From Feral To Lap Cats

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MoonstoneWolf

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And I need ideas again as usual about what to do with Mom yelling about me feeding them. It's always the same with her. Nothing changes.
 

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I am coming in late to this thread. I have not been keeping up on it or even saw it.

I am with your mom on this idea. I take care of ferals and have inside cats. I am very cautious about how I handle things etc. I try to keep things very separate so that I don't bring anything in etc. SO I would really be careful about handling food and water dishes.

I see you are in St Louis. I am not sure how cold it gets and for how long but I am guessing during the day it gets above freezing. I would put a bowl out in the morning and it should be good for most of the day. The cats will learn to drink when the water is available (cats are smart). And if they are around you can always bring a disposable bowl of water out for them. And bring one out when you put the food out.

During the night we typically want to keep food and water away so that predators etc don't come around. I have to deal with a lot of predators so I never have food or water out at night. And night is usually the coldest.

I am so proud of you for caring so much about their well being. If the ferals are eating mice (which they probably are) they are getting a nice amount of moisture for their survival as well.

Keep up the great work. You may have to just spend that gift card on yourself for caring so much about the cats!!
 
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MoonstoneWolf

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These cats do not know how to hunt. Treasure was the only one that showed interest but he's now gone over the rainbow bridge with Sopdet. Shaman runs and hides from a baby bird. They weren't always feral. Sopdet was the only one born 100% feral.

And I really have no need for myself so no I will not spend on me.
 

calicosrspecial

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And I need ideas again as usual about what to do with Mom yelling about me feeding them. It's always the same with her. Nothing changes.
Have you done TNR with the ferals?

Sorry if this is repetitive but why is your mom upset with you feeding the cats? It is common for people to get upset because of the costs, the cats being around, and many other reasons.

Discussing respectfully and educating my help. So please understand her concerns and be calm and respectful.

We'll figure things out. Taking care of ferals is REALLY difficult but is rewarding. I have faced and overcome many obstacles so have some experience,

Hang in there, do your best.
 

calicosrspecial

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Were the cats in house cats and then let out?

I should go back to read the thread but it is 25 pages and just sadly don't have the time now. :( When I have time I will though. I do know you are in good hands with the posters on the thread to this point.

Good for you for putting the cats first.

Using the gift card for wet food might be a good idea. Or maybe something for your om to make life a bit better? You will do the best thing. Your heart is in the right place.
 
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MoonstoneWolf

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My Mom just does not like cats. No other reason than that except she's allergic which I have no intention of bringing them inside at this point. . To save you time from going through 25 pages she throws fits if I wake up in the middle of the night to pee or if I lift weights (doctor's orders) or anything else. According to her I should sit and stare at the 4 walls. So while it's nice to understand her, she's more than difficult to work with. And with her there is no reasoning. None at all. I have a couple of threads on here and even Alz. org has stated how difficult the woman is.

Most of the cats were housecats at one time but when the "owner" died living relatives kicked them to the curb. They were TNRd and released into my back yard.

My Mom is 96 years old, early dementia and all. I doubt she'll be here next year. At that time these cats WILL come inside with me. They are all tamed. Sopdet was close until she was snatched and abused.

Last year when I fell and fractured my arm, my Mom forced to me to lift and carry 50 lb cast iron pot because she's my Mom. Doctor said no but Mom made me do it or throw me out. And she has thrown me out for less reasons then that. I love her but she is kind of mean sometimes. I can't take meds of any kind because they aggravate my reflux and she knows this. Made no difference to her. I know she can't lift a lot but she could have found a lighter alternative.
 
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Were the cats in house cats and then let out?

I should go back to read the thread but it is 25 pages and just sadly don't have the time now. :( When I have time I will though. I do know you are in good hands with the posters on the thread to this point.

Good for you for putting the cats first.

Using the gift card for wet food might be a good idea. Or maybe something for your om to make life a bit better? You will do the best thing. Your heart is in the right place.
Oh and last time I bought something for my MOm I was kicked out of the house for 2 days (in the cold) because she refuses to believe anyone would send me a gift card. I have to walk on eggshells around her.
 

calicosrspecial

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I am so sorry. When certain issues start coming up with age it can make things really difficult. I understand more about the background. I can understand how challenging this is. I am sorry that she is not only battling early dementia but also is doing what many older people tend to do (use things to control family etc). Sadly, it happens more than we think. All you can do is your best.

