Just Depressed

[wannahelp]

I’ve had a lifetime of medical issies that have, for long intervals of time, been debilitating. I was at the top of my high school class and was in the National Honor Society but I missed a LOT of school due to illness. I was not prepares for college, in part because I spent a lot of time being schooled at home.
That was a long time ago. NOTHING in my life has gone well. I have missed out on every experience and rite if passage in life, again, due in part to medical problems.

I thought that if I did something positive and completed my degree, maybe things would befin to change. Instead, I’m in a worse position now than i would have been had I done nothing at all. Now, I’ll be paying school loans until I die but I can’t continue because mesical issues dictate that I have to stay close to home. I’ve looked into online Masters but they’re either not what I need or I can’t get in because of lack of work experience, which I’ll mever have because, you guessed it, medical problems. Even if I get a Master’s, if I can’t somehow transform that into a full time work at home income, I’m screwed. My entire life has been dominated and sictated by medical and finamcial problems and a lack of friends and conmections to help me.
I have had a business plan and a web app that I paued to have developed. It cost a lotnof money that my parents struggled to give me hut nobody will work with me. I really can’t move forward without at least one partner. I’m not even asking for money amd nobody will help me. I’m not a bad person. I’m semi-intelligent yet there is not a being in the universe who will help me.
I’m going to end up homeless. I have literally tried everyhting I possibly could and there are just no andwers in life for me. I even tried joining MENSA because I thought maybe I’d find somebody proficient in coding to be a CTO. I’m grasping at every possible straw. Well meaning as they may be, pleaee don’t reply with any trite words of encouragement or positve affirmation because they simply don’t apply. Things may get better for some people but for me they just continue to deteriorate.

 

[Winchester]

I don't know what to say to you. I'm very sorry. I'm at a loss.

 

[mightyboosh]

Maybe you could give us an idea about how we can engage with you about this. The usual replies to a post like this is obviously not what you want so if you could give us a starting point that would help.

 

[Furballsmom]

Be wary of putting up your own website or app. Not so much because of getting ripped off by webmasters, or because i think the market is flooded with too many other startups, but the search engines have "adjusted" their algorithms to benefit their own and other large companies. If a possible customer doesn't see you in search results on page one, you don't exist.

The reason I'm mentioning websites when you're talking about an app - what you could do is sit down and start learning code yourself. It's fascinating, and you are by far smart enough, don't kid yourself.
You could start by looking at it from a site owners perspective. Sign up with google and learn their rules and regs for websites. Then search for Search engine optimization (SEO) online, learn more, hang out your shingle and start helping all the other website and app startups who don't know as much as you do.

Or, find something unique you can create with your hands and start selling on Etsy.

Or keep an eye on Nextdoor, see what people are asking for help with, and figure out what you'd be interested in doing/able to handle.

What about medical transcription. Again, you're smart, and if your hands are ok that could be an option.

Speaking of, there are some work from home things where, for example, a company has a report they want transcribed. I forget the details at the moment, but in any case I think I'd avoid those. It's hard work for pennies, incredibly competitive and from what I've read even at 2:30 in the morning a person is still scrambling to get whatever dinky typing gig. But then again, I don't want to eliminate anything that might help.

 

[MeganLLB]

Yup. Life sucks sometimes. I hear ya. I regret going to college, or at least a private college that I in no way could ever afford. But at 18 you really don't understand the longterm consequences of taking out huge loans. My goal back then was to be a Catholic school teacher or be a Director of religious education at a parish. I knew that these types of jobs did not make a lot of money. In fact, my college made us sign a document stating that we would not sue the school if we could not find a job that makes a decent amount of money. But back then it was all about bringing people to Jesus and spreading the Gospel and I was willing to sacrifice a life of comfort in order to work for the Church.

Fast forward a few years. I have $120,000 in student loan debt and my monthly payments are over $1,300 a month. Now my net monthly income is barely $1,800. I can't afford to pay back my loans and they won't work with me to lower my payments. Eventually they go into default, I am harassed by debt colectors for months, late payment fees, more interest accumulates, and THEN they decide to tell me I now am eligible for a loan payment reduction program. Which by the way only lasts for 2 years and I'm back where I started.

