Dealing With The Guilt Of Ending A Life

[Leomc123]

Hi everyone

Just wondering how you guys deal with making that decision of ending a life.
A few months ago i put both of my cats down and had to make that decision to euthanise.
I know its the kindest thing to do for your pet when they are suffering in pain.
Its that knowing that i was the one that ended their life it is the part thats eating at me.

I dunno, i guess in some ways it feels wrong and i feel guilty and in another way it was the right thing to do so i am ok with it and then when i feel that because i am ok with it, i feel guilty for being ok with it. Its like this limbo that plays in my mind everyday.

How do you guys deal with this feeling?

 

[les26]

We have had to "play God" several times over the years and it is one of the toughest things that you will ever have to do in this life, you feel 100% responsible for them because we are, and when we can't save them or make them better we feel that we have failed in some way, "I should've seen this problem earlier" or "I should've done this or taken them to this vet instead", but if you did all that you could do with all of the resources that you had and you TRULY KNOW that there was nothing more to do but to put them down then you have a clear mind but it still hurts and is a very heavy weight to have to carry. But I also feel that the cat knows that we are struggling with it and that we are trying to help them, and if they pass quickly and peacefully when they are injected I feel that they were ready to go, that they had very little fight left in them and are okay with it.

I also have to constantly remind myself that when I am feeling sad for people and animals that have passed that they are in a much better place now, I don't want to get religious with anyone but I surely believe there is a Heaven but I can't seem to quite realize how beautiful it really is and how happy they all are and just fine now and in no more pain, I wish I could get a glimpse of it somehow for a minute and then come back down to Earth but realize it IS wonderful there, that way I would truly know that it IS much better, but I guess that is where the faith part comes in, I truly have to just "believe" it right now, and when I do I realize that people and animals have passed on to a much better place and when we join them one day they will say "see, this is wonderful, I felt badly for you that you felt badly for me but I knew that one day you would see and understand!"

I also use Ignatia Amara for the shock and acute grief, and Holy Basil for the stress, Google them and you will learn a lot about them, they both help you deal with the stress and sadness but in a natural drug free way.

And you sadly just have to endure the roller coaster ride of the grief, and it will take you on a ride and play mind as well as physical games with you, but use the things mentioned, try to keep your head and put it in perspective, you did what you could and made the best choices with what information you had at the time, it is not what you wanted, we wish they would live forever with us but their life span is much shorter (usually) than ours, and if it was time to go and they were hurting we did the most unselfish, loving thing that we could for them, we eased their pain and they know it and love us for it, they aren't mad at us or sad they are fine now just fine and when we see them again someday it will be wonderful.

But it is such a difficult ride, I had many episodes of mental and physical symptoms after the boys Simon and Sebastian went down, Simon in my arms at the vet and Sebastian in my arms at home, it was just devastating to deal with and still I feel a twinge of pain if I think about it but it was the way that it had to be, they are both fine now and I know it, and I just go pick up and hug the little guy in my picture Sylvester who is those two combined together, that was truly meant to be also, me finding a cat that looks exactly like you combined them together, and he was in need of help, skinny, flea bitten, living mostly in a bathroom because the cat who was his father wanted to get at him and fight him all the time, and I was hurting knowing I came home after work one day and finding Sebastian who was sick caught in the mini blinds, trying to escape his pain, and when I freed him he died in my arms, he literally "hung on" until I came home so I could hold him so he died in my arms, he didn't want to die like that by himself, he mustered all his strength to hang on because he knew that I would be home soon so he waited, and while that was the most horrible thing that could've happened at that time I now look back and realize that it was a beautiful thing, I didn't come home and find him dead, that I could hold him as he passed, he didn't leave this Earth alone, I was the first one to hold him when I brought him in and I was the last one to hold him when he left so to me that now is BEAUTIFUL and I KNOW that he knows it too and is just fine as is Simon and all the rest of the cats that we have ever lost over all of the years, and when we see them all again just imagine how THAT will feel!!!!!!

