Kitten still hissing and terrified after over a month

[Catl1987]

Hello all, this is probably going to be a long post.
I took in a feral 2 month old kitten a little over a month ago. I saw him wandering around our house for a couple of weeks, no signs of mom or other litter mates… so I set a carrier with food inside and he got in. After that, I took him inside and prepared a room for him with carrier, food, water, toys and a litter box. He was in that room for two weeks and I would visit everyday, three, four times a day and just hang with him, read to him, did the eye blinking thing… From day one he ate and used the litter box normally, although never when me or my partner where around. After those two weeks, I left the door of his room open and he explored the kitchen, which is the room right beside the one he was in. All of this exploring happened and still does at night or when we are not in the house.
So far Ive managed to play with him with da bird type of toys and got him to eat treats from my hand. If I try to pet him, he hisses non stop, even though If I do pet him he eventually relaxes and even falls asleep.
The thing is, Im starting to get worried. Ive read everywhere that is easier for kittens to adjust but with him, its very hard to tell if we are making any progress at all. I also dont know how to approach him anymore. Im trying to give him space, but im scared he will never socialise if I dont force the petting and the physical contact. I am scared that I am always going to live with a cat who seems to hate us. On the first week of having him we took him to the vet and they told us he had herpesvirus, which meant we had to give him antibiotics and different medications. Weve had to take him to the vet because of this 5 times in a month. Its frustrating because i feel like that is traumatizing him even more, if possible!
Please help me, he is my first cat and I am so lost. I do not wish for a lap cat, I just want him ti be comfortable and okay with our presence without the constant hissing and looking terrified.
thank you!

 

[StefanZ]

You are apparently doing good, along the manual...
As you notice, if you insist of petting, he seems to be good with it... So his hissing isnt really threating, its "just" a warning; Im unsure, Im
scared....
So I think you shall contnue.... A tip I saw was to brush them with long strokes, with a brush, long strokes a good time...

Another trick is the friendly breaking in... Wrap in a towel alike a burrito, and carry at your chest for a good half an hour.... Singing softly and
making friendly noises...

And yeah, sing and talk friendly noises when you are with him, is good.

Also, aside of the slow blinkning, yawning and stretchin out are other things they do when friends are there.


Calm, relaxing music is good - harp music? There are long example on youtube.

You can also try with an Feliway adapter.

 

[Cat McCannon]

Patience, Grasshopper. If you were not making progress with your kitten, you wouldn’t be able to play with, or pet him at all. He wouldn’t relax and fall sleep with you around. When we took Belle in, she was very wild. She’s wouldn’t let us pick her up, sit with us or let us pet her. She wouldn’t purr at all. One day, she simply jumped up in my lap while I was sitting in my favorite chair and we’ve been inseparable ever since.

Keep doing what you’re doing. The visits to the vet will be traumatic for awhile and might always will be. But far less traumatic than if you hadn’t taken your kitten into your home or if you let him suffer from something the vet can treat.

Right now, your cat needs you to be patient, calm and confident. If you’re tense or worried, your cat will pick up on that and will wonder what the danger is. If you’re calm, your cat will know all is well and his world is secure.

What you should do next is, post photos of your new friend and tell us his name.

 

[Catl1987]

You are apparently doing good, along the manual...
As you notice, if you insist of petting, he seems to be good with it... So his hissing isnt really threating, its "just" a warning; Im unsure, Im
scared....
So I think you shall contnue.... A tip I saw was to brush them with long strokes, with a brush, long strokes a good time...

Another trick is the friendly breaking in... Wrap in a towel alike a burrito, and carry at your chest for a good half an hour.... Singing softly and
making friendly noises...

And yeah, sing and talk friendly noises when you are with him, is good.

Also, aside of the slow blinkning, yawning and stretchin out are other things they do when friends are there.


Calm, relaxing music is good - harp music? There are long example on youtube.

You can also try with an Feliway adapter.

Thank you for your answer! I tried the burrito wrapping and he seemed to enjoy it on the first days, but now he wiggles and jumps out of it… I think it has to do with the vet visits, because when I do pick him up against his will is to be put in the carrier and taken to the scary vet! We have had a feliway difusser plugged in for three weeks now…
He naps when Im with him, stretches, yawns and even sleeps on his side and tummy up. However, If i move or try to reach for him, he hisses and curls into a tiny ball.

