Dealing With The Guilt Of Ending A Life

[Mr. Meow]

Hey,

For those who don't know, my job is a human and pet crematory operator. I deal with families who struggle with this question every day.
The short answer is, people end up feeling guilty, regardless if the decision was made today, a week from now, or never made at all. The decision (or lack of decision) will never be met with certainty. But the truth is, there's no way to know if the decision was the right one.
The one thing I tell people is this - No one on this planet knew your pet better than you...NO ONE. The vet may be able to read blood tests, charts and the like, but only you would notice the tiniest, most subtle differences in your pet. On top of that, no one loves your pet as much or as completely as you do.
This makes you the most qualified person to make the ultimate decision, and make it out of the most pure and absolute love you have for them. While the decision hurts, it always hurts, the decision was made by putting their safety and comfort first. That decision is for us to take on their pain, so they no longer have to endure another second of it. That's love.
We're all here for you, always.

 

[zed xyzed]

Please see this beautiful post. I found it has help many people, me included When the moment comes...

 

[Mrsty1203]

Please see this beautiful post. I found it has help many people, me included When the moment comes...

Had to stop several times for tissues, but this is so true. Thank you.

 

[KK300]

This is a beautiful thread. It is so heartbreaking to make that decision.

 

[mazie]

I know how you feel. I put my cat down on Monday and I still run the pros and cons in my head. It was the most difficult decision I’ve had to make in a long time.

Part of me feels like it was the right decision but part of me foes not. According to the very my cat had end stages of kidney failure. I only saw major signs of this diagnosis 5 days before I put her down. The day I put her down I took her outside (she’s an indoor cat) I fed her tuna (she’s was on a strict diet, so couldn’t enjoy tuna on a regular basis) and I enjoyed her company the last hours before putting her to sleep. I’m not sure if I was just looking for excuses not to put her down but part of me still feels like she didn’t seem as bad off as the vet claimed. I mean, numbers and values don’t lie but I don’t feel like she acted like she was in end stages of kidney failure.

So I have been beating myself up, wondering if I did the right thing, did I end her life too early, was I being selfish for putting her to sleep. Ugh, i hate it. I cry as I type this just thinking about her and how much I miss her.

I’m hoping to find closure, just like you. Maybe the most we can do is trust our decision.

We have to trust our decision. We know we made it in love, and it was made in the best interest of our loved cat. If we don't trust our gut feeling in a time such as this, we will drive ourselves crazy. I very well may be going through this same event this afternoon with my Katy. We both have an appointment with her vet this afternoon, he sees her weekly now to check on her being. She is at the point where if I give her pain medication for her cancer, I can no longer tell a difference in her demur. Last night I skipped her pain medication, I had to know if it even is making a difference now. It is not. I have always been of the opinion that we have to trust our gut feelings, especially when it involves the well-being of someone other than ourselves. (Famous last words, right? We shall see).

 

[cataan]

To me this is a no-win situation. No matter the decision you will second-guess yourself. One more day? One more week? Would one extra day be worth any additional pain? Could your cat have recovered for another month? You have to make the best decision you can and realize you'll always wonder if it was the right one, and you'll never really know. Maybe it was. Maybe it wasn't.

I had a cat who was diagnosed in late 2008 with restrictive cardiomyopathy after he threw a clot - multiple vets at two locations said euthanize him don't try to save him. We saved him and he lived 16 more months; only the last two weeks out of that extra time were bad (the last week was very, very bad), and while we should have euthanized him a week earlier, those 16 months were great, for him and for us. He was so happy the vast majority of that time.

My most recent cat - my friend for 17 years - died last week. I was ***forced*** to euthanize him because I kept pushing it off, hoping I could save him, extend his life, get him to turn the corner. When I got his bloodwork on Monday two days before he was euthanized, I should have given him some opioids and arranged for euthanasia on Tuesday at home. He would have been pain-free both days and gotten lots of love and petting, then drifted off to sleep on my bed where he liked to nap. Instead, because there was a decent chance an infection had caused his poor bloodwork (unexpected, very high WBC count), I decided to go with the antibiotics and see how things would turn out Wednesday. On Wednesday, the WBC had been cut in half but his kidney values hadn't improved at all, and though I had arranged for euthanasia at home the next day on Thursday, as Wednesday went on he was clearly deteriorating, and by late afternoon he couldn't walk and his breathing was labored. He was euthanized at the vet to cut short his suffering, as it was pretty clear he wasn't going to make it through the night, but it wasn't the sleepy, happy, calm at-home environment he deserved. BUT: had I euthanized him the day before, at home in a comfortable setting, rather than giving him the antibiotics and checking bloodwork two days later, I would be kicking myself thinking that the antibiotics would have done the trick and he would still be with me; how could I have given up on him so easily not to save him with antibiotics? No win situation.

I probably will always tend toward a day late than a week early, but no matter the decision, there will always be regret and "what if".

 

[KK300]

We had to make this awful decision for our Sammy. Two years later, I still feel awful about it, he was my soul mate, and I ended his life. The vet said that there was no other choice, but it doesn't stop me from feeling absolutely awful.

 

[di and bob]

Listen to your vet. They see so much. There is always guilt with grieving no matter what you do......