I Regret My Choice.

[Snake5500]

Hi, 3 days ago i had to make a choice for my 6 month old kitten Ezio. He was an amazing cat, he loved his hugs, loved to play and loved to snuggle on a night.

One morning i woke up went to feed my 5 cats and Ezio wasn't there, this wasnt like him he was always on the bench pestering me wile i made his food. I went in to the room he was in and could tell he wasn't to well, i thought it may be a bug so watched him all day but soon noticed it was something worse. The next day, bright and early i took him to the vets for a check up with the mind set the vet would say hes got a bug, give him some pills he will be fine, i was so wrong.

When i got in the vet checked him out and said that all was fine but he had a lump in his bowls, i asked what she ment and she said he must of eating something and it's got stuck. She then told me he would need a xray and then a opp, this would come to £750. I asked what the options where and thats when she said opp or put him to sleep.

My heart sank, i didnt have no one to borrow off and wouldnt have £750 till my months pay 2 weeks away. I also didn't want to let my baby go for a simple opp. I begged the vet to please go ahead with it just let me pay in 2 weeks time, she told me no money no opp that i only had one choice.

I had to chose to put him to sleep, i hug him close and cryed so much. I stayed with him as they did it, hugged and kissed his little head after he passed and cryed saying i was so so sorry for having to chose this.

Like i said at the start its 3 days since now, im doing nothing but cry, feeling sick, cant sleep and wish he was home. I blame my self i should of had insurance on him. I keep asking why i didnt ask for 24 hours so i could think of some way to keep him alive. All i keep thinking is why didn't i do this, why didn't i do that. I feel so guilty and hate my self for it, is this normal ? should i have done more ? i loved little Ezio so much and miss him everyday but i feel i done wrong, was i right or should i have done more ?

 

[edie56]

she was very angry since you didnt have the money she was wrong in telling you had to have him put down did she ever tell you what the lump was couildnt he have passed it so sorry this had to happen to you give your cats a special hug

 

[Snake5500]

No just got told she was 90% sure it was something he ate, she said it could of been poop but felt to hard. She then told me if he didnt get treatment he would die in pain. i was in shock, couldn't think straight. Now i think i could of sold house hold items to raise the money, as i could always of replaced them. She said it may pass but was unlikely. Iv looked online and found out i didn't need to make a choice there and then but this was never explained to me, it felt like she was forceing my hand to chose there and then. I'v done nothing but hug in to them since. I'v paid for insurance for the 4 of them now as i will never have this happen to one of them again. But i just feel like i was a bad owner that i didn't do the right thing.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

You did the only thing that you could do, given the choices that you were given. I am crying a bit here, for you and for Ezio. You were given an impossible choice by an unfeeling vet, and did the only thing that a caring, loving person would do...you did not allow your cat to die in pain. I am so sorry that this happened to you. I am also heartened by the fact that you now have insurance for your other babies.

Rest you gentle, little Ezio, dream you deep. Your pawprints are on someone's heart forever.

 

[les26]

This is terrible, I am so sad that this happened and you all had to go through this!!! I can't believe that the vet didn't suggest giving him an enema to try to clear the blockage out, but maybe that wouldn't have been a good idea. You were in such a tough position, I wish we could go back in time and we all here could have raised the money for you, so so sad.

I hope your heart heals a bit more each day, Lord Bless you......

 

[Kitty Mommy]

I am so sorry this happened and that the vet was so uncaring. What an awful position you were put in. Your first concern was for Ezio and you didn't want him to suffer because you love him so much. That vet was wrong to push you. Please forgive yourself. Ezio will always be with you in your heart.

 

[di and bob]

You did what you had to do with what you had. My heart cries for the fact that you truly had no choice, you couldn't let your little boy suffer. Life is hard, trying to go back and change the past is impossible. Even with the surgery there was no guarantee of a good outcome, it could have been a tumor or any number of things that could change the outcome.
When we are faced with horrible decisions, it is later when we can think again, we arrive at all the doubts and different scenarios that plague our thoughts and dreams. What you did you did out of love and concern, it can't be wrong. I know it is impossible not to, but try not to dwell on the end, it only brings heartache and changes nothing. Try to celebrate having Ezio in your life, that you gave him a home and love, something he might not have known without you. It meant everything to him and you gained so much by having him in your life.
Everything you are going through is normal, it is called grief. There truly is nothing more you could have done because it is in the past now and you were given only two choices. You couldn't let your little boy be in pain., so there was no other choice at the time. It hurts, it hurts bad and always will. Time is the only thing that helps to soften the sharp edges. In time you will use your memories and the bond you will always have with Ezio to bring yourself comfort. Know he will always be near, nothing can take away the love you had for each other. His new journey will always follow yours, the legacy of love he leaves you is meant to be shared and bring you joy. He would NEVER want you to be so sad because of him. He would want you to go on and be happy, and love, once again, just as you would want for him if you were the first to go. Don't dwell in sadness, he doesn't want that for the one he loves so much, it's not fair to you, or the other little ones who are mourning too. Hold them tight and know we are all meant to love in the present. None of us are guaranteed a tomorrow. You have 4 others who depend on you, and you need them too right now to bring order back into your life. I'll keep you all in my prayers, take care and keep in touch.......RIP little Ezio, please send what comfort you can to the ones who miss you so very much. You will always be held in a loving heart and will never be forgotten on this earth. Goodnight, sleep tight, little Prince!

