Cat passed away at vet

[coniferously]

You were trying to take care of your baby and had the best of motives in your heart. I know the special grief of "if only I hadn't..."   It's a kind of self torture.  It might help you to call the ASPCA pet loss hotline:  877-474-3310.  Many of members here have found them very helpful

http://www.aspca.org/pet-care/general-pet-care/end-life-care
ASPCA Pet Loss Hotline at (877) GRIEF-10. (877-474-3310)


Another group that helps with Pet Loss is the Association for Pet Loss and Bereavement.  http://www.aplb.org/   They are a free service that provides counseling for these awful times.

Please take care of yourself and remember - you have nothing to feel guilty about.  There is no way you could have foreseen this.     :heart3:

I know I shouldn't feel guilty, but I think it's human nature to blame someone or something when something bad happens. Animals understand death more than humans do I think, and they accept it better than we do. I know Athena had a great life with us; I know she was happy. I just hope she knows I did not intentionally do this to her. I hope she knows we didn't want to hurt her or take her life. I love my big Tina so much, I hope she is somewhere safe now. Thank you for the hotlines too. I probably will not use them as I mourn better by typing my feelings out. I get too choked up talking. But it is nice to have the option there, just in case. So thank you very much.

 

[ej x]

Stop worrying about what you should or should not be feeling.

My baby Menta was a great loss, I know it was my fault even though I did everything I could, but afterall I took to long to take her to the vet. IF I had acted faster maybe she could've been saved OR Maybe not, I will never know.

BUT Thanks to that I adopted another kitten KOKO from that vet, she is asthmatic and I know if someone else had taken her, she would not be being as good care as now. Or maybe it is just my way to bring meaning to her death.

I believe the best way to deal with it is

Allow yourself to feel whatever you are feeling for a healthy time

Pray, meditate, sing mantras, whatever adapts to your beliefs for her to have a better afterlife, rebirth, whatever.

Do something altruistic in her name. (For example after I tried to save a run over dog with a broken back, which had to be put down because he would never be able to walk again and would leave in incredible pain, I started donating a small amount to an association who cares for dogs with dissabilities)

Adopt another cat, no it wont be the same but dont let all that love go to waste and use it to help a homeless kitten, who through no fault of his/her own hasn't met yet someone who can love her as much as you

Good luck, and know my prayers are with you.

 

[coniferously]

Stop worrying about what you should or should not be feeling.

My baby Menta was a great loss, I know it was my fault even though I did everything I could, but afterall I took to long to take her to the vet. IF I had acted faster maybe she could've been saved OR Maybe not, I will never know.

BUT Thanks to that I adopted another kitten KOKO from that vet, she is asthmatic and I know if someone else had taken her, she would not be being as good care as now. Or maybe it is just my way to bring meaning to her death.

I believe the best way to deal with it is

Allow yourself to feel whatever you are feeling for a healthy time
Pray, meditate, sing mantras, whatever adapts to your beliefs for her to have a better afterlife, rebirth, whatever.
Do something altruistic in her name. (For example after I tried to save a run over dog with a broken back, which had to be put down because he would never be able to walk again and would leave in incredible pain, I started donating a small amount to an association who cares for dogs with dissabilities)
Adopt another cat, no it wont be the same but dont let all that love go to waste and use it to help a homeless kitten, who through no fault of his/her own hasn't met yet someone who can love her as much as you


Good luck, and know my prayers are with you.

