A Tribute To Snowball

JustJ

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April 13th 2012-November 21st 2018

On Wednesday November 21st, I lost my baby Snowball at only 6 years old.

The story of his passing is very hard for me to tell, so I only want to tell it once for you all.
About six months ago, I started a thread here about my cat Snowball who had suddenly gone to the emergency room while I was away at college. The months that followed, I returned home stayed home and with the advice of many wonderful people on this site tried my best to help him through his sudden unknown health condition. For some reason that no one knows why, the area around Snowball’s lungs and heart would fill up with a lot of fluid that of course at a certain point would push against his organs making it hard to breathe and potentially scar his insides. Every few weeks we would have to go to the vet where Snowball would have to get the water drained from his body which was a pretty traumatic experience for him.

Around two weeks ago, after coming back from the Vet with the concerning news that they found blood in the fluid, he suddenly stopped eating. At first we thought it was stress from his vet visit but soon he started vomiting constantly and showed signs of wanting to eat but every time he did he would throw up. After force feeding him for days hoping for some kind of recovery, on Tuesday night suddenly he couldn’t walk right anymore and he started to collapse. I picked up his body that weighed as light as a feather and put him in his bed hoping that the next day would bring more promise as I was going to call the vet to set up an appointment for him that week.

That morning I woke up to hearing him trying to move and suddenly collapse, hitting his head on the door frame. I immediately rushed to his side knowing we could not wait any longer. It was like he was completely paralyzed. His paws were cold, he did not pur or meow, and he didn’t sleep. He just stared off into the distance in obvious anguish. In that moment, I knew. I just knew I would have to make a terrible choice that day.

At the vet the look on their face was clear that Snowball was not in good shape and was suffering a lot. They said that it was likely Snowball had easily caught some other disease because of his fluid problem which apparently made his body susceptible to other things. They said they could keep him overnight for the next few days but they didn’t think he would make it and advised us to putting him down. I did not want to do it, this was my worst nightmare coming to life and it didn’t even feel real. But Snowball could not move at all and had not eaten and I didn’t want to see him in pain anymore. When delivering the shot, he actually lifted his head and made odd sounds which made me feel all the more guilty as we said our goodbyes and wept over him very loudly. It was the worst thing I have ever done.

Snowball was like my own child, my baby. It feels as if I have actually lost my baby and it was so sudden and unexpected. I know cats don’t live forever, but I never expected him to leave us so soon. But him being so young is what gets to me the most as well as little Snowball leaving behind his littermate and best friend who have been inseperable since the womb and who misses him dearly. They were supposed to grow old together and I will regret that for as long as I live.

The way he came to us and how he got his name despite the color of his fur are nice stories but this post is already so long so I will try to wrap up some of my favorite things about him.

Snowball was one of the sweetest cats you’d ever meet. He never hissed, scratched, growled, or bit in his life. He absolutely loved catnip, drinking water from cups, jumping in chairs, and cuddling with his brother. We could all pet him for hours upon hours and he wouldn’t get tired of it, belly and chest rubs being his favorite. He would sometimes head-butt me and rub against me, and for a small cat he had the biggest purr that rumbled throughout his entire body. He always had a baby face and a baby-like meow that made him adorable and had us bending to his will, while I would always spoil him rotten with all the love I had.

With my depression and anxiety, Snowball always seemed to lift my spirits no matter what. He helped me through such a tumultuous time of my life and I can only hope I helped him too. I still feel like I’m in denial that he’s gone and I still look for him everywhere. He was the light of my life, a gift to me and this world and now that he’s gone nothing feels right. Suddenly the world looks dull, monochrome, and meaningless. I have lost the one thing that meant so much to me as well as his brother now too.
I know I will miss Snowball everyday for the rest of my life. I just want him back and I would do anything to have him back, but until I see him in heaven, goodbye my sweet little prince.

I leave you with some pictures of him although I wish I could post all the pictures I have of him for you. If you would like to hear some stories about him I won’t hesitate to tell you as now I’ve been remembering so much about him. He would want you to know how cute he was too.
 

