A few of you might remember D2

yomamab

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I had posted about this stray cat that I pitied and started feeding. Actually, my daughter started feeding him but then quit, so I pitied him and started feeding him myself late last year and continued this year. He had gotten to be friendly and I wanted to bring him inside, but my husband and daughter said no because of our two inside cats. They were afraid that those two would start having behavior problems and so they didn't even want to start that. I felt bad for him because he was a loner, probably without a friend in the world. I especially pitied him this past winter when we had so much snow.

I was thinking about putting an electronic (or however you word it) cat door on our tool shed, an old rundown building but it would have kept D2 out of the snow. I hadn't bought one yet but knew which one that I wanted to order. I really became attached to D2 and wished I could have been outside with him more but was having some health problems that kept me in the house mostly all of the time. Lately though I had gotten outside to do a little bit of gardening and he'd follow me all over the place and would lay down in front of me for belly rubs. I had really gotten to love that kitty. Now the sad part...

I finally got out of the house on my own and Thursday was literally the first day that I drove since last spring. I was downtown in the hardware store just wandering up and down the aisles because I had forgotten my list and forgot what all I had on it. I though if I'd go up and down every aisle to jog my memory, so I was in there probably close to an hour when my husband texted me, "Call home." So I did and it wasn't pleasant. My daughter had been sitting here at the computer when she heard a loud thump and she knew it wasn't just a squirrel. She looked out the window that is right by the computer and saw an orange and white cat laying on the road; she knew right away that it was D2. Even though she didn't like him (I think just because she didn't think he was pretty), she went out and scooped him in her arms and got him off of the road before someone else would come along and hit him. He was alive when she picked him up because she could feel his heart beating. She went to find her dad (my husband) and so he texted me to call him. He told me later that he knew that I'd want to take D2 to the vet, but then while I was on the phone with him, D2 died. Our daughter told him that D2's heart was beating very fast but then she felt it stop.

This whole thing has me shaken up and I even had to wait to type this because I've been bawling my eyes out and thinking almost constantly about D2 ever since the incident happened on Thursday. I am blaming myself and thinking if only I hadn't gone downtown that day. I know it must sound nutty, but I'm wondering if D2 was missing me and wondering where I was at because he was so used to my being outside with him in the yard and garden EXCEPT for that day. I regret not taking the time to take more than the four pictures of D2. I could have taken videos of him, but I don't have a single one. I feel like I failed him for not being able to convince my husband and daughter to agree to my letting him live in the house where I think that he did want to be. He'd sit outside meowing while he was looing at our two inside cats that go out on our screened in back porch. I always wondered if cats have the ability to have similar feelings to humans like if he'd have thought, "Why can't I be inside if they're in there?" It really broke my heart but what really breaks my heart now is the fact that I'll never see him again.

D2 was so adorable and even knew when I'd say, "Do you want your belly scratched?" He'd lie down with his belly up and keep rolling back and forth while I'd scratch his belly and tell him how silly he was. Now I'll never get to say that to him again. One thing that is really eating away at me is the fact that I hadn't even taken the time to stop and say hi to him that day. I was in such a rush to do so many things that have gone undone because of my being incapacitated for a long while. I should have at least spent a few minutes talking to him that day like I had every day I think since I started feeding him last year. Even though I hardly got out of the house since last year, I always made it a point to feed him every day and go outside even when it was so cold out there and just spend a little time with him. I'd even wrap myself in a blanket since I got so cold sitting out there in the winter. WHY oh WHY didn't I do things differently on Thursday. I'm not kidding, I feel so guilty for not being here for him that day and feel like his getting killed on the road is my fault and I know that I shouldn't feel that way. I actually never saw him cross the road in front of our house, but apparently he did....at least that one time. I'm not even asking my daughter for details because I don't think I can handle any graphic pictures in my head. It's already filled with thoughts that I wish I could get out of my head. Ugh, I just hope it gets better. Also, I can't help feeling resentful towards the other two people who I live with for not letting me bring him inside. This nightmare could have been prevented. I can hardly keep myself from crying about it. I hate that I have to force thoughts of D2 out of my head when they're around because they probably think I'm stupid for being that concerned about a cat that showed up here one day looking for food. I really was going to try to ignore him until my daughter started feeding him and then quit. I didn't want him to starve, and I also thought that it would be nice if someone would show him some love. Now I'm here in agony because of missing him. :(
 

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I am so sorry. It hurts, I know. It will hurt for a long while. In time you learn to function with the pain. It takes a while.

