Devastated after rehoming one of my cats

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aislinn

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Kittens Mom, this really is a wonderful, caring community, and as I've said before, it has been a Godsend to me. I don't know how I would have coped without it. I do plan to plant another tree in honor of my boy, Finn. I still feel too emotional now, but will do it sometime in the summer when I feel stronger. I am going to look through your thread for Little Mercy and Baby Mook. Such adorable names! My hope too is that I can comfort others who have suffered the loss of their pets. I really want people to be aware of this formerly unknown to me phenomenon of redirected aggression. It can turn your life around on a dime as I sadly learned. I will seek out those who need comfort. I know how much it helped me.
 

kittens mom

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Kittens Mom, this really is a wonderful, caring community, and as I've said before, it has been a Godsend to me. I don't know how I would have coped without it. I do plan to plant another tree in honor of my boy, Finn. I still feel too emotional now, but will do it sometime in the summer when I feel stronger. I am going to look through your thread for Little Mercy and Baby Mook. Such adorable names! My hope too is that I can comfort others who have suffered the loss of their pets. I really want people to be aware of this formerly unknown to me phenomenon of redirected aggression. It can turn your life around on a dime as I sadly learned. I will seek out those who need comfort. I know how much it helped me.
That is one of the best ways to honor Finn.
 

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bring him back........while you can and keep them seperated...
 
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aislinn

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I wish I could get him back, King George. The rescue group won't even respond to my emails. They appear to be hoping I'll just go away. I want him back, but I fear a life of separating my cats will cause stress to all. I am praying for guidance.
 

kittens mom

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I wish I could get him back, King George. The rescue group won't even respond to my emails. They appear to be hoping I'll just go away. I want him back, but I fear a life of separating my cats will cause stress to all. I am praying for guidance.
Have you called a grief hotline?
 

NewYork1303

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I wish I could get him back, King George. The rescue group won't even respond to my emails. They appear to be hoping I'll just go away. I want him back, but I fear a life of separating my cats will cause stress to all. I am praying for guidance.
Sorry they aren't contacting you. Rescues run on volunteer help mostly so it can be difficult for them to get back to people. I think most people who work at shelters feel resentment of some kind toward those who surrender pets. Its not fair. But faced with a shelter full of abandoned cat, it can be difficult to deal with. Many people need someone to blame. They blame the previous owners. 

I think at this point, it would really be a good idea to talk to grief groups. Take the shelter not replying as a sign about what is meant to be for you and for both of your cats. I don't mean to be harsh. But hanging onto the idea of getting him back will hurt more in the long run. 
 
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aislinn

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I do plan on speaking to a grief counsellor. My friend suggested that last night as well. I am finding it hard to let go. I keep retracing the event in my mind, wishing I could have done things differently, but I am only lying to myself. I know it wasn't working and my remaining cat, Nola, would have suffered had he stayed. I am focusing on her now, and see a huge difference in her demeanor. She's more relaxed and playful. The rescue is a very reputable one, that take their cats' wellbeing and care very seriously. I know my boy is in great hands. One of the volunteers sent me a text two weeks ago telling me he was adjusting well, and greeting those who approached him with affection. As long as he's ok, I will be ok. It's just that I was not prepared for something as tragic as this to happen to my two cats. It was unfathomable to me. I must accept it and move on, and I will. Thank you all for your support. As I've said before, this site has helped me to cope with the loss.
 
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aislinn

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Thank you, Newyork1303. I'll get there.

Donutte, he is being kept in the boarding area of a feline clinic. I can't go there, but quite honestly, if I saw him I would be devastated. I just have to remind myself that he is no longer in my home for a reason. The more I think about what could have happened to his sister had I not been home, the more it reaffirms my decision to let him go. The whole thing is just heartbreaking, but I have to believe that it happened in my presence for a reason. If something tragic had happened to my little Nola, I would never forgive myself, and would be in much worse shape. I only pray for the day my boy finds a new loving home. He deserves nothing more and is not to blame for his behavior. The more I read about redirected aggression, the more I understand that it is normal behavior. It's just sad that it couldn't be rectified between my two.
 

kittens mom

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I do plan on speaking to a grief counsellor. My friend suggested that last night as well. I am finding it hard to let go. I keep retracing the event in my mind, wishing I could have done things differently, but I am only lying to myself. I know it wasn't working and my remaining cat, Nola, would have suffered had he stayed. I am focusing on her now, and see a huge difference in her demeanor. She's more relaxed and playful. The rescue is a very reputable one, that take their cats' wellbeing and care very seriously. I know my boy is in great hands. One of the volunteers sent me a text two weeks ago telling me he was adjusting well, and greeting those who approached him with affection. As long as he's ok, I will be ok. It's just that I was not prepared for something as tragic as this to happen to my two cats. It was unfathomable to me. I must accept it and move on, and I will. Thank you all for your support. As I've said before, this site has helped me to cope with the loss.
Thank you, Newyork1303. I'll get there.