 

[Catl1987]

Patience, Grasshopper. If you were not making progress with your kitten, you wouldn’t be able to play with, or pet him at all. He wouldn’t relax and fall sleep with you around. When we took Belle in, she was very wild. She’s wouldn’t let us pick her up, sit with us or let us pet her. She wouldn’t purr at all. One day, she simply jumped up in my lap while I was sitting in my favorite chair and we’ve been inseparable ever since.

Keep doing what you’re doing. The visits to the vet will be traumatic for awhile and might always will be. But far less traumatic than if you hadn’t taken your kitten into your home or if you let him suffer from something the vet can treat.

Right now, your cat needs you to be patient, calm and confident. If you’re tense or worried, your cat will pick up on that and will wonder what the danger is. If you’re calm, your cat will know all is well and his world is secure.

What you should do next is, post photos of your new friend and tell us his name.

Thank you!
His name is Boogie. He LOVES playing with string and allows me to be the closest to him when he is playing.

 

[Hobiflowery]

You're doing well so far, don't worry! With a abused, stray or feral cats it can take a while until they feel fully safe. You're already making great progress, it will only get better from now on

 

[StefanZ]

Thank you for your answer! I tried the burrito wrapping and he seemed to enjoy it on the first days, but now he wiggles and jumps out of it… I think it has to do with the vet visits, because when I do pick him up against his will is to be put in the carrier and taken to the scary vet! We have had a feliway difusser plugged in for three weeks now…
He naps when Im with him, stretches, yawns and even sleeps on his side and tummy up. However, If i move or try to reach for him, he hisses and curls into a tiny ball.

If he both streches and yawns you have already won a decisive win... Its just to proceed as you are doing...

As you say, taking him to the vet delays his progress, but it cant be helped...

 

[Catl1987]

I am also worried about him not leaving his “safe spots” which are under the kitchen table and under the table of the safe room we prepared for him. I put boxes and cat beds around the room to see if he would use them but he hasn’t yet… I’ve tried luring him out with toys but as soon as he realises he is in the middle of the room he runs to hide again. Is this normal? After reading the comments I am trying to accept that a month might not be enough time for him to be fully confident…

 

[StefanZ]

Ah one idea more. Try to sleep with him! Hopefully he will lay himself on you, or at least nearby...


In overall; he isnt feral no more. He is unsecure and anxious...

 

[Catl1987]

Ah one idea more. Try to sleep with him! Hopefully he will lay himself on you, or at least nearby...


In overall; he isnt feral no more. He is unsecure and anxious...

Thank you! I will sleep with him. We dont have a bed where he usually is, but I can improvise something to at least nap! Thank you so much for the advise

 

[Catl1987]

You're doing well so far, don't worry! With a abused, stray or feral cats it can take a while until they feel fully safe. You're already making great progress, it will only get better from now on

Thank you! He is my first cat and sometimes I get insecure and wonder whether Im taking the steps in the right direction regarding his socialisation! Also because everyone kept telling me that because he is very young he would come out of his shell in a matter of days and its already been a month and my poor boy is still terrified.

 

[shadowsrescue]

Here is a really great video with ideas on how to socialize feral kittens. I have found some great tips here.

Also look up Flatbush cats on youtube. They have some great videos on socializing.

 

[Cat McCannon]

I am also worried about him not leaving his “safe spots” which are under the kitchen table and under the table of the safe room we prepared for him. I put boxes and cat beds around the room to see if he would use them but he hasn’t yet… I’ve tried luring him out with toys but as soon as he realises he is in the middle of the room he runs to hide again. Is this normal? After reading the comments I am trying to accept that a month might not be enough time for him to be fully confident…

Under the table should be ok. It's a place you can easily get to your cat in an emergency (of course, he'll probably run) and it's open so he can see what's going on. Choosing a place he can see from is a confidence builder. If it were a place you can't easily get to your cat and/or cannot see, it would be best to block that place off. A cat hiding in a place they cannot observe their territory is a cat lacking in confidence. It also saps their confidence.

Boogie is showing signs of being a real character. I bet he turns out to be as bold as brass!

 

[tabbytom]

I took in a feral 2 month old kitten a little over a month ago. I saw him wandering around our house for a couple of weeks, no signs of mom or other litter mates…

Firstly, thank you fore taking in this kitten in and for giving him a warm and fur-ever loving home and a safe sanctuary to live out his live

Secondly, you've got many good suggestions from our members in helping to settle the kitten in.

He's such a beautiful kitten! Does he has a name? If not, give him a name and start calling him by that name so that he can get use to it and also know that that is his name. The earlier he gets his name, the sooner he'll respond to when called.
Also try to keep loud noises down like talk softer while having conversations in the house and also tone down music and tv sounds. Try not to make any unexpected loud noises as all these loud sounds will scare him and put him on an alert which will get him into hiding.

