- Joined
- Jun 15, 2016
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I had posted about this stray cat that I pitied and started feeding. Actually, my daughter started feeding him but then quit, so I pitied him and started feeding him myself late last year and continued this year. He had gotten to be friendly and I wanted to bring him inside, but my husband and daughter said no because of our two inside cats. They were afraid that those two would start having behavior problems and so they didn't even want to start that. I felt bad for him because he was a loner, probably without a friend in the world. I especially pitied him this past winter when we had so much snow.
I was thinking about putting an electronic (or however you word it) cat door on our tool shed, an old rundown building but it would have kept D2 out of the snow. I hadn't bought one yet but knew which one that I wanted to order. I really became attached to D2 and wished I could have been outside with him more but was having some health problems that kept me in the house mostly all of the time. Lately though I had gotten outside to do a little bit of gardening and he'd follow me all over the place and would lay down in front of me for belly rubs. I had really gotten to love that kitty. Now the sad part...
I finally got out of the house on my own and Thursday was literally the first day that I drove since last spring. I was downtown in the hardware store just wandering up and down the aisles because I had forgotten my list and forgot what all I had on it. I though if I'd go up and down every aisle to jog my memory, so I was in there probably close to an hour when my husband texted me, "Call home." So I did and it wasn't pleasant. My daughter had been sitting here at the computer when she heard a loud thump and she knew it wasn't just a squirrel. She looked out the window that is right by the computer and saw an orange and white cat laying on the road; she knew right away that it was D2. Even though she didn't like him (I think just because she didn't think he was pretty), she went out and scooped him in her arms and got him off of the road before someone else would come along and hit him. He was alive when she picked him up because she could feel his heart beating. She went to find her dad (my husband) and so he texted me to call him. He told me later that he knew that I'd want to take D2 to the vet, but then while I was on the phone with him, D2 died. Our daughter told him that D2's heart was beating very fast but then she felt it stop.
This whole thing has me shaken up and I even had to wait to type this because I've been bawling my eyes out and thinking almost constantly about D2 ever since the incident happened on Thursday. I am blaming myself and thinking if only I hadn't gone downtown that day. I know it must sound nutty, but I'm wondering if D2 was missing me and wondering where I was at because he was so used to my being outside with him in the yard and garden EXCEPT for that day. I regret not taking the time to take more than the four pictures of D2. I could have taken videos of him, but I don't have a single one. I feel like I failed him for not being able to convince my husband and daughter to agree to my letting him live in the house where I think that he did want to be. He'd sit outside meowing while he was looing at our two inside cats that go out on our screened in back porch. I always wondered if cats have the ability to have similar feelings to humans like if he'd have thought, "Why can't I be inside if they're in there?" It really broke my heart but what really breaks my heart now is the fact that I'll never see him again.
D2 was so adorable and even knew when I'd say, "Do you want your belly scratched?" He'd lie down with his belly up and keep rolling back and forth while I'd scratch his belly and tell him how silly he was. Now I'll never get to say that to him again. One thing that is really eating away at me is the fact that I hadn't even taken the time to stop and say hi to him that day. I was in such a rush to do so many things that have gone undone because of my being incapacitated for a long while. I should have at least spent a few minutes talking to him that day like I had every day I think since I started feeding him last year. Even though I hardly got out of the house since last year, I always made it a point to feed him every day and go outside even when it was so cold out there and just spend a little time with him. I'd even wrap myself in a blanket since I got so cold sitting out there in the winter. WHY oh WHY didn't I do things differently on Thursday. I'm not kidding, I feel so guilty for not being here for him that day and feel like his getting killed on the road is my fault and I know that I shouldn't feel that way. I actually never saw him cross the road in front of our house, but apparently he did....at least that one time. I'm not even asking my daughter for details because I don't think I can handle any graphic pictures in my head. It's already filled with thoughts that I wish I could get out of my head. Ugh, I just hope it gets better. Also, I can't help feeling resentful towards the other two people who I live with for not letting me bring him inside. This nightmare could have been prevented. I can hardly keep myself from crying about it. I hate that I have to force thoughts of D2 out of my head when they're around because they probably think I'm stupid for being that concerned about a cat that showed up here one day looking for food. I really was going to try to ignore him until my daughter started feeding him and then quit. I didn't want him to starve, and I also thought that it would be nice if someone would show him some love. Now I'm here in agony because of missing him.
