Bengal intros going backwards - scared kitten and intimidating cat

[Hanm3]

Hi all. Sorry I’m advance for the super long post but I really need help. I’ve posted here before and the advice has been useful, however since then our cat intros have been going backwards and I’m seriously losing all hope. I’ve read countless threads on here, however all cats are different and I would really love some advice and I guess mostly some reassurance. This is causing me immense anxiety and has honestly become a huge stress in my life, it’s even putting a strain on my relationship. I don’t know what to do anymore.

3 and a half months ago we added a Bengal kitten to our family as a play mate for our active 1 year old Bengal. For a Bengal, the kitten (H) is actually quite timid and shy, she’s also very small whereas our cat (T) is very big and playful. I guess that’s where the problem arises.

From the get go, our 1 year old (T) showed no signs of fear / aggression. We followed “proper” advice - scent swapping, sight swapping, until supervised introductions. Scent swapping went well, no hissing our growling from either. We then did a crack in the door, T was always very interested however little H hissed a lot.

When we began supervised time together it mostly consisted of T leaping on her and biting her by the neck and pinning her down, she would then let out an awful scream. After this I would separate and try again the following day. I’d say this went on for about 2 / 3 weeks and I was spending about 2/3 sessions with them a day. After that T would sit in there and sort of entice her to play. He would kind of do this chirping. She was still very wary of him / didn’t want to be close to him but the growling / hissing calmed down on her part and I could tell he was warming to her.

I’d say it was probably 2 months in total before H began signs of warming up to him. She would start batting his tail as he walked past and became more confident in jumping off my lap and playing. Then one day at about 2 and a half months we had what I thought was a breakthrough moment: they started chasing each other! They would take it in turns and whilst it would nearly always end in T taking it too far, I was happy because I thought we were making progress. She also seemed to be less bothered by his biting: when he grabbed her by the neck she would just take it until he let go and then they would carry on playing.

About 3 months into cat intros was time for H to get spayed. I foolishly thought this would actually help in the intros as she would be less hormonal / perhaps he could smell she was coming into heat. So the spay went well but I was wary about reintroductions. So we started again: smell exchange, crack in the door. Absolutely no problems. T basically went straight over to her food bowl and payed no attention to her whatsoever so I thought all was well.

However, since then she has absolutely hated his guts. I don’t know if he chased her and hurt her in the recovery period or if she was spooked from the surgery but she wants nothing to do with him. I’d say we are pretty much back to where we started and now T chases H all the time and she just hides. He just will not let her be.

I’m also worried T is starting to intimidate her; he will do things like push her out of the litter, away from toys, when she’s using the the scratching pad and generally sit in doorways so she’s too scared to go past. She’s got into the habit of meowing for me now so I have to go and pick her up. I’m also finding myself resentful towards T. I find myself getting really upset with him and frustrated that he doesn’t understand not to bully and intimidate her like this. I really don’t want this behaviour to continue and I don’t want it to change my relationship with T.

I don’t know if T is being a bully or trying to play with her. I would say that there is no bad body language from either when they are in the same room: tails up as usual but she hisses / growls whenever he comes close and I feel like sometimes he takes this as a sign to just go for her? Either that or he is trying to play wrestle with her? She just screams bloody murder if he bites her.

We keep them separate at night and in the day when we’re out and sometimes when he’s being a persistent bully. I’d say positives are that they can eat together peacefully and we have a puzzle feeder from which they both retrieve chicken from. Whilst they’re doing this they don’t pay any attention to one another. Also I’ve caught T grooming H a couple of times, she doesn’t reciprocate, although I’ve read this can also be dominance?


I really don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve spent so much time and energy on trying to make them both happy. I’m worried that I’m not giving them the life they want or that I’ve made a mistake. I feel very upset about it all and it’s causing arguments between myself and my boyfriend. Every time I’m at home I’m watching them or separating them or telling T off. I’ve spoken to a animal behaviourist that said I need to “seriously consider” rehoming one which was incredibly unhelpful and not what I wanted to hear.

Can anybody help? I really need some advice and I’m very aware my anxiety isn’t helping the issue. Happy to post updates / videos whatever you need.

TLDR: New kitten scared of resident cat, resident cat showing bullying tendencies. Need advice on introduction period.

Heres some photos of my babies!

 

[cat nap]

About 3 months into cat intros was time for H to get spayed. I foolishly thought this would actually help in the intros as she would be less hormonal / perhaps he could smell she was coming into heat. So the spay went well but I was wary about reintroductions. So we started again: smell exchange, crack in the door. Absolutely no problems. T basically went straight over to her food bowl and payed no attention to her whatsoever so I thought all was well.

However, since then she has absolutely hated his guts. I don’t know if he chased her and hurt her in the recovery period or if she was spooked from the surgery but she wants nothing to do with him. I’d say we are pretty much back to where we started and now T chases H all the time and she just hides. He just will not let her be.

Hello Hanm3 ...I'm not sure if I could really help with any suggestions that you haven't already tried, but maybe we could 'brainstorm together' and bounce some ideas off each other.

Hopefully, others will see your thread, too, and offer some more concrete advice.

To me it sounds like you're at the stage of "Play Styles are different" or "Play Aggressive" from slightly older and larger cat.
Both cats are still getting to know each other, ...but one cat is playing way too rough.
T sounds stronger, and likes to play aggressively.... and wants to constantly play,... versus your female, H, who seems like she wants to relax and not be bothered by T's roughness.

I’m also worried T is starting to intimidate her; he will do things like push her out of the litter, away from toys, when she’s using the the scratching pad and generally sit in doorways so she’s too scared to go past. She’s got into the habit of meowing for me now so I have to go and pick her up. I’m also finding myself resentful towards T. I find myself getting really upset with him and frustrated that he doesn’t understand not to bully and intimidate her like this. I really don’t want this behaviour to continue and I don’t want it to change my relationship with T.

I know this is so hard to do, but you're going to have to find some way in which you don't bring your upset feelings towards your cats into the cat-intros. It's totally normal how you are feeling, and because you are seeing all the negative and bothersome things that T is doing, then for sure it will cause you to become resentful, angry, upset, frustrated, etc.
Plus, you are probably tired from having to 'referee' and 'supervise' both cats.