When he has a name, you can start calling him by his name in a sweet soft loving voice. Also when approaching him, do not go into the safe room suddenly. Announce your arrival by calling his name. Then when you are about to enter the room, lower yourself and make yourself small. By standing, to him, you look like a giant and that's intimidating to him and also look threatening to him. You can sit on the floor and slowly inch toward him.

I see in the photo and look into his eyes, it shows that he wants to play and get acquainted but he needs lots of trust from you. You can do that by calling his name and speaking softly and lovingly to him and as mentioned the earlier posts, slow eye blink with him. Once you slow eye blink with him, look away and don't stare him in the eye. By looking away, it shows that you are submissive and he is in control. Eye staring in cats means trouble. This is one way to help build up his confidence.

Since you can get near to him, form your hand into a fist. By forming a fist, it looks like another cat's head and cats do head bumps with each other. First, formed your fist, present it to him slowly. Let him sniff your fist. Once he sort of sniff it with a little confidence, gently brush your fist along his face towards the his ears. Repeat this several times and every time you go play with him.
Next, you may also hide a treat or his food in you fist and ket him smell and repeat the face brushing and then open your fist and toward him with the food. With this, he'll get encourage as here is a food reward after the fist bump.
I tell you one example, not related to cats but the idea is there when comes to feeding. Those people who keep Koi fishes will feed their fishes daily. Koi fish are friendly fishes and they recognize those that feed them. Many of them feed their Koi fishes this way. They throw the food pellets into the pond and walk away. Feeding the fishes this way makes the fishes think that food fall from the sky. Whenever they see the humans walk near the pond, they swim away and hide and wait for the food to fall from the sky.
I use to keep Koi fishes before and I know this. There is a way to disturb the water gently to draw the fish to you and when they come up to you, you give them the food. Over time, they get used to you and associate you with food and their confidence level goes up tremendously high and eventually, I'm able to hand feed the fishes and they eat out from my hand and each time they see me approaching the pond, they all swim up to me instead of swimming away to hide. Also when it's not feeding time, they see men and they swim up to me and I'm able to pet them. This goes the same with you kitten.

This kitten is observing you and the surrounding. He wants to make sure that it is 101% safe before making his next move. Always give him lots of encouragements, praise him for doing the right things. Never forcing him to do things he don't like. It's good that you are opening the door and let him roam but make sue that the entire house is cat safe and all escape route are covered. he will, when the time he thinks it's ok and safe. Just don't rush him. let him do it at his own timing. Do it step by step, day by day.

Just remember these few words. One step forward and two steps back. Love, patience and routine rules the day.

Feel free to ask questions and there's nothing called stupid questions and do keep us updated of the progress.

 

[Catl1987]

Under the table should be ok. It's a place you can easily get to your cat in an emergency (of course, he'll probably run) and it's open so he can see what's going on. Choosing a place he can see from is a confidence builder. If it were a place you can't easily get to your cat and/or cannot see, it would be best to block that place off. A cat hiding in a place they cannot observe their territory is a cat lacking in confidence. It also saps their confidence.

Boogie is showing signs of being a real character. I bet he turns out to be as bold as brass!

Firstly, thank you fore taking in this kitten in and for giving him a warm and fur-ever loving home and a safe sanctuary to live out his live

Secondly, you've got many good suggestions from our members in helping to settle the kitten in.

He's such a beautiful kitten! Does he has a name? If not, give him a name and start calling him by that name so that he can get use to it and also know that that is his name. The earlier he gets his name, the sooner he'll respond to when called.
Also try to keep loud noises down like talk softer while having conversations in the house and also tone down music and tv sounds. Try not to make any unexpected loud noises as all these loud sounds will scare him and put him on an alert which will get him into hiding.

When he has a name, you can start calling him by his name in a sweet soft loving voice. Also when approaching him, do not go into the safe room suddenly. Announce your arrival by calling his name. Then when you are about to enter the room, lower yourself and make yourself small. By standing, to him, you look like a giant and that's intimidating to him and also look threatening to him. You can sit on the floor and slowly inch toward him.

I see in the photo and look into his eyes, it shows that he wants to play and get acquainted but he needs lots of trust from you. You can do that by calling his name and speaking softly and lovingly to him and as mentioned the earlier posts, slow eye blink with him. Once you slow eye blink with him, look away and don't stare him in the eye. By looking away, it shows that you are submissive and he is in control. Eye staring in cats means trouble. This is one way to help build up his confidence.