I was thinking about putting an electronic (or however you word it) cat door on our tool shed, an old rundown building but it would have kept D2 out of the snow. I hadn't bought one yet but knew which one that I wanted to order. I really became attached to D2 and wished I could have been outside with him more but was having some health problems that kept me in the house mostly all of the time. Lately though I had gotten outside to do a little bit of gardening and he'd follow me all over the place and would lay down in front of me for belly rubs. I had really gotten to love that kitty. Now the sad part...
I finally got out of the house on my own and Thursday was literally the first day that I drove since last spring. I was downtown in the hardware store just wandering up and down the aisles because I had forgotten my list and forgot what all I had on it. I though if I'd go up and down every aisle to jog my memory, so I was in there probably close to an hour when my husband texted me, "Call home." So I did and it wasn't pleasant. My daughter had been sitting here at the computer when she heard a loud thump and she knew it wasn't just a squirrel. She looked out the window that is right by the computer and saw an orange and white cat laying on the road; she knew right away that it was D2. Even though she didn't like him (I think just because she didn't think he was pretty), she went out and scooped him in her arms and got him off of the road before someone else would come along and hit him. He was alive when she picked him up because she could feel his heart beating. She went to find her dad (my husband) and so he texted me to call him. He told me later that he knew that I'd want to take D2 to the vet, but then while I was on the phone with him, D2 died. Our daughter told him that D2's heart was beating very fast but then she felt it stop.
This whole thing has me shaken up and I even had to wait to type this because I've been bawling my eyes out and thinking almost constantly about D2 ever since the incident happened on Thursday. I am blaming myself and thinking if only I hadn't gone downtown that day. I know it must sound nutty, but I'm wondering if D2 was missing me and wondering where I was at because he was so used to my being outside with him in the yard and garden EXCEPT for that day. I regret not taking the time to take more than the four pictures of D2. I could have taken videos of him, but I don't have a single one. I feel like I failed him for not being able to convince my husband and daughter to agree to my letting him live in the house where I think that he did want to be. He'd sit outside meowing while he was looing at our two inside cats that go out on our screened in back porch. I always wondered if cats have the ability to have similar feelings to humans like if he'd have thought, "Why can't I be inside if they're in there?" It really broke my heart but what really breaks my heart now is the fact that I'll never see him again.
D2 was so adorable and even knew when I'd say, "Do you want your belly scratched?" He'd lie down with his belly up and keep rolling back and forth while I'd scratch his belly and tell him how silly he was. Now I'll never get to say that to him again. One thing that is really eating away at me is the fact that I hadn't even taken the time to stop and say hi to him that day. I was in such a rush to do so many things that have gone undone because of my being incapacitated for a long while. I should have at least spent a few minutes talking to him that day like I had every day I think since I started feeding him last year. Even though I hardly got out of the house since last year, I always made it a point to feed him every day and go outside even when it was so cold out there and just spend a little time with him. I'd even wrap myself in a blanket since I got so cold sitting out there in the winter. WHY oh WHY didn't I do things differently on Thursday. I'm not kidding, I feel so guilty for not being here for him that day and feel like his getting killed on the road is my fault and I know that I shouldn't feel that way. I actually never saw him cross the road in front of our house, but apparently he did....at least that one time. I'm not even asking my daughter for details because I don't think I can handle any graphic pictures in my head. It's already filled with thoughts that I wish I could get out of my head. Ugh, I just hope it gets better. Also, I can't help feeling resentful towards the other two people who I live with for not letting me bring him inside. This nightmare could have been prevented. I can hardly keep myself from crying about it. I hate that I have to force thoughts of D2 out of my head when they're around because they probably think I'm stupid for being that concerned about a cat that showed up here one day looking for food. I really was going to try to ignore him until my daughter started feeding him and then quit. I didn't want him to starve, and I also thought that it would be nice if someone would show him some love. Now I'm here in agony because of missing him.