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di and bob

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My heart aches for what you are going through, I know it all too well.You had no choice in ending the suffering, it was the one last gift of love you bestowed to that precious boy, and he thanks you for it. There comes a time when living becomes existing, when the pain overrides all joy in life, when there is no cure, when suffering cannot be taken away. Try not to dwell on that end, it is not near as important as the life and love he gave to you. It brings nothing but heartache and guilt where none should be held, you only wanted the suffering to end and so did he. The bond you have with him will always be with you, he will always be as near as your thoughts and prayers. So send him loving, happy thoughts, allow his love to live on through you, not be buried in a mountain of grief and tears. as you would want for him if you were the first to go, so he wants for you. Take care of that littermate he left behind, he need you too. you can comfort each other in these sad times, be there for each other and fill those sad times with love and memories of happier times. Allow yourself time to live again, to heal. It takes a long time to heal a broken heart, and it will always leave a scar. Time will help you to learn a new life's order, it will soften the sharp edges of grief. But time goes by so slowly and you need to surround yourself with those who understand to help you through this, to hold you up when you fall.
Your precious Snowball's new path will forever follow your own, he is tied to your soul, he is a part of you now. Ask him to send you his love and comfort and he will gladly do so, as he asks for for your own. A love like that never disappears, it is spiritual so lives for eternity.....I will keep you both in my thoughts and prayers, God bless you for hurting so bad from loving so much..... RIP beautiful Snowball. You will forever be held in a secure place in loving hearts, your memory will live on through the lives you left behind. Please send what comfort you can to those who love and miss you so much, you will never be forgotten.May the angels accept your tiny soul into loving arms, may the good Lord bless and keep you, until you meet again!
 

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I'm so sorry for your loss. It's something that we all know will come one day but never gets easier, especially when their time with us is cut short. Snowball knew and felt your love, right until the end. He sounded like a very special kitty, and although you may not see him, he will forever be with you until you meet again.
I hope every days brings you a bit more joy as you remember what an amazing little kitty he was. RIP Snowball, always loved and never forgotten.
 

les26

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I am so sorry to hear that you lost little Snowball, sometimes these bad things just happen and it doesn't pick an age to do it, sometimes old, sometimes medium age and sometimes young. 6 years was not old by any means, I am sorry that he had to deal with the health issues and that you had to deal with it too, but you did all you could, and with time you will realize that you have no regrets nor does he, you did what you or anyone else could do but for some reason it was just his time to move on, but you will see him again one day and it will be wonderful.

Thank you for sharing his story with us, Deb & I have talked in the past about getting an all white cat and naming it "Snowball" but I'm not so sure that is going to happen, but it is a very cute name and he was adorable.

"Their last breath on Earth is their first breath in Heaven" :rbheart:

I hope that your heart heals a bit more each day, Lord Bless you......:alright: :grouphug: :rbheart:
 

PushPurrCatPaws

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... . He was the light of my life, a gift to me and this world and now that he’s gone nothing feels right. ... I have lost the one thing that meant so much to me as well as his brother now too.
I know I will miss Snowball everyday for the rest of my life. ...

I leave you with some pictures of him although I wish I could post all the pictures I have of him for you. If you would like to hear some stories about him I won’t hesitate to tell you as now I’ve been remembering so much about him. He would want you to know how cute he was too.
I am so sorry for your loss. When you said you were away at college when Snowball went to the ER, it reminded me of when I lost my dog back in 1985. I was at college too, and raced home to be with my dog. We had to put her to sleep. :(

I love all of the photos of your Snowball, and I would love to hear some stories of you and Snowball, since you offered! What are your most favorite memories?
:hugs: :hearthrob:
 

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The greatest gift we can give the little ones we love is the hardest to give. Snowball knows the decision was hard for you and that you made it to end his suffering. You did everything that you could possibly do, and he knows that too. The change in form doesn't change the bond of love, that will never end.
 

Katz124

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Rip Snowball. He was beautiful and it sounded like he had a nice life. There are a lot of cats who don't get to experience such a nice life.

I can relate to your post soo much. It sounds like a post I posted a few weeks ago. I know what you are going through, unfortunately. I know the pain can be almost completely unbearable sometimes. But this wasn't your fault and it sounds like you did everything you could for him. It sounds like he felt your love and loved you back. These things happen and I don't know why and we'll probably never know why. It's one of the great mysteries of life.

Take time to grieve. Cry it out. Don't rush the grieving process. Then, stay strong. Remember the good times with him. He wouldn't want you to grieve over him forever just as u wouldn't want him to grieve over u forever, if it was the other way around. Also, give your other cat extra love and attention, if possible, as they may be grieving as well, and/or confused, sad.
 

Mamanyt1953

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Rest you gentle, Snowball, dream you deep. You walk in someone's heart forever.