It's just that our cats pick up on our feelings so easily, and this may cause them more confusion, aggression, or fear.
They can't really understand why we're upset, but they do feel and sense it.

• If you can create some 'Safe Spaces' for both cats to go, and be separate, then I think this will help you, both in the intros, and for yourself to take some time to pause, step away, and breathe and relax. Sometimes, just having a short time away from the cats in the intros, helps to re-energize, and calm everything down. Not to mention, you come back less annoyed, and refreshed.
• *You definitely will have to intervene when T is pushing H out of the litter box, ....maybe place more boxes around, and have them in separate areas of the home for now.

I don’t know if T is being a bully or trying to play with her. I would say that there is no bad body language from either when they are in the same room: tails up as usual but she hisses / growls whenever he comes close and I feel like sometimes he takes this as a sign to just go for her? Either that or he is trying to play wrestle with her? She just screams bloody murder if he bites her.

It sounds like T is not respecting H's signals of hissing/growling at all, and basically ignoring them.
It could be because he wants so desperately to Play with her, or like you mentioned, ...it could also be dominance...but I would lean towards that he wants Attention, and Play...and that he disregards her signals.

(I would definitely be slightly vocalizing, too, if T bit me like that...so we have to come up with a way to show him that biting like that is not allowed. )

1. For now, when you Play with T separately, does he also focus intensely on the toy?
2. Does he like playing with wand toys, or does he like to fetch?
3. Can you describe a Play Session with T and you?
4. and T and your boyfriend?

We keep them separate at night and in the day when we’re out and sometimes when he’s being a persistent bully. I’d say positives are that they can eat together peacefully and we have a puzzle feeder from which they both retrieve chicken from. Whilst they’re doing this they don’t pay any attention to one another. Also I’ve caught T grooming H a couple of times, she doesn’t reciprocate, although I’ve read this can also be dominance?

Yes, the grooming could be dominance, but as long as he is not biting afterwards, for now that would be okay.

• Great about the puzzle feeders...since I think that adding more toys....that will stimulate T's mind will help.
• Mental stimulation for cats is great, so any cat toy puzzles, and cat toys where they have to think is helpful.
• You'll use physical stimulation from good Play Sessions to wear off his high energy, and then the mental stimulation from puzzle feeders and toys to engage and help with both Distraction and Play.

I’d say it was probably 2 months in total before H began signs of warming up to him. She would start batting his tail as he walked past and became more confident in jumping off my lap and playing. Then one day at about 2 and a half months we had what I thought was a breakthrough moment: they started chasing each other! They would take it in turns and whilst it would nearly always end in T taking it too far, I was happy because I thought we were making progress. She also seemed to be less bothered by his biting: when he grabbed her by the neck she would just take it until he let go and then they would carry on playing.

Because you were able to reach this level of both cats running and chasing each other....I don't really see why they would not reach this point again.

...Every time I’m at home I’m watching them or separating them or telling T off. I’ve spoken to a animal behaviourist that said I need to “seriously consider” rehoming one which was incredibly unhelpful and not what I wanted to hear.

That's probably why you are feeling a little burnt out, by all the watching, separating and supervising.

I thought animal behaviourists are supposed to help you ....with offering good and concrete advice, and further steps to try...not be so totally negative and dire. (Holy. I'm thinking that that animal behaviourist needs to talk to an actual behaviourist ...so they can offer some good advice. I've never used an actual animal behaviourist,....but do they offer credentials or some sort of way where you can verify that their methods have worked with other 'fur families and their humans'? I think I'd want a whole list, like a Resume, CV, or actual people I could talk to to make sure that they have given successful advice.)

How could an animal behaviouris look at your 3rd photo...and say something like that?
Ahh, just forget about that advice. If they're not helpful, then they don't sound like they've worked with many animals.
Especially, since it's only been a 'short span of time' ...and you haven't tried out all possibilities, yet.

1. Could you kind of describe the layout of your home, ...and how you set up 'escape routes' for each cat, so they don't feel cornered?
2. Also maybe a general idea of the 'Safe Spaces' that your cats can go to?
3. Where each cat likes to hang out in, and sleep in? Favorite spots and rooms and such.
4. Are there places in your home where you can create separation by gates, or mesh screens, netting?

(Also, have you read this thread...that deals with bengal cats, but is very different from yours...yet it may contain some information that is useful, too. Sometimes you can read other threads and find some extra information, that you haven't tried yet:
Help! New cat gone bad!

*I really look forward to seeing some videos of your beautiful cats...so if you could upload some to this thread....it would be useful to watch. Here's how...How To Upload And Add Videos To Your Posts – Cat Articles

Hang in there. Don't give up, since it's still the early stages of the cat-intros, ...and don't get too discouraged, ...since what you are seeing is very common when one cat wants to play too rough, and the other one doesn't.
(Just answer the questions you can, don't feel like you have to answer all of them...I tend to ask a lot.)

 

[Mamanyt1953]

WAIT!!! WHAT??? After three and a half months a behaviorist is talking rehoming? And when you have two cats that can eat next to each other? OK...toss that advice out the window.

cat nap gave you some really, really good advice! Some of the best was, breathe deep and try to relax. Cats are energy sponges, and your anxiety is increasing theirs. I highly recommend a cup of chamomile tea sweetened with honey, and/or a few minutes of meditation every day.

Be aware that we've seen some very successful cat introductions that took as much as a year to be fully complete. You can only go as fast as the most reluctant cat. There are no shortcuts.

Setbacks after vet visits are VERY common. Not to fear, with cats you have a "do-over." Try some of the suggestions here:
How To Fix An Unsuccessful Cat Introduction – Cat Articles
and in these, if going back to "GO" seems necessary!
How To Introduce A Kitten To An Older Cat – Cat Articles
How To Successfully Introduce Cats: The Ultimate Guide – Cat Articles
Introducing Cats To Cats – Cat Articles

While much of the information is similar, each article has something unique about it, and you never know where you will find what works for YOUR babies!

 

[calicosrspecial]

Catnap and MamanyT give great advice.

I have to caveat my response as I haven't ever worked with Bengals. I think we are all going to learn a lot. Bengals are definitely more active and need a lot of play etc. I know a little about Bengals but not a lot. So I am hoping those with experience can add to this thread.