Sadly, the "kicking to the curb" of cats happens way too often. The fact you are doing things to make their lives better is incredibly admirable. Again, all you can do is your best under the circumstances. I do the exact thing you do. Try to take care of ferals, etc. It is frustrating, difficult, sad but also rewarding. I have learned to just try my best, do as much as I possibly can, and keep moving forward. I have shed more tears than I care to say, I have questioned, argued, etc. I have lost too many ferals to tell without breaking down. Wildlife is cruel and at times beautiful. There is no perfect. It isn't easy but our efforts do make the lives of these cats better. It isn't fair how the cats get there, how they have to live etc. But we can only do our best. If we make a cat's life better for a month we made a difference. I guess all we can do is make their lives better for as long as we can.

I am so glad they are neutered and spayed. That is the best first step.

Your mom comes from a different era than many of us. Life was harder when she grew up. Their parents could be more difficult. And of course, older people know and often fear what is coming. People do things out of fear etc so sometimes trying to figure out why is difficult. I have seen this before (luckily not with me) but with someone else. And though no situation is the same they often rhyme. Just try to explain and do your best, always respect (even when it feels impossible). She may not accept it but at least you try.

It sounds like you are doing your best under difficult circumstances. And you have done some great things with your cats. Hang in there.
 

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Oh and last time I bought something for my MOm I was kicked out of the house for 2 days (in the cold) because she refuses to believe anyone would send me a gift card. I have to walk on eggshells around her.
I am really sorry to hear that. Sadly a lot of times people take things out on others because of their own issues. As long as you know that you did the right thing and tried your best I would just try to understand (even though it is really difficult to) that her unhappiness is being redirected towards you. Sometimes we (people) take things out on the people we love because we know they will still love us. It isn't right but it happens all the time. And I am guessing the early dementia is exacerbating things as well but I am no expert. Given the fact you are capable of loving the cats tells me that your heart (and mind) is in a good place. All we can do is control ourselves and try to handle negativity the best we can.

Hang in there. Know the truth that is in your heart.
 
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Ok I got three self warming blankets/pads, 2 more cat tents (as they like to lounge in the tents during the warmer daylight and I may start feeding them in there to keep peace); some Styrofoam sheets and some food and water bowls. I do plan on picking up some of those hand warmer things at the store to place in Styrofoam bowls to place under the water bowls (night time only) as I can run outside to change their water for them. But of course cats being cats they'll still do what they want. I had a nice toasty shelter for them the other night when it dropped to 13 degrees and 0 degree windchill and Cooper decided he liked laying on the icy cold snow instead. Like someone told me you can lead a cat to the shelter but you can't make them take warmth Since they refuse to use the shelters I'll use them to put the food and water bowls in so they start associating the shelters with something good. And I know the shelters are feral approved as my local feral society donated them to me. Cats will be cats I suppose.
 
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I am so sorry. When certain issues start coming up with age it can make things really difficult. I understand more about the background. I can understand how challenging this is. I am sorry that she is not only battling early dementia but also is doing what many older people tend to do (use things to control family etc). Sadly, it happens more than we think. All you can do is your best.

Sadly, the "kicking to the curb" of cats happens way too often. The fact you are doing things to make their lives better is incredibly admirable. Again, all you can do is your best under the circumstances. I do the exact thing you do. Try to take care of ferals, etc. It is frustrating, difficult, sad but also rewarding. I have learned to just try my best, do as much as I possibly can, and keep moving forward. I have shed more tears than I care to say, I have questioned, argued, etc. I have lost too many ferals to tell without breaking down. Wildlife is cruel and at times beautiful. There is no perfect. It isn't easy but our efforts do make the lives of these cats better. It isn't fair how the cats get there, how they have to live etc. But we can only do our best. If we make a cat's life better for a month we made a difference. I guess all we can do is make their lives better for as long as we can.

I am so glad they are neutered and spayed. That is the best first step.

