How Do I Help My Grieving Cat?

[JustJ]

Jem inkysmom

I’m not going to lie, I teared up a lot reading both of your brave kitty’s stories. Reading what you went through along with the grief and hardships your cats felt, it reminds me of just how strong these wonderful felines are. It’s not right that these innocent and pure kitties have to go through this and my heart really goes out to both of your cats. As short or long their lives have been, their lives were filled with love and companionship which really is the most important things in life. It’s that fact that reduces my own regret and I really do hope and pray that you get to be reunited with your beloved cats again one day. Both of you must have suffered enough yourselves and I hope that you are getting through that as well. This is so hard, to me this is the worst pain in the world so I really admire that you were kind enough to share your stories with me as well as help give me some perspective on what to do with my still living baby and he appreciates this too.

If you are ever willing, I’d love to hear more about your sweet kitties or read about them somewhere. I’d like to keep their memories alive along with you.

 

[inkysmom]

Thank you. I had several threads about Inkys various health issues in the health section and in the rainbow bridge section I rambled a lot about his death and losing my other cats as well in the first week of june 2017. I'm not sure how to link old threads here I'm a dinosaur on the internet lol.

I started a thread weeks ago about my still living sick kitty Lovey in the health section called Another sick cat. It got a few responses and I've been so busy caring for him daily and dealing with constant car breakdowns, finding a new job and two part time jobs I haven't posted about him much. I also started a thread about him called something about multiple myeloma, which is the cancer he has but it also got few responses. Someone posted a link to a cat cancer site which theoretically looks great with resources and supports, but when I tried to join I never heard back after the initial email saying they'd decide if I was approved as a member in 24 hours.

When you're stressed, overwhelmed with constant care of any loved one and still grieving lost pets before, having to jump through hoops to jump a snobby exclusive site was honestly off putting so I never contacted them again. Anyone who wants support should be able to join.

But thanks if I find time to look for the old threads about Inky I'll post the names or links.
Time does make things easier. Your kitty is still with you and his brother, in your heart watching over you forever. When you're ready you may get little dream visits or other signs.
With my current cat Lovey, I always felt that my beloved childhood cat who lived to be twenty sent home to me to cheer me up. They're both tabbies, she was orange and he's cream. They don't look alike. But a little over a month after she died, also of cancer, but at twenty she was bound to die of something, I went to the shelter to get a kitten to cheer up the house. She and my other beloved cat had died two months apart and the two remaining cats were depressed and not eating and miserable.

I bonded with this kitten right away, he kept purring and cuddling with me then racing away to run and play. This sounds silly but he was born the month of her 20th birthday while she was still alive and they were/are both Virgos, a sign I always get along with. I dated and was with a virgo for six years.

Lovey's always reminded me of this cat and always been very clingy and I've always called him my little gift from the angels.

Since he got his cancer diagnosis, I keep calling him by my old cat's name. Never did that before. I take that as a sign that she's with us helping us get through his illness and comforting us both. I've done it many times now. I've always had occasional loving dreams with her. Hopefully she's helping heal him so he can live longer than they predict. The oncologist already insisted he has to be on the chemo two pills every other day or the cancer will get worse. He can't handle that dose. I had to stop the chemo two or more weeks ago and his blood work is almost completely normal with no cancer now. I'll take whatever angels or heavenly interventions I can get.

So keep open to little signs or dreams I believe in them and have many weird but positive stories over the years.

 

[rubysmama]

inkysmom : Hugs to you with all you've been through, and are going through again. I rarely read the CtB forum, or even the Health forum, as I find the sadness can be overwhelming.

JustJ : I hope things start to get a little easier for you in the coming days/weeks.

It's been a long time since I had to say goodbye to a family pet, and those times other family members dealt with the hard part, I just shed the tears. I dread the day my Ruby girl gets ill.

 

[rubysmama]

I had several threads about Inkys various health issues in the health section and in the rainbow bridge section I rambled a lot about his death and losing my other cats as well in the first week of june 2017. I'm not sure how to link old threads here I'm a dinosaur on the internet lol.

inkysmom : Here's a link to all the threads you've started on TCS:
https://thecatsite.com/search/19018692/

To find them, click on your profile, and scroll down to the bottom of the list of threads. There you'll find "find all threads by inkysmom", which are the ones you started. The others are ones you've replied to.

Sometimes I feel a little dinosaur-like too when it comes to internet things. But then with the internet, there's usually someone else who's asked the same question, and Google can usually find the answer.

