Deaf cat is extremely distressed over loss over other cat

[Pudner1]

Hello,

Barely a week has passed since the loss of my other cat to kidney failure and i am back on here again.

My surviving bicolor male is extremely distressed over the loss of the other cat. He did not see the other cat when he was dead as I brought him straight to the vet hoping he was still alive (didn't want to believe he was dead).

These two cats as seen in my byline photo have been together for the last seven years give or take. They went from sworn enemies (the deceased cat would come up when neither were neutered and attack the bicolor) to sharing territory with regular outbreaks of hostility to (when both were neutered) an increasingly close if fractious relationship. They were together most of the time, would sleep together in front of the range in the evening and shelter from the sun under a large box hedge in the garden. In the last four months the bicolor would regularly lick the now deceased cat on the head and body and smell him but on the last day when the cat was near death would not go near him when I brought him into the room to say his goodbyes so I thought he wasn't too concerned.

Since my other cat died - the bicolor who is completely deaf is following me around the kitchen meowing constantly. He has gone down into the cellar (something he never did as he is very arthritic) to I think look for the other cat. It is a very steep flight of steps down there but he clambered down anyway. I followed him - he spent the next 15 minutes climbing over boxes and looking in every nook and cranny for the other cat. He regularly if the door is open lies in the same place in the dining room where the other cat lay for most of the last few hours of his life. It must be because there is a residue of the other cats smell there. Last night the side door was open the cat stood there looking out as if waiting for the other cat to come in. Whenever I am in the kitchen he follows me around meowing. He only started to come into the kitchen in the last six months. He associates me with food and if I am holding anything he will meow and approach me asking me to 'feed him'. He is eating much too much so I cut back on his food as he had gained a lot of weight but he is still following me around. I regularly pet and groom the cat but I am only a human and I can't bring his companion back.. This is now happening all the time I am in the kitchen even after he is fed. I don't know what else to do about this cat. He is even more distressed than I am about the loss of his friend. I try to tell him that his friend is not coming back and I shake my head in front of him when I am shedding a few tears but it has not registered yet. He should have seen his friend when he was deceased. How do I stop this guy following me around the kitchen meowing for food ? I think he is comfort eating but he is already overweight and I don't want him to get diabetes. What I have been doing is petting him instead when he meows or grooming him and that will calm him down for a minute or so but then he goes back to meowing and following me around the room

Pudner1

 

[Alldara]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Cats mourn over time like people do. And over time, his mourning will change. Even if a fractious relationship... (Can personally attest to this)

This will not be what you want to hear, but it will take time. You are doing the right thing by offering him comfort rather than food always.

Trying to fit some extra play time (it's mostly rolling and batting at something at an older age with arthritis), to help him get some of the anxiety out.

A heartbeat or purring toy (that actually rumbles) may help. He can feel the vibrations. There's also one that heats up.

Deaf or blind cats can have extra reliance on the other pets in the home. It may take him longer to recover than another cat.


I don't really agree about seeing the dead boy. As a human, I can decide that...my pets not having a choice, I don't like to force that on them. I usually just bring the blanket back that they died on at the vet. That's enough for them to understand. My Nobel passed away in the spring and Calcifer still struggles with it some days.

 

[Furballsmom]

Hi, Cat Music obviously won't do much here, but you might check with your vet about calming products, maybe CBD if it's legal where you are, plus as mentioned you will want to check into purr toys and heartbeat toys. If there's a blanket the other cat slept on, or any favorite place, rub the toys on the blanket or the area so as to get the other cat's scent on the material of the toys.

What I have been doing is petting him instead when he meows or grooming him and that will calm him down for a minute or so

Keep doing this, as much as you can.

Also, check with your vet about Solensia. My vet said he never calls anything a miracle but this new medicine for feline arthritis is pretty amazing in his eyes from the positive results he has seen.

 

[BellaBlue82]

I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your one kitty, and how hard the second kitty is taking it.

In 2017 when our first cat passed, it was tragic and sudden. There were no times for goodbyes, as we also rushed to the vet hospital. Our second cat took it very hard. We didn't think they were that bonded, but I guess one never knows exactly what goes on inside a cats brain. He would do much the same... Wander around the house meowing these long drawn out meows, pacing, searching, and then slowly ate and slept less. We had no choice but to see the vet who placed him on medication for depression. Before then, I had no idea cats could need or get that kind of medication!

Within a few months we decided he did need another mate. Our loss was painful, but watching him suffer was even worse. We adopted a beautiful girl cat, and the strangest thing happened when we brought her home from the shelter - he walked right up to the carrier, went in, and curled right up with her!! I have never seen that happen in all my life as a pet parent, but that was all I needed to see to know we did what was right for him. Shortly after we weaned him off of the medicine as well.

