CRF kitty, made an appt to PTS. Second guessing.

[stephenq]

I agree that force feeding her at this point to keep her alive serves no purpose unless its to get her past a crisis and eating on her own.

 

[mrsfpmister]

I haven't faced the decision yet (childhood cat died at home, 17yrs old, no symptoms) and while that was sweet and painless for her, it is... A little messy and traumatic.

If my Mister became fatally ill would have to base the decision not on my self, but on my love for him, and because of that, I would decide to take him in before he had no quality left and ha no chance of peace due to pain.
It's the final gift you can give, because while nature take the burden of choice and guilt away, it's not always as gentle of a way to go. I think any living being would appreciate falling asleep with loved ones and soothing good byes. You both have been very strong, and I applaud you for doing your best for your fur baby even when its so hard.

Hugs

 

[AbbysMom]

Lots of for you for your doctor's visit, no matter what the outcome.

 

[betsygee]

Lots of

for you for your doctor's visit, no matter what the outcome.

I agree.  

 

[wasabipea]

Thanks all for the support. I think I changed my mind a bit.

She still has a vet's appt tonight, going to run her kidney numbers before the fluids to see if there has been any improvement. If not, or if she is worse... well I was able to get an at home vet euthansia for Wed at 3 pm. If the numbers indicate her worsening, or the fluids not helping, then I'm just going to take her home and let her live out the last couple of days in peace at home, and I'm not going to stress her with the force feeding - or taking her to the vet's for fluids - or the antibiotic - or my constant crying (which I try not to do around her, but I know she's picking up on my misery). Maybe it's selfish but I want her to go while she still loves me, not resenting me as she has been lately. Seems I'm always jamming something down her throat and she gets nervous when I approach.

I've been trying to love her lots. Her nose has gotten to the warm and dry stage which for her is not a good sign... she is deteriorating and people that I have talked to have all said something similar - when it gets to this point, earlier is better if it's terminal. She is 18 after all, and even if her kidney numbers aren't that high/bad, she is getting so tired and worn down from the fight. She really has fought it for years, she should be at peace. It would mean a lot to me for her to go at home because of a promise I made to her a long time ago about always coming back from the vets office when she used to get so scared.

The antibiotic medication she is on has anti-diarrheal properties so you'd think it should help and they tell me to keep using it, but her litter box messes are getting worse. I was going to puree some rice and tuna juice - but again with the force feeding and she hates it. She wont even eat tuna. I just want her to leave this earth with some quality of life left.

I hope she finds her brother wherever she ends up, I think maybe his death took the fight out of her - they were together for so long. I used to hear her crying at night, and it broke my heart. I still miss him every day and that was almost a month ago.

I hope I have the strength to go through with this, so hard right after her brother's passing. I hope they find each other, where ever they are.

Len and Roni2.jpg

• wasabipea
• Jun 2, 2014

Roni and Len.jpg

• wasabipea
• Jun 2, 2014

Thanks again for letting me get this off my chest. there are no people in my house, and my friends don't get it.

 

[happybird]

What lovely photos of your babies. They are both very beautiful and you can just feel how close were from the first photo. Their snuggle is so sweet and beautiful, it made me cry. I've just now read through your thread and my heart hurts for you. I wish I could give you a hug.
I do not know if this will help at all, but euthanasia is very peaceful. I used to work at a vet and I swear some of the cats knew what was going on and were grateful. It was something in their eyes.
You have been there for her through her illness and her grief, and you will be there with her all the way to the end, holding her and loving her. She knows that and trusts you to make the right decision. And whatever you decide will be right, because you love her and know her better than anyone else in the world. Trust your instincts. Having 18 years together is very special and you and both of your kitties have been blessed to be able to share that time and so much unconditional love.
I'm so sorry you are going through this. Please let us know how you all are doing.

 

[wasabipea]

Thanks happybird -
Waiting on the results of the blood work, the only test they had in the office was to measure BUN and I'm more interested in her creatine numbers.

She hasn't really been eating for a few days, but wouldn't you know today after getting home she bolted out of her carrier and trotted (!!) Straight to the food bowl and started eating with some gusto. That hasn't happened in a week or more... maybe two?

Just when I think I have it all figured out... just like a cat.

Yes, when I had Len put down it was in the office... I thought it was going to be much worse, but it was very peaceful for him. And I agree, they have a sense for it, and when it is time I also believe they are thankful. Doesn't make it much easier, tho.

