- Joined
- Feb 4, 2020
- Messages
- 30
- Purraise
- 22
Hi all. Sorry I’m advance for the super long post but I really need help. I’ve posted here before and the advice has been useful, however since then our cat intros have been going backwards and I’m seriously losing all hope. I’ve read countless threads on here, however all cats are different and I would really love some advice and I guess mostly some reassurance. This is causing me immense anxiety and has honestly become a huge stress in my life, it’s even putting a strain on my relationship. I don’t know what to do anymore.
3 and a half months ago we added a Bengal kitten to our family as a play mate for our active 1 year old Bengal. For a Bengal, the kitten (H) is actually quite timid and shy, she’s also very small whereas our cat (T) is very big and playful. I guess that’s where the problem arises.
From the get go, our 1 year old (T) showed no signs of fear / aggression. We followed “proper” advice - scent swapping, sight swapping, until supervised introductions. Scent swapping went well, no hissing our growling from either. We then did a crack in the door, T was always very interested however little H hissed a lot.
When we began supervised time together it mostly consisted of T leaping on her and biting her by the neck and pinning her down, she would then let out an awful scream. After this I would separate and try again the following day. I’d say this went on for about 2 / 3 weeks and I was spending about 2/3 sessions with them a day. After that T would sit in there and sort of entice her to play. He would kind of do this chirping. She was still very wary of him / didn’t want to be close to him but the growling / hissing calmed down on her part and I could tell he was warming to her.
I’d say it was probably 2 months in total before H began signs of warming up to him. She would start batting his tail as he walked past and became more confident in jumping off my lap and playing. Then one day at about 2 and a half months we had what I thought was a breakthrough moment: they started chasing each other! They would take it in turns and whilst it would nearly always end in T taking it too far, I was happy because I thought we were making progress. She also seemed to be less bothered by his biting: when he grabbed her by the neck she would just take it until he let go and then they would carry on playing.
About 3 months into cat intros was time for H to get spayed. I foolishly thought this would actually help in the intros as she would be less hormonal / perhaps he could smell she was coming into heat. So the spay went well but I was wary about reintroductions. So we started again: smell exchange, crack in the door. Absolutely no problems. T basically went straight over to her food bowl and payed no attention to her whatsoever so I thought all was well.
However, since then she has absolutely hated his guts. I don’t know if he chased her and hurt her in the recovery period or if she was spooked from the surgery but she wants nothing to do with him. I’d say we are pretty much back to where we started and now T chases H all the time and she just hides. He just will not let her be.
I’m also worried T is starting to intimidate her; he will do things like push her out of the litter, away from toys, when she’s using the the scratching pad and generally sit in doorways so she’s too scared to go past. She’s got into the habit of meowing for me now so I have to go and pick her up. I’m also finding myself resentful towards T. I find myself getting really upset with him and frustrated that he doesn’t understand not to bully and intimidate her like this. I really don’t want this behaviour to continue and I don’t want it to change my relationship with T.
I don’t know if T is being a bully or trying to play with her. I would say that there is no bad body language from either when they are in the same room: tails up as usual but she hisses / growls whenever he comes close and I feel like sometimes he takes this as a sign to just go for her? Either that or he is trying to play wrestle with her? She just screams bloody murder if he bites her.
We keep them separate at night and in the day when we’re out and sometimes when he’s being a persistent bully. I’d say positives are that they can eat together peacefully and we have a puzzle feeder from which they both retrieve chicken from. Whilst they’re doing this they don’t pay any attention to one another. Also I’ve caught T grooming H a couple of times, she doesn’t reciprocate, although I’ve read this can also be dominance?
I really don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve spent so much time and energy on trying to make them both happy. I’m worried that I’m not giving them the life they want or that I’ve made a mistake. I feel very upset about it all and it’s causing arguments between myself and my boyfriend. Every time I’m at home I’m watching them or separating them or telling T off. I’ve spoken to a animal behaviourist that said I need to “seriously consider” rehoming one which was incredibly unhelpful and not what I wanted to hear.
Can anybody help? I really need some advice and I’m very aware my anxiety isn’t helping the issue. Happy to post updates / videos whatever you need.