All of your feelings are valid. I do the same kind of brain torture you are doing. As if you don’t feel bad enough your brain tortures you by giving them a voice that is actually your guilt voice, not theirs.

Cats live in the here and now. They don’t wonder why this and that. They are much more pure in their thoughts which are what is happening at the moment.

He enjoyed every minute, every belly rub was a gift to him. He enjoyed feeling safe with you and he enjoyed the food. You made his life better.

I am sorry for your loss. Allow yourself time to grieve. If I were you, I would tell my husband and daughter how I feel.
 

momof3b1g

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Omg. I had this happen just 3 weeks ago tomorrow. I have been depressed since then. Guilty of taking in the little kitty that he showed up with. Was he out looking for her. It happened after i went to shower. Had I stayed out. I could have called him to the door. He was right by our driveway. He was such a beautiful, friendly cat and seemed well taken care of. Im hating myself as I couldn't keep him safe for just 2 more days, when the shelter could take them in. I told my dh we needed something to hold them in. Just for the week. But it went on deaf ears.
 
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yomamab

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I am so sorry. It hurts, I know. It will hurt for a long while. In time you learn to function with the pain. It takes a while.

All of your feelings are valid. I do the same kind of brain torture you are doing. As if you don’t feel bad enough your brain tortures you by giving them a voice that is actually your guilt voice, not theirs.

Cats live in the here and now. They don’t wonder why this and that. They are much more pure in their thoughts which are what is happening at the moment.

He enjoyed every minute, every belly rub was a gift to him. He enjoyed feeling safe with you and he enjoyed the food. You made his life better.

I am sorry for your loss. Allow yourself time to grieve. If I were you, I would tell my husband and daughter how I feel.
You're certainly right about it hurting. I feel like my heart is up in my throat or something. I had such hopes for the future and my spirits had been picked up after winter was over and it has gotten so nice here. I was looking forward to being able to be outside so that D2 could get more attention. I like to have inside cats because I'm not satisfied with the amount that I can give a cat when it's outside all of the time. It was especially hard in the winter when I could barely stand the cold.

We had gotten two deep snows this past winter when it snowed at least 15" both times. During one of these snowfalls I felt pretty good and so I went outside to shovel a path from our house to a small cat house that I had made for D2 out of styrofoam in case he'd want to go in it in the winter. I didn't think either my husband or daughter would shovel a path for him and I didn't want him trapped in his cat house by the snow. I guess that the sound of me shoveling scared him because he shot out of his little house before I even knew for sure that he was inside it. My calling him couldn't even bring him back, but he did come back two days later. I have no idea where he had gone and I kept wondering if he was okay since we got such a deep snow. I think after that incident I started thinking about the winter coming up at the end of this year and how I wanted to make it easier for him to tolerate winter. Maybe cats do just fine on their own outside when it snows, but I would worry if he'd be alright or not.

I haven't even walked across the road yet this year to where I started a flower bed last spring because I was afraid that D2 would follow me or see me over there and decide to cross the road to get to where I was. I've really been upset with my husband and daughter over this and couldn't help but say to them something to the effect that well, now I wouldn't have to worry about D2 getting hit by a car. How can I not feel like this was their fault! Yes, I will definitely say something to them about this sometime after I've calmed down a bit and can speak about it without crying. Oh, believe me, they've seen me crying plenty these past few days, but I mean that to actually be able to have a serious conversation with them about this I'll have to wait to say to them exactly how much it would have meant to me and D2 if they had agreed to D2 coming into the house.

