Dealing with the toughest period of my life these past 7+ months

[les26]

It sounds like your realtor’s spidey senses are tingling. I hope the rest of this goes smoothly. We live away from family but recently visited DHs family and it was hard not to think about the “someday” when we just visited outside my FIL’s home (and saw how much he has aged in recent years). The responsibilities will most likely fall primarily to my sister in law simply because shes the only one who lives nearby. I’m told DHs uncle’s possessions are filling the garage and he died 30 years ago… It will be a wonderful family house again someday; even if it needs flipping first. I’ve just been hearing so many people go through this with parents lately; its hard to not resent him a little for how things look like they could go someday. (Hes in his mid 80s but relatively healthy.) I think its a combination of being a perfectionist who likes to do things meticulously in his own way, overwhelmed by his own standards, and hesitant to face his own mortality. So then I feel guilty for the resentment. Maybe its a little comfort to know we are all far from being the only ones to have to deal with these things at some point. Even if its something mostly dealt with alone.

The auctioneer emailed us two option plans, and we are going with the one where they will set up everything in the house, take pictures, run an auction online, do what is needed and clean up and he said it should be empty by the end of July so that would work just fine. The other option would be they take everything out of the house and take it and hold it until they can have an auction, but he said that could take up to 180 days so we are going to go with the first, faster option.

I know it has to be done and dealt with but it is still tough knowing this was my parents stuff and they are still here, but they'll never use it again which makes me sad, but that's reality...

 

[Kwik]

The auctioneer emailed us two option plans, and we are going with the one where they will set up everything in the house, take pictures, run an auction online, do what is needed and clean up and he said it should be empty by the end of July so that would work just fine. The other option would be they take everything out of the house and take it and hold it until they can have an auction, but he said that could take up to 180 days so we are going to go with the first, faster option.

I know it has to be done and dealt with but it is still tough knowing this was my parents stuff and they are still here, but they'll never use it again which makes me sad, but that's reality...

Gee les,so many emotional hurdles.... my heart just really goes out to you and Deb at this time.Im an only child myself so I relate to you in many ways although I didn't go through the half of what you're dealing with-,not really-although my own son( greedy greedy man) tried to contest everything when my Mom passed( as if he,being an only child,wouldn't end up with everything eventually) So I dealt with courts,lawyers and the vultures that come out of nowhere-uggh on top of that someone forged the deed to my house,more courts and lawyers....its always something,isn't it? The good news is,it passes,it all passes

Les,I'm sorry for Simba... my goodness 21,Bless his heart!I think you're wise in not attempting to capture him to get to the Vet and put him through all of that,not at his age

Have you considered a home visit from a Vet?Is that an option though it does seem you might could hold off as he's on the upswing again....Now Simba is included in my prayers for you,I do hope he does well

 

[les26]

Gee les,so many emotional hurdles.... my heart just really goes out to you and Deb at this time.Im an only child myself so I relate to you in many ways although I didn't go through the half of what you're dealing with-,not really-although my own son( greedy greedy man) tried to contest everything when my Mom passed( as if he,being an only child,wouldn't end up with everything eventually) So I dealt with courts,lawyers and the vultures that come out of nowhere-uggh on top of that someone forged the deed to my house,more courts and lawyers....its always something,isn't it? The good news is,it passes,it all passes

Les,I'm sorry for Simba... my goodness 21,Bless his heart!I think you're wise in not attempting to capture him to get to the Vet and put him through all of that,not at his age

Have you considered a home visit from a Vet?Is that an option though it does seem you might could hold off as he's on the upswing again....Now Simba is included in my prayers for you,I do hope he does well

I'm so sorry to hear that you had to go through all this with your own son, that's really sad and heartbreaking. Amazing how family sometimes doesn't care about family, isn't it?

Deb said Simba was the first one in the kitchen this morning! He ate and drank water, had some treats, saw him jump up on the coffe table and laid in a basket for a bit but then went back to his new spot, a dining room chair. Funny how they hang out in certain spots, then after awhile find a new one.

I think bringing a vet in here would set off a world wide panic with them all, it's a good idea but they all would be freaked out, including him. Even if we could trap him in a room I think he would be so stressed out, and Deb never wants to have what happened to Sabrina happen again, nor do I, chasing her around to get her and put her in a carrier to take to a vet only to have her have a heart attack, them trying to revive her only to have her die there, so we'll pass on it. If the time comes and he needs it we'll know, and we'll be able to coral him if he truly needs it, but this morning he is spry like before!