Too soon, too soon, but where there is love, and eternity is not enough. I promise you this...Snowball knows that you loved him, and love him still, just as he continues to love you. You made the most unselfish decision we ever make, and helped him to shrug off his heavy coat of flesh and fur when it could no longer support his loving heart and gentle spirit. Now he dances on sunlight in a place where eternity is only a moment, waiting for when you, in the fullness of time, join him in joyous reunion. Dance on, Sweet Boy, dance on!
 

will2002

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Very sorry for the untimely loss of your much loved pet. I will soon be 66 years old, and have been through this kind of pain and sadness more times than I can count, or care to remember. I wish cats truly did have nine lives, but even that wouldn't be nearly enough for our little friends.

In the weeks and months to come your sorrow will ease a bit, and you will have many sweet and happy memories of your Snowball... Trust me, I know this from experience!

Someday, hopefully soon, when the time gets just right remember...there is another little ball of fur, or maybe even two, out there somewhere that really, really, really, needs you... and only YOU will do.
 
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JustJ

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I can’t thank everyone enough for their messages for me and Snowball. I cried reading every one of them, but I greatly appreciated each and every message said here. I’ve lost a cat before, but being older this time was very rough on me. Especially when I thought of Snowball as my child and even though I decided to end his pain, I still think about what I could have done to prevent this. I wanted to be selfish and keep him alive, I desperately wanted to live but somehow when it came to that point I couldn’t anymore. I knew I had to do what was best for him even when I didn’t want to. This is one of the hard parts after what happened last week, the ‘what if’s’ that keep running in my head along with still looking for him around the house hoping that maybe, just maybe if I look at all his favorite napping and relaxing spots that somehow he will be there.

Being away at school when this all happened scared me the most so right when the school year ended a month later, I went home and stayed home to take care of him and be with him. As hard as it was, I wanted to be there for him when he passed. I always wanted him to know that I would never abandon to him and would always be with him no matter what. While the morning of his passing still haunts me, I’m trying my best to help his littermate with the loss of his brother. They cuddled together, played together. They did practically everything together. In his last days he would hardly leave Snowball’s side and once and a while he would sniff him over and lick his head like he knew he was very sick. I know I have to stay strong for him, especially since he must be hurting the most right now.

I definitely do wish cats had nine lives. I regret not spending enough time with him, leaving for an out of state college too when I could have stayed with him. But then again, if I had spent every second of those six years with him it still wouldn’t have felt enough. I truly wish they could live as long as we do but then also that might mean we might not have other cats come into our lives if that was the case.

So what can I tell you about Snowball? Well you are probably confused about his name being ‘Snowball’ with having dark fur. But we actually had that name in mind before we even saw him. We were thinking of getting kittens after feeling the harsh loss of our previous cat who died four years prior to my current cats’ birth, and as a generic name my dad kept talking about what we would do when we would get a little ‘snowball’. It was kind of like those common names for pets like ‘Rex’ or ‘Fido’ for a dog. But we used it so much that it stuck. Then when we got the two little kittens, we knew the quiet and gentle one had to be Snowball.

The way they came to us was also miraculous. We got them through a veterinary clinic where one of the people who worked there had found a stray six month old kitten who was pregnant wandering the streets and took her in. My mother had a co-worker who was a bit of a cat lady and told her that the vet clinic constantly had kittens. When we went over to see them, Snowball and his brother were the last ones out of a litter of five. It was almost like it was truly meant to be.

I realize this post is getting long so I’m going to leave you with some pictures for now and if anyone wants to hear more about Snowball then I will post more stories! He was one of the nicest cats and silly too, for a quiet kitty he really loved being the center of attention.

Thank you to everyone for their thoughts and prayers for me, Snowball, and his brother. It really gives me hope hearing you guys so strongly believe I’ll see my little angel again. Bless everyone of your hearts’ for being brave enough to come to the Crossing the Bridge forum when you know it is full of heartache. But it is kind souls like yourselves that make a great impact on many people’s lives, like mine. It makes me so sad to know all of you speak from experience, this isn’t a pain I would wish on anyone and loss isn’t an easy thing to forget. I feel like I have a hole in my heart but I still do feel his presence here in an odd way. And even in spirit he will still always be a big part of my life. I wouldn’t trade my time with him for anything else in this world.
 

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laureen227

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"I still feel like I’m in denial that he’s gone and I still look for him everywhere."
This too shall pass. Eventually you'll stop expecting to see him...but it will take time, lots of time. I still sometimes call my I/O "Pixel", because she resembles Pixel, who left me back in 2012. So it never completely goes away, but gets easier to bear.
 

Maria Bayote

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I have been crying all morning reading all these similar posts on this site.

My heart is heavy, as I have gone through the same and I can just imagine how hard it must be for you.

