My Beanie's Journey

[Beaniesmom]

On Tuesday January 18, 2018 at 1109am my baby Beanie crossed the rainbow bridge. He was 11 years old. He died on the operating room table. About 3 weeks before I noticed he stopped eating. We went to the vet right away, his blood work was in normal range and xrays were negative. We got him eating again but I knew something was up so we had an ultrasound which showed a 3.5cm mass. The doc couldn't tell if it was in his stomach or pancreas. We decided on surgery. The day before surgery I spent cuddling, loving, and playing with my boy. Beanie came to me on April 1, 2007. Some other family returned him to the rescue saying he was too vocal. They had him for 3 nights and decided it was not the right fit. I picked this sweet little boy up and knew he was the right fit for me and my other kitty Merlin. From day 1 Merlin and Beanie were two peas in a pod. I called them book ends because they looked so much alike. Beanie was the most loving, playful, cuddle buddy I have ever seen. People that did not like cats loved Beanie. He was gentle and never hissed, swatter or scratched at anyone or anything. He loved to play fetch and came running whenever I whistled for him. He waited for me at the door and nursed me through a painful injury surgery and recovery. Never leaving my side he purred on my leg like it was his job to fix me. As I am writing this I still cannot believe that my baby is gone. The doc called me about 2 hours after I dropped him off for surgery to tell me that he passed on the table. His little body was filled with cancer. The doc and office staff were truly shocked at the outcome as he was seemingly so strong. He looked and acted perfect. I know now that was all for his mommy. He was riddled with cancer. I still have no idea how a 12 lb animal can have so much strength. I have seen and experienced a great deal in my life. I am a Police Detective in New York City and have seen the worst of things but this loss is the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with because for so long it was just me, Merlin and Beanie. Merlin crossed the bridge in 2015 and again Beanie was there to help me. Now with Beanie gone even though I have an amazing new husband and 2 other cats I feel alone. A few days ago I could not sleep so I was looking at all of the kitties that needed homes and I stumbled upon a lil guy named Doc. Doc was abandoned in a dumpster behind a vets office. He was rescued, nursed back to health and put up for adoption. Doc came home to live with us and is helping us all grieve. Doc will never replace my Beanie but I decided that the best way to honor my baby boy was to give another kitty a safe loving home with loving family. Doc is adorable and has brought a smile back to my face again. It is so hard to fall asleep without my Beanie, he will always have a piece of my heart but I know he is no longer in pain and he is with his "brother" Merlin. Many people cannot understand the love between an animal and a person and they do not understand my grief. But my grief is real and it physically hurts. Each passing day, I feel a bit better and I am loving and giving Doc and my other 2 "kids" the best lives possible, it is what I know Beanie would want. He acted as if his sole purpose in life was to make me happy and for 11 years he did. Rest easy my baby boy, mommy will never forget you.

 

[Furballsmom]

My heart is wrapped around you, doc and your family. Rest in peace sweet baby beanie.

 

[WonderY]

 

[Furballsmom]

Thank you so very very much for what you do, and thank you as well for doc. Every one of us here knows how much our cats are loved, and miss them so incredibly much when they're gone. I will miss forever two individual cats that I only knew for about 10 minutes at a shelter. You are an amazing person and Merlin and beanie and now doc and any other cats and animals you bring into your heart and home are very fortunate.

 

[oldgloryrags88]

Oh man....this hits close to home for me. I won't say I know your pain, because I do not, but I fully understand it. I too, lost my baby girl to cancer, oral squamous cell carcinoma to be exact. I adopted her as a 12 year old, blind, and neglected cat on October 17, 2015. She was diagnosed August 31, 2017 and died in my arms on September 5, 2017 at 14 years old. She lost so much weight and on the day of diagnose, she weighted 4.3 lbs. You can read her threads here and over in the health section if you want.

That was almost 5 months ago and I still have that feeling of emptiness.



I am so sorry for the loss of Beanie. Thank you for loving him so well and for opening your heart to Doc.