Sending good thoughts your way, dealing with loss and a mourning kitty is never easy.

 

[maggie101]

When my cat meows constantly for attention, talking to her constantly quiets her.or singing and playing music

 

[catloverfromwayback]

I’m so sorry for both your losses.

Phoebe reacted similarly when Maddie died three years ago. I read it as her being lonely for feline company (she had human company all the time) and adopted Daisy within a week. In our case it worked very well.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

I am so sorry for the Ioss of your cat, and for how hard your remaining cat is taking it. Right now, I think you are doing everything just right. It takes time, and how much time it wiII take depends on each individuaI cat. In time, you might consider a companion for him. A deaf cat, especiaIIy, wouId appreciate a friend who speaks his Ianguage, and so much of a cat's Ianguage is non-verbaII.

I can't speak to cats seeing the bodies of their dead companions, but I do know that if a ratty dies, it is aIways best to Iet his cagemates say goodbye. They accept his absence so much better that way.

 

[Caspers Human]

Um... I think the deaf cat is showing signs of insecurity because the cat that died was his surrogate ears.

Deaf cat can't hear but he can watch the other cat for signs of hearing sounds that might signal trouble. Now that his helper is gone, he's insecure.

The two cats might have bonded even more closely because of this unique relationship and that could mean that the living cat is going through a very traumatic period.

I don't know... It's probably too soon to adopt another cat. Beside's, introductions and training a new cat on top of everything else.

So, how can we help a deaf cat regain his confidence, now that his surrogate ears are suddenly gone?

 

[di and bob]

It takes time, and lots of it. Mmam cats cry for at least a week looking for kittens that have gone, then slowly stop looking. As for the meowing just completely ignore him, but encourage him to find something else, throw a catnip-infused toy towards him. Shaved turkey or chicken is an excellent low cal alternative to treats to, but believe me, they can learn to ask about twenty times a day for it! Set certain times and stick to it, so you don't become a constant source of food at his whim (like my little chicken monster!)

 

[Tik cat's mum]

I'm sorry for your loss. It does sound like your cat is grieving. My boy did the same when we lost his brother. It took about a month for him to stop looking crying for his pal. They were bonded very young. After he'd stopped sleeping in the other cat's spots and looking for him he did get less clingy. Time is what is needed for him to grieve.

 

[Pudner1]

Hi to all

Thanks very much for all the suggestions and advice. My brain is not working to well to reply to each helpful comment but I will check out the Solensia next week with the vet as happily this cat unlike the deceased cat has no problem being put in a carrier. He was not a cat that ever liked playing with anything the way my deceased cat did and ignored all attempts with cat toys. I have a catnip infusion which I will spray on stuff. He is lying on the blanket that the other cat also lay on and the deceased cat's bed is next to him - he would never go in that bed as his claws got caught in the bedding once and he could not get them out.

Unfortunately another cat is not an option as the place I am living will be sold in the next year or so and I don't know where I'll be going then - might even be homeless so I can't take on another animal as I can't offer him security. One of the main reasons I stayed here was because the place I was due to go to did not have a suitable place for outdoor cats and they were both feral and outdoor cats really even thought both ended up spending large parts of the day indoors.

Last night I let the cat stay in as there was a storm and this morning he was extremely distressed having been left in so went out. I will up the playing and petting - he loves being groomed so I'll up that. BellaBlue82 - that is a lovely story about how you surviving cat recovered and how you looked after him and similarly Catloverfromwayback. Don't know if CBD products are legal here but will check that out with vet next week also.

Thanks very much for all the help

pudner1

 

[Furballsmom]

 

[Pudner1]

Update on this:

Started my cat on Cartrophen as Solensia is not available for cats in my country and the vet thought Cartrophen would be effective. He was weighed on the 30th August and was 4.65 kilos. On the 22nd September he has gone down to 4.3kg. He stopped eating when I went for a weeks holiday in late August. He stopped eating basically most of his food - he now only eats the jelly really off food and turns his nose up at the food he loved before Animoda. He was in at the vets last week and the vet said he thought he felt a growth in his tummy but could not identify it on x ray as he was so constipated. I think he is in pain. The vet said his liver enzymes were up a lot. Is this a grief reaction or what could it be?

 

[Alldara]

Update on this:

Started my cat on Cartrophen as Solensia is not available for cats in my country and the vet thought Cartrophen would be effective. He was weighed on the 30th August and was 4.65 kilos. On the 22nd September he has gone down to 4.3kg. He stopped eating when I went for a weeks holiday in late August. He stopped eating basically most of his food - he now only eats the jelly really off food and turns his nose up at the food he loved before Animoda. He was in at the vets last week and the vet said he thought he felt a growth in his tummy but could not identify it on x ray as he was so constipated. I think he is in pain. The vet said his liver enzymes were up a lot. Is this a grief reaction or what could it be?