If you would consider putting Bengal Intros in the Title of this that could be helpful to get Bengal experts involved.

With that said, I think you are way better shape than you may think. Here is why:

"that they can eat together peacefully and we have a puzzle feeder from which they both retrieve chicken from." - This is a BIG POSITIVE. This tells me they will get along. If this was an untenable situation this would not be happening. This tells me T accepts H.

"there is no bad body language from either when they are in the same room" - That really tells us that there is more trust than we may think. It is normal for a cat to hiss to warn the other cat to not try anything. Hissing is just communication. The response of the other cat is what is really important. If T respects the hiss and doesn't attack then T is getting the message and the communication is working and will lead to more trust. Anytime a negative encounter is avoiding it is a positive as trust is built.

"T grooming H a couple of times" - Again a big positive. Sure it can be dominance BUT T isn't hurting H. There is a conscious choice not to hurt, eliminate etc. That tells me they will get along. And in fact, they are further along than you think. T is trusting H which is usually the difficult hurdle to cross as the resident cat's territory is being "invaded" but the new cat.

The 3rd picture is AMAZING!!

I actually think you are much further along to success than you think. We need to finish it off but at this point I am highly confident we can.

So here are some ideas.

I would really like to have some fun pathways for them. Do you have cat shelving or can you add some? Cat shelving can look nice AND give cats places to run up and down on. Try to combine it with cat trees, bookcases, etc. So a cat could literally walk along the walls up and down, hang out up there. Burn some energy, build some confidence. If you can't add cat shelving then try to use cat trees and furniture to create some fun places to run around on.

Step up play with each cat (separately). Play really builds confidence. And since Bengals are very energetic it helps drain some energy. After play feed treats or a meal.

Also, try to distract T with a toy etc if you sense T is "bullying" or "bothering" H. If you can distract him it can be really positive. It shows H that T is not always after her which will build her confidence.

And confident cats are less likely to be attacked or attack.

And try to make sure you have things that have their scents on them. So scratching posts, bedding, etc. Scents can increase the ownership feeling and confidence and also make positive associations. So have something with T's scent in H's territory at night. And have things that have H's scent in the general shared territory.

Keep making those positive associations - using food, feeding them together.

Try to distract as needed to avoid any negative encounters. Try to use a toy with T. Or call him, use a treat.

Keep trying to drain energy by setting up the house in a way he can run around as mentioned above (and H), step up play to build confidence and drain energy.

And try to stay as calm and confident as possible around them. Cats take on our emotions so the more clam and confident we are the more they are.

I know it is emotionally difficult because it is not perfect BUT it is a FAR BETTER situation than you may think. It is not perfect and we have work to do BUT I also do not read any reason why they will not get successfully intro'd.

I do want to address this - "I’ve spent so much time and energy on trying to make them both happy. I’m worried that I’m not giving them the life they want or that I’ve made a mistake. I feel very upset about it all and it’s causing arguments between myself and my boyfriend. Every time I’m at home I’m watching them or separating them or telling T off." - I actually think you have done a very good job to this point. Oftentimes, we do see a little setback due to a medical (spay) issues as it can be traumatic. But T seems to have adjusted pretty well and as we build H's confidence and show that T doesn't mean harm H should get better. Sometimes being a bit away from a situation can give a clearer perspective. I do want to hear more, see more video, etc to better understand the situation. I know it is upsetting but I honestly expected a much worse situation. This situation is very solvable. It is not your fault, it is not your BFs fault and honestly it is not even T or H's fault. This is just normal cat intro experiences. I deal with much worse situations than this so I am highly confident we can finish this intro off.

So keep them separated at night. Keep feeding them together making that positive association and positive encounter, use distraction to get T to focus away from H, step up play with both (separately) to build confidence and drain energy, try to think about pathways (using shelving if possible, cat trees, furniture etc) they can run around on their own as well.

Don;t worry, we will be with you through this. I do think you are in a much better place than you fear. Let's see how the above impacts the situation. It will take some time and effort but I am highly confident you are going to find success. I am really encouraged where you are right now and where I thin you will be going.

Please ask anything anytime and share as much info and video as possible so we can better understand the situation and let's see how they respond to the suggestions. Hang in there, we can get through this.

 

[Hanm3]

Hello Hanm3 ...I'm not sure if I could really help with any suggestions that you haven't already tried, but maybe we could 'brainstorm together' and bounce some ideas off each other.

Hopefully, others will see your thread, too, and offer some more concrete advice.

To me it sounds like you're at the stage of "Play Styles are different" or "Play Aggressive" from slightly older and larger cat.
Both cats are still getting to know each other, ...but one cat is playing way too rough.
T sounds stronger, and likes to play aggressively.... and wants to constantly play,... versus your female, H, who seems like she wants to relax and not be bothered by T's roughness.

I know this is so hard to do, but you're going to have to find some way in which you don't bring your upset feelings towards your cats into the cat-intros. It's totally normal how you are feeling, and because you are seeing all the negative and bothersome things that T is doing, then for sure it will cause you to become resentful, angry, upset, frustrated, etc.
Plus, you are probably tired from having to 'referee' and 'supervise' both cats.

It's just that our cats pick up on our feelings so easily, and this may cause them more confusion, aggression, or fear.
They can't really understand why we're upset, but they do feel and sense it.

• If you can create some 'Safe Spaces' for both cats to go, and be separate, then I think this will help you, both in the intros, and for yourself to take some time to pause, step away, and breathe and relax. Sometimes, just having a short time away from the cats in the intros, helps to re-energize, and calm everything down. Not to mention, you come back less annoyed, and refreshed.
• *You definitely will have to intervene when T is pushing H out of the litter box, ....maybe place more boxes around, and have them in separate areas of the home for now.

It sounds like T is not respecting H's signals of hissing/growling at all, and basically ignoring them.
It could be because he wants so desperately to Play with her, or like you mentioned, ...it could also be dominance...but I would lean towards that he wants Attention, and Play...and that he disregards her signals.

(I would definitely be slightly vocalizing, too, if T bit me like that...so we have to come up with a way to show him that biting like that is not allowed. )

1. For now, when you Play with T separately, does he also focus intensely on the toy?
2. Does he like playing with wand toys, or does he like to fetch?
3. Can you describe a Play Session with T and you?
4. and T and your boyfriend?