"Their last breath on Earth is their first breath in Heaven"

Hang in there, you did what you had to do, remember that the stress and grief will circulate through your mind and body for quite some time but roll with it, crying also helps, quiet time alone thinking about them and how you know that you did the best thing and that they are now fine helps too, talking it out with people that understand helps, Google Holy Basil and Ignatia Amara, take walks, drink clean water, and with time, prayer and love the wound will heal, you will never be quite the same but none of us are after loving so hard and losing but as my Nana used to say to me "that's life, Les".......

I hope that your heart heals a bit more each day, God Bless......

 

[Ivana90]

Hi everyone

Just wondering how you guys deal with making that decision of ending a life.
A few months ago i put both of my cats down and had to make that decision to euthanise.
I know its the kindest thing to do for your pet when they are suffering in pain.
Its that knowing that i was the one that ended their life it is the part thats eating at me.

I dunno, i guess in some ways it feels wrong and i feel guilty and in another way it was the right thing to do so i am ok with it and then when i feel that because i am ok with it, i feel guilty for being ok with it. Its like this limbo that plays in my mind everyday.

How do you guys deal with this feeling?

I have mixed feelings regarding this. I also made this decision few days ago. My kitty was diagnosed with FIP and all of the vets I went to consult recommended euthanasia. Although I know, deep down in my heart, that it was right thing to do, I still feel guilty, and I often wake up in the middle of night and obsessively think over and over again, was this the right decision. I just feel guilty for making this decision on my own, I mean I am not God to decide wheather someone is going to live or not... on the other hand, I didn't want her so sufer, and it seems stat suffering would be inevitable with this desease ( fip effusive form ). I just don't know what to think of myself, I am sure this rambling wasn't helpful, so sorry. It is just all so fresh...

 

[nurseangel]

I am so sorry for your loss and what you are going through. Also, for Ivana90 's as well. It is such a difficult decision when the right choice is the hardest. Please remember that you were unselfish and acted out of love. There are times when I have delayed having one of my beloved pets PTS, and I feel guilty about that, too. I still do, especially in one particular situation that I try not to think about.

You are kind. Both you and Ivana90.

 

[NY cat man]

That is what can happen when your heart and brain are in conflict. You know what is the right thing to do, but you hate having to do it. We went through the same thing years ago when our cat developed cancer. It was too widespread and aggressive for a cure, but with drugs they might have been able to extend his life, if only briefly. It came down to what was best for him, not us, so we had him put to sleep. Was it easy? No, it was not, and we still miss him; but in the end, we did the right thing, as I believe you did also.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Perhaps I have somewhat of an easier time dealing with choices like this because I desperately want the same kindness extended to me, should I be in a place of pain and misery with no hope of recovery. Alas, in most places, that's considered "murder" and not possible. But it is what I most deeply want...and since I would choose it for myself in those conditions, it makes it easier to choose that for those I love, including my pets, as well. We are responsible for their lives, and we are also responsible for their well-being and their happiness. When there is no hope of any well-being or happiness, we break our own hearts and do what is best for THEM. That is the terrible burden of Love.

 

[di and bob]

You can't be wrong when what you decide is a decision made of love. When life has no future that is not one of pain, of suffering, there really is no choice. It is far better to end a little too soon then to let those innocent, beautiful babies suffer one day too long.
Guilt is a horrible, normal reaction to something like this. To feel responsible in ending a life shows what a caring, loving heart you have. If you felt NO guilt would be something to worry about. When the reason for ending a life is to releave pain and suffering that you know is coming, it can't be wrong. To hold guilt means you had intention to do something that brings harm to another. in this case your only intention was to end a future full of uncertainty, fear and suffering. What you decided was done out of love. That can't be wrong.
Time is the only thing that helps with accepting what happened. Don't dwell on those last days, I know this is impossible, but try to distarct yoruself with anything to take your mind off of going there. It does absolutely no good, and brings nothing but heartache. I give a small donation to my local shelter in my loved one's name. It helps you to feel better about yourself by bringing happiness to another little one that will be helped.
You have only been on your journey to healing for a few months. It takes a lot of time to heal a broken heart, to come to terms with what happened. Be gentle on yoruself. Know you are not alone, there are many who are going through exactly what you are going through. In your mind what you did may not have been right, but it certainly can't be wrong when it is a decision made out of love and is to end a future full of pain. Try to keep busy, and keep one foot in front of the other, just take one day at a time.......