Did the vet not give anything for constipation?

I'm unsure if not eating raises enzymes but constipation can lead to not eating.

 

[BellaBlue82]

Update on this:

Started my cat on Cartrophen as Solensia is not available for cats in my country and the vet thought Cartrophen would be effective. He was weighed on the 30th August and was 4.65 kilos. On the 22nd September he has gone down to 4.3kg. He stopped eating when I went for a weeks holiday in late August. He stopped eating basically most of his food - he now only eats the jelly really off food and turns his nose up at the food he loved before Animoda. He was in at the vets last week and the vet said he thought he felt a growth in his tummy but could not identify it on x ray as he was so constipated. I think he is in pain. The vet said his liver enzymes were up a lot. Is this a grief reaction or what could it be?

I'm so sorry he's going through this. I'm not sure if it's grief related, but it's a possibility. In January we had to help one of our cats cross the rainbow bridge. It was at home, and his brother got a chance to say goodbye. We thought he was processing it ok, until one day we noticed he was jaundice. He had just gotten his annual exam a few months earlier and all his blood work was normal. Those tests were run again, and it was like his whole body was shutting down. He was almost in complete liver failure, kidney failure, and stopped eating. I truly believe it was due to his bonded brother passing, due to how quickly it happened.

I hope your kitty starts to feel better soon, sending good thoughts your way.

 

[Purr-fect]

You say another cat at this time is not an option because your living situation might change in a year or so.

How about fostering another cat for a short time?

This will give the opportunity to see if it will improve your current cats health and mood. If it doesn't work, then you can return the fostered cat.

 

[Docs Mom]

His liver enzymes are high because he is not eating very well or at all. Google hepatic lipidosis. It is a serious illness. I would have a conversation with your vet about treatment.

I wish your kitty well.....good luck with easing his sorrow.

 

[Pudner1]

Thanks very much for the replies. Bellablue82 - my cats liver has gone up too. Did your other fellow survive ultimately?

He was fine until his other cat friend died. thanks Purrfect for the suggestion re fostering. I think it is too late now. I just checked in tonight but my cat has a growth in his abdomen and is going in for surgery tomorrow - depending on results he may be put to sleep or yet revived if nothing positive shows up. I might consider a foster then but the situation here is increasingly dysfunctional and very unpleasant. Alldara I have been giving him a constipation remedy but he still had difficulty passing stools. The surgery will determine whether there is a growth on his bowel which the vet thinks might be the case because he has a golf ball sized growth in his abdomen.

thanks again for all the advice.

 

[BellaBlue82]

I'm so sorry to hear he's still not feeling well. Sadly my kitty did not survive, his age and severity of the liver issues were too much for him so we had no choice but to help him cross the rainbow bridge. But reading that your kitty has a mass or growth, that might shed some light on what's occurring and if he can recover. Each cat is different, so you never know. I'm keeping you both in my thoughts.

 

[Pudner1]

Hi to all who replied

I am very sorry for your loss BellaBlue82. Sadly yesterday my cat the bicolor in my avatar photo was put to sleep. I brought him in early yesterday morning for larascopic surgery on his abdomen to get fluids before the operation. At 12pm the vet rang me and told me that there was a 4 inch circular tumour with secondary tumours around his upper intestine. I gave permission after taking the vet's advice to put him to sleep. The last few weeks he was in such discomfort. He was having trouble levering himself onto the floor (I now realise it was the size of the tumour) and he was constantly restless from the pain and following me round the kitchen for food that he would not eat. When he turned up his nose at rotisserie chicken for a few days and was only eating the jelly off his food I realised it was bad. He was an old cat - the vet could tell by his teeth teeth. I have had him since he first arrived as a feral visitor who gradually in fits and starts became the tame and loving companion to both myself and his ginger counterpart. I had hoped for a different outcome - that perhaps it was a grief reaction to the loss of the other cat two months ago because he was still actively grieving this cat. I must ask the vet if a tumour could grow to that size in two months as he was eating ok until the other cat died.

I am in shock as these cats (the ginger one in the photo died two months ago) were my only family and the only beings that truly loved me on this earth.

As my living situation is currently very unstable I cannot take on another cat. I will in a few weeks probably volunteer with an animal welfare charity.

I would like to thank everyone who communicated with me on this site over the last few years when i had queries on my cats when they were alive. This site proved an invaluable and kind place (unlike the local feral cats association who could not have been more horrible with a few exceptions whenever I asked them for help) so I was very grateful for the assistance here. I share here one of the few good photos of him (he hated having his picture taken) when he was younger. A wonderful friend - I will never forget him.

Pudner