I can't get any other kind of job- I don't have the experience or the education. All I ever do is worry about money and how to pay back my loans. My mom is thinking about taking out another line of equity on her home to pay back my loans. I would feel so horrible if she did that. This debt just feels like a 10 ton weight that hangs around my neck and one day my neck is just going to snap. There is just no solution to it. I don't know how to make more money.

Right now I got a new job, but I haven't accepted a salary yet and I'm afraid he's going to offer me something to low. I need something higher than what I'm making now to even be able to afford rent in this area.

And now because of this, I hate my job. Which you can't do in this kind of work. I have to somewhat like this job because I work with the public and my whole goal is to educate them about the faith and introduce them to Jesus. But right now I really don't care about that. All I can think about is money. Which is why I suck at my job now and I lost my last job.

Everyone has problems. I have problems. I have financial problems that there is no end to. Myself, my parents, even my sister, are paying my loans and there is no end in sight for probably 40 some odd years at which point my mother would be 90 years old. I cry just thinking about it. You just have to deal what life throws at you otherwise you are going to be miserable. I made a horrible horrible mistake and my whole family is paying the price literally until they die.

I have a saying that dreams don't work unless you do. A business man also said once that a goal without a timeline is merely a dream. In otherwords, if you want something to happen in your life, you have to do something about it. You have to work for it. I can't go back and change the past. What's done is done. I have the debt. I have to work to be financially free. You have medical problems. You have to work to find a solution. I know you said you have tried many things, well keep at it. Your life won't change unless you change it yourself. I'm going to get a second job. That's something I haven't done yet. I could work harder and get a second or third job and use that income to pay back my debt. Think of something you haven't tried yet and do it.

I know we both can make our lives better if we pray about it, work hard, and trust that God has a bigger plan than we can imagine for ourselves. And I always say that everything happens for a reason- even if we don't know what the reason is.

 

[Furballsmom]

 

[mightyboosh]

On the debt thing, are there organisations over there that can help? My brother in law did this type of work so I know something about it.
In the UK there are many free services, usually charities, and they run through your income and expenditure and see what is spare after taking all your unavoidable bills such as rent, utilities, food, transport and even cigarettes into account. There may only be a few pounds left and then you pay the charity this surplus monthly and they then dish it out pro rata to the creditors. Once this is agreed between the charity and creditor, there are no more demands or court summonses. It can take years to pay them all back but most of the financial pressure is taken away.
are there services such as this elsewhere?

 

[MeganLLB]

On the debt thing, are there organisations over there that can help? My brother in law did this type of work so I know something about it.
In the UK there are many free services, usually charities, and they run through your income and expenditure and see what is spare after taking all your unavoidable bills such as rent, utilities, food, transport and even cigarettes into account. There may only be a few pounds left and then you pay the charity this surplus monthly and they then dish it out pro rata to the creditors. Once this is agreed between the charity and creditor, there are no more demands or court summonses. It can take years to pay them all back but most of the financial pressure is taken away.
are there services such as this elsewhere?

I would be wary of stuff like that, at least for student loan debt. I tried something like that before and basically what happened is I was lied to first off- they told me what I would have to pay them and I still couldn't afford it, but they said that I could just pay what I could afford. So I was paying this company about half the amount, but still getting harassed by the student loan company. They were collecting my money into one big pot and waiting for my loan to default and then they were going to purchase my loan from Sallie Mae, and then I would owe this company the money instead because I couldn't pay the full amount. The way it is supposed to work, is you pay them the monthly amount and they offer the large sum to Sallie Mae and you pay back slightly less than what you would have owed them with interest. But it wasn't going to work that way because I still couldn't afford to pay them.

You could try a debt consolidation company. That won't work for me but maybe it could work for you. My "debt to income ratio" is too high. So I have too much debt and don't make enough money. Plus they want 3 months equal salary in a savings account, which I could never do. But if you are able to do something like that You could consider consolidating your loans. It would take longer to pay them, but if you are having trouble making the payments, that could help.

 

[les26]

I am sorry that you are suffering so badly, and will keep you in my prayers that things start to turn around for you. I know God can work miracles, not trying to sway you or push anything on you but I believe it and from my end I will ask him to help you out.