Thank you so much for sharing a part of your story with me about Menta. What you did for that dog is beautiful, even if it didn't end the way you would have wished. We have 14 other cats to take care of right now, but Athena had a best friend in the house, Mercury, so perhaps just being here for him will be enough to keep Athena happy on the other side. We placed roses on her grave today - five yellow ones to resemble how friendly she was and how vibrant she was. I think usually roses come in half a dozen, but this one came with five, which is strange because she was five years old. I didn't even notice until my mom said something. Funny how things work.
We are going to decorate some rocks as headstones and memorial pieces for her grave as well. We can write something nice on them that reflects Athena and what she meant to us.
Today it snowed for the first time this year, and as it did, I talked about how much the cold did not bother our sweet Athena. We had a three season porch in the last house we lived in, and even in the winter, she would be out in her favourite chair sleeping away. After I was finished talking about that, the snow picked up a bit and the sun peaked through the clouds for about 15-20 seconds. It was shining right in on me through the window as I washed all the cats' dishes. It sort of made me feel happy, as if Athena had heard me talking about her. The rest of the day was quite overcast, but that brief moment was all I really needed.
In the springtime we plan to plant flowers on her grave to indicate she is gone but her energy and love is still here and very much alive. We love our precious baby and we hope that she understands what happened and that we did all we could to save her.
I love you momma's Tina, you'll always be in my heart.

 

[orientals]

Oh, this is soo sad. And I can relate.

Years ago I lost my sweet Maui at only 7 years. She was suddenly sick, pucking. Took her to the vet and left her there. But as I was leaving she put het claw in my jacket really desperately. A few hour later the phone call came, she was dead.

I could not stop crying and still feel horribly guilty for leaving her alone in a metal cage at the vet being sick and afraid. I failed her as a cat mom in the worst way. All these years later I still struggle with this, it still hurts. Tears are coming even as I write this..

What has left me is the constant and immediate pain and guilt. It wears off, also guilt is pointless. I tried to think about the good life she lived with us and her buddy cats. She was very happy with us. Latched on to me as her cat mom the second night we brought her and another kitten home. Never let go since,

Try to be patient and be kind to yourself. Only a cat mom who has really loved will feel this pain. No deep love without deep pain, but the love is constant and the pain is not. The bad pain will pass, and I know you were a wonderful cat mom to her, she was luckly to have lived with you.

 

[coniferously]

Oh, this is soo sad. And I can relate.

Years ago I lost my sweet Maui at only 7 years. She was suddenly sick, pucking. Took her to the vet and left her there. But as I was leaving she put het claw in my jacket really desperately. A few hour later the phone call came, she was dead.

I could not stop crying and still feel horribly guilty for leaving her alone in a metal cage at the vet being sick and afraid. I failed her as a cat mom in the worst way. All these years later I still struggle with this, it still hurts. Tears are coming even as I write this..

What has left me is the constant and immediate pain and guilt. It wears off, also guilt is pointless. I tried to think about the good life she lived with us and her buddy cats. She was very happy with us. Latched on to me as her cat mom the second night we brought her and another kitten home. Never let go since,

Try to be patient and be kind to yourself. Only a cat mom who has really loved will feel this pain. No deep love without deep pain, but the love is constant and the pain is not. The bad pain will pass, and I know you were a wonderful cat mom to her, she was luckly to have lived with you.

I teared up reading this a bit, life is so cruel. It is so sad that everything lives and then everything dies, sometimes in our control, but, most of the time, out of our control. I never thought that the phone call I received at work not even two days ago would be about my sweet Tina passing. Only five years old and something so awful happens to her. I always figured that my cats would go by age - my two ten year olds first (and hopefully not any time soon) and then the next ones in line, only being five years old the two of them, including Athena.
Thank you so much for your kind words. Obvioisly this wound is very fresh and new, it still stings and I still cry from the horrible pain. Seeing her grave outside just doesn't feel right and it doesn't seem real. I still think she's down in her favourite chair all cozy with her best feline friend, Mercury. I thought I saw her today out of the corner of my eye at the top of the basement stairs, out of custom, as she would sit there sometimes. It was one of my other cats though, Apollo. It's so strange how for a brief second you forget that she's gone and you actually think you are seeing her sitting there. It hurts so bad and I'm trying not to cry as I type this. I want to wake up from this awful nightmare and cherish Athena more than I ever did, tell her I love her every day and kiss her pretty little head and just love her. I miss her so much.
Thanks for helping me with your kind words though, I'll try not to feel any guilt. It's difficult, but I'll try.