Since you can get near to him, form your hand into a fist. By forming a fist, it looks like another cat's head and cats do head bumps with each other. First, formed your fist, present it to him slowly. Let him sniff your fist. Once he sort of sniff it with a little confidence, gently brush your fist along his face towards the his ears. Repeat this several times and every time you go play with him.
Next, you may also hide a treat or his food in you fist and ket him smell and repeat the face brushing and then open your fist and toward him with the food. With this, he'll get encourage as here is a food reward after the fist bump.
I tell you one example, not related to cats but the idea is there when comes to feeding. Those people who keep Koi fishes will feed their fishes daily. Koi fish are friendly fishes and they recognize those that feed them. Many of them feed their Koi fishes this way. They throw the food pellets into the pond and walk away. Feeding the fishes this way makes the fishes think that food fall from the sky. Whenever they see the humans walk near the pond, they swim away and hide and wait for the food to fall from the sky.
I use to keep Koi fishes before and I know this. There is a way to disturb the water gently to draw the fish to you and when they come up to you, you give them the food. Over time, they get used to you and associate you with food and their confidence level goes up tremendously high and eventually, I'm able to hand feed the fishes and they eat out from my hand and each time they see me approaching the pond, they all swim up to me instead of swimming away to hide. Also when it's not feeding time, they see men and they swim up to me and I'm able to pet them. This goes the same with you kitten.

This kitten is observing you and the surrounding. He wants to make sure that it is 101% safe before making his next move. Always give him lots of encouragements, praise him for doing the right things. Never forcing him to do things he don't like. It's good that you are opening the door and let him roam but make sue that the entire house is cat safe and all escape route are covered. he will, when the time he thinks it's ok and safe. Just don't rush him. let him do it at his own timing. Do it step by step, day by day.

Just remember these few words. One step forward and two steps back. Love, patience and routine rules the day.

Feel free to ask questions and there's nothing called stupid questions and do keep us updated of the progress.

First of all thank you so much for the detailed answer! I appreciate every bit of advice you all are giving me and feel so much more hopeful and trustful of the process now!
Now here comes Boogie UPDATE:
Yesterday my partner was playing with him and played kitten sounds… He started meowing back, seemed very happy and got very energetic! My partner said she was able to play with him and get very close without him freaking out for a good half an hour! Then he ate with her beside him and had a long nap with yawning, stretching and laying tummy up included! Still hissing when she tried to pet him, but we are not forcing him and will let him decide when he feels comfortable with that.
Now his reaction to hearing other cats got me thinking… Would he benefit from having the company of another cat, a more confident one? Today I came across an instagram post about a one year old cat in adoption. I contacted the lady that posted it and said he is especially soft and careful with babies and is very outgoing and loving. She sent me videos of him grooming a kitten and my heart MELTED. Should I take him in too? Will this help Boogie? The lady said this cat is very sociable, adjusts quickly and is very extroverted and sweet. I know cats prefer company… What are your thoughts on this?

 

[tabbytom]

First of all thank you so much for the detailed answer! I appreciate every bit of advice you all are giving me and feel so much more hopeful and trustful of the process now!
Now here comes Boogie UPDATE:
Yesterday my partner was playing with him and played kitten sounds… He started meowing back, seemed very happy and got very energetic! My partner said she was able to play with him and get very close without him freaking out for a good half an hour! Then he ate with her beside him and had a long nap with yawning, stretching and laying tummy up included! Still hissing when she tried to pet him, but we are not forcing him and will let him decide when he feels comfortable with that.
Now his reaction to hearing other cats got me thinking… Would he benefit from having the company of another cat, a more confident one? Today I came across an instagram post about a one year old cat in adoption. I contacted the lady that posted it and said he is especially soft and careful with babies and is very outgoing and loving. She sent me videos of him grooming a kitten and my heart MELTED. Should I take him in too? Will this help Boogie? The lady said this cat is very sociable, adjusts quickly and is very extroverted and sweet. I know cats prefer company… What are your thoughts on this?

This is a very nice update. Looks like he has gained more trust now. Eating, napping, yawning, stretching and belly up are very good signs.

Maybe it is a good idea about another cat for Boogie. If this cat is what the lady say is exactly what he is, I think it's a good bet for Boogie. Having another cat may help Boogie. with all the plus sign of this new cat, I must say that you have to be prepared for the worst. No matter what goes wrong, you have to try to make it right for both of them. It is also very bad for the new cat to be sent back if it fails as this will also hurt the new cat's feelings and disposition. I'm saying all these as a precaution.
I've seen people adopting or buying new cats for the sake of keeping the other cat company and it did not work out and the new cat got sent back.