I really appreciate your comments and I feel a lot better knowing that I guess he wouldn't have had the capability of thinking the way I thought he might be thinking (sitting outside our porch wondering why he saw two cats in there and yet he couldn't be. I even brought him in on the back porch a few times because I thought that he'd like being in a little. I put him in a "sling" we have there for our two inside cats and he washed himself awhile and then lay down and go to sleep. I thought he looked so cute! Despite my husband and daughter saying that D2 was dumb, he wasn't. He must have noticed our cats (Sam & Dean) going in and out of the pet door that we have on our door leading from the back porch to our laundry room. One day when I went to do something while he was sleeping in that sling, he managed to make his way into our living room and my husband and daughter put an end to that and then I was told not to bring him in on the back porch anymore since he can't stay put there.

Yeah, brain torture, that sure is a good way to refer to it because that's what it feels like. I want to stop my going over it again and again in my head, but it just seems like it will never end. I feel so bad and wish I could turn back the clock and stay home instead of driving downtown, but I suppose if it didn't happen then, it would happen some other time. Maybe D2 went across the road a lot, but I never saw him do that, and so I thought my husband was playing some kind of cruel joke on me when he told me about it over the phone when I was downtown, but that's not like him to play a joke like that on me. I'd actually wonder about a person who would do that because I think it would really be a sick joke. It's kind of good to know that someone else goes through that same thing that I'm going through, but it's not like I'd want to see anyone else being tortured this way. This might sound mean, but I've been crying over D2 more than I do for most people I know who have passed away.
 
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yomamab

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Omg. I had this happen just 3 weeks ago tomorrow. I have been depressed since then. Guilty of taking in the little kitty that he showed up with. Was he out looking for her. It happened after i went to shower. Had I stayed out. I could have called him to the door. He was right by our driveway. He was such a beautiful, friendly cat and seemed well taken care of. Im hating myself as I couldn't keep him safe for just 2 more days, when the shelter could take them in. I told my dh we needed something to hold them in. Just for the week. But it went on deaf ears.
Oh geez, I'm sorry that you also had that happen. It's awful going through it. I'm right there with you being depressed. It's so hard to just accept that sometimes things like this happen. In your case and in my case, though, it could have been prevented had someone just listened to us and followed our wishes. It's really sad that things didn't turn out the way we wanted and such sweet cats lost their lives. Just about the only consolation for me is that I didn't hear it or see it. I'd be in even worse shape than I already am. If I had driven home and seen D2 on the road, I'm sure I'd have been hysterical. So I'm glad that at least my daughter picked him up. It actually surprised me that she would do that considering how she would just totally ignore him even when he'd walk right up to her. He wanted attention from her, but she wouldn't even acknowledge that he was there, which I thought was kind of cruel. He was such a docile cat and probably wouldn't have hurt a fly. I know that he got in cat fights and came here plenty beaten several times and I'd doctor him up as well as I could.

Hopefully it won't take too long for you and I to heal from our experiences. I've had a headache every day ever since it happened, but my heart aches worse than my head. I sure will miss looking out of the window right by the computer here and seeing D2 laying on the small cat tree that I put underneath the roof of our cellar entrance. He loved lying there and looked especially cute one day recently when my husband and I got back from a doctor's appointment that I had. That was only a couple days before the awful day. He usually liked to lay in the sling part of the cat tree, but when we pulled in the driveway, there was D2 huddled in the hideaway part because it was raining and I'm sure he was trying to stay dry. He looked funny stuffed in there because even though he wasn't a large cat, he could barely fit in that size of a space that the manufacturer of the cat tree decided was big enough for a cat. My daughter had had it on our back porch for Sam & Dean, our inside cats. When she bought them a new one, she was going to throw the old one away. It was sitting out in the lawn after she took it off the back porch and D2 seemed to claim it as his own because I looked out that day and saw him using it. He had been sleeping in it overnight this year. Well, not when it was cold outside yet but after it got warmer. I'd go outside a few times to feed him when I was up very late (couldn't sleep) and he'd either be in the sling part of the cat tree or just jumped down because he heard the porch door and probably thought it was someone bringing him his breakfast. Now I won't ever see that again.
 

momof3b1g

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Yes though my time with these kitties was short lived. I loved them easily. They weren't just an old alley cat. I wish I knew their story. Nobody was looking for them. They were not fixed either. But looked really clean and well fed. Im sick that someone would just drop them off. Either way they needed protection and I didn't give it to them :( I mean I tried. But it wasn't enough. I told myself after my last stray caused so much trouble. We had to rip up my dds carpet and sanitize her room. I'd just feed them outside. Well I'm regretting that now.
 