Your mom comes from a different era than many of us. Life was harder when she grew up. Their parents could be more difficult. And of course, older people know and often fear what is coming. People do things out of fear etc so sometimes trying to figure out why is difficult. I have seen this before (luckily not with me) but with someone else. And though no situation is the same they often rhyme. Just try to explain and do your best, always respect (even when it feels impossible). She may not accept it but at least you try.

It sounds like you are doing your best under difficult circumstances. And you have done some great things with your cats. Hang in there.

Just now I was thrown out of the house. She opened my bank statement by mistake and noticed that I was depositing money from place I work and screamed throwing things "Only B****es work past 55 years of age. I told you about this before. Get out of here. You're a disappointment to the family and always an embarrassment." I'm at the library now :(
 

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Just now I was thrown out of the house. She opened my bank statement by mistake and noticed that I was depositing money from place I work and screamed throwing things "Only B****es work past 55 years of age. I told you about this before. Get out of here. You're a disappointment to the family and always an embarrassment." I'm at the library now :(
:redheartpump::grouphug::alright::catrub:
 

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Ok I got three self warming blankets/pads, 2 more cat tents (as they like to lounge in the tents during the warmer daylight and I may start feeding them in there to keep peace); some Styrofoam sheets and some food and water bowls. I do plan on picking up some of those hand warmer things at the store to place in Styrofoam bowls to place under the water bowls (night time only) as I can run outside to change their water for them. But of course cats being cats they'll still do what they want. I had a nice toasty shelter for them the other night when it dropped to 13 degrees and 0 degree windchill and Cooper decided he liked laying on the icy cold snow instead. Like someone told me you can lead a cat to the shelter but you can't make them take warmth Since they refuse to use the shelters I'll use them to put the food and water bowls in so they start associating the shelters with something good. And I know the shelters are feral approved as my local feral society donated them to me. Cats will be cats I suppose.
Great job on making those purchases.

Cats will explore the shelters and most likely use them eventually when they figure out they are safe.The food and water idea is a good idea BUT I would probably not do that and use a feeding shelter instead. Because, cleaning the food out, making sure the water doesn't spill, etc can be difficult and we don't want leftover food, wetness, etc to cause issues of bugs, and damage to the shelters. I deal with ferals all the time and I see them being cautious with new shelters (and any change) all the time. But they will most likely figure out they are great for them.
 

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Just now I was thrown out of the house. She opened my bank statement by mistake and noticed that I was depositing money from place I work and screamed throwing things "Only B****es work past 55 years of age. I told you about this before. Get out of here. You're a disappointment to the family and always an embarrassment." I'm at the library now :(
I am so sorry. I can say most of us believe working is great and rewarding and something we should be proud of and saving money is even better and what is even better is you focusing on the cats with your money and not "wasting' it. Judging by what I know of you so far you are definitely not an embarrassment or a disappointment. Just know the truth. I know it is very hard but just try your best and just know the truth. I don;t know if it is happening in your situation but some people like to try to control others with money or other things. It is something that comes from a weakness or a perception of inadequacy etc. Understand that maybe the problem is with her and not you and that if you can help her understand or deal with why she acts this way it could help make her life better. I wish I had better advice or an answer but you mentioned you love her so just make sure she knows you love her and try your best to make her happy. I hope the situation gets better for you.Hang in there and try to understand and then help her the best you can. We all can be hard on our kids at times and often it is because of something other than our kids. We still love them but we say and do things that are not consistent with our love.
 
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Well that really is not the issue. The issue is that she's always been a difficult woman. She's always been verbally mean. The total opposite of my Dad. I really have no idea why the courts allowed them to adopt me the way she is. I"m sorry if I sound ungrateful but sadly if I can't earn money then I can't eat The cats can't eat. It's cold in St. Louis (meaning sleeping on the streets). She doesn't care. She never did. And the library here blocks use of the sites I use to earn money so without a means of earning money me and the cats sadly will not survive. And I have no one here to help me with her.
 

calicosrspecial

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I understand and I am really sorry. Please, don't be sorry,it is good to talk about it. I can understand the frustration and concern about being able to support yourself and of course the cats. It sounds like a very difficult situation.

