coats on the top, & it will be done!
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That urn looks perfect. I am so glad you found something that awesome.
Truer words were never spoken. Kittens is the one my husband picked out. Cedar box with her foot prints pressed into the top. There are even little bits of hair from between her jelly bean toes. I was there when them were pressed into the clay.
Dearest Kelly,
I have never been more touched, than when I read how you told Angel all the things you wanted him to know in his last week.I just can not stop crying. I had to move rather suddenly and was off line for a month. Then I learned what happened to Angel,I so wanted him to pull through.Your love for Angel has really reached all of us deep inside. Nothing can possibly compare with all the love you gave to Angel,he is there with you now as nothing can overcome consciousness or energy.Although you can not see Angel he is there. You will be feeling touches of him telling you that he is there and watching over you.Angel will be with you forever,holding the most precious place in your heart. He knows how much you loved him,and did everything you could to try and save him. Your strength of character is more than I could muster,for I have to have an animal with me to care for. I understand that you need time to pass until you are ready to love another cat. I think that getting two kitties is a wonderful idea. There will be two kitties waiting to have a wonderful cat mommy like you I think about you and wish all the healing power in the universe to help you.Of course no other cat will ever replace Angel. He will live in your heart for eternity. You will be reunited with him.The love that you gave to Angel is unsurpassed by any. You are a beautiful loving person and you will love kitties again. Love to you and Angel in heaven at the bridge. I hope to be reading that you will be adopting some lucky kitties as soon as you feel it will be the right time.
I have never been more touched, than when I read how you told Angel all the things you wanted him to know in his last week.I just can not stop crying. I had to move rather suddenly and was off line for a month. Then I learned what happened to Angel,I so wanted him to pull through.Your love for Angel has really reached all of us deep inside. Nothing can possibly compare with all the love you gave to Angel,he is there with you now as nothing can overcome consciousness or energy.Although you can not see Angel he is there. You will be feeling touches of him telling you that he is there and watching over you.Angel will be with you forever,holding the most precious place in your heart. He knows how much you loved him,and did everything you could to try and save him. Your strength of character is more than I could muster,for I have to have an animal with me to care for. I understand that you need time to pass until you are ready to love another cat. I think that getting two kitties is a wonderful idea. There will be two kitties waiting to have a wonderful cat mommy like you I think about you and wish all the healing power in the universe to help you.Of course no other cat will ever replace Angel. He will live in your heart for eternity. You will be reunited with him.The love that you gave to Angel is unsurpassed by any. You are a beautiful loving person and you will love kitties again. Love to you and Angel in heaven at the bridge. I hope to be reading that you will be adopting some lucky kitties as soon as you feel it will be the right time.
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- #240
Aww Thank you so much. That was very sweet & touching. I know he is here with me, but I haven't felt him yet, & am hoping for that.
I had an experience that I have never had before a few years ago when our neighbor cat passed. She had originally shown up on my porch, but because of Angel, I couldn't take her. I asked around, & no one had seen her before, & so my neighbor said she'd take her. My neighbor is older & has some health problems, so couldn't afford to care for her as much as she really needed, (& didn't drive) but she fed her & cared for her. She tried to keep her in, but she was just a little untame for her sometimes, scratching up her screen on the door trying to get out, etc...(& she was on blood thinners, so had to be careful) so she had to let her be in & out. (we think she came from a hoarding cats house that was on the news & kind of close by). So I kept an eye on her as well, & tried to help her when I could. She would often come lay on our porch. She had a runny eye, so I even used some of Angel's drops when he had finished w/ them, trying to help her.
(when she let me, I was careful to not get scratched) But anyway, I think she knew I was trying to help her. I wasn't there when she passed, but had prayed, & thought of her, & asked her to let me know she was ok.
Well, about 3 weeks later, I was sitting on the floor playing with Angel, &( I had on my p.j.'s, so the skin on my lower back was exposed when sitting on the floor. ) All of a sudden, I felt a brush against my back. It was as if a cat had just rubbed up against me walking by. Like someone took a feather duster & rubbed it across your back. There was no windows open, so no breeze. No fans were on, etc..(& those would have felt much lighter than this did) and it was so real, & physical, that even though Angel was sitting right in front of me, I swear I turned around expecting to see a cat!! It was crazy, but I know it was Sheba. I will never forget that. So, I just keep waiting to "feel" Angel at some point, but I haven't yet. I know he is here in spirit, so I talk to him sometimes. I will be fixing a sandwich, & say, boo boo, you're supposed to be here asking for a piece of turkey, or at night, I might say "It's night, night time, come get some snuggles", just wanting to feel him spoon in front of me like we did.
I know when My time comes, he will be there to greet me.
Thank you again for your kind words.
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