During the night I was thinking of all this and I once again said some prayers and turned it over to God. I also had a mental talk with my Nana and Deb's dad, they have been guiding us from above no doubt through all this, so I had a chat with them too. And this morning before work I sat down to eat breakfast in front of the tv and what video came on? Carrie Underwood "Jesus take the wheel"

 

[Kwik]

I'm so sorry to hear that you had to go through all this with your own son, that's really sad and heartbreaking. Amazing how family sometimes doesn't care about family, isn't it?

Deb said Simba was the first one in the kitchen this morning! He ate and drank water, had some treats, saw him jump up on the coffe table and laid in a basket for a bit but then went back to his new spot, a dining room chair. Funny how they hang out in certain spots, then after awhile find a new one.

I think bringing a vet in here would set off a world wide panic with them all, it's a good idea but they all would be freaked out, including him. Even if we could trap him in a room I think he would be so stressed out, and Deb never wants to have what happened to Sabrina happen again, nor do I, chasing her around to get her and put her in a carrier to take to a vet only to have her have a heart attack, them trying to revive her only to have her die there, so we'll pass on it. If the time comes and he needs it we'll know, and we'll be able to coral him if he truly needs it, but this morning he is spry like before!

During the night I was thinking of all this and I once again said some prayers and turned it over to God. I also had a mental talk with my Nana and Deb's dad, they have been guiding us from above no doubt through all this, so I had a chat with them too. And this morning before work I sat down to eat breakfast in front of the tv and what video came on? Carrie Underwood "Jesus take the wheel"

Praise the Lord-you just made my morning-God is soooo Good!I've come here to support you and encourage & have Received just as much in return-Awesome

Thank you Les,you have no idea what a Blessing your words are this morning

 

[les26]

Well now I got a call this morning they are taking Dad to the hospital with low oxygen levels and groin pain, it just never ends...He did walk across the complex with me the other day to visit Mom, he has done that before, he uses the wheelchair as a walker, we take our time, and when he is tired he sits in it and I push him, and there were no feet on it so he had to hold his feet up over and then back again so maybe that explains the groin pain. I hope they figure what is wrong and it is not a big issue....

 

[les26]

So I get a call saying that he is going home and is okay and they wanted to hang up quickly but I slowed them down and said "well what happened???" They said he had "leg pain" and I told them they told me it was groin pain but it was from him walking over to see my Mom Sunday, pushing a wheelchair as a walker for a bit, then me pushing him in it but it had no feet on it so he had to keep his legs up, so that explains the physical pain, but I said "what about the oxygen level being in the 70's this morning?" and they said when he came into the hospital it was 96%, he ambulated in the hallway with a walker and it was 99%, they didn't have to give him any oxygen. Then where he lives called and said he was back there and said they did blood tests and a chest x-ray and other things and everything was fine, but what was it I asked?? She said "it's better to be safe then sorry", which still doesn't tell me what it was, I asked if he was alright and they said "yes, he's just a little confused" and I said "SO AM I!!!!!"

I have no clue what just happened, I just called and talked to a woman in the ER, and she really couldn't pull much up, so I'm going to email the "bigshots" where he lives and let them try to explain what just happened here, all day I'm near nuts worrying about him while I'm on the road with visually impaired people, it's a miracle that I can concentrate on driving and not getting us all killed....

 

[Kwik]

So I get a call saying that he is going home and is okay and they wanted to hang up quickly but I slowed them down and said "well what happened???" They said he had "leg pain" and I told them they told me it was groin pain but it was from him walking over to see my Mom Sunday, pushing a wheelchair as a walker for a bit, then me pushing him in it but it had no feet on it so he had to keep his legs up, so that explains the physical pain, but I said "what about the oxygen level being in the 70's this morning?" and they said when he came into the hospital it was 96%, he ambulated in the hallway with a walker and it was 99%, they didn't have to give him any oxygen. Then where he lives called and said he was back there and said they did blood tests and a chest x-ray and other things and everything was fine, but what was it I asked?? She said "it's better to be safe then sorry", which still doesn't tell me what it was, I asked if he was alright and they said "yes, he's just a little confused" and I said "SO AM I!!!!!"

