My boyfriend constantly teases my cat...Should I get rid of the bf?

[kittenpowerpow]

That is abuse not only to your cat but to you too. He is not respecting you at all. I think thats very cruel the way he is treating you and edison. I would get rid of him honestly. Its scary how mean he is to your cat. Who knows he might start treating you badly one day too. I always said if a person doesnt like cats they arent good people.(i know its kind of stupid.lol) please be careful and safe. I hope your problem gets solved one way or the other.

 

[lamiatron]

 
I have had my cat Edison for about 5 years now, he is one of the sweetest cats I have ever met. He is very friendly and never bites or scratches. The only problem (if it can even be considered a problem) is that he is naturally kind of nervous about meeting new people and stuff. I've had Edison since he was 5 weeks old and the entire time I've had him he has never had a problem with any of my friends or boyfriends, until now. About 8 months ago I let my boyfriend move in with me and my cat. I live in a small apartment in Chicago so there isn't a whole bunch of space but there is room for my cat to run around in and play with his toys. My boyfriend says that he hates cats and that my cat in particular is "a big furry baby" so that's why he doesn't like him. 

Loud noises scare my cat, so my boyfriend will purposely make loud noises whenever he sees him so my cat will go hide under the couch. Until my boyfriend moved in I had never heard Edison hiss before; now he does it constantly. My boyfriend will even sometimes go underneath the couch and grab Edison even though my cat will be growling and hissing. Lately, I've noticed that he's started hitting my cat's tail; my cat's tail naturally stands up straight and my boyfriend will take his hand and hit his tail. My cat is so nice that the first couple times my boyfriend tries to make him upset that he'll just try to ignore it but that only makes my boyfriend more determined to make him angry.

Every single time I tell my boyfriend to stop being mean to my cat he turns it into me being crazy. It's always the same response, "Oh my god, it's just a cat. He's a stupid cat and can't tell what's going on, you're just trying to be a <expletive> and turn it into something it's not. I'm not torturing the cat for <expletive>." The other day I had finally snapped when he was messing with Edison and told him that Edison is a small defenseless animal and that he was way way bigger and stronger; his response was "So what if I'm bigger? That doesn't make any difference." Nothing I say to him makes him understand that I do not like the way he treats Edison.

I've been hoping that as time went by my boyfriend would get used to Edison and that we all could get along happily. This doesn't seem to be the case though. Is there anything else that can be done besides getting rid of the bf? In all other respects our relationship is fine but the way he treats Edison deeply upsets me. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. 

first response after reading your post, if he's not "the one", KICK HIM OUT. He definitely does not sound like a keeper, but then again i'm only going by what info you've provided us.

and quite honestly. his behavior towards your cat is very indicative of his true nature. perhaps you'd be doing yourself a favor, more so than to edison, if you were no longer with him. 

also maybe see if he's ever had pets or animals as a kid or even later in life. whether he says he's a dog person or whatever, people who love animals won't treat any animal different from the other. but honestly, he seems like he has no regard for any type of life. i'm sorry. 

 

[lamiatron]

 
...... Look at Edison's behaviour and how it has changed.  Be safe and be strong, what ever you do.   I would like to echo the wise words that peaches08 has offered you.   

 

Animals can sense when someone is not good, or does not have good intentions, or are bad people. Someone you should be afraid of. And this goes way past an over protective dog, or a finicky cat. as @MServant  said, look at the way Edison's behavior changed.

I'm glad that you are no longer with him =) you're a beautiful young lady, and you will do fine all on your own. And even though you may not ever find a man who's nice to your cat, at least one that isn't cruel should be the goal. lol. I wish you good luck and be strong and confident and lots of love for Edison.

 

[laurag]

I'm so glad that it went well.  Happy times for you now!

 

[cheylink]

 
Well this morning when my bf came back from his Thanksgiving holiday I sat him down and had a long talk with him. I told him I wanted him out of my apartment and that I thought we should take time apart, he disagreed of course but he did leave. So now me and Edison are back to normal and he does already seem happier. Thank you all so much for your advice and support, I truly didn't see how much of a problem it was until I read all of your comments. My cat thanks you all as well

       Just reading over this thread, can't tell you how happy I was to read your last post

. I am sure there were several other things telling you this guy is not for you, your kitty only confirmed these feelings.

        For me personally anyone, friend, boyfriend, roommate, boyfriend or girlfriend of roommate, if they can't respect Maia enough to simply ignore her, then we have a problem. 

        This guy sounds like such an a**h***! Good riddance to him!

 

[chasetheblue]

I'm so glad to hear you broke it off. Stay safe <3

 

[lilin]

 
Well this morning when my bf came back from his Thanksgiving holiday I sat him down and had a long talk with him. I told him I wanted him out of my apartment and that I thought we should take time apart, he disagreed of course but he did leave. So now me and Edison are back to normal and he does already seem happier. Thank you all so much for your advice and support, I truly didn't see how much of a problem it was until I read all of your comments. My cat thanks you all as well

So glad to hear things went smoothly! I still think it's worth taking some precautions with changing your locks. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.

I'm glad Edison is feeling better, and hopefully you are too. You seem very strong. Great job.