Yes, the grooming could be dominance, but as long as he is not biting afterwards, for now that would be okay.

• Great about the puzzle feeders...since I think that adding more toys....that will stimulate T's mind will help.
• Mental stimulation for cats is great, so any cat toy puzzles, and cat toys where they have to think is helpful.
• You'll use physical stimulation from good Play Sessions to wear off his high energy, and then the mental stimulation from puzzle feeders and toys to engage and help with both Distraction and Play.

Because you were able to reach this level of both cats running and chasing each other....I don't really see why they would not reach this point again.

That's probably why you are feeling a little burnt out, by all the watching, separating and supervising.

I thought animal behaviourists are supposed to help you ....with offering good and concrete advice, and further steps to try...not be so totally negative and dire. (Holy. I'm thinking that that animal behaviourist needs to talk to an actual behaviourist ...so they can offer some good advice. I've never used an actual animal behaviourist,....but do they offer credentials or some sort of way where you can verify that their methods have worked with other 'fur families and their humans'? I think I'd want a whole list, like a Resume, CV, or actual people I could talk to to make sure that they have given successful advice.)

How could an animal behaviouris look at your 3rd photo...and say something like that?
Ahh, just forget about that advice. If they're not helpful, then they don't sound like they've worked with many animals.
Especially, since it's only been a 'short span of time' ...and you haven't tried out all possibilities, yet.

1. Could you kind of describe the layout of your home, ...and how you set up 'escape routes' for each cat, so they don't feel cornered?
2. Also maybe a general idea of the 'Safe Spaces' that your cats can go to?
3. Where each cat likes to hang out in, and sleep in? Favorite spots and rooms and such.
4. Are there places in your home where you can create separation by gates, or mesh screens, netting?

(Also, have you read this thread...that deals with bengal cats, but is very different from yours...yet it may contain some information that is useful, too. Sometimes you can read other threads and find some extra information, that you haven't tried yet:
Help! New cat gone bad!

*I really look forward to seeing some videos of your beautiful cats...so if you could upload some to this thread....it would be useful to watch. Here's how...How To Upload And Add Videos To Your Posts – Cat Articles

Hang in there. Don't give up, since it's still the early stages of the cat-intros, ...and don't get too discouraged, ...since what you are seeing is very common when one cat wants to play too rough, and the other one doesn't.
(Just answer the questions you can, don't feel like you have to answer all of them...I tend to ask a lot.)

Firstly, thank you SO MUCH for your detailed and thoughtful reply. I often feel as though I'm in this alone, so having some advice and reassurance means a lot to me.

In this play stage are they likely to get to know each others styles and learn to respect them or not? How does it usually work with cat intors? (although I respect they are all different)

Re my feelings, I completely understand that and I do see how it can negatively effect them. For instance even when I shout NO sometimes at T I think this makes the situation worse for H as she can hear the tone in my voice and doesn't understand. I tried something different today; they got into a bit of a tumble and instead of telling T off I told them both everything was okay and gave them some chicken in the puzzle feeder. This seemed to help diffuse the situation but my concern is that I'm rewarding T's bad behaviour? What's the best thing to do after they have a bit of a tumble? I really don't think telling T off is helping.

I do interfere with the litter box, I sort of gently push T away when I see it happening, and with the scratching post. Is this okay? We have 2 litter boxes in a flat. Our flat is about 1000 square ft so isn't huge, but T seems to prefer using the litter tray in H's safe room. This has only recently started happening, he would happily use the other one in the hall before. Regarding places to get up, we have a cat tree in H's safe room (bathroom) that she uses, and T has his own cat tree (that H daren't use - he gets really upset about that), we also have bookshelves, desks and tables, and H likes jumping on the kitchen counter (which personally I don't have a problem with).

Okay, so play time with T has been increasingly difficult. When he was a kitten he would love to play fetch, love feather wands and love kicking springs about but as he's grown up he doesn't seem interested in toys at all. To be honest it's one of the reasons we got H. T seemed bored and in need of attention, but didn't much enjoy toys for whatever reason. He does have his mad half hours where he runs up and down the hall, but to be honest, his 'play time' is mostly chasing H... I guess we should work on that? I've told my boyfriend to go via the pet shop on the way home this evening so we will see how that goes! How long would you say each play session should be? I do try and give T some play time just me and him when I get H to bed, but again he's rarely interested.

The layout of my home.. it's a flat, so all on one floor. They are indoor cats too (I don't know if I mentioned that). We have a long hallway which is where they run up and down. H's safe room is the bathroom, with her cat tree, toys etc, and it's a fairly decent sized bathroom (in the UK here, I don't know what sizes flats / bathrooms are like in the US heheh). I'd say it was fairly easy for H to escape. Her favourite thing is running through the hallway then straight onto the kitchen dining chairs that are tucked in so T can't get her. T loves to sleep on our bed or on his tree. H likes to sleep on her tree, under the bed, on my lap or on the sofa! In fact her new favourite place is to sleep on the desk whilst I work (I will attach a picture). I don't think netting would be great for us, but it's certainly something I would consider should we not see progress.

Thank you for your words about the behaviourlist. Honestly I thought she was horrible and it was very upsetting! I'm glad you think all hope is not lost.

I've attached a couple of videos of their interaction today. They're not the best but it's something. I will try and get more. But you can see that T kind of corners H, he does this often. And here's H having a nap with me as I write this!

Video.mov

Video.mov

Thank you SO much again!

 

[Hanm3]

WAIT!!! WHAT??? After three and a half months a behaviorist is talking rehoming? And when you have two cats that can eat next to each other? OK...toss that advice out the window.

cat nap gave you some really, really good advice! Some of the best was, breathe deep and try to relax. Cats are energy sponges, and your anxiety is increasing theirs. I highly recommend a cup of chamomile tea sweetened with honey, and/or a few minutes of meditation every day.

Be aware that we've seen some very successful cat introductions that took as much as a year to be fully complete. You can only go as fast as the most reluctant cat. There are no shortcuts.