 

[WinniesMomma]

I felt like that and at times still do. But when everyone I have talked to, including on here, confirmed I did the right thing in releasing Winnie from her pain, and before it got worse, I knew I made the right choice. It just hurts because you don't want to have to decide that.

 

[NY cat man]

I felt like that and at times still do. But when everyone I have talked to, including on here, confirmed I did the right thing in releasing Winnie from her pain, and before it got worse, I knew I made the right choice. It just hurts because you don't want to have to decide that.

I guess that's part of the price we pay for being normal humans with normal feelings. If it were otherwise, there would be something amiss with us.

 

[Purr-fect]

Hi everyone

Just wondering how you guys deal with making that decision of ending a life.
A few months ago i put both of my cats down and had to make that decision to euthanise.
I know its the kindest thing to do for your pet when they are suffering in pain.
Its that knowing that i was the one that ended their life it is the part thats eating at me.

I dunno, i guess in some ways it feels wrong and i feel guilty and in another way it was the right thing to do so i am ok with it and then when i feel that because i am ok with it, i feel guilty for being ok with it. Its like this limbo that plays in my mind everyday.

How do you guys deal with this feeling?

How do I deal with this feeling?

We have had to make this decision several times over the years.

The decision is made with my wife. Each day we closely monitor our beloved cat when it is at this stage. We ask, was this a good day or bad day for the cat? Did it have happy moments. It is getting better, same or declining. Is it in pain.

We replay the advice and options given by the vet. Is surgery or medication an option? What would be the likely outcome? Do we have pain medication at hand? I research on line for options, treatments and advice. Each day we ask, are we prolonging its life for the cat or for us?

When finally we are at day to day, we make preparation to take time off work at a moments notice, we make sure we have a 24 hour vet, so if our cat suddenly has a down turn in the middle of the night, they wont have to suffer until the morning.

When the time comes, we are at their side. I will cradle them in my arms, caressing, comforting and reassuring.

And yet we still feel guilty. It is normal. We can not know for certain the exact "right" time. No one can, not even the vet.

We remind ourselves that we did the best we could, we did not make a rash decision.

I read that a vet recomended that it is best to go too soon than late. I would rather my cats enjoyed a good day of life and then went to sleep than suffered in pain, confusion and anxiety and then went to sleep.

Sorry for the rant, like most I find it a difficult topic.

The short answer is i deal with the guilt by reminding myself that i was:

-doing the best i could for the cat as its condition worsened.
-trying to ensure each day is positive and happy for it
-making decisions in the cats best interests, not mine.
-reminding myself that it was my responsibility to make the decision and that my cat depended on me. It was my job.
-being with it when the time comes
-ensuring I never forget my buddy when they are gone.
-adopting another buddy and continuing the chain of love in their memory.

 

[WinniesMomma]

How do I deal with this feeling?

We have had to make this decision several times over the years.

The decision is made with my wife. Each day we closely monitor our beloved cat when it is at this stage. We ask, was this a good day or bad day for the cat? Did it have happy moments. It is getting better, same or declining. Is it in pain.

We replay the advice and options given by the vet. Is surgery or medication an option? What would be the likely outcome? Do we have pain medication at hand? I research on line for options, treatments and advice. Each day we ask, are we prolonging its life for the cat or for us?

When finally we are at day to day, we make preparation to take time off work at a moments notice, we make sure we have a 24 hour vet, so if our cat suddenly has a down turn in the middle of the night, they wont have to suffer until the morning.

When the time comes, we are at their side. I will cradle them in my arms, caressing, comforting and reassuring.

And yet we still feel guilty. It is normal. We can not know for certain the exact "right" time. No one can, not even the vet.

We remind ourselves that we did the best we could, we did not make a rash decision.

I read that a vet recomended that it is best to go too soon than late. I would rather my cats enjoyed a good day of life and then went to sleep than suffered in pain, confusion and anxiety and then went to sleep.