 

[Primula]

I teared up reading this a bit, life is so cruel. It is so sad that everything lives and then everything dies, sometimes in our control, but, most of the time, out of our control. I never thought that the phone call I received at work not even two days ago would be about my sweet Tina passing. Only five years old and something so awful happens to her. I always figured that my cats would go by age - my two ten year olds first (and hopefully not any time soon) and then the next ones in line, only being five years old the two of them, including Athena.
Thank you so much for your kind words. Obvioisly this wound is very fresh and new, it still stings and I still cry from the horrible pain. Seeing her grave outside just doesn't feel right and it doesn't seem real. I still think she's down in her favourite chair all cozy with her best feline friend, Mercury. I thought I saw her today out of the corner of my eye at the top of the basement stairs, out of custom, as she would sit there sometimes. It was one of my other cats though, Apollo. It's so strange how for a brief second you forget that she's gone and you actually think you are seeing her sitting there. It hurts so bad and I'm trying not to cry as I type this. I want to wake up from this awful nightmare and cherish Athena more than I ever did, tell her I love her every day and kiss her pretty little head and just love her. I miss her so much.
Thanks for helping me with your kind words though, I'll try not to feel any guilt. It's difficult, but I'll try.

I was thinking of you at the weekend. It suddenly occurred to me that what bothers both of us the most is that our babies died at the VET. You take a cat to the vet to be made better, not to die.

The only thing I can say is not to dwell on Athena's last day. Rather, try only to think of the good years you had with her. I try to do this with Harry, but I still feel so robbed.

 

[ginny]

 You take a cat to the vet to be made better, not to die.
 

And this one statement is the thought you will be left with once those awful feelings of guilt subside, which will take quite a bit of time. No, you're not guilty.  You only had the best of intentions which is why you took her to the vet.  There's no way you could have known the outcome because if you did, you wouldn't have taken her!  But none of us have crystal balls (sometimes I wish I did!) so we are left to deal with what happens, however horrible it is.  I'm so sorry.  

As far as what to do until the pain of grief subsides, my only advice is to feel what you feel, cry as much as you need to, talk when you need to, feel angry when you need to, start writing when you need to, post about your feelings here when you need to.  And please protect your heart from those who don't understand pet loss grief, that includes family and friends.  Be careful who you tell.  This is a safe place.  We understand.  

 

[coniferously]

I was thinking of you at the weekend. It suddenly occurred to me that what bothers both of us the most is that our babies died at the VET. You take a cat to the vet to be made better, not to die.

The only thing I can say is not to dwell on Athena's last day. Rather, try only to think of the good years you had with her. I try to do this with Harry, but I still feel so robbed.

Exactly. When I got the phone call my immediate reaction was anger. They couldn't save her? What? They used oxygen and tried to restart her heart, but it didn't work? How? I was just so upset, I didn't know what to do.
And yes, I am trying to do that as well, but I also feel so robbed. I miss my big ragdoll baby.

 

[coniferously]

And this one statement is the thought you will be left with once those awful feelings of guilt subside, which will take quite a bit of time. No, you're not guilty.  You only had the best of intentions which is why you took her to the vet.  There's no way you could have known the outcome because if you did, you wouldn't have taken her!  But none of us have crystal balls (sometimes I wish I did!) so we are left to deal with what happens, however horrible it is.  I'm so sorry.  

As far as what to do until the pain of grief subsides, my only advice is to feel what you feel, cry as much as you need to, talk when you need to, feel angry when you need to, start writing when you need to, post about your feelings here when you need to.  And please protect your heart from those who don't understand pet loss grief, that includes family and friends.  Be careful who you tell.  This is a safe place.  We understand.  