Donutte, he is being kept in the boarding area of a feline clinic. I can't go there, but quite honestly, if I saw him I would be devastated. I just have to remind myself that he is no longer in my home for a reason. The more I think about what could have happened to his sister had I not been home, the more it reaffirms my decision to let him go. The whole thing is just heartbreaking, but I have to believe that it happened in my presence for a reason. If something tragic had happened to my little Nola, I would never forgive myself, and would be in much worse shape. I only pray for the day my boy finds a new loving home. He deserves nothing more and is not to blame for his behavior. The more I read about redirected aggression, the more I understand that it is normal behavior. It's just sad that it couldn't be rectified between my two.
I think him seeing you might be bad for his adjustment.

I say this because we were stuck in the city waiting for Mook to be released from her dental

Hubs wondered if we could visit

I said bad idea. the vet said she was resting comfortably . Going there and leaving would only have upset her.

Have you reached out for some grief counseling yet. nag, nag , nag
 
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aislinn

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Donutte, I am still trying to figure out the grief counseling thing. Thank you for asking! Not sure how to categorize my situation, but know I need to do something.

Mamanyt1953, Yes, Nola was always the more submissive one in the relationship. I always tried to give her extra attention because of it. Now she seems to know she has me all to herself. She is very attached to me. I worry about her being alone and bored while I am at work. I also have to go away for two days at the end of May for of all things a tug boat christening that I am organizing. I worry that she'll be alone for the two days. My neighbors will come in to feed her, and will spend a little more time with her, but I hate that I have to leave her for two nights. I'll have some soft music playing for her and will buy her some new toys. It's so strange now as I never worried when I left with two cats before. The reason I adopted two cats was for that reason. I wanted them to keep each other company while I was away. It's all new to me having one cat now. I love the name Hekitty. I think I may have already said that, but it's adorable.
 

kittens mom

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You don't have to categorize your situation. Just tell counselor about it and go from there. One foot in front of the other.
 
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aislinn

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You're right, Kittens Mom. Grief is grief.
 

Mamanyt1953

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Thanks, Aislinn.  It is a twist on Hecate, or Hekate, depending on which source you are reading.  Greek Goddess of magic and crossroads.

Don't fret overly much about her when you aren't home.  She has a LOT of cat chores to do, including getting her 16 hours of beauty sleep.   Then there's nibbling on kibbles, getting a drink, using the litter box, chasing a balled up piece of paper, more naps...repeat.  They do well alone for reasonable lengths of time.  And with your mom coming over when you are out of town, if she can spend an hour with her, all should be well.
 

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Even though this is an old thread, it is very relevant.....yesterday I had to rehome my two cats...Dallas and Kudzu....Had Dallas for 4 years and Kudzu for about 2.....they are both going to wonderful homes where they will be loved and well taken care of and they have offered to send me pics and even welcomed me to come see them sometimes.      I am still feeling so much guilt and regret even knowing they went to good homes......thanks for the support.
 
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aislinn

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Oh, Widgetkeeper, I know it's hard, but I assure you that they will adjust beautifully in their new home. It's so hard to let them go, but I do believe knowing that they're ok and well taken care of will make it easier for you. The fact that you can see them will help immensely. Don't let guilt take over. You made sure they found a loving home, and that's more than most people would do. Take care of yourself and know that we are here for you.
 

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Thank you...i have had pets die, and have had to put down some......never easy nor should it be......but this is first rehoming of otherwise healthy cats and it seems more lack of closure.......they did go to good homes so thats a positive.....life circumstances are such that this was int he best interest of everyone including the cats.
 

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Thank you...i have had pets die, and have had to put down some......never easy nor should it be......but this is first rehoming of otherwise healthy cats and it seems more lack of closure.......they did go to good homes so thats a positive.....life circumstances are such that this was int he best interest of everyone including the cats.
And you did the responsible thing by finding them good homes to go to.

Do you have any idea how many people move and simply leave their cats behind?

Now THAT should make a person guilty, not what you have done.
 
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