 

[inkysmom]

Thanks rubysmama, that's so nice of you. My little youngest cat is also named Ruby, that's his nickname anyway.
The thread that tells about Inky and a bit about my other past cats is I Lost My Sweet Kitty Today

None of the previous threads I'd had about Inky and his various health issues showed up in the search. Maybe they were closed because it's been over a year since he passed away?

 

[rubysmama]

None of the previous threads I'd had about Inky and his various health issues showed up in the search. Maybe they were closed because it's been over a year since he passed away?

The mods do lock threads after a cat passes, but the threads shouldn't disappear. Are you sure you started a brand new thread for Inky, or did you possibly start discussing him in another thread.

 

[Jem]

JustJ
Thank you for your kind words. I have several threads about my kitties on this site but unfortunately they are not good stories. They are all mostly about their diseases and asking advice or in the "crossing the bridge" forum.

But if you would like to, I always get warm and fuzzy telling people the story about when Fritz passed away (I know that sounds bad, but you'll see), and Chewy's role on that day.

So it was Sunday late morning, and we (husband and I) just finished getting Fritz all comfy and washed up (he was ill, but we were hopeful for a recovery), he drank a bit of water, purred at us and gave us a meow. All this time Chewy was sitting near, watching us do our thing, and even helping by grooming Fritz's face as we washed other areas.
So Fritz was all good, so we felt it was a good time to get some things done. My husband went downstairs to get some work done, and I went to take a shower. About 10 minutes or so later (I take long showers on weekends), I get a knock on the door, my husband tells me that Fritz was gone. So I quickly jumped out and dried off to go to him.
My husband, after the initial shock was gone and we had Fritz taken care of, proceeded to tell me about Chewy.
About 5 minutes or so after we left, My husband heard Chewy come running down the stairs, he was not the most graceful cat, lol!. Chewy then sat behind my husband's chair and just meowed, over and over, and would not let up. VERY unlike him as he hardly meows at all. So my husband turned around and asked him what was wrong, he would reach for him but Chewy would pull away and turn around like he was going to run away, but looking back at my husband. So my husband finally decided to get up after a few minutes of back and fourth, he figured something was bugging Chewy. And that's when Chewy basically lead my husband to Fritz's body. He would take a few steps and look back to make sure my husband was still following him. He walked right next Fritz, nudged him, then sat beside him, looking up at my husband, like "do something dad!". It was like a movie where Lassie saves the day by getting the humans to help. My husband then petted Chewy a few times telling him he was a good boy, then came and got me.
The rest of this story is obviously sad, but my heart still feels better about that day because of Chewy. Chewy was by his side when he passed, he alerted us of his passing. Chewy was a special cat, as most are of course, in their own way, but his intuition, caring and compassion were second to none. Truly an angel on earth, and still is to this day. RIP Chewy.

 

[inkysmom]

I started at least two maybe more. One was about his chronic ear problems and debating whether to do the double total ear canal ablation that multiple vets including a dermatologist recommended. It was chronic infections related to diabetes for years then once cancerous tumors were found surgery wasn't optional anymore.

There was another thread I started asking if anyone had experience with a newly deaf cat suddenly becoming aggressive. After his second surgery when he lost all of his diminished hearing he started attacking my other cats and dog who he'd been very bonded to and biting and swatting me if I told him no. Waking him up became dangerous and I saw him go up to his best buddy cat who was curled up sound asleep and start beating the he77 out of him until little cat cried out in surprise and pain. Completely unprovoked. He tried that with the bigger cat who was closer in age and coexisted pleasantly but never bonded, instead had a rival relationship for two other cats and me. Didn't work out so well, the bigger cat didn't care if inky was sick or who weighed more technically, he was taller and had always been the bully. This was Lovey who's sick now. Never at a loss to defend himself with cats. Inky tried randomly attacking him a few times and he fought back hard. Inky backed down fast since he got some hard cuffs and swats.
Within a few weeks he stopped being aggressive and was back to being affectionate with his pet buddies and me.
Then my dog told me his cancer was back. It was not only back but metastasized.