Sorry for the rant, like most I find it a difficult topic.

The short answer is i deal with the guilt by reminding myself that i was:

-doing the best i could for the cat as its condition worsened.
-trying to ensure each day is positive and happy for it
-making decisions in the cats best interests, not mine.
-reminding myself that it was my responsibility to make the decision and that my cat depended on me. It was my job.
-being with it when the time comes
-ensuring I never forget my buddy when they are gone.
-adopting another buddy and continuing the chain of love in their memory.

Very well said.

 

[Leomc123]

I have mixed feelings regarding this. I also made this decision few days ago. My kitty was diagnosed with FIP and all of the vets I went to consult recommended euthanasia. Although I know, deep down in my heart, that it was right thing to do, I still feel guilty, and I often wake up in the middle of night and obsessively think over and over again, was this the right decision. I just feel guilty for making this decision on my own, I mean I am not God to decide wheather someone is going to live or not... on the other hand, I didn't want her so sufer, and it seems stat suffering would be inevitable with this desease ( fip effusive form ). I just don't know what to think of myself, I am sure this rambling wasn't helpful, so sorry. It is just all so fresh...

Sorry for your loss and that you had to go through this, it is a very difficult decision. I feel guilty like i feel i betrayed them somehow, even though i couldnt stand seeing them suffering and didnt want them to be with me suffering.

 

[Princessthecat1234]

Hi everyone

Just wondering how you guys deal with making that decision of ending a life.
A few months ago i put both of my cats down and had to make that decision to euthanise.
I know its the kindest thing to do for your pet when they are suffering in pain.
Its that knowing that i was the one that ended their life it is the part thats eating at me.

I dunno, i guess in some ways it feels wrong and i feel guilty and in another way it was the right thing to do so i am ok with it and then when i feel that because i am ok with it, i feel guilty for being ok with it. Its like this limbo that plays in my mind everyday.

How do you guys deal with this feeling?

I know how you feel. I put my cat down on Monday and I still run the pros and cons in my head. It was the most difficult decision I’ve had to make in a long time.

Part of me feels like it was the right decision but part of me foes not. According to the very my cat had end stages of kidney failure. I only saw major signs of this diagnosis 5 days before I put her down. The day I put her down I took her outside (she’s an indoor cat) I fed her tuna (she’s was on a strict diet, so couldn’t enjoy tuna on a regular basis) and I enjoyed her company the last hours before putting her to sleep. I’m not sure if I was just looking for excuses not to put her down but part of me still feels like she didn’t seem as bad off as the vet claimed. I mean, numbers and values don’t lie but I don’t feel like she acted like she was in end stages of kidney failure.

So I have been beating myself up, wondering if I did the right thing, did I end her life too early, was I being selfish for putting her to sleep. Ugh, i hate it. I cry as I type this just thinking about her and how much I miss her.

I’m hoping to find closure, just like you. Maybe the most we can do is trust our decision.

 

[di and bob]

One day too soon is much better than one day too late. The suffering that CAN go on at the end of life is horrible to witness. Once again we had an old feral tom who has never been held, never caged. We promised him he could die at home....it was a nightmare to observe. He finally got to the point he was falling down with every step and was almost totally blind, he cried, but he also still purred. We got to the point it was just too cruel to let it go on and took him in. He had a tumor in his head the vet told us, it may not have been the right thing after our promise, but it was the merciful thing to do.....

 

[WoodstockGirl]

I went through this just last night with a neighborhood cat. It took 7 months to get this cat and we thought she was pregnant. It turned out that she had ascites from abdominal tumors and she was filled with them. There was so much fluid in her lungs that she only had a little bit of room left to breathe.

So I made the decision to put her to sleep. Even though she would have lived only a few days longer, it was very hard. I know it was the right thing to do, and at least in her last days she had a warm bed to sleep in, food to eat, and lots of pets and love. But wow, it sucks.

 

[Hlee]

This is truly the hardest part of pet ownership and I always second quess and what if and guilt myself to death when going through it.
My spouse and I are not always on the same page either as to when it's time so there is that also.
As time passes usually I am more comfortable with our decisions but it still sucks and hurts so much in the middle of it.