May you find consolation that Snowball is now free and running around like before. Your baby would not want to see you sad. Hang in there. As I said in the other post, I do not believe that grief fades away. It just gets mellow in time. But I am sure that everytime you think of Snowball there would be a mix of smile and tears. You gave him the best life possible. It was enough for him that you loved him that much.
 
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JustJ

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laureen227 laureen227 some days feels harder than others. I’ve been trying to keep myself busy because whenever I’m alone with my thoughts, I think about him and start tearing up no matter where I am. In a weird way I don’t want this to go away in the sense that I don’t want to ever forget. But then again I have to keep reminding myself to stop looking for him because he isn’t there. Some people in my household act like everything is normal and don’t talk about him and me and the rest do talk about him but when we do it turns into tears. I don’t even feel like celebrating the holidays anymore. Everything just feels weird, if that makes sense.

I don’t have a lot of people in my life who understand this or just brush this off saying I’ll get over it since he was ‘just a cat’ so I’m very thankful for you and everyone else on here helping me through this right now.

Maria Bayote Maria Bayote That’s very brave of you to read so many stories in this section. It breaks my heart too to think that there are so many who have lost their beloved family members around this time. And I’m very sorry to you as well to have to go through something like this. The pain is almost unbearable to me but I know my baby was suffering even more so physically and what was most important was easing his pain. But you are also very right, as hard as it is, I like to imagine him in heaven running around doing all the cat things he dreamed about when he was still here and living freely. It does make me smile and still there are a lot of tears that follow. It’s an odd bittersweet feeling.

It feels weird to me to hear that I did the right thing when I want to think the right thing was making him live longer, but at the same time there is a little comfort knowing he is better now even though he isn’t here anymore. I keep having dreams of the day I had to decide to let him go, they are more like nightmares, but every day I have dangerous ‘what if’ thoughts where I think if I had gotten to the vet sooner if I had done this or that that he might still be alive with me today.
 

di and bob

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It takes soooo long to get your world into some kind of place you want to be, but time will help. You will always have a sadness in your heart, because you miss him. One day you won't be so overwhelmed I think just because you have no other way to go except for up, you are already at your lowest. Don't hate pleasures in life though, I know I did that for so long, it was almost like you didn't deserve them. But then I thought of how much my little one loved life, how she took such pleasures in the little things, like a bottle cap, or soaking up a sunray, and I know in my heart she wants that for me too. Her death was bad enough, I didn't need to spread it to the whole world.
I lost my Chrissy on December 8th, and I really don't know how I got through the holidays, it was surreal. For now, just take one day at a time, it will never go away, but it DOES get better.....
 

Maria Bayote

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After reading all these similar posts I watched my Bourbon and Barley while they slept last night, for like an hour. Actually I am a dog person, grew up with dogs. But when I came here to the Middle East and saw a lot of street-cats that was when my love affair with cats begun. Now I cannot imagine losing any of my cats, although losing a pet is not new to me. JustJ JustJ , all will be a bit better soon. Think of happy thoughts, just happy ones. I know it is hard, but one day as I said you will remember him with more of a smile, than of painful tears. It is sad that they do not live as long as we do, but at least, we had the chance to live WITH THEM.
 
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JustJ

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di and bob di and bob That’s exactly how I feel right now! My life feels too long now, too long until I get to see him again and there doesn’t seem to be much joy in my life a lot like how you expressed you felt. It’s hard to believe that time will ease this but I know you’re right, after I lost my first cat ten years ago I was very heart broken and today it hurts a little less than then even though I wish very much that he was still here too. The only difference is that he lived to be 18 instead of 6 like my little Snowball.

I’m so sorry about your Chrissy. I know how you feel about the holidays, I feel like the Christmas Grinch now and I really don’t feel like celebrating anything. You must have had it even worse. And the surreal feeling is very weird to me, but I know exactly what you mean. Every day I keep thinking ‘I can’t belive he’s gone’. We all feel his absence greatly. But I hope this Holiday season that you hurt a little less and continue to keep Chrissy’s memory alive.

Maria Bayote Maria Bayote After meeting a cat that makes such an impact on your life, I can understand that feeling of not imagining a world without them. It sounds like your kitties are just as crucial to your life as mine are and I’m sure they can tell you love them very much too.

I’m holding onto the hope that my happy memories of him will one day not be filled with as many tears, but I’m still going to keep remembering now even with the tears because I don’t want to lose a single memory. And you are absolutely right, I feel so lucky to have gotten him by chance and that I had him in my life. He truly changed mine for the better, it was like he was my own guardian angel sent from above and now he returned to heaven.
 
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