 

[inkysmom]

Jem that's an amazing story, made me tear up but Chewy sounds like he was an amazing cat.
Some animals are really caretakers and some become caretakers when they have a strong bond. My little Ruby was very bonded to Inky especially after Inkys best buddy Fawn and his beloved girlfriend Mandy died only a month apart. Inky got very sick, I think because he was so depressed he just gave up. The day I brought home Mandy's empty carrier after she died he raced to the door hoping she was finally home from the hospital after five days. He saw it was empty and me crying and my last dog quiet and sad and he let out this loud cry as if someone had hit or burned him. He lost his feistiness after that for a while. Then his buddy Fawn got sick and also died a month later. Lovey was also devoted to Mandy, I adopted them together from the shelter, he was a five month old kitten and she was a five year old gentle giant 18 pound cat that no one wanted. She groomed him and held him down like a kitten and cuddled with him. When I took in Inky and Fawn a year or so later, Inky fell in love with her and followed her everywhere, rubbing against her and just cuddling and lying on her even when she'd eat. She tolerated him but would cuff him away to let her eat. He even followed her onto my bed at a safe distance watching in horror as she cuddled and laid on top of me and cuddled with Lovey.
Years later little kitten Ruby was adopted and he and Lovey became instant best buddies, the Dynamic Duo, torturing and wreaking havoc on the other lazy older cats. Mandy, the elegant queen, sent each flying across the room and shaking their heads with one right or left hook so they learned not to mess with her.
Inky and Lovey eventually learned to coexist and tolerate each other but never really bonded. There was always competition for Mandy. Then competition for Ruby who became close to both, then constant competition for me as I tamed Inky. Lovey always has to be closest to me and wants all the attention. He will race over when I call any animal and literally push between me and the dog or any other cat and cuff them away sneakily if he can.
Ruby used to push away and steal food from past dying cats that he wasn't particularly close to. With inky and now Lovey being sick, he'll still eat extra food, but will cuddle and hover around a sick buddy, wash and groom them, follow them everywhere and watch them constantly.

So will my dog who found cancer on inky and instantly finds any infection or injuries on anyone he meets and sniffs and points it out. He hovered nonstop over inky. Now he won't let Lovey leave the exam room at the vet because he hates it when he's hospitalized. When he is hospitalized, Ruby and the dog won't eat and mope and lie silently around.
When my ancient horse was very sick and almost died over a year ago she would lie down and refuse to get up and I was terrified that she was dying right in front me. Nothing i did would make her try to get up or do anything except lie flat out groaning. Her son who's very bonded to her was frantic. He nudged her gently with his nose calling to her, then butted her harder with his head calling louder, then started nudging her harder and harder with his foot literally screaming at her. Between the two of us we got her up each time and she made a miraculous recovery thanks to excellent care, my pure stubbornness and an amazing vet. She's fine and feisty as ever now but seeing her son so frantic broke my heart even more than the fear of losing her which was already devastating.
I've seen and heard of so many examples of the bonds animals have for each other as well as with people. The ones who think animals don't have emotions and feelings are just really clueless and sad to me.

 

[rubysmama]

One was about his chronic ear problems and debating whether to do the double total ear canal ablation that multiple vets including a dermatologist recommended.

I found this: Ear Ablation Surgery

There was another thread I started asking if anyone had experience with a newly deaf cat suddenly becoming aggressive.

Looks like the same thread, but a few posts down the page - Ear Ablation Surgery

 

[JustJ]

inkysmom
I’m right there with you, I’m not very tech savvy! I’m sorry to hear that you haven’t gotten many replies of help on your threads. If I knew what was going on I wouldn’t hesitate to respond to you! Maybe more updates on your kitty could help keep up its spot on the thread list so more people will see it and offer you help but I am definitely going to read those links that rubysmama posted (thank you so much by the way)
And thank you so much for your story about your cats. They sounded like they were all a big family that were all made for each other. Each and every one of your cats sounded lovely. I love reading other people’s stories because it shows me just how many special cats there are out there and they are receiving the love they deserve from a great parent like yourself! Although, reading about your cats made me cry I thoroughly enjoyed it.

And I think you are right about the dreams. Ironically enough, my first childhood cat, Gizmo (who was a big fluffy orange tabby by the way) passed away ten years ago this week after Thanksgiving and over the years I have had dreams where he is in them. In my dreams I’m aware that he is gone but it’s like he has come back to visit me for the day in the dream and it always shocks me but seeing my newly passed away cat in my dreams would make me happy to see him one more time.