And I like your avatar, the cartoon version of the little guy in mine!

Hang in there and God Bless....

 

[arouetta]

Are you on SSI or SSDI? That would give you a stable income.

Have you considered starting other, more traditional businesses? There are grants and lower interest loans for the start up costs of physical businesses owned by minority population groups, and being disabled should qualify you.

 

[Willowy]

Are you on SSI or SSDI? That would give you a stable income.

That's what I was thinking. I have a friend who has received SSI since birth and she gets by. She gets rent/utility assistance, food stamps, and SSI, it's not luxurious but she isn't homeless or lacking any necessities.

 

[MonaLyssa33]

I'm going to assume you live in the US. When I was suffering from debilitating depression and looking for a job, I worked with a job coach through a local nonprofit and also worked with a vocational rehabilitation person with the state of Minnesota. There are lots of resources out there for people, the hard part is knowing where and what to look for.

I understand what you are going through though, and if you just need to vent, I'm here. Wishing you the best.

 

[1 bruce 1]

I’ve had a lifetime of medical issies that have, for long intervals of time, been debilitating. I was at the top of my high school class and was in the National Honor Society but I missed a LOT of school due to illness. I was not prepares for college, in part because I spent a lot of time being schooled at home.
That was a long time ago. NOTHING in my life has gone well. I have missed out on every experience and rite if passage in life, again, due in part to medical problems.

I thought that if I did something positive and completed my degree, maybe things would befin to change. Instead, I’m in a worse position now than i would have been had I done nothing at all. Now, I’ll be paying school loans until I die but I can’t continue because mesical issues dictate that I have to stay close to home. I’ve looked into online Masters but they’re either not what I need or I can’t get in because of lack of work experience, which I’ll mever have because, you guessed it, medical problems. Even if I get a Master’s, if I can’t somehow transform that into a full time work at home income, I’m screwed. My entire life has been dominated and sictated by medical and finamcial problems and a lack of friends and conmections to help me.
I have had a business plan and a web app that I paued to have developed. It cost a lotnof money that my parents struggled to give me hut nobody will work with me. I really can’t move forward without at least one partner. I’m not even asking for money amd nobody will help me. I’m not a bad person. I’m semi-intelligent yet there is not a being in the universe who will help me.
I’m going to end up homeless. I have literally tried everyhting I possibly could and there are just no andwers in life for me. I even tried joining MENSA because I thought maybe I’d find somebody proficient in coding to be a CTO. I’m grasping at every possible straw. Well meaning as they may be, pleaee don’t reply with any trite words of encouragement or positve affirmation because they simply don’t apply. Things may get better for some people but for me they just continue to deteriorate.

My dear you have no idea.
In my 20's my life was falling apart and I won't go into details. I'll let your imagination take hold....and if it's not pretty..don't feel bad =/
I can't help you on this endeavor. But the fact you jointed MENSA is amazing. This is no small achievement.
The right person at the right time will step up. Trust me on this.
I know you feel defeated and sad and alone. But we're a nice group of folks here for you.
You do not need to post this publicly. But I ask that you make a list, privately if necessary, on your GOOD achievements and attributes.
Are you punctual? Loyal? A good listener? If you are, jot them down. It not, praise yourself for your honesty and find something you ARE good at, jot it down, and reflect.
It sounds cheesy as hell but it works.
If you feel defeated, sad, and alone, taking a day or so to sit down and be 100% honest with yourself to write down (for your eyes only) your GOOD traits will be empowering...and might lead you on a path you were meant to be on.
Many hugs. You're a good person for even posting this. You've got our support...and we got your back.

 

[Winchester]

I just thought of something. Do you live close to a college or university? The reason I'm asking is because sometimes somebody there can help you get started or at least steer you in the right direction to get help. It never hurts to ask. Similarly, sometimes a trade school or an adult education center can help you, too.

Does your state have a Department of Commerce and Development? Sometimes people there can answer questions and get you going in a certain direction.

 

[arouetta]

I think all states have a Department of Rehabilitative Services, which does job training and job placement for disabled people.