I have no clue what just happened, I just called and talked to a woman in the ER, and she really couldn't pull much up, so I'm going to email the "bigshots" where he lives and let them try to explain what just happened here, all day I'm near nuts worrying about him while I'm on the road with visually impaired people, it's a miracle that I can concentrate on driving and not getting us all killed....

Don't blame you at all,I'd be livid.....If it's better to be safe then sorry then why call you with report of low Oxygen level and being taken to the hospital instead of saying" Don't worry,he's fine- just letting you know we'd rather be safe and are having him checked out" Makes no sense!

Let them have it!!!I would @les

 

[les26]

So Mom is stable, slowly getting better, was taken off the puree diet and is given softer but more normal foods, but now Pop is in the hospital!! They called last night and said he had a fever and was complaining of abdominal pain, they said today he has Pneumonia, a UTI, fever and Ejection Fraction which is something with his heart. I visited him for a bit today but he was really hurting, it was so very upsetting to see him in that condition, I told him what was going on and told him they would take care of him but he'll feel bad for a bit and to just rest. The nurse said he'll get better, and I'm sure he will, but this is just more and more on the stress pile...

 

[Kwik]

les26
I'm sorry ,it's such a difficult thing to see your loved ones sick and there's nothing you can do to make them better,getting old is no joke....I sure hope he gets well quickly

Did you and Deb at least have a cookout or something on the 4th? Watch some fireworks and give your mind a break for a moment?

Praying for you all

 

[les26]

les26
I'm sorry ,it's such a difficult thing to see your loved ones sick and there's nothing you can do to make them better,getting old is no joke....I sure hope he gets well quickly

Did you and Deb at least have a cookout or something on the 4th? Watch some fireworks and give your mind a break for a moment?

Praying for you all

We had a cookout the day before, it rained here on the 4th. And she was up until 12:00 midnight thanks to yo-yos shooting off firewotks and what sounded like bombs most of the night, I slept through it probably because I'm so drained.

I forgot to say he also has a yeast infection, ugh...

Yes, it is so so hard to walk into the hospital room and see them lying there suffering. When I went in last night there were 2 people working on him, I said hello and so did they, they just stared at me and asked "can we help you?" and I said "he's my father". They were physical therapists, they were trying to sit him up, and he was moaning and having a hard time with it, which made me feel so upset to see and witness, just like when I went into the room weeks ago and my mom was literally screaming in pain when they tried to move her.

 

[Margot Lane]

We had a cookout the day before, it rained here on the 4th. And she was up until 12:00 midnight thanks to yo-yos shooting off firewotks and what sounded like bombs most of the night, I slept through it probably because I'm so drained.

I forgot to say he also has a yeast infection, ugh...

Yes, it is so so hard to walk into the hospital room and see them lying there suffering. When I went in last night there were 2 people working on him, I said hello and so did they, they just stared at me and asked "can we help you?" and I said "he's my father". They were physical therapists, they were trying to sit him up, and he was moaning and having a hard time with it, which made me feel so upset to see and witness, just like when I went into the room weeks ago and my mom was literally screaming in pain when they tried to move her.

Just catching up on this thread. Wow. I hope you take little moments, if there are any, to do small nice things for yourself, whether that’s a walk, meditation, soaking your feet, some flowers: something. I know your parents both appreciate all you do, even if they can’t always say.

 

[les26]

Just catching up on this thread. Wow. I hope you take little moments, if there are any, to do small nice things for yourself, whether that’s a walk, meditation, soaking your feet, some flowers: something. I know your parents both appreciate all you do, even if they can’t always say.

Yes, I am trying to find little things that I used to do and enjoy to at least try to "escape" far a brief moment at least. It can easily consume you and try to become "your life", but we have to still live our lives too.

 

[Kwik]

We had a cookout the day before, it rained here on the 4th. And she was up until 12:00 midnight thanks to yo-yos shooting off firewotks and what sounded like bombs most of the night, I slept through it probably because I'm so drained.

I forgot to say he also has a yeast infection, ugh...

Yes, it is so so hard to walk into the hospital room and see them lying there suffering. When I went in last night there were 2 people working on him, I said hello and so did they, they just stared at me and asked "can we help you?" and I said "he's my father". They were physical therapists, they were trying to sit him up, and he was moaning and having a hard time with it, which made me feel so upset to see and witness, just like when I went into the room weeks ago and my mom was literally screaming in pain when they tried to move her.