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Your heart is tied to his, there is no separation, no ending to love. The depth and truth of our hearts isn't measured in linear time, but in that of all eternity. The pain will ease in the ordinary world, the bond will continue forever.

For now, do not rush your grieving.

Claim your right to grieve as long as you need to grieve. Don't let anyone force you into being cheerful or happy before you are ready. Don't fake it, you gave as much as was asked of you. You have given enough. It is your right to honor D2 however your heart demands. You and D2 have earned that.
 

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I am so sorry for your loss of D2 and for not seeing this post sooner. I had followed your story of him and his life with you from your first post.

Please try to make yourself understand that D2 knew that you were taking care of him. He may not have gotten in the house but he understood that you were there for him. In his cat mind, he had someone he could rely on for food and help and that is why he stayed with you. He was neutered and treated for parasites as I recall and that was a wonderful thing that you did for him. As for crossing the road, there is no way to tell how much he did that and you should not put any blame on yourself for the fact that he did. The two ferals who I consider to me "mine" cross the street all the time, several times a day and it is not something that I can prevent.

I absolutely agree that D2 enjoyed his life with you immensely. He had freedom, food, medical care, and shelter if he wanted it. Life does not get any better than that for a cat and he had the comfort of knowing that there would be food every day, so his stray life was not the one that he had to follow anymore.

You have every right to grieve for him and to express your feelings to your family. Please try to remember what you did for him every day and how you enriched his life.
 
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yomamab

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Yes though my time with these kitties was short lived. I loved them easily. They weren't just an old alley cat. I wish I knew their story. Nobody was looking for them. They were not fixed either. But looked really clean and well fed. Im sick that someone would just drop them off. Either way they needed protection and I didn't give it to them :( I mean I tried. But it wasn't enough. I told myself after my last stray caused so much trouble. We had to rip up my dds carpet and sanitize her room. I'd just feed them outside. Well I'm regretting that now.
You have compassion because you intended to care for the kitties until the shelter could take them, and I think that's very commendable. You can bet that there are many people who wouldn't have even bothered with them at all. If anyone should feel guilty, it's the person who dumped them there. To quote Paul McCartney, "You can t\judge a man's true character by the way he treats his fellow animals." I don't think much of a person who drops off a cat along the road for it to fend for itself. You, on the other hand, are a very caring person by being willing to take care of those cats who needed someone. Both you and I should stop beating ourselves up over something that was kind of out of our hands. It's hard for me to accept this, though, because I keep wondering what else I could have said to convince my husband and daughter to let D2 come into the house. He always seemed like he'd like to come in here because of the way he'd hang around our two back porch doors most of the time. I would have loved to let him in here but instead he had to be out there all alone because no matter what I said, it didn't change their minds. I felt out of control but had to keep peace in the family. If I'd be here alone, though, you can believe that D2 would have been a house cat.
 
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yomamab

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Your heart is tied to his, there is no separation, no ending to love. The depth and truth of our hearts isn't measured in linear time, but in that of all eternity. The pain will ease in the ordinary world, the bond will continue forever.

For now, do not rush your grieving.