Setbacks after vet visits are VERY common. Not to fear, with cats you have a "do-over." Try some of the suggestions here:
How To Fix An Unsuccessful Cat Introduction – Cat Articles
and in these, if going back to "GO" seems necessary!
How To Introduce A Kitten To An Older Cat – Cat Articles
How To Successfully Introduce Cats: The Ultimate Guide – Cat Articles
Introducing Cats To Cats – Cat Articles

While much of the information is similar, each article has something unique about it, and you never know where you will find what works for YOUR babies!

Thank you so much. Would you believe the behaviourlist actually sad this to me after 1 month!!

 

[Hanm3]

Catnap and MamanyT give great advice.

I have to caveat my response as I haven't ever worked with Bengals. I think we are all going to learn a lot. Bengals are definitely more active and need a lot of play etc. I know a little about Bengals but not a lot. So I am hoping those with experience can add to this thread.

If you would consider putting Bengal Intros in the Title of this that could be helpful to get Bengal experts involved.

With that said, I think you are way better shape than you may think. Here is why:

"that they can eat together peacefully and we have a puzzle feeder from which they both retrieve chicken from." - This is a BIG POSITIVE. This tells me they will get along. If this was an untenable situation this would not be happening. This tells me T accepts H.

"there is no bad body language from either when they are in the same room" - That really tells us that there is more trust than we may think. It is normal for a cat to hiss to warn the other cat to not try anything. Hissing is just communication. The response of the other cat is what is really important. If T respects the hiss and doesn't attack then T is getting the message and the communication is working and will lead to more trust. Anytime a negative encounter is avoiding it is a positive as trust is built.

"T grooming H a couple of times" - Again a big positive. Sure it can be dominance BUT T isn't hurting H. There is a conscious choice not to hurt, eliminate etc. That tells me they will get along. And in fact, they are further along than you think. T is trusting H which is usually the difficult hurdle to cross as the resident cat's territory is being "invaded" but the new cat.

The 3rd picture is AMAZING!!

I actually think you are much further along to success than you think. We need to finish it off but at this point I am highly confident we can.

So here are some ideas.

I would really like to have some fun pathways for them. Do you have cat shelving or can you add some? Cat shelving can look nice AND give cats places to run up and down on. Try to combine it with cat trees, bookcases, etc. So a cat could literally walk along the walls up and down, hang out up there. Burn some energy, build some confidence. If you can't add cat shelving then try to use cat trees and furniture to create some fun places to run around on.

Step up play with each cat (separately). Play really builds confidence. And since Bengals are very energetic it helps drain some energy. After play feed treats or a meal.

Also, try to distract T with a toy etc if you sense T is "bullying" or "bothering" H. If you can distract him it can be really positive. It shows H that T is not always after her which will build her confidence.

And confident cats are less likely to be attacked or attack.

And try to make sure you have things that have their scents on them. So scratching posts, bedding, etc. Scents can increase the ownership feeling and confidence and also make positive associations. So have something with T's scent in H's territory at night. And have things that have H's scent in the general shared territory.

Keep making those positive associations - using food, feeding them together.

Try to distract as needed to avoid any negative encounters. Try to use a toy with T. Or call him, use a treat.

Keep trying to drain energy by setting up the house in a way he can run around as mentioned above (and H), step up play to build confidence and drain energy.

And try to stay as calm and confident as possible around them. Cats take on our emotions so the more clam and confident we are the more they are.

I know it is emotionally difficult because it is not perfect BUT it is a FAR BETTER situation than you may think. It is not perfect and we have work to do BUT I also do not read any reason why they will not get successfully intro'd.

I do want to address this - "I’ve spent so much time and energy on trying to make them both happy. I’m worried that I’m not giving them the life they want or that I’ve made a mistake. I feel very upset about it all and it’s causing arguments between myself and my boyfriend. Every time I’m at home I’m watching them or separating them or telling T off." - I actually think you have done a very good job to this point. Oftentimes, we do see a little setback due to a medical (spay) issues as it can be traumatic. But T seems to have adjusted pretty well and as we build H's confidence and show that T doesn't mean harm H should get better. Sometimes being a bit away from a situation can give a clearer perspective. I do want to hear more, see more video, etc to better understand the situation. I know it is upsetting but I honestly expected a much worse situation. This situation is very solvable. It is not your fault, it is not your BFs fault and honestly it is not even T or H's fault. This is just normal cat intro experiences. I deal with much worse situations than this so I am highly confident we can finish this intro off.

So keep them separated at night. Keep feeding them together making that positive association and positive encounter, use distraction to get T to focus away from H, step up play with both (separately) to build confidence and drain energy, try to think about pathways (using shelving if possible, cat trees, furniture etc) they can run around on their own as well.

Don;t worry, we will be with you through this. I do think you are in a much better place than you fear. Let's see how the above impacts the situation. It will take some time and effort but I am highly confident you are going to find success. I am really encouraged where you are right now and where I thin you will be going.

Please ask anything anytime and share as much info and video as possible so we can better understand the situation and let's see how they respond to the suggestions. Hang in there, we can get through this.

Thank you so much for this. I can't tell you how much it helps, and for your reassurance. That hope is not lost is a very big thing for me as I can be pessimistic at times. I really want them to be happy!

How on earth do I change the thread name? Happy to do so when I can work it out haha.

I am definitely going to step up play time. I just need to find some toys T will engage in! I've said above that we find it quite challenging as his favourite 'toy' at the moment is definitely H. We are getting some built in bookshelves soon so this could be fun for them. T has actually started scaling the doors now! I genuinely don't know how he does it.

I will do the scent thing tonight, what is the best thing to use? Just rub a towel on each and leave them in their favourite sleeping zones?

What is the best thing I can do if T leaps on H and causes her to squeal? It's often hard to distract him as he sort of 'locks in' on her when he does so. I have been shouting NO and separating him if it's really bad. Is that correct or am I best to just keep acting calmly?

Thank you so so much again! Also I have attached a couple of videos, they're not the best, I will report back with more once I have some!

 

[calicosrspecial]

"I tried something different today; they got into a bit of a tumble and instead of telling T off I told them both everything was okay and gave them some chicken in the puzzle feeder. This seemed to help diffuse the situation but my concern is that I'm rewarding T's bad behaviour?" - I LOVE this response!!! I always tell cats "ok" and I do it in a calm and confident voice to diffuse the situation. If in your case it diffused the situation it is a SUCCESS in my opinion. Some people worry about reinforcing bad behavior but I am not usually in that camp and judging by how they responded I think I am not worried about it. I think you did a great job!!