 

[Snake5500]

Thank you all, its nice to have people who will listion and give advice instead of saying get over it. i was sitting just thinking of him today, my queen give birth to him on april 29th 2017. I picked him up at 3 weeks old, he was laying there asleep so brought him close. As i did that, his little paw lay on my chest near my heart, i new then he would be stay not getting rehomed.

Now i know it's normal to feel like this ill go with the feelings, ill also will try to remember his good times how he was alittle trobble maker as well as cute as hell. Again thank you all, i think i found my new home for cat info as you are wonderful and helpful people.

 

[meelasmom]

I am so sorry for what you are going through. I am sending you lots of hugs. I went through something similar, yet different back on April 4th. It still haunts me today. I think everyone has regret, especially when we can't change that final decision. To be honest, you will be in pain for a while and the loss will be great. You will get past it. It will take time and being here talking to these people will help you deal with this loss. If you are curious about my story, it's under
I am absolutely heartbroken and regretful over my Meela having to be put down. Just know that you are not alone.

 

[Snake5500]

This is little Ezio just so you can see the cat i was talking about.

 

[Snake5500]

I am so sorry for what you are going through. I am sending you lots of hugs. I went through something similar, yet different back on April 4th. It still haunts me today. I think everyone has regret, especially when we can't change that final decision. To be honest, you will be in pain for a while and the loss will be great. You will get past it. It will take time and being here talking to these people will help you deal with this loss. If you are curious about my story, it's under
I am absolutely heartbroken and regretful over my Meela having to be put down. Just know that you are not alone.

Thank you ill have a read of it.

 

[heyitsfae]

Ezio is absolutely beautiful. I'm so sorry for all that you're going through. You made the best choice that you could have under the circumstances and put your baby's comfort first. *hugs*

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Thank you all, its nice to have people who will listion and give advice instead of saying get over it.

No, we will never in this world say that. We all know that a cat can, and usually does, become the purring heart of a home.

Again thank you all, i think i found my new home for cat info as you are wonderful and helpful people.

Thank you. We're so glad that you found us, although we HATE HATE HATE the reason why! We laugh together, we celebrate together, and we mourn together. This really is a community.

View attachment 203407
This is little Ezio just so you can see the cat i was talking about.

What an incredibly lovely little guy he was, and is.

 

[Shane Kent]

Sorry for the loss of your handsome boy Ezio. I find it incredibly heartbreaking that you were forced to make the decision you made, please don't blame yourself. As far as I am concerned the vet never really gave you any options. Seems to me you were forced into one decision and that is not your fault at all.

 

[tinydestroyer]

What a heartbreaking decision you were forced to make! As the vet gave you only two choices, you are so brave and strong for doing what you thought was right at the time, and would end poor little Ezio's suffering. He's such a beautiful little guy. I know that grief, especially when it strikes suddenly, will make you think all kinds of twisted and painful things. You can't change the past with what you learn in the future. Just know that you did everything you could with the information you had at the time, and even if you go over and over it in your head, there's no way of knowing what would've happened during the procedure even if you had the surgery money. You were a wonderful cat mom, as is evident by your feeling so torn up these past few days. It might not get easier anytime soon, but just know that everyone on this site is here for you, and we are so glad you joined!

 

[vyger]

We are conditioned from school to look up to, respect, trust and believe that people in what appears to be authority will know best and always have our best interest at heart. Unfortunately when we get older and more experienced we learn that it is often not the case. I always try to find something of value to take away from a bad situation and in your case with your kitten there is a very big thing that your cat has helped you to know. There are always more choices. The vet "gave you" 2 choices and in effect implied that there were no others. You now know that that was not true. You could have left and walked away with your kitten to find another opinion. They in effect intimidated you into a course of action that may not have been the best for you and your kitten but was the best for them. Thanks to this experience and your kitten you are now empowered with the knowledge that you can say no, I choose something else. There are always other choices and now you know that. Besides for yourself you can also help others now who could end up in a similar situtation.