Claim your right to grieve as long as you need to grieve. Don't let anyone force you into being cheerful or happy before you are ready. Don't fake it, you gave as much as was asked of you. You have given enough. It is your right to honor D2 however your heart demands. You and D2 have earned that.
You are absolutely right and if I want to grieve for D2, then I'm going to. It's not like I want to feel sad all the time about his passing, but I feel as though I would be disrespecting him if I'd just try to keep pushing him out of my mind. If thoughts of him keep coming into my head, then I will just cry. I don't like the idea of me pushing my thoughts of him away. He deserves to have someone remembering him like I do and grieving for him like I am. Your advice means a lot and after reading it, I've decided to not let anyone else control my thoughts. I can't help but feel that my family let me down. D2 always brightened up my day with things that he would do and really, just seeing him lying here and there. He'd also make bread while I was scratching his belly for him and it looked so cute. I miss him more than I've missed anything in a long time and I think I'll be okay after awhile but right now I feel pretty rotten about the whole thing. Things could have been so different and he could have lived a much longer life, but I did as much as I possibly could for him.
 

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You have compassion because you intended to care for the kitties until the shelter could take them, and I think that's very commendable. You can bet that there are many people who wouldn't have even bothered with them at all. If anyone should feel guilty, it's the person who dumped them there. To quote Paul McCartney, "You can t\judge a man's true character by the way he treats his fellow animals." I don't think much of a person who drops off a cat along the road for it to fend for itself. You, on the other hand, are a very caring person by being willing to take care of those cats who needed someone. Both you and I should stop beating ourselves up over something that was kind of out of our hands. It's hard for me to accept this, though, because I keep wondering what else I could have said to convince my husband and daughter to let D2 come into the house. He always seemed like he'd like to come in here because of the way he'd hang around our two back porch doors most of the time. I would have loved to let him in here but instead he had to be out there all alone because no matter what I said, it didn't change their minds. I felt out of control but had to keep peace in the family. If I'd be here alone, though, you can believe that D2 would have been a house cat.
Yes its just so hard to say my best wasn't good enough. The little girl got adopted already. I pray she has a safe and happy home.
 
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yomamab

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I am so sorry for your loss of D2 and for not seeing this post sooner. I had followed your story of him and his life with you from your first post.

Please try to make yourself understand that D2 knew that you were taking care of him. He may not have gotten in the house but he understood that you were there for him. In his cat mind, he had someone he could rely on for food and help and that is why he stayed with you. He was neutered and treated for parasites as I recall and that was a wonderful thing that you did for him. As for crossing the road, there is no way to tell how much he did that and you should not put any blame on yourself for the fact that he did. The two ferals who I consider to me "mine" cross the street all the time, several times a day and it is not something that I can prevent.

I absolutely agree that D2 enjoyed his life with you immensely. He had freedom, food, medical care, and shelter if he wanted it. Life does not get any better than that for a cat and he had the comfort of knowing that there would be food every day, so his stray life was not the one that he had to follow anymore.

You have every right to grieve for him and to express your feelings to your family. Please try to remember what you did for him every day and how you enriched his life.
That's so nice of you to be keeping up with the D2 saga. I remember when you replied to my posts about him when I had been on here telling about my adventures with D2. He was such a nice cat and I wish I could have spent more time with him. I got so attached and then he was taken away. I couldn't understand why I was the only one in this house who thought he was adorable. As far as my daughter is concerned, I think that he just didn't have the look that she likes in a cat. She used to have a cat Mittens who was a tabby with white feet and underside and she loved him so much. He died of kidney failure in 2010 at the age of almost 15. His final resting place is next to this same building that I was going to provide for D2 in the coming winter. It about killed me when I was looking out the window one day and saw her lying there in the lawn crying. Now we have cats who are brothers and the one is another tabby and white cat but has long hair. He's a gorgeous looking cat and my daughter also loves him to pieces.

I guess I can't understand how she could totally ignore D2. I know that she didn't want him in the house, but to totally give him the cold shoulder outside I thought was kind of cruel. He walked up to her wanting to be friends and she paid absolutely no attention to him whatsoever. It was like she was just walking past a stone except I think that she would have liked the stone more. I'd even see her kind of kick him out of the way if he was in her path of walking. Not really a hard kick but just brushing him to the side. I guess I'll never understand it and I'm not talking to either of them about this incident. I know I'm anthropomorphizing but I wondered if it hurt his feelings, if he felt like he was unlovable or something. It's hard for me to understand how someone can totally ignore a cat, especially when it's obvious that it wants attention and would welcome being loved.