I know, you're right, but right now I feel so bad. I miss her so much. I keep telling myself that maybe she was sick and wasn't showing it. Maybe she did have a heart problem and she would have one day just been very sick and passed away suffering. I don't know. I just can't reason with what happened.
And I know you all understand, and I appreciate you all so much.

 

[ginny]

These first days and weeks are the hardest, not going to lie.  Just keep posting and venting all you want to.  There's always someone here to listen.  

  

Cats are good at hiding illnesses until it gets really bad.  I wish they wouldn't do that.  My mom's kitty had a bad heart and she never knew it, despite the fact that she always took her to the vet for her shots and everything.  Yet it wasn't found out until they put her under for a teeth cleaning.  She had to be resuscitated.  She went downhill from there and died of liver and heart failure.  Mom took it very hard.  

I'm sure you are still in shock, so it's no wonder you have having a hard time making sense of it all.  That'll come in time, but not right now.  Now's the time for tears.  Someone else in this thread, or another one, said deep love means deep pain.  It's so true.  

 

[darkhorse321]

I am so so so sorry for your loss. I just lost my boy on the 16th of November.  It leaves a hole in your heart and the fact yours was sudden is even worse.

That happened to my mum's cat, and her kitty had a heart murmur. Apparently this can happen with kitties with heart murmurs. One minute they are fine, the next they can't breath. Know that your beautiful kitty was safe and in the best hands and there was no suffering. I am SO SO SO sorry for you. Hugs

 

[coniferously]

I am so so so sorry for your loss. I just lost my boy on the 16th of November.  It leaves a hole in your heart and the fact yours was sudden is even worse.

That happened to my mum's cat, and her kitty had a heart murmur. Apparently this can happen with kitties with heart murmurs. One minute they are fine, the next they can't breath. Know that your beautiful kitty was safe and in the best hands and there was no suffering. I am SO SO SO sorry for you. Hugs

I am really, so sorry for your loss as well. I often feel so alone, but this is just proof that I am not the only one grieving about a lost loved one. I hope our babies met up in kitty heaven and are playing happily together. Athena probably is trying to cuddle every cat she can find. I'm sorry about your mom's cat too.. that sounds like exactly what happened to my angel. One second she's fine, the next not able to breathe and going limp. Just so awful..

 

[coniferously]

These first days and weeks are the hardest, not going to lie.  Just keep posting and venting all you want to.  There's always someone here to listen.     

Cats are good at hiding illnesses until it gets really bad.  I wish they wouldn't do that.  My mom's kitty had a bad heart and she never knew it, despite the fact that she always took her to the vet for her shots and everything.  Yet it wasn't found out until they put her under for a teeth cleaning.  She had to be resuscitated.  She went downhill from there and died of liver and heart failure.  Mom took it very hard.  

I'm sure you are still in shock, so it's no wonder you have having a hard time making sense of it all.  That'll come in time, but not right now.  Now's the time for tears.  Someone else in this thread, or another one, said deep love means deep pain.  It's so true.  

It seems these heart issues are a huge problem with our feline friends.. I just never expected any of mine to have it. I guess no one ever does if they don't show symptoms of anything. I wish they would too, then maybe we could have saved her life.. and all the lives of other kitties that pass away so suddenly. And that last bit is true, deep love; deep pain. She was very loved and will always be loved.

 

[ginny]

Oh, this is soo sad. And I can relate.

Years ago I lost my sweet Maui at only 7 years. She was suddenly sick, pucking. Took her to the vet and left her there. But as I was leaving she put het claw in my jacket really desperately. A few hour later the phone call came, she was dead.

I could not stop crying and still feel horribly guilty for leaving her alone in a metal cage at the vet being sick and afraid. I failed her as a cat mom in the worst way. All these years later I still struggle with this, it still hurts. Tears are coming even as I write this..