I'm not discouraging you but I'm for the idea of a new friend for Boogie. Since Boogie is still young and I think it's easier at this age for him.
Have a read on this thread and see the victory post at post #20 - Found kitten last night!

Can you go see the new cat for yourself and see what is said about the cat is true? Also before you go see the cat, get as much Boogie's scent on you or use a small towel and gently go over Boogie and get as much of his scent on the towel and bring along the towel and let the new cat smell and see what is the reaction of the cat. If the new cat is calm and head bump the towel, it is an indication that he is also transferring his scent onto the towel and it is like an acceptance head bump. Otherwise, he'll growl at the towel because of Boogie's scent and he may reject it and this is one of the signs to take note.

 

[Avery]

Some rescue groups near me allow people to do a meet-and-greet when they are interested in adopting a dog or cat. They can bring the members of their family who will be living with the new pet, but sometimes they can also bring their current pet to see if the animals get along. So it would be great, as tabbytom said, to meet this new cat but if you could also let Boogie meet him, that might be helpful, too. Just a thought!

 

[Catl1987]

Hello again! Thank you for all your kind answers!
I'll leave a Boogie update here just in case anyone is interested in how he is doing!
We have finally decided to adopt the other cat I mentioned. His name is Yoda. Unfortunately, we don't have the option of him and Boogie meeting first, but we are signing a foster contract before the adoption one in case something goes wrong like one of them not adapting to the new situation... He is coming home on August 25th and I am very excited!
On Boogie now... He is definitely exploring more, especially at night. He even comes to our room and plays with whatever he finds laying on the floor. He is showing a more playful side, in general. Yesterday I saw him get the zoomis for the first time!
However, he is still not leaving the safe room during the day. If I am with him, he acts skittish when he sees me come in but in a matter of seconds relaxes, stretches, even shows me his tummy... He seems pretty relaxed. But if I try to pet him, move my hands towards him or make any sudden move he hisses at us and sometimes even runs out of the room and hides. Ive come to the conclusion he is mostly scared of hands. If I put treats in my lap, he will come and eat them, but if they are on my hand, he sniffs them and then backs away like he is disgusted LOL.
At this point he has been home for 2 months now and I'm a bit sad and frustrated. In two months I have not been able to pet him and I have to go to the safe room if I want to have any type of interaction with him. And I know play therapy is a thing and that's why I spend hours in the safe room playing with him, but at this point I don't know if it would be better to ignore him and let curiosity bring him out? On the physical contact thing I always offer my hand in a fist to him, but he is not even near from actually reaching for it. He does not seem to care for cuddles at all... And I'm fine with it but I did wish he would at least leave the safe room and look for us, even if it was for food! lol
On a different note, a friend who is a cat behaviorist strongly advised us against burrito wrapping and any technique of "forced" bonding, which we were doing for the first weeks of him being at home. She says that the cat won't trust us and that we should let him approach us whenever he is ready. But that is so far away from happening. I am very lost at this point and don't know which should be my next step with him...

 

[kittychick]

Hello! I've done lots of feral/semi-feral kitten socialization - and totally understand your frustration. I've been there many times and it iS super frustrating. We've had feral kittens (and adults) who socialize quickly, but many take quite some time. I always have to remind myself that these kitties survived outside ONLY by being super cautious of EVERYTHING. They're definitely not the top of the "prey chain" so their mom teaches them fight or flight (or hide) is the only way to stay alive. I try to remember that when I get frustrated. You're trying to undo what's been buried deeply into their brain by mom that this is how they survive.

But on a positive note - it may not feel like it, but you've made AMAZING progress already. And faster then many, believe it or not. Slow and steady is very important. If the safe room is where he still feels safe, that's ok. Socialization is usually two steps forward, one step back. Someone on this site once told me something I"ll never forget - the gift we get out of the socialization is patience for us. The bonus is a cat that's now safely inside and taken care of. But I know it's hard! You've gotten great tips already - - -I'll write some more later when I can bc I have a few more tips to try! We all have different tips and tricks - which is the beauty of this site! In this forum, so many of us have gone through exactly what you're going thru and know exactly how you feel!

And it warmed my heart to hear that you'll accept him as he is - - - lap cat or no. They're all different, just like people, and if everyone understood that as you do, there'd be alot more safe kitties!

 

[kittychick]

(love you actually got to see him get the zoomies - definitely a sign of him feeling more comfortable in his surroundings!)