Totally understand your position and your fear of going back there again. Be your own advocate and Nola's advocate at this point in time. It hurts like the dickens when we have to make these heart wrenching decisions. Sometimes they are for the best in the long run but getting through the loss process takes much, much time. I hope that you find reassurance here on site and support as others have gone through the exact same situation. Hang in there and hoping that you will find your way through all of this! AND you will. :nod:Feralvr, your story has gotten my mind spinning. A part of me wants so badly to speak to the rescue, and the other part of me is paralyzed with fear of bringing him back, and ending up in the same situation. I have been praying for guidance, and am hoping I get a clear answer. Truthfully, this rescue is very serious about the cats in their care, and I am not hopeful that they would give me a second chance. I suppose I won't know until I ask. The whole idea is so frightening to me. I will continue to think about what I will do next, and hopefully, the answer will come. If I knew my boy and girl could happily coexist again, I would be the happiest person in the world. Thank you for giving me a glimmer of hope.
You are showing all the classic signs of grief.Thank you for your kind words and understanding, NewYork1303. I too would have felt the way you did about people who give up their pets until I was faced with the heartbreaking decision myself. I never ever imagined that I would do such a thing. I honestly felt there was no option at the time. If I had known how devastating it was going to be, I would not have done it. I wish I could turn back time and reverse my decision. I would have found a way to permanently separate them in my home, which is not ideal, but at least he would still be in my life. I just don't see how I will ever get over my decision. The wounds are still so fresh, and I think about him every second of every day. My only hope now is that someone like you will adopt him and love him for the rest of his life. I want him to know how sorry I am that I gave up on him. It is truly the most heartbreaking situation I have ever experienced. Thank you for adopting an adult cat. It gives me hope for my little boy.
My biggest fear after losing Kitten was not getting HER back. I went and witnessed her singular cremation from start to finish when her ashes were sealed in an urn. As awful as her loss is I have the cold comfort of knowing where she is. You don't. You relinquished control. But he's at a rescue that is looking out for his best interests now JUST LIKE YOU DID. And maybe just maybe they realize you need to let go and are moving you along in your letting go like it or not. So while you know where your baby is you don't have any control over where he may go.Thank you, Gareth. Those are great ideas. I do most of my crying while driving to and from work. That helps me get it out of my system. Although, yesterday, one of my colleagues who didn't know my story asked me how my kitties were doing. I completely lost it. The poor woman was sorry she ever asked. I may start walking. That always seems to help. There aren't any oak trees for me to kick, but I think if there were, the oak tree would win. I'll check out that link you posted. I do know that once I know that my boy is in a home, I will feel so much better. I'm not sure how long that will take. I am ashamed to say that I sent the rescue group an email on Monday asking how my boy was doing, but they never replied. I think they're pretty well tired of this crazy lady constantly asking for updates. I've got to accept that and move on.
You need to do something for your boy. Humans are wired for ritual. Part of a funeral ritual is letting go. I'm not suggesting you bury him in effigy but rather find a way to honor his time with you. I mean the good times didn't suddenly vanish when you had to make such a difficult choice.And completely out of the blue, Kittens Mom. I'll cherish the moment forever.