You don't have to apologize for not seeing my post sooner. Heck., I know that people have lives. I was hoping for a few replies so I don't feel so alone in my feelings, but it's not like I think that people absolutely have to say something to me. Your words really did touch me a lot and the tears were running down my face as I was reading your reply to me. You have a good memory about my concern for D2. Yes, I got him neutered and while he was at the clinic having that done, they also gave him a distemper shot and rabies shot. I also had them check his ears because I suspected that he had ear mites. He did and was treated for it and they told me to give him the other dose (they gave me medication in a syringe to give him in another month). He was so good in the car the way there and the way back. He said absolutely nothing, which is more than I can say about the other cats we've had. I just can't think of a single thing that I didn't like about that adorable kitty. I will grieve for him for quite awhile yet, I suspect.

I'd say more but this has already gotten pretty long. I guess I think that as long as I keep talking about him, he's around me yet. I don't know how to explain it. Thank you so much for comforting words. It means more to me than I can say.
 

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Grief takes as long as it takes. No one can measure it or say it should be this or that, it is the silent scream of the heart that honors the love you shared with him, the love that you will always share with him. His purrs and love are woven through your life, now and forever.
 
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yomamab

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Grief takes as long as it takes. No one can measure it or say it should be this or that, it is the silent scream of the heart that honors the love you shared with him, the love that you will always share with him. His purrs and love are woven through your life, now and forever.
That is such a nice way of saying it. I'm really going to think about what you and others have said and find comfort in the fact that I'm not the only one who loves cats in this way. Cats are just such nice companions and I found D2 to be especially nice and I loved him so much. I don't know if I'll ever understand why my family didn't see the same great qualities in him that I did. I just wish that his life could have been longer. My heart will ache for a long time over this.
 

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I am so sorry on your loss of D2. I remember reading some of your other thread about caring for him and loving him. It is a shame that your family didn't feel the same. You were very kind to both your family and to D2. You wanted to keep everyone happy. I don't think I would have been as kind , but my husband usually goes along with whatever I want. I usually have the final say. I don't understand though how your daughter could be so cold to this poor kitty though. If you love cats, than you love all cats. At least , I do. I especially love the ones who need me.
I would have wanted to take that cat inside too just like you wanted to. You did take care of D2 though and you loved him. He appreciated all you did for him and loved you in return. He knew that he was wanted and loved by you and that meant everthing to that poor kitty . I know the heart hurts when we lose a loved kitty , and our hearts need to mourn that loss. You cry as much as you need to for that kitty.
You can love and cry for him as long as you need to. Don't let anyone tell you that you can't mourn his loss, family or not. You loved that kitty and you miss him. Cry as much as you like. We are all here for you, to listen and to care.
RIP to precious D2!
 

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I do think, that given all you did to help D2, that he was living a happy life. He may have wanted inside at times but I bet he was living the happy carefree life of a cat who can go where he wants but still have a place where he is cared for.

I certainly cannot say what goes on in your daughter's mind nor do I have any right to. But I have known people who really loved one animal, or a couple, or maybe one at a time and it never translated to love for all animals or even to love for another of the same species. My mom had show poodles whom she treated like her children. But it extended to absolutely no other animal. Once, when I was a grade school age kid, I brought a stray puppy home and called her (she was visiting a friend) and she told me to make sure that the puppy was gone before she got home.
 