 

[Antonio65]

I am a Police Detective in New York City and have seen the worst of things but this loss is the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with because for so long it was just me, Merlin and Beanie.
...[CUT]...
Doc came home to live with us and is helping us all grieve. Doc will never replace my Beanie but I decided that the best way to honor my baby boy was to give another kitty a safe loving home with loving family.

Beaniesmom ,
I have read and liked all your post, beautifully written and touching.
But the quoted passages are those that hit me harder. The fact that no matter how we are used to the ugliness of the world, we are never ready to suffer for the loss of a loved pet.
And the fact that you decided to give a home to an unlucky kitten that now will know what the love and the warmth of a home is. I'm sure Beanie sent Doc your way, because he knew that Doc was in need and nobody else but you could have made the difference in his life.
Thanks for sharing with us your experience of love!

RIP Beanie, you were loved and returned this love through the magic of a new kitty.

 

[di and bob]

Oh, what a beautiful tribute to a beloved companion, best friend, and family member. Cats are many things to each of us, but one thing remains true, when they leave us they take a part of us with them. I know I have grieved deeper and longer over a 'soulmate' cat then I have over most humans, they are just there for us..... no judging, no harsh words that can never be forgotten, no returning our love because they found another. My dad was also a policeman for over thirty years, but I saw this strong, silent man cry like a baby over the loss of his dog. They are somehow closer to our hearts, tied in with our souls.
Beanie will never be forgotten, his legacy of love has taught you to open your heart, to love in return. and now you pass on this legacy to another tiny soul, just as Beanie would want for the one he loves above all else. The bond you have with that sweet boy will always be with you, your souls are tied together by spiritual love, nothing can ever take that from you. He would never want you to be sad because of him.
Like he did hiding his pain to spare you, leave your pain in the past and look forward to a future full of love and hope. Try to celebrate having him in your life, for those wonderful years you did get to share with him, let those precious memories overshadow the bad, let the good flood your heart and lift it up, not get weighed down by your sadness and grief. It is not as he would want, nor as you need. It does absolutely no good to dwell on the end, it changes nothing and only brings heartache.
Your sweet little boy will always be near, his path will forever parallel yours. Until that day when it once more crosses at the end of your own journey on this earth, and you will once more kiss that sweet, soft head. Take care of yourself and know you are not alone in your grief, we are legion........RIP precious Beanie.You will always be loved, you will be forever missed. May the good Lord bless and keep you, until you meet again!

 

[les26]

I am so sorry for your losses, we all here know how hard it hits and hurts, but with time we mend our broken hearts somewhat. And I agree with Antonio, Doc was sent your way by your other cats, thank you for taking him in, he will repay you tenfold for doing that.

"Their last breath on Earth is their first breath in Heaven"

I hope your heart heals a bit more each day, God Bless......

 

[SnugglesAnn]

I am so sorry for your loss. I understand your pain and the thoughts that it will never be the same. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[tamu708]

I'm so very sorry for your loss. RIP sweet little Beanie.

 

[cataan]

I am very sorry about Beanie. He sounds so much like my Back, who loved playing fetch, talking to me with cat words rather than meowing or keeping quiet, coming to me when I called his name, being a friend. One thing that you can hold dear is that Beanie was not just a pet, and was not like "other" cats. Some people say that cats love you because you feed them, but you know from Beanie that is not true -- Beanie, like Back, was happiest showing you how much he loved you and appreciated being your friend. Certainly you are grieving and will never forget Beanie, and will possibly always feel something missing as the months and years go by, but always know that you didn't do anything wrong, that you were reciprocating his friendship and did everything you could for him. Beanie couldn't have asked for a better friend.

 

[DelilahKate]

Bless you, and I admire what you did more than I can say. Three months after our 22 year old cat died (rescued her at 8) still can’t say her name without crying, something clicked in me. I told my husband it was time to go to the shelter. He said he didn’t know if he was ready, and I said that didn’t matter, a cat was ready for us. So, I’m terribly proud of you for finding that kitty that needed you as much as you needed it.