I know it is not my place but my sense is she must care at least a little bit for you. And I mention that because judging by what I have read she is the sole owner of the house? So, the fact she hasn't evicted you or gotten a court order (restraining order) to prevent you from being there she must care a little at least. I know, the verbal abuse and all the other things are not good but is it possible she really cares more than you think? Sometimes, things can be so difficult and frustrating that we overlook some of the positives since the negatives are so big.

I am pretty sure you mentioned you love her so there must be something there. And it sounds like you try to do a lot for her and take care of her. So there is something you seem to care about her. And she must see that even though she may not be appropriately appreciative of all your efforts.

You seem intelligent and you seem to care about her and you seem like a really caring person. I really believe in trying to communicate as much as possible to try to get feelings out on the table. Letting someone know you care about them and are trying but also it is hard because you don't think you deserve being treated poorly since you are trying your best. I am guessing she does appreciate your efforts even though that generation doesn't always show it. Try to think about her criticisms and separate the irrational ones from the ones that she may have a little point. Maybe all her points are irrational but sometimes when we put ourselves in another person's shoes then we can understand more. We may not agree but at least we can understand. With her battling early dementia I am sure it would be hard for her to do the same but maybe if sharing your feelings in a respectful. loving way maybe she might understand the hurt she is causing.

I am not sure you want or care to hear what I wrote and I may be totally wrong. I am just writing what my heart feels.I so want tings to be better for you.I am just not sure what the answers may be.

Is it possible to contact the county social services and see if help in dealing with this is available? Or a caregiver support group? To be able to be in contact with people who have been in situations like this (and I am sure you are not the only person in this type of situation). I am guessing this is incredibly frustrating and lonely to go through on your own so finding people with expertise and experience could be helpful. You can also post here if you need to "get it out". Talking about it should be somewhat helpful. Hopefully.

I think you are doing things (taking care of your mother, taking care of these cats) that put you in the top echelon of high character people. Giving yourself to others is the greatest gift we can give. You should be proud and know that you are trying to do your best. Maybe we don't do everything perfect but no one does. But just try to take a step back and see the goodness in yourself.

I hope you can improve this situation or at least be able to handle the negativity. I really hope things can get better..
 

calicosrspecial

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I am a little worried that you haven't posted. I am hoping you were able to smooth things over and get back into your own bed. Hopefully you are just tired and busy and can't post yet. The thought of you not having a place to go is heartbreaking. If that is the case I hope you contact some local organizations to find shelter and food. Regardless of your religious or non-religious beliefs you may want to go to a Catholic church near you and speak to a priest about your situation and if he could provide not only ideas in dealing with your mother but also if he may know some temporary shelters etc. The priest should not judge and should (hopefully) be able to help. Hopefully though you have smoothed things over with your mother and that at least you can have a safe place to sleep and stay warm and safe. Wishing you the best of luck. I wish I had some and better answers that could help you get through this difficult time.
 
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Cats still will not use the shelters I got. I place several behind the garage though and elevated. And made do with the cat tents they insist on using instead as you can lead a cat to warmth but can't make them take shelter. Mind you it isn't the greatest, I'm still waiting on the pallets to elevate the tents, and I need to place the bales of straw around but with the non stop sickness due to that mosquito bite, my hurt toe and cracked rib, it's hard to move fast. But thankfully we're having unusually warm weather right now for the next 7 days so I should have it set up better. All while making it quick to hide for when Mom comes downstairs.

Cooper is checking the area out right now. Oh and the blanket and rug is only on top of the tents to keep the wind (if any) from blowing the top flap down

1574189322706.png


Any other time the blankets would have stayed on. Back to square one. I don't have room for both of those in the stairwell
 

calicosrspecial

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Great job!! All you can do is provide it. They will figure out it is safe and use them at some point. They are cats. They have to be cautious but they are smart. Don't worry, you are giving them protection from the elements.

Now be careful with items that can retain moisture (blankets, etc.)
 
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MoonstoneWolf

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Right. I"ll be putting the bale of straws down when it rains. Thankfully right now it's unusually warm here so I'll get them acclimated to the set up and all.

Need to rest this foot/toe though and still hard to walk from the injury. Poor Shaman, she still feels bad about it when she sees me limping. I never thought a cat would feel regret but every time she sees me limp she lifts her paw as if to say go rest.
 

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