"but T seems to prefer using the litter tray in H's safe room." - this happens all the time. Cats are territorial so it is T's way of saying "this is my territory as well". Try to get some things with T's scent in H's safe room if possible. Watch how H reacts and responds and if she is acting normal then it is fine.

How does H react to T using "her" litter box? Any issues?

"I do interfere with the litter box, I sort of gently push T away when I see it happening, and with the scratching post. Is this okay?" - If it is an positive way and he reacts well to it then that is fine. I like to use a toy or a treat or really loving words to distract a cat and make is a positive change in behavior.

On play just do your best. It is how the toy moves more than the type of toy itself. Just try to move it in the air, on the ground, halting movements. Make it act like prey (either a bird or a mouse etc). Play is a part of building confidence (in addition to food, height and love). It is nice to have but not necessary. Just do your best. If he is just running around and H is watching then is fine.

If you can build H's confidence that will help as a confident cat is less likely to act like prey and be attacked (though it doesn't sound like H is being attacked). That it is more play.

How does H act after T plays with her? Any hiding? Bad body language? Any changes. Just reassure her after. I would love to see video of them "playing" as long as H is safe. IF T is showing restraint that will tell us a lot.

"I will do the scent thing tonight, what is the best thing to use?" - Scratching posts, bedding, towels, old shirts. Anything that can hold a scent.

I should add, the fact you have not mentioned that either cat is marking (going outside of the litter box) is VERY positive.

"I don't think netting would be great for us" - I think you/I mean shelving not netting. It can actually look really good BUT not all landlords will allow it. It can be achieved with cat trees and furniture but I really like shelving for cats to help with multiple escape routes, paths, fun, etc.


"What is the best thing I can do if T leaps on H and causes her to squeal? It's often hard to distract him as he sort of 'locks in' on her when he does so. I have been shouting NO and separating him if it's really bad. Is that correct or am I best to just keep acting calmly?" - Try to anticipate if possible and distract before it happens. I know it is easier said than done. But if T is not hurting H then it does tell us that it is play and not something terrible. Too rough, rougher than we like? Yes. But we can solve that with H getting more confidence. If you can't stop it before then do your best to end it in a positive way. A toy, calling (calmly and confidently) his name, maybe using a pillow. Etc. It is more art than science. Just be safe so you aren't injured.

The picture of H sleeping on the desk sure looks positive to me. Does not look like a cat that is not loving life at times. You can be her "safe zone" as well. It requires a balance and watch how T responds (make sure he gets positives as well) but I do it in my personal intros all the time to help build confidence.

The first video is total play. It wasn't long but I didn't see anything worrisome. And I love how H goes up on the chair (high). And the body language looked really good. And T was not pursuing. I am not bothered at all by that video.

2nd video - Total play again and H's body language looked good AND she goes up again to escape. AND T doesn't pursue. Totally play and actually really positive. I probably would have distracted T at the beginning but given the outcome I didn't see anything negative in there. 2 cats playing. H did not look traumatized to me at the end of the video.

When a cat looks away from another cat that is a sign of trust as NO CAT would turn there back on an existential threat. H wasn't looking at T after jumping up in the 2nd video and that tells me there is much more trust than you think.

The 3rd video is the same as the first. Is that correct? Or am I missing getting the 3rd video?

I am much more positive now seeing their reactions. T looks like he likes H. H is probably still a little uncertain but will gain confidence in time. But I am not seeing anything negative with H though I know I am not seeing the whole picture.

Please keep us up and post as much info and videos as possible. We need to see more but I am not seeing anything to be worried about at this point. I think you must be doing a lot of things right!!

 

[calicosrspecial]

In addition to the above post I do want to add that you should monitor their play and make sure it doesn't get too rough just in case. I don;t get a sense T has any intention of wanting to hurt H but accidents can happen (or it can change).

Has T ever really hurt H? Have you ever seen blood? Fur pulled out? And any hiding, etc after the play? Any real change in behavior from H after these episodes?

So also, keep watching their body language, watch how they act after encounters, watch if they hide or avoid areas, etc. And please let us know if anything seems different than "normal".

 

[cat nap]

I have to caveat my response as I haven't ever worked with Bengals. I think we are all going to learn a lot. Bengals are definitely more active and need a lot of play etc. I know a little about Bengals but not a lot. So I am hoping those with experience can add to this thread.

If you would consider putting Bengal Intros in the Title of this that could be helpful to get Bengal experts involved.

How on earth do I change the thread name? Happy to do so when I can work it out haha.

This is a fantastic idea...to add "Bengal Intros"...to the beginning of the title thread...instead of the 'cat intros going backwards' part.

I think the usual way to change a title of a thread...is to send a PM to a Moderator.
>>But an easier way might be to 'flag your own first post'...by using the 'flag feature' at the bottom of your first post...in the bottom left.
Hit the 'flag icon'...a drop down menu appears...and in it, you can kindly request that a Moderator change your original title to that which you want. The Mods here, are super great, so I don't think that it would be much of a problem. Never hurts to ask.

 

[Hanm3]

"I tried something different today; they got into a bit of a tumble and instead of telling T off I told them both everything was okay and gave them some chicken in the puzzle feeder. This seemed to help diffuse the situation but my concern is that I'm rewarding T's bad behaviour?" - I LOVE this response!!! I always tell cats "ok" and I do it in a calm and confident voice to diffuse the situation. If in your case it diffused the situation it is a SUCCESS in my opinion. Some people worry about reinforcing bad behavior but I am not usually in that camp and judging by how they responded I think I am not worried about it. I think you did a great job!!

"but T seems to prefer using the litter tray in H's safe room." - this happens all the time. Cats are territorial so it is T's way of saying "this is my territory as well". Try to get some things with T's scent in H's safe room if possible. Watch how H reacts and responds and if she is acting normal then it is fine.

How does H react to T using "her" litter box? Any issues?

"I do interfere with the litter box, I sort of gently push T away when I see it happening, and with the scratching post. Is this okay?" - If it is an positive way and he reacts well to it then that is fine. I like to use a toy or a treat or really loving words to distract a cat and make is a positive change in behavior.