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yomamab

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I am so sorry on your loss of D2. I remember reading some of your other thread about caring for him and loving him. It is a shame that your family didn't feel the same. You were very kind to both your family and to D2. You wanted to keep everyone happy. I don't think I would have been as kind , but my husband usually goes along with whatever I want. I usually have the final say. I don't understand though how your daughter could be so cold to this poor kitty though. If you love cats, than you love all cats. At least , I do. I especially love the ones who need me.
I would have wanted to take that cat inside too just like you wanted to. You did take care of D2 though and you loved him. He appreciated all you did for him and loved you in return. He knew that he was wanted and loved by you and that meant everthing to that poor kitty . I know the heart hurts when we lose a loved kitty , and our hearts need to mourn that loss. You cry as much as you need to for that kitty.
You can love and cry for him as long as you need to. Don't let anyone tell you that you can't mourn his loss, family or not. You loved that kitty and you miss him. Cry as much as you like. We are all here for you, to listen and to care.
RIP to precious D2!
I guess D2 must have left an impression on you and others on here if you remember my writing about him earlier. I really did love him a lot even though he was an outside cat and so I couldn't really spend the time with him like I would have wanted. Yes, I think too that it's a shame that my family didn't also love D2. He was a silly, goofy cat who had such a big personality that I didn't see how anyone could not love such a boy. I tried to convey how much I felt about D2, but it fell on deaf ears; all my husband and daughter could think of was how our two inside cats wouldn't like him and how it would cause problems if he were brought in here. At first they did hiss at him and growl, but that was months ago. Last year they wouldn't put up with him, but I was hoping that over time my family could see that they were tolerating him. I doubt that there would have been problems because the inside cats had gotten used to him (my daughter takes them outside on supervised walks) and didn't even act mean towards him this spring. I thought my family would see that there shouldn't be any problems if I'd bring D2 into the house so I could give him more attention and he'd feel more like he was a part of the family, but no, they refused to budge. It's pretty hard for me to not feel resentment towards them now. This has been causing a rift between us and I can't help how I feel. I wish my husband would be more like yours in that way, Maybe I should just be glad that he'd feed D2 sometimes, but it's like my feelings don't count.

I'm like you and love all cats, not just ones that are show cats. I like their personalities and I don't care what color they are, and I agree with you...I don't know how she could be so cold to him. It really upset me the way she ignored him when he'd go right up to her looking for attention and she'd act like he wasn't even there. It makes me get tears in my eyes just thinking about it. I talk to them but have been staying off of that subject because they would just probably say that I'm being ridiculous grieving over a cat who didn't even live in the house. We all usually get along pretty well, but when it comes to the subject of bringing D2 into the house, we've always disagreed. My daughter did carry D2 off the road, and my husband did bury him, but things could have been so different. I had hoped that they'd change their minds, but it just didn't happen. So instead of living to be a ripe old age, D2's life was cut short at probably less than two years old.

Yes, I will mourn and cry for D2 for as long as I need to...they can't take that away from me like they've indirectly been the cause of his death and he was taken away from me. I suppose to non-cat people, if they'd read what I'm saying, they'd think I'm some kind of a nut job, but I knew that you fellow cat lovers here would understand. It's such a comfort to be able to pour my heart out to you and feel like I'm not alone in my feelings. You've been such a great help.
 
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yomamab

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I do think, that given all you did to help D2, that he was living a happy life. He may have wanted inside at times but I bet he was living the happy carefree life of a cat who can go where he wants but still have a place where he is cared for.

I certainly cannot say what goes on in your daughter's mind nor do I have any right to. But I have known people who really loved one animal, or a couple, or maybe one at a time and it never translated to love for all animals or even to love for another of the same species. My mom had show poodles whom she treated like her children. But it extended to absolutely no other animal. Once, when I was a grade school age kid, I brought a stray puppy home and called her (she was visiting a friend) and she told me to make sure that the puppy was gone before she got home.
I sure hope that is the case, that D2 was happy. I felt bad that I couldn't be outside with him more and was really looking forward to spending the summer outside with him. I did get to spend some time with him this spring, but I just wish that it could have been more. I used to look out the window when my daughter would take our two inside cats for their daily walk. I could almost always predict that D2 would be trailing after Dean, our inside cat who looks similar to D2. Dean didn't fight with him at all, and even our cat, Sam stopped chasing him away. Both of them pretty much ignored him, so I think it would have still taken awhile for them to become buddies, but at least the aggression wasn't there anymore. That still wasn't good enough for D2 to be let into the house, but I'm not the one with those feelings.