 

[catspaw66]

 
I'm shocked at the permissive attitude some people have of abusive behavior towards living creatures.  I'm going to get right to the point.  As a student of forensics and criminal behavior, I can tell you that cruelty to animals is behavior indicative of psychopathy.  A pet is a lot like a child; as you put it, "defenseless."  Pets are members of our household that we cherish.  Your boyfriend is ABUSING your pet, and if it continues, just as with a child, your cat will begin to exhibit neurotic behavior.  There is no nice way to put it.  If he enjoys torturing small creatures, it would be interesting to see how he is around children.  Your romantic relationships are your business but I can tell you that cats are incredible judges of character.  More than once, my cat has foretold antisocial traits in other people before I was aware of them.   if I was head-over-heels in love with a guy, and he mistreated my cat in that way, I KNOW I wouldn't feel the same about him after that.  I'd also choose not to enable that behavior, which is to say, I would not give that person permission to abuse my pet.  Your boyfriend's behavior is telling of deep-seated issues of past abuse or an underdeveloped amygdala, the latter of which is very dangerous.  Most people would probably just call him a jerk, but if you've studied psychology, you'd know that there is much more to it than that.  Abuse is serious, no matter who or what it is directed towards.  Dump your boyfriend like yesterday's garbage.  In an indirect way, your cat is saving your bacon.

If you had read the whole thread, you would know that she threw him out a day before you posted.

 

[kittenpowerpow]

Im glad you got rid of the guy! Good for you!

 

[red top rescue]

Some of us just come in at the end, when someone has posted something recently and the subject looks like one we have an opinion on.  I was glad for the last comment, knowing she had dumped the boyfriend m frees me to go on to other things!

 

[segelkatt]

Dear Meowmeowkitten,

Please, please, please, don't just make it just "time apart". This needs to be permanent. People like this man never change no matter how many times they say they will. There are many more fish in the sea and the right one will come along. You will feel lonely without him around for a while, so get yourself busy with other things, friends, family, co-workers, whatever. It will not be like this forever. Good luck, my best wishes to you and Edison. Let us know how things are going. You are not alone.  

 

[cprcheetah]

I agree, I think the separation needs to be permanent, people who don't treat animals well often don't treat people well either.

 

[laurag]

"We need some time apart" is just a way to let someone down a little less abruptly. That was my take on it.

 

[molldee]

I agree with the above poster. Time apart usually is a nice way to break up.

 

[lamiatron]

 
"We need some time apart" is just a way to let someone down a little less abruptly. That was my take on it.

Sometimes you do need to clarify. Otherwise the scumbag starts coming around and expecting stuff when you meant it was over but he thought it was just a break....

from experience =/

 

[b-roc]

I'm male and have loved and cared for all kinds of animals all my life.  I understand why people don't like cats (its a control thing IMO) but I have no tolerance for people who are cruel to animals.  Outside of immediate family, there is a very short list of those whose company I prefer to my cat.  Upon recalculating, aside from immediate family, there is no one more welcome in my house than my cat.  She's part of the family, we make no exceptions for that.  Oh, sorry, you have allergies...take a Benadryl. Don't like cats... there's the door.  She's staying.

Cat's are smart and good judges of character.  If they are shy and standoffish like a typical cat when a person comes around, no problem.  If they react defensively or angrily then my guess is they sense the feelings that we can't see and respond accordingly.  Sorry you had to break up with your boyfriend but glad you stood up for yourself and your cat.

 

[jujubee]

Yes.

Oops, I'm a little late but I'm glad you got rid of the so called bf.

 

[segelkatt]

Meowmeowkitten: Letting him down easy. yeah right. After a while he is going to come back and whine and beg for you let him come back, that he has changed etc etc etc ad nauseum. He'll promise you the sky, just give him a chance, please please I still love you, can't we just be friends? and so on. Don't fall for it. A clean good-bye may sound rough and mean and uncaring etc, but it's actually kinder than letting him hang on with even a shred of what he thinks is hope.

Surgery is never painless but in this case it's the only way to go. We are all pulling for you, let him go, permanently, with no way back. You are stronger than you think you are. You may not be a victim of battery YET, but if you hang on to him in any way you will be such a victim sooner or later if not worse. LET GO, please. 

 

[mishicats]

I am sooo glad you got rid of that jerk. I have been worrying about you and your kitty since I first read your original post. You will be much better off. To put it mildly, I cant stand people who abuse animals or are in anyway cruel to them.  It really shows a lack of character.  Again, I am very happy for you.

 Stay strong and don't let him back in your life no matter how much he begs and makes promises.  I fear for your life and especially your kitties life if you take him back.

 

[nocturnal]

I was scrolling down this thread, hoping against hope the OP had dropped this bad boyfriend and I am so glad she did so. You did the right thing.

It is one thing to not be a cat lover but to actively annoy a cat is plain wrong. Making loud noises to upset the cat? Reach him when he is growling and hissing? Hitting his tail? Not acceptable. Also, from what I gathered it's so much that he does not understand how much such behavior upsets a cat as much as he does not care one bit because 'it's just a cat'.