Thank you for your kind words

 

[betsygee]

How are you doing?

 

[catwoman707]

What lovely photos of your babies. They are both very beautiful and you can just feel how close were from the first photo. Their snuggle is so sweet and beautiful, it made me cry. I've just now read through your thread and my heart hurts for you. I wish I could give you a hug.
 

@happybird  's kind post expresses my feelings as well. The pics also had tears streaming down my face, I can't help but feel your heartache, knowing what you must be going through.

I simply dread when the time comes for me to go through this too, I have 2 very special cats, both are in their teens now, and my avatar pic is Krissy,  who started all my cat rescue madness, and each one I have saved is all thanks to her, for the love enormous love I have for her. 

So we are all here thinking about you, hopefully able to help in some way to support you and help get you through this.

Ideally, if syringe feeding temporarily is a chance to get her back to eating on her own, I say go for it, it is well worth buying her and you a bit more quality time, it may work, but may not of course, but at least you WILL know for sure if it doesn't work that it is, her time, she is ready.

Please let us know as soon as you are able to, how things are going, what her numbers look like.  

 Hugs from all of us.

 

[wasabipea]

After maybe 7-8 days of daily subs, her creatinine went from 3.5 (i originally thought it was 3.8), but anyway it's down to 2.9), her BUN went from 68 to low 30s.

Crazy thing is, when I made the appt to euthanize (today!), I stopped giving her the antibiotic and her other meds (antidepressant and gabapentin which she got daily for a long time just to let her wind down in peace.

I think it was the antibiotic - .metronidazole liquid that gave her the death symptoms. As soon as she stopped taking it, there was a turnaround. Plus the daily fluids.they told me at the vets t continue using it because supposedly it was good for stomach ailments too, I'm fairly certain she has taken it before with no adverse effects.

Now she is eating on her own, she is at this very moment grooming herself, goes back outside for brief stints - supervised, and is just about back to her old self. There was even a solid poop in the box today! Solid yay!

Her white cell count is still high, so we are still looking at an infection or possibly cancer... but for now, she's doing comparitavely great to this time last week.

I never thought she was going to bounce back from this one. I love my little girl so much.

And thanks again... yea, that pic of her and her brother spooning makes me cry whenever I see it. They were together every day for 18 yrs, being with him is all she knows. That's why I opted for a companion for her, she doesn't know how to be alone. Now that she is feeling better, I'm doing some slow introductions, supervised, and while she's not in love... she's tolerating much better.

Catwoman for your rescue efforts, I wish I could take them all in.

This pic is from right now, she looks pretty good even if she does get annoyed by having her pic taken - lol.

1401924317697.jpg

• wasabipea
• Jun 4, 2014

Lost a bit of weight, but hopefully that will come back. :heart4:
Thanks again to all the lovely, compassionate and supportive members to help me get thru this horrible time :grphug:

 

[peaches08]

Great news! 

 

[betsygee]

     

I was almost afraid to read your post, knowing that today might be the day.  I am so happy for you.  Enjoy every moment of her newfound health, every day is a gift!  

What a SWEET little face.  

 

[wasabipea]

Thank you :heart:
She is a 7.5 lb tiny tough as nails, tenacious kitty.
She looks so delicate and frail - but I don't know how she keeps on doing it. I love her
Every moment is a gift.

 

[happybird]

Excellent news! I am so glad to hear she is eating and starting to perk up!
She is a beautiful little girl, I love the orange patches on her face and the spot on her nose.

 

[wasabipea]

Thank you! She's a tough one, for sure. But so sweet

Happybird, your avatar kitty looks like he/she is taking a Selfie! lol

 

[catwoman707]

I'm not sure it isn't partly due to my being overwhelmed right now in rescues, and am overly emotional now, but just now able to read your update on her, the very day she was scheduled......and how much better she is feeling, but it choked me up to read and believe it is her way of letting you know, it's not time

VERY happy for you!