 

[1 bruce 1]

I just kind of noticed.
Your use name is wannahelp .
Is to say you wanna help others?
If so...jot that down as an attribute. Life isn't a contest but if you want to help others in any way you can (and being supportive on an internet forum IS helpful, you have no idea!), that's something that belongs on your list of "good traits".

Hugs. Hope you're doing well my friend.

 

[artiemom]

Just as a suggestion... are there any humane societies located near you? Sometimes, when you volunteer to help either animals or humans, it makes you feel better...

Obviously, you are a cat lover, because you are posting here... I, also have depression and anxiety issues. I volunteer, at a humane society. It has helped me immensely...

Also... if you are not physically or emotionally able to work, please, either make an appointment or go down in person to your local Social Security office, so that you can apply for Disability. If you do not meet their requirements, they can still be very helpful... You do need patience, as the waiting time can be an entire day... but, please persevere... This can really help you.. they can, at least, point you in there right direction~~ for help, financially and medically..

((((Hugs)))

 

[wannahelp]

I was turned down for SSI. I tried.The Social Sexurity Administration is not helpful at all. It’s just another government controlled bureaucracy. Anything having to do with the government is more frustrating than helpful. I’ve tried EVERYTHING! It’s not ao easy to get. Some people have to get lawyers and it takes years. Others go through all of that and still can’t get it. I’ve looked into physical businesses. I had been looking at franchises for a year. I don’t know about anything that would help me open a business myself. Plus, SBA won’t give loans for a non-franchise business unless you have experience in the area you’re buisness is in. As far as loans for minority groups, you meed an income to qualify. Regardless of the lender, they still want to know that they’ll be repaid.
My brother has some knowledge of the food business but I’ve begged him for years to help me to do something and he won’t. In fact, there is a business we could start with very little money but I can’t do it without his knowledge. He is well aware of my situaion but he just doesn’t care. I wrote a post about him and I’ve decided it’s really healthier for me to just end that one-way relationship. I also have a wealthy cousin, who has her own business. I asked her for help and she just ignored me
Anyway, I can’t afford most of the franchises and I’ve looked at all kinds in all price ranges. The ones I can afford are a waste of money. Others require physical work that I cannot always perform. Some require multiple units because they’re really intended as secondary not primary incomess. I worked with several franchise consultants and there’s nothing.
Etsy-I don’t know how to do or make anything. Itried making and selling t shirts and I wasted about $1000 and didn’t sell one. I don’t know anybody, so it’s not like I’m going to sell anything by word of mouth or through facebook. Plus, without being able to print your own shirts, it can become quite expensive.
Medical transcription-there are tons of people doing this. I have no experience and it’s not easy to get accounts. I have no ins with doctors. Most of the practices here are controlled by hospitals, so that makes it even more difficult. The family doctor that you’ve known all your life doesn’t ezist anymore. Doctors don’t want to treat people anymore, let alone help anybody get started in a business.
I started having medical issues at a very young age but prior to that sports were my thing. I really never got a chance to do anyhting else.

 

[arouetta]

Appeal. I was told by an SSA worker that nearly everyone is denied the first time, and to expect it and appeal. You can work the system and appeal it without a lawyer, it's a pretty straightforward process. But if you want one they work on contingency rather than money up front. Typical case, you get denied, you appeal, you get denied again and appeal again and next step is a judge. That's about 3-4 months since you first submitted your application. A lot of people get approved once it goes before a judge.

The ones you hear of for years, they either are faking and keep getting denied, or they have a mystery illness that isn't recognized by the medical profession yet. (Like fibromyalgia when it was thought that it was all in the head.)

And definitely Dept of Rehabilitative Services. Their evaluation can be given to the SSA for your appeal.

 

[wannahelp]

I think I already missed the appeal date and I had to change primary doctors. I don’t have anybody to write for me for an appeal anyway, right now. A new doctor won’t do it and I have to get testing to go back to a specialist, which I cannot do without a referral, which I cannot get until I see a new doctor, at which point, I’ll have to start the whole SSI process again-another 6 months for initial denial, that’s into next year already, to beg for the pittance that is FAR below any kind of living wage, unless you’re in a third world country.