 

[tinydestroyer]

We are conditioned from school to look up to, respect, trust and believe that people in what appears to be authority will know best and always have our best interest at heart. Unfortunately when we get older and more experienced we learn that it is often not the case. I always try to find something of value to take away from a bad situation and in your case with your kitten there is a very big thing that your cat has helped you to know. There are always more choices. The vet "gave you" 2 choices and in effect implied that there were no others. You now know that that was not true. You could have left and walked away with your kitten to find another opinion. They in effect intimidated you into a course of action that may not have been the best for you and your kitten but was the best for them. Thanks to this experience and your kitten you are now empowered with the knowledge that you can say no, I choose something else. There are always other choices and now you know that. Besides for yourself you can also help others now who could end up in a similar situtation.

I genuinely believe that assuming overt deference to a vet simply because of the authority their position implies psychologically is a simplistic interpretation of this situation. While this vet sounds incredibly callous and unfeeling, I fail to see how putting a cat to sleep helps them in any way, as no future services could be rendered for money. Had she taken the cat home, she may still have decided to go through with the painful or risky surgery later, thereby giving the vet the expensive surgery fee. However, this still wouldn't have 100% ensured a different outcome.
I think some of the difficulty lies in the OP not knowing if she believes that it was the right course of action for her and her kitten in retrospect, but there's very little doubt she believed it was the right thing to do at the time. It pained her to do it, and she did it anyway, with the intention of sparing her cat pain. While blind deference to any authority, including a vet, can be very detrimental, so can unfocused skepticism. Barring the OP gaining the ability to read the charts / x rays or get a second veterinary opinion on Ezio's case post mortem, there is no way you can say with certainty that the wrong choice was made.
There's something to be said for using tragedy as a learning experience.
I'm sure that in the future, remembering to have pet insurance, savings, or care credit options for fur babies is a helpful lesson, as is not allowing yourself to be rushed into such a dire decision. But you must also learn not to punish ourselves for that which truly lies outside of our control and our blame. S Snake5500 I'm so sorry you're feeling such regret and grief, and hope that you and your other 4 little ones can begin to heal soon.

 

[cataan]

I'm not sure you really had a choice - the vet basically told you he would not perform the surgery since you could not pay up front. I find it frustrating that he wouldn't at least suggest alternatives such as a medication to help the blockage along. I hope you find another vet -- remember that despite their training and certifications, they are people and they all have different personalities, intelligence, etc.

 

[MistyDawn]

I'm so, so, so sorry. This breaks my heart because I had a cat in the same situation but was lucky enough to have a kind vet that does in house payment plans. . . then they did the operation and there was nothing there but he was still sick. They didn't know what was wrong, testing him for all kinds of disorders, and all tests were negative. So they sent us home, on our own. All I could do was force-feed him day by day. He is a large cat, half Maine Coon and half Siamese, so he struggled even in his weakness, but I wrapped him in a towel every day. It was prescription food that stays down. I knew he was going to die, but it wouldn't be without a fight, on both our parts.

Then, one day, it happened. I tempted him into licking some tuna water. Then mixed it with canned food, which he ate on his own. Suddenly, within a few days of that, he was basically diving face first into the kibble bowl like his same old self, and has since gotten a little chubby. . . but I could have easily been where you are. I was a broke college student. If it wasn't for that vet willing to surgically check his intestines for free, if it wasn't for them not pushing a euthanasia on me like your vet seemed to do to you, with all of the sensitivity of a butcher. I could have been in your place, and I'd have tortured myself in the same way. "What if" is the cruelest question in the world.

I empathize with you, and I'm terribly sorry for your loss. When we lose a pet, even if it's not a situation like this, it's perfectly normal to think "What if I'd taken him to the vet sooner?" "What if I'd had insurance?" "What if I got a second opinion from a better vet in a big city?" It is what everyone who loses a pet goes through, and in your case, especially normal. You did what you could, and spared him from pain. You were his mommy til the last. That's all we can give them sometimes. Wondering only hurts you. I know from experience how hard it is to deal with that. If I may, the best thing you can do is remember him, and live on. What if only twists the knife. Don't blame yourself.

You'll be in my thoughts.

 

[meelasmom]

I hope you are doing better.