Jem
I cried so much reading that story about Chewy finding Fritz. Your Chewy was such a special cat, I can see that through all that you have said about him and I know you know it too. He sounded like an absolute joy to be around and I wish I could have known him. Reading your story and inkysmom ‘s story made me realize how wonderful it is to have multiple cats at the same time. You see them bond together and with you, like they are really your kids. Having more than one cat is just something so amazing and so much fun, you learn a lot about cats and you build up a little family that’s also a little odd but full of love. I read your post about Chewy in ‘crossing the bridge’ section and it brought me to tears all over again. He must have been an angel, he just had to be. I hope you and your husband can lean on each other and keep Chewy’s memory alive along with the rest of his brothers.

 

[JustJ]

rubysmama It was hard to imagine life without him and this was so sudden that I know this is going to take me a long time to partially recover because I know life won’t quite be the same without him anymore.

You sound like a wonderful person and I’m sure your Ruby is living the life with you! Don’t worry so much about the future but instead enjoy every second you can with her. I feel so much regret about not spending enough time with my baby so make sure you two give each other a lot of tender loving care so you can keep those memories forever!

 

[JustJ]

inkysmom rubysmama Jem

I also finally wrote up something for my cat in the Crossing The Bridge Section. I admit I cried a whole lot through the entire thing like I do reading your replies and even more picking out the pictures of him. There was a whole lot of tears but if you are willing, I hope you read it but it is kind of a long post so I understand if you don’t want to or if it would be too hard on you. But I feel a little better sharing him with everyone else who didn’t get to see what a sweetie he was.

A Tribute To Snowball

 

[rubysmama]

rubysmama You sound like a wonderful person and I’m sure your Ruby is living the life with you! Don’t worry so much about the future but instead enjoy every second you can with her. I feel so much regret about not spending enough time with my baby so make sure you two give each other a lot of tender loving care so you can keep those memories forever!

I don't dwell on the future, but do from time to time think about what will come someday. I just hope that someday is still far in the future. I do love my Ruby with all my heart, and feel so lucky that she needed a home at the same time I was looking for a cat.

I also finally wrote up something for my cat in the Crossing The Bridge Section.

It's beautiful. And I'm sure was hard to write, and brought lots of tears. I teared up myself reading it, which is why I tend to avoid the CtB forum. Just so much heartbreak.

I posted a short reply, so will see when it receives more replies. So do post more about Snowball when/if you feel up to it, and think of special memories you'd like to share.

 

[JustJ]

rubysmama now that is what I would call fate! You and Ruby just were meant to be, I don’t think it’s a coincidence at all.

I read your message there and thank you very much for it. The support from this community is overwhelmingly kind and I thank you for reading it even though it was hard. I understand why you wouldn’t want to go to that part of the forum, it takes a lot of tissues and a lot of heart but I’m really thankful for you and everyone who did go there.

 

[JustJ]

An update on my cat: he is still constantly sleeping with me and is almost always active when all of us are home.

But I’ve noticed that he has started to eat a lot these past few days. He had always liked to eat food, especially wet food but now I know he’s a bit overweight and I wanted to tone down the amount of food he gets. But with the passing of his brother it seems like he is constantly eating and my parents who feel bad for him and want to spoil him are continuing to give him snacks. Should I be concerned or aware to see if he’s actually over eating? And do cats stress eat? Is that common?

 

[rubysmama]

Awww... poor little guy. I wonder if he's eating more as a comfort thing. Or maybe due to stress, as "change in appetite" is one of the things listed in Is Your Cat Stressed Out?

 

[JustJ]

Well, when Snowball was alive for the last few months he was on a wet food only diet and his brother would always try to steal his food because he absolutely goes crazy over wet food. But now since he’s a bit over weight and his brother isn’t around anymore, he’s eating significantly less wet food but he sort of whines about it every day. And now he’s eating a lot of his dry food. I’m not sure if it’s because of that or if he’s stressed, thanks for that link though! I’ll have to check it out because I don’t want him to still be gaining too much weight.

(I also love your Christmasy profile picture with your cat!)

 

[rubysmama]

Since he's already a bit overweight, do watch how much dry food he's eating, as it generally has more calories than wet food. Here's a short article with more info: How Much Food Should I Feed My Cat?

Santa Ruby's pic was one of the ones I took trying to get a good one for the Contest - Holiday Kitties! December 2017 contest.

 

[JustJ]

rubysmama thank you again! There’s so many helpful places to go around here. Ill need to really be careful if I care to keep my remaining cat living as long as possible.

Ruby looks so cute! I love what you did with the Santa hat, now I have to follow this contest, are they doing another one this year?