On play just do your best. It is how the toy moves more than the type of toy itself. Just try to move it in the air, on the ground, halting movements. Make it act like prey (either a bird or a mouse etc). Play is a part of building confidence (in addition to food, height and love). It is nice to have but not necessary. Just do your best. If he is just running around and H is watching then is fine.

If you can build H's confidence that will help as a confident cat is less likely to act like prey and be attacked (though it doesn't sound like H is being attacked). That it is more play.

How does H act after T plays with her? Any hiding? Bad body language? Any changes. Just reassure her after. I would love to see video of them "playing" as long as H is safe. IF T is showing restraint that will tell us a lot.

"I will do the scent thing tonight, what is the best thing to use?" - Scratching posts, bedding, towels, old shirts. Anything that can hold a scent.

I should add, the fact you have not mentioned that either cat is marking (going outside of the litter box) is VERY positive.

"I don't think netting would be great for us" - I think you/I mean shelving not netting. It can actually look really good BUT not all landlords will allow it. It can be achieved with cat trees and furniture but I really like shelving for cats to help with multiple escape routes, paths, fun, etc.


"What is the best thing I can do if T leaps on H and causes her to squeal? It's often hard to distract him as he sort of 'locks in' on her when he does so. I have been shouting NO and separating him if it's really bad. Is that correct or am I best to just keep acting calmly?" - Try to anticipate if possible and distract before it happens. I know it is easier said than done. But if T is not hurting H then it does tell us that it is play and not something terrible. Too rough, rougher than we like? Yes. But we can solve that with H getting more confidence. If you can't stop it before then do your best to end it in a positive way. A toy, calling (calmly and confidently) his name, maybe using a pillow. Etc. It is more art than science. Just be safe so you aren't injured.

The picture of H sleeping on the desk sure looks positive to me. Does not look like a cat that is not loving life at times. You can be her "safe zone" as well. It requires a balance and watch how T responds (make sure he gets positives as well) but I do it in my personal intros all the time to help build confidence.

The first video is total play. It wasn't long but I didn't see anything worrisome. And I love how H goes up on the chair (high). And the body language looked really good. And T was not pursuing. I am not bothered at all by that video.

2nd video - Total play again and H's body language looked good AND she goes up again to escape. AND T doesn't pursue. Totally play and actually really positive. I probably would have distracted T at the beginning but given the outcome I didn't see anything negative in there. 2 cats playing. H did not look traumatized to me at the end of the video.

When a cat looks away from another cat that is a sign of trust as NO CAT would turn there back on an existential threat. H wasn't looking at T after jumping up in the 2nd video and that tells me there is much more trust than you think.

The 3rd video is the same as the first. Is that correct? Or am I missing getting the 3rd video?

I am much more positive now seeing their reactions. T looks like he likes H. H is probably still a little uncertain but will gain confidence in time. But I am not seeing anything negative with H though I know I am not seeing the whole picture.

Please keep us up and post as much info and videos as possible. We need to see more but I am not seeing anything to be worried about at this point. I think you must be doing a lot of things right!!

Okay so I added a towel with T's scent to H's room last night, seemed fine. She didn't react when I put it on her bed. H doesn't really seem to mind T using the litter box. Sometimes she will hear him digging about and go and watch him, but she's not particularly bothered by it by the looks of it.

Okay I'm going to attach some videos now so you can see the interaction a little bit more clearly. In the first and second video H was just trying to relax as she does and T comes in and sort of bullies her off her tree. Sometimes he does this and sort of sits where she was for a few mins. You can hear her hissing if you put the sound on.

Second and third video you can see what T tends to do when engaging her in play (or attacking her I'm not quite sure), he pounces on her and you can hear her little squeal. She really doesn't like this. Apart from distracting him is there a way I can discourage this behaviour? I try to supervise as much as possible but obviously I can't see what they're doing all the time, is this something he's likely to learn to do less of by the way of H telling him?

I've also attached a video of T like 'spying' on H. He tends to do this in the hallway. It's actually quite funny to look at but I can imagine quite intimidating for her!

My main concern is I don't know how we've gone backwards in the progress. H used to partly enjoy running after T and they would do it backwards and forwards a couple of times. I don't understand why she's avoiding him now?

In answer to your question about her hiding after T 'playing', she definitely does hide, usually by jumping to a chair. For how long depends on how bad it was, but I would say she's always out again within 5 minutes. Obviously she doesn't want anything to do with him though!

Also, I wanted to ask re the chasing. Is it possible she is engaging in play even though she's always being chased rather than chasing? I read somewhere that cats are playing if they take it in turns. As this is very one sided I'm more concerned about T being a bully.

Thank you again for the fantastic response! Here's the videos



tree1.mov"]

[/URL]

play2.mov"]

[/URL]

play1.mov"]

[/URL]

hallway.mov"]

[/URL][/URL]

 

[Hanm3]

In addition to the above post I do want to add that you should monitor their play and make sure it doesn't get too rough just in case. I don;t get a sense T has any intention of wanting to hurt H but accidents can happen (or it can change).

Has T ever really hurt H? Have you ever seen blood? Fur pulled out? And any hiding, etc after the play? Any real change in behavior from H after these episodes?

So also, keep watching their body language, watch how they act after encounters, watch if they hide or avoid areas, etc. And please let us know if anything seems different than "normal".

No he has never 'hurt' her in the sense that I've never seen any cuts on her or fur flying

 

[Hanm3]

This is a fantastic idea...to add "Bengal Intros"...to the beginning of the title thread...instead of the 'cat intros going backwards' part.

I think the usual way to change a title of a thread...is to send a PM to a Moderator.
>>But an easier way might be to 'flag your own first post'...by using the 'flag feature' at the bottom of your first post...in the bottom left.
Hit the 'flag icon'...a drop down menu appears...and in it, you can kindly request that a Moderator change your original title to that which you want. The Mods here, are super great, so I don't think that it would be much of a problem. Never hurts to ask.

Have flagged it Thank you!

 

[Hanm3]

One of the tree vids hasn’t worked so here it is again

[/URL]

 

[Hanm3]

One of the tree vids hasn’t worked so here it is again

[/URL]

tree2.mov

• Hanm3
• Mar 12, 2020

 

[calicosrspecial]

Okay so I added a towel with T's scent to H's room last night, seemed fine. She didn't react when I put it on her bed. H doesn't really seem to mind T using the litter box. Sometimes she will hear him digging about and go and watch him, but she's not particularly bothered by it by the looks of it.