 

[palikakitty]

I too have an 18 year old kitty Sammy with CRF.  We are giving him sub Q fluid daily, potassium and a laxative.. Eating has never been a problem except that the vet wants him to eat K/D and he is a fancy feast boy--eating a half a can 6 times a day.  I refuse to force the K/D on him--I put it out but then cave to the FF since my other 5 cats eat it.  We know this is probably his last summer but we want it to be a good one.  He doesn't seem to mind the sub Q even though we are not very good at it and sometimes have to stick two or three times.  His bun and creatinine have improved since the fluids but are no way near normal.  I was really feeling "when he stops eating we will say goodby" but after hearing your story maybe not.  All of my pets are geriatric (12-18) and I just hate the thought of losing them.

 

[red top rescue]

[if gte mso 9]><xml> <o:OfficeDocumentSettings> <o:AllowPNG/> </o:OfficeDocumentSettings></xml><![endif]The hardest time is actually the time you are going through NOW, not the actual day you let her go, because living one day at a time, listening to her unspoken messages, feeling her soul and well-being, etc. and not knowing when she will need to move on is truly the hardest part.  One day at a time.  You might try some steroid shots from the vet as they DO make cats brighter and more comfortable as well as improving appetite.  Cats, unlike dogs and humans, tolerate steroids very well and don't seem to have any bad reactions.  That might buy her some more quality time with you.

I can tell you are not being selfish about holding onto her, and you have the courage and commitment to let her go when her quality time has run out, but you can't predetermine when that is.  You can't schedule it.  She will let you know when it's time.  My 18 year old CRF kitty circled the drain for a couple of years, and every time he would come back and have more good days, but finally one day he was done.  He actually climbed into the covered litterbox and lay there, clearly saying in no uncertain terms, "I feel like crap."  I told him okay, if he was ready to go, I would not hold him here, and I called the vet and made an appointment for that afternoon.  That's about as far in advance as I wanted it.  Then we spent the rest of the morning and early afternoon together.  He agreed to lie on the bed and forego the litter box now that I had gotten the message, and I agreed to mostly not touch his body because with the exception of his ears, he no longer enjoyed being touched. 

The trip to the vet didn't bother him because we had been there many times over the years.  After a quick shot in the butt, he purred in my arms about 10 minutes before he was totally in pre-op sleep.  No pain, no struggle.  After that, the vet came back to find the vein and let him slip deeper and then away.  I put him back in his carrier and drove him home, talking to him the whole way.  He lay in state for the other cats to say goodbye while I dug his grave.  The azalea bush I planted over him is big now, and there are others near him, as that was many years ago.  After that, all you can do is cry and mourn -- there is no way to avoid grief.  You can't run away from it or jump right past it, the only way out of grief is through it.

But you aren't there yet.  Just take each day with her as it comes and it will be all right.  Don't worry about the future.  It really will take care of itself.  Enjoy each day with her as long as she's enjoying them.  As long as you aren't in denial, you will be able to hear her when she is ready to go.

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[three cat night]

Wasabipea,
I just read your story and sweet little Roni, (tearing up like crazy ) is a miracle cat indeed! When I pass I want to come back as one of your cats, your love & caring is quite obvious and the little angel loves you for it. I hope you will keep us posted on her condition and yours too.
You have certainly been going through way too much all at once, not fair, but you hang in there & kisses to Roni.
3cat

 

[wasabipea]

Thanks Catwoman, she's almost back to her old self. She was just purring on my lap and rubbing her little face all over me - she loves me as much as I love her. My little baby :Tilt Heart: She was just all over me again, so happy and I swear she is saying "thank you" in her little way.

Palikakitty, I never made her eat the K/D, she didn't like it - I switched her to canned only because of the moisture and have never had to do subQs except for this spike, and one UTI that was antibiotic resistant and we didn't think she was going to beat it. Her kidney values progressed so slowly, subQs were never really pursued. Plus one tip to push the water intake, besides the Drinkwell fountain, a special glass of water on the end table that is for her. A cat will snub a bowl of water, but can't resist a glass of water on the table. Lol

I think my situation might be different, if I hadn't have stopped the antibiotic when I decided to PTS, she'd be gone now. They were giving her the symptoms that made me think she was at the end of the road.

But daily subQs, as much as they can absorb, can reduce a spike - we've been there. I hope if my tale helps you and your kitties or gives you any ideas / inspirations / anything. You are doing the best you can for your CRF geriatric, it's so hard to know when to say when. My situation was somewhat a fluke, and when I think of how close she came and how she looks now, it makes me so emotional. If you ever need to chat, please feel free to message me, even if you just need a little support. Good for you for taking such care of your fur baby, she loves you for it.