Well it does sound like he's getting good care so thank God for that.I just wish there were some wonderful words of wisdom I had for you that would be of great comfort.....I can assure you that our fervent prayers are Heard and do not fall to the wayside-may you be Blessed with God's Love and Peace thst surpasses all understanding

 

[les26]

They want to start him on a Beta Blocker for his heart, the other "option" they said was a procedure that goes through his groin up to his heart but this doctor was concerned it could damage his kidneys, so we both agreed to try this med first. But he said he has bacteria in his blood, I assume that means Sepsis, and said they are treating that with IV antibiotics and want to clear that up first before dealing with the heart issue. I asked him if this was caused by what he has going on or did he have this heart issue that no one knew about and he said the second thing, he must've had this and now it is being exposed, and he thinks it weakened his heart a bit but thinks the meds will help that.

I am learning that sometimes these doctors talk "doom & gloom" and scare you half to death the way that they talk. I told him I wrote my Mom off about 3 times and she's still here, and my dad is stronger than her physically, so we'll see what happens. But it is not enjoyable to hear that things like this are going on, but as my Nana used to say "that's life, Les"...

 

[les26]

See like this. That doctor told me about 40 minutes ago when I asked him how my Dad was doing today he said "really no change", then a few minutes ago a nurse on the phone told me "he's acting better today, more alert and talking more"!!!

Huh????

 

[susanm9006]

See like this. That doctor told me about 40 minutes ago when I asked him how my Dad was doing today he said "really no change", then a few minutes ago a nurse on the phone told me "he's acting better today, more alert and talking more"!!!

Huh????

Doctors see them for a few minutes a day, nurses all day and night, so they don’t necessarily see the same things.

 

[neely]

Catching up on your thread also and extending lots of hugs for your mom, dad and you.
I completely understand the hospital staff wanting to be thorough. But I swear with all the lawsuits I think sometimes the doctors do more tests and procedures because they're worried about liability. One of my very trusted and knowledgeable doctors told me it's called, "CYA," which means Cover Your Ass. I sincerely hope your mom and dad can be reunited soon.

 

[neely]

Yes, I am trying to find little things that I used to do and enjoy to at least try to "escape" far a brief moment at least. It can easily consume you and try to become "your life", but we have to still live our lives too.

I forgot to add although it's difficult to think of yourself with everything you're going through it's definitely important for Deb and you to take time out for a breather. Whatever your guilty pleasure is remember to indulge.

 

[les26]

I forgot to add although it's difficult to think of yourself with everything you're going through it's definitely important for Deb and you to take time out for a breather. Whatever your guilty pleasure is remember to indulge.

Tomorrow we are going to take a drive down to Lancaster for the day, we always enjoy that, it'll be a nice day trip and maybe we can forget our troubles for at least a little while.

We visited them both yesterday, and thankfully they both seemed to be okay. Pop was sitting up in bed eating lunch, there was a young girl there helping him eat but then she saw he was doing okay by himself so she left him eat alone, but he was more alert and talking a bit more, it didn't all make sense but at least he is improving and will continue to do so, then most likely he'll be sent to rehab where Mom is now, but she might not be there as they are setting up to send her back to assisted living as her insurance time will be up, so this will really be shuffling the deck! But she is talking and acting better, and I think some or a lot of it is because of lowering the Depakote level to 500 mg. They wanted to stop it completely but I told them to taper it, even the nurses yesterday said "you can't just stop it!" so I don't understand the doctor's thinking, but I'll never know because they don't want to see anybody or talk to family members on the phone, I have to go through the nurses station and they "relay" the message to the doctor and back again which I don't like because there is too much chance for error that way, but that's what I have to do, but she is mentally acting better and I am sure that is why.

So the emotional roller coaster is going up now, but I know the ride will be up and down and up and down and up and down....

 

[Kwik]

Sheesh les26
So is it all one big facility?Hospital,rehab unit and assisted living? It sometimes sounds like the right hand doesn't know what the left is doing-I don't know how you contain yourself sometimes,super frustrating that you cannot speak to a doctor- I think I'd be on the phone with Hospital Administration Oversight with the State,I believe you have every right to speak with the physicians.....Everyone answers to someone,I've gotten very far by going over peoples heads at the Cancer Center where I go -I am never put on the " pay no mind " list since I filed grievances against the Drs,patient services and Hospital mgmt- just a suggestion,they are adding to your stress unnecessarily imo