 

[di and bob]

If you wait until you are certain it is the right thing to do, it is certainly too much suffering from something that will not get better, cannot be cured. Then you will feel guilty about that. Be assured guilt and our own doubts and suffering will come no matter what, because it is a part of saying goodbye, no matter how and why it comes about.......

 

[danteshuman]

I felt a little guilt over putting my bud down. However the vet telling me it was time once I stressed I wanted him to feel comfortable, it helped. Think of it like having a 3-5 year old child who speaks another language then you (and will never learn your language.) How much would you put that child through to extend their life? My personal answer is not much if they are going to die anyways (like cancer.) In my beloved Dante’s case he was having trouble breathing and didn’t know why. He also had pancritus. I’m so sorry for your loss!

I think this poem expresses it:

 

[Mrsty1203]

How do I deal with this feeling?

We have had to make this decision several times over the years.

The decision is made with my wife. Each day we closely monitor our beloved cat when it is at this stage. We ask, was this a good day or bad day for the cat? Did it have happy moments. It is getting better, same or declining. Is it in pain.

We replay the advice and options given by the vet. Is surgery or medication an option? What would be the likely outcome? Do we have pain medication at hand? I research on line for options, treatments and advice. Each day we ask, are we prolonging its life for the cat or for us?

When finally we are at day to day, we make preparation to take time off work at a moments notice, we make sure we have a 24 hour vet, so if our cat suddenly has a down turn in the middle of the night, they wont have to suffer until the morning.

When the time comes, we are at their side. I will cradle them in my arms, caressing, comforting and reassuring.

And yet we still feel guilty. It is normal. We can not know for certain the exact "right" time. No one can, not even the vet.

We remind ourselves that we did the best we could, we did not make a rash decision.

I read that a vet recomended that it is best to go too soon than late. I would rather my cats enjoyed a good day of life and then went to sleep than suffered in pain, confusion and anxiety and then went to sleep.

Sorry for the rant, like most I find it a difficult topic.

The short answer is i deal with the guilt by reminding myself that i was:

-doing the best i could for the cat as its condition worsened.
-trying to ensure each day is positive and happy for it
-making decisions in the cats best interests, not mine.
-reminding myself that it was my responsibility to make the decision and that my cat depended on me. It was my job.
-being with it when the time comes
-ensuring I never forget my buddy when they are gone.
-adopting another buddy and continuing the chain of love in their memory.

OMG thank you so much for this. Recently went through the same thing, again. Like you, I have done it many times. I always feel guilty over possibly jumping the gun, but I never want to risk them struggling to hide their pain and discomfort just because I won’t let go.

 

[Mrsty1203]

Hi everyone

Just wondering how you guys deal with making that decision of ending a life.
A few months ago i put both of my cats down and had to make that decision to euthanise.
I know its the kindest thing to do for your pet when they are suffering in pain.
Its that knowing that i was the one that ended their life it is the part thats eating at me.

I dunno, i guess in some ways it feels wrong and i feel guilty and in another way it was the right thing to do so i am ok with it and then when i feel that because i am ok with it, i feel guilty for being ok with it. Its like this limbo that plays in my mind everyday.

How do you guys deal with this feeling?

So sorry for your loss. I’ve recently had to do the same. I think second guessing yourself is just part of it, along with feeling guilty. But my first cat I ever had was an extremely difficult cat, especially at the vet. It was a long time ago... she was 15 and I knew was getting sick with something as she was getting thinner and thinner even though she was eating. At the same time my husband was dying of cancer, so I just decided the cat probably had cancer too. My husband passed first... then a few months later in the middle of the night my cat woke me up with a yowl, panting and dragging her back leg she hid under the bed. Finding an emergency vet in the middle of the night was no fun and I finally got her someplace. She was having heart failure and had thrown a blood clot. (Years of cat experience later, I believe she was probably hyperthyroid.) I have never wanted to risk anything horrible like that happening to another one of my cats. So when I start to try and convince myself that maybe I jumped the gun too early.... maybe I really saved them and myself from something worse. Peace to you, you did what you felt you needed to and it was probably the right thing.