I still keep replaying that day over and over in my head...ugh, I wish it would stop because it just upsets me. I wonder if the person driving the car or truck even knew that they had run into D2. I also wonder if they did know, did they even care. I just hate to think that they killed him on purpose, but some people can be really cruel. I hope that's not the case. My daughter definitely knew when she heard that noise that it wasn't something like a squirrel that got hit by a passing vehicle, so she looked out and there lay D2 in the road. I am glad that she at least carried him off the road, but I wish she had shown him some kindness while he was alive.

Everyone is different, I guess, so even though you and I would take pity on an abandoned animal, for some reason or another some others wouldn't do the same thing. My daughter likes our inside cats but not D2. I didn't think he was ugly, but my daughter didn't like his looks. He was orange and white. If I'd know how to put his picture on here I'd do that, but we are fairly new to smart phones and not too knowledgeable about those things. Even if I thought D2 were ugly (nope), I just don't think that looks should come into play when an animal needs to be taken care of. I have trouble understanding how she can feel that way, just like I don't understand how your mom sounded really caring towards her show poodles but yet told you to get rid of the puppy that you brought home. Had it been me in your place, I think I'd have been excited and proud that I had saved the puppy, only to have to get it out of the house as quickly as possibly. I'm sorry that you have to go through that unpleasant experience (I'm guessing that it was). I guess I don't have a right to say what went on in your mom's mind, but it's hard for me to understand why a person does that, just like I really can't understand how my daughter got the way she is.

Right now I feel a huge loss and there's an empty hole in me. I cry pretty often but try to only when I'm by myself. They didn't understand my liking D2 when he was alive, so I surely assume that they're happy that he's not around anymore. Well, they got their way of not having him come into the house, but they have sure made me see them in another light. I can't go to where D2 is buried without crying. I talk to him and I take flowers from our garden and put them on his grave. I really do hope that we get to see all of our past pets when we pass away. I really do miss him a lot and will never get to hold him on my lap in the house. Well, I'm not even going to mention to them that I did sneak him in on the back porch a few times when they were away. He was such a good kitty, he hopped up in the "sling" that our cats have, wash for awhile and then lay down and take a nap. I hope I didn't mix him up though and have him wondering why he couldn't come in there all the time. I just wanted to have a place to hold him or have him lay down without him being totally outside. It was almost like he was in the house, but I only got to do it a few times because usually I'm here with at least one of them.

I really do appreciate you and others on here sympathizing with me and knowing just what words to say during a time like this. It's a stressful, heart wrenching time when you lose a pet, but coming here and hearing words of compassion helps out so much. I will remember D2 forever and wish we hadn't been deprived of our time together. It sounds like he was a person and that I was in love with him, but you understand.
 
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Kflowers

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Grief, resentment, and numbness are emotions, just as love and anger are. All emotions are created by experiences, not by the individuals decision to have them. Acting or not acting on them is a decision, honoring the emotions you feel is important. If someone tells you to get over an emotion, ignore them. It is the same as if they told you to get over having a hand or fingers.

More than anything I understand your grief is precious and honor to D2 and you don't want to share it with those who don't understand. That is all right too. It's not your burden to explain to others how you feel, only to feel and avoid things that make east step harder to take.

D2 doesn't care how they feel, he gave them a chance to know him and they didn't take it. You did. For that he will be with you forever, helping you always.
 

fionasmom

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You have the right to express your grief in any way that you are comfortable and do not need to feel that there is a limit or reasonable time when it should end. As time goes on, you will carry D2 with you in different ways and may even start to see that you gave him a good life and care which he was all the better for having had. He may not have been allowed inside, and he may have been curious about the inside, but to a cat who is living a happy life outside it is different from a human who would not have indoor shelter. D2 might not even have wanted an entirely indoor life; his previous experiences probably made him happy to have freedom which he might have wanted to have enjoyed regardless of your offer of an indoor life permanently.

I do understand that the fact that he was not allowed in is as painful for you, or as close to painful, as his passing. This was not your doing, as sad as it is, and your relationship with D2 is blameless in that respect. It is very hard to accomplish this, but try to release yourself, over time, from this feeling as you had no control over that part of his life.
 
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