What has left me is the constant and immediate pain and guilt. It wears off, also guilt is pointless. I tried to think about the good life she lived with us and her buddy cats. She was very happy with us. Latched on to me as her cat mom the second night we brought her and another kitten home. Never let go since,

Try to be patient and be kind to yourself. Only a cat mom who has really loved will feel this pain. No deep love without deep pain, but the love is constant and the pain is not. The bad pain will pass, and I know you were a wonderful cat mom to her, she was luckly to have lived with you.

I wanted to give credit where credit is due because I personally hate being referred to as "someone", but couldn't remember if I'd seen it in this thread or several others I'd read.  So it was @Orientals  who said "No deep love without deep pain."  Beautiful words, and so true.  I'm so sorry for your loss as well @Orientals.  Hugs!

 

[orientals]

Thank you Ginny, you're very kind, although I did not mind, important thing is to have some words we can use to ease this pain. Hugs back!

 

[coniferously]

Hugs for all of you! [emoji]128525[/emoji]

 

[ginny]

   

 

[darkhorse321]

(((hugs)))

I feel your pain--god do I ever.  I had to say goodbye to my little boy last week----I was blessed to have him for almost 17 wonderful years, but its never easy to realize your kitty is sick and dying...and while he'd been fighting chronic pancreatitis, whatever was causing that just began to kick in quickly.

I miss my boy so much. Everything in our lives revolve around our beautiful babies and not having them breaks our hearts.

I am so sorry for you.

 

[les26]

I am just seeing this now, and am so sorry for your loss of your beautiful little girl. It reminds me of Skipper, who back in July just started crying one day, we took him to the vet that night, they checked and couldn't find anything wrong, gave him some antibiotic shot thinking maybe it was an URI, the next morning he was still crying, we thought it would just take time for the meds to kick in, and when we came home that night he was laying dead on the dining room floor. We don't know what happened, why these things happen, the vet was stunned, and so are we, still, months later. Just like people, sometimes something sudden and catastrophic happens and they pass quickly, and we certainly understand how you feel, you think you will die yourself the pain is so bad and overwhelming, but after you "survive" the initial wave of grief your heart starts to mend, albeit very slowly. It takes a long, long time to recover, but we do, and the family of cat lovers here certainly feel for you and can help you out, we all have countless stories of sadness to tell, and understand what it feels like to lose such a precious member of your family. 

So sorry this happened, unfortunately these bad things do happen, we have to endure and survive them....send lots of lovin' to your other feline friends as they are grieving too.

God Bless, may your heart soon start to heal......

 

[coniferously]

(((hugs)))

I feel your pain--god do I ever.  I had to say goodbye to my little boy last week----I was blessed to have him for almost 17 wonderful years, but its never easy to realize your kitty is sick and dying...and while he'd been fighting chronic pancreatitis, whatever was causing that just began to kick in quickly.

I miss my boy so much. Everything in our lives revolve around our beautiful babies and not having them breaks our hearts.

I am so sorry for you.

I'm happy you got to spend so long with your baby, but am so sorry you had to say good bye to him recently. That has to really, really hurt. I really can't imagine and seriously don't look forward to losing any more of my babies. I had a cat called Al live to about 16 or 17 as well. My mom had him before I was born so I spent my first 12 years of life with him. I wasn't too close to him at all, but I still loved him so much. He was my first pet. Then my cat Mittens I got when I was about 6, and he died at age 7 due to what we think was someone poisoning him. Someone in my house, to make it worse. Nearly ten years later and I still cry about it to this day. I haven't lost a cat since then, so losing our sweet Athena has really stung. It still doesn't feel real. I find myself looking through photos on my phone and seeing pictures of her in the background of other cats' photos and then less than a week later she isn't here anymore. She was the happiest, most loving cat in the world. The night before we took her to the vet, she was in my room sitting on my sleeping boyfriend, purring in his face and batting at his ear. She did not seem sick at all and I know if she hadn't gone to the vet she would still be here. And that kills me.
I'm sorry again for your loss, you definitely aren't alone at all. All our sweet babies are somewhere together sweet, happy, and pit of pain watching over us.