TLDR: New kitten scared of resident cat, resident cat showing bullying tendencies. Need advice on introduction period.
Heres some photos of my babies!
3 and a half months ago we added a Bengal kitten to our family as a play mate for our active 1 year old Bengal. For a Bengal, the kitten (H) is actually quite timid and shy, she’s also very small whereas our cat (T) is very big and playful. I guess that’s where the problem arises.
From the get go, our 1 year old (T) showed no signs of fear / aggression. We followed “proper” advice - scent swapping, sight swapping, until supervised introductions. Scent swapping went well, no hissing our growling from either. We then did a crack in the door, T was always very interested however little H hissed a lot.
When we began supervised time together it mostly consisted of T leaping on her and biting her by the neck and pinning her down, she would then let out an awful scream. After this I would separate and try again the following day. I’d say this went on for about 2 / 3 weeks and I was spending about 2/3 sessions with them a day. After that T would sit in there and sort of entice her to play. He would kind of do this chirping. She was still very wary of him / didn’t want to be close to him but the growling / hissing calmed down on her part and I could tell he was warming to her.
I’d say it was probably 2 months in total before H began signs of warming up to him. She would start batting his tail as he walked past and became more confident in jumping off my lap and playing. Then one day at about 2 and a half months we had what I thought was a breakthrough moment: they started chasing each other! They would take it in turns and whilst it would nearly always end in T taking it too far, I was happy because I thought we were making progress. She also seemed to be less bothered by his biting: when he grabbed her by the neck she would just take it until he let go and then they would carry on playing.
About 3 months into cat intros was time for H to get spayed. I foolishly thought this would actually help in the intros as she would be less hormonal / perhaps he could smell she was coming into heat. So the spay went well but I was wary about reintroductions. So we started again: smell exchange, crack in the door. Absolutely no problems. T basically went straight over to her food bowl and payed no attention to her whatsoever so I thought all was well.
However, since then she has absolutely hated his guts. I don’t know if he chased her and hurt her in the recovery period or if she was spooked from the surgery but she wants nothing to do with him. I’d say we are pretty much back to where we started and now T chases H all the time and she just hides. He just will not let her be.
I’m also worried T is starting to intimidate her; he will do things like push her out of the litter, away from toys, when she’s using the the scratching pad and generally sit in doorways so she’s too scared to go past. She’s got into the habit of meowing for me now so I have to go and pick her up. I’m also finding myself resentful towards T. I find myself getting really upset with him and frustrated that he doesn’t understand not to bully and intimidate her like this. I really don’t want this behaviour to continue and I don’t want it to change my relationship with T.
I don’t know if T is being a bully or trying to play with her. I would say that there is no bad body language from either when they are in the same room: tails up as usual but she hisses / growls whenever he comes close and I feel like sometimes he takes this as a sign to just go for her? Either that or he is trying to play wrestle with her? She just screams bloody murder if he bites her.
We keep them separate at night and in the day when we’re out and sometimes when he’s being a persistent bully. I’d say positives are that they can eat together peacefully and we have a puzzle feeder from which they both retrieve chicken from. Whilst they’re doing this they don’t pay any attention to one another. Also I’ve caught T grooming H a couple of times, she doesn’t reciprocate, although I’ve read this can also be dominance?
I really don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve spent so much time and energy on trying to make them both happy. I’m worried that I’m not giving them the life they want or that I’ve made a mistake. I feel very upset about it all and it’s causing arguments between myself and my boyfriend. Every time I’m at home I’m watching them or separating them or telling T off. I’ve spoken to a animal behaviourist that said I need to “seriously consider” rehoming one which was incredibly unhelpful and not what I wanted to hear.
Can anybody help? I really need some advice and I’m very aware my anxiety isn’t helping the issue. Happy to post updates / videos whatever you need.
TLDR: New kitten scared of resident cat, resident cat showing bullying tendencies. Need advice on introduction period.
Heres some photos of my babies!
Attachments
-
396.7 KB Views: 58
-
3.5 MB Views: 96
-
1.8 MB Views: 108