Okay I'm going to attach some videos now so you can see the interaction a little bit more clearly. In the first and second video H was just trying to relax as she does and T comes in and sort of bullies her off her tree. Sometimes he does this and sort of sits where she was for a few mins. You can hear her hissing if you put the sound on.

Second and third video you can see what T tends to do when engaging her in play (or attacking her I'm not quite sure), he pounces on her and you can hear her little squeal. She really doesn't like this. Apart from distracting him is there a way I can discourage this behaviour? I try to supervise as much as possible but obviously I can't see what they're doing all the time, is this something he's likely to learn to do less of by the way of H telling him?

I've also attached a video of T like 'spying' on H. He tends to do this in the hallway. It's actually quite funny to look at but I can imagine quite intimidating for her!

My main concern is I don't know how we've gone backwards in the progress. H used to partly enjoy running after T and they would do it backwards and forwards a couple of times. I don't understand why she's avoiding him now?

In answer to your question about her hiding after T 'playing', she definitely does hide, usually by jumping to a chair. For how long depends on how bad it was, but I would say she's always out again within 5 minutes. Obviously she doesn't want anything to do with him though!

Also, I wanted to ask re the chasing. Is it possible she is engaging in play even though she's always being chased rather than chasing? I read somewhere that cats are playing if they take it in turns. As this is very one sided I'm more concerned about T being a bully.

Thank you again for the fantastic response! Here's the videos



tree1.mov"]

[/URL]

play2.mov"]

[/URL]

play1.mov"]

[/URL]

hallway.mov"]

[/URL][/URL]

"Okay so I added a towel with T's scent to H's room last night, seemed fine. She didn't react when I put it on her bed." - GREAT!!

"H doesn't really seem to mind T using the litter box. Sometimes she will hear him digging about and go and watch him, but she's not particularly bothered by it by the looks of it." Another great sign.

"My main concern is I don't know how we've gone backwards in the progress. H used to partly enjoy running after T and they would do it backwards and forwards a couple of times. I don't understand why she's avoiding him now?" - Honestly, often it is hard to know. BUT it happens ALL THE TIME in intros. And with a spay it can disrupt things - the hormones, the vet visit, etc. And cats don't like change and that can create insecurity which can create more fear towards the other cat etc. I wouldn't get too hung up on way etc. We'll try to figure it out BUT do things to improve whatever the cause of any issues. I will take a look at the videos to see where we are at shortly.

"In answer to your question about her hiding after T 'playing', she definitely does hide, usually by jumping to a chair. For how long depends on how bad it was, but I would say she's always out again within 5 minutes. Obviously she doesn't want anything to do with him though!" - Jumping up on a chair? Or underneath? Coming out in 5 minutes is a good sign.

"Also, I wanted to ask re the chasing. Is it possible she is engaging in play even though she's always being chased rather than chasing? I read somewhere that cats are playing if they take it in turns. As this is very one sided I'm more concerned about T being a bully." - Play can be very one sided. I see T as playing. H is still uncertain (I will see in the new videos if that holds). I do not get a sense T is a bully (again I'll see on the new videos). He just seems like he really loves to have a new sister. It seemed like it is all innocent play.

"No he has never 'hurt' her in the sense that I've never seen any cuts on her or fur flying" - This is a GREAT sign!!!

Now let's look at the new videos.

Video 1 Tree 2 video name - The lunge was a little forceful and probably a reaction to H pulling back BUT look at how restrained T is. No intention of hurting her. And very respectful of the hiss. Overall, though I didn't like the lunge I am not at all worried about the video and really actually heartened by how restrained T is towards H.

Video 2 Tree 1 video name - T was sniffing and H was pretty defensive. T wasn't looking for trouble but H was defensive. Ears went back. BUT I am guessing nothing bad happened after this which is good. We just need to build more trust for H. So positive encounters, positive associations. If you see T sniffing etc then try to distract him in any way to try to give H confidence he isn't going to so anything.

Video 3 Play 2 name - Well, it is good that he again showed restraint and did stop. T was really being dominant there. And he didn't respond to the toy sadly. BUT he did respond to your voice so keep using your voice. And he didn't chase after her and she did retreat up onto a chair which is good. Try to distract before we get to this point but overall I am encouraged by how he seems restrained and doesn't pursue. What exactly happened before this video between them? How ere they interacting?

Video 4 Play 1 - Well, that was a burst of energy. The good news is he again didn't seem to want to hurt her (and didn't) and he did respond to your voice and stopped. But the initial roughness will cause some insecurity issues with H if sustained. I would like to try to avoid these. So either distract before or if not possible then have their encounters in a place where H is more confident. Also, if you can play with H in the area by the tree etc that can help build her confidence. I do think T just wants to play but it is too rough. We just want to try to curb his roughness.

Video 5 Hallway name - Here is a situation I would call T and try to interact with him (safely) and have him focused on me or a treat etc and not H if possible. To show H that T is not always interested in her. As H gets more confident that will help in maybe deterring T more in time.

I would try to really work on distracting T in a positive way before the pouncing etc if at all possible. I would also really try to get him to play. Make the toy act like prey. So halting movements, moving around corners, etc. Keep feeding them near each other and use that food as a distraction in order to create a positive association and a positive encounter. Also, if it is possible to get longer videos of how they are interacting.

How much time to do they spend together each day? Are they physically blocked off/separated at night?

I do think that T does not mean any harm to H. He is showing a lot of restraint so I am actually not worried about if they will be intro'd. I do want to build H's confidence through Play, Food, Height and Love (if safe) and through those positive associations with T (feeding) and try to make every encounter as positive as possible trying to distract T before a pounce (I know it is hard but just try your best). And try your best to drain T's energy in any way. I know it is hard but try your best. Play is a good way and if you can get him running around and up and down that would be good.

I honestly do not see T as a bully. I think he is just really excited he has a sister. I am really impressed that he knows the line and respects it and does not seem to want to hurt her.

Please keep sharing as much as possible and keep trying to distract before a potential negative encounter and feeding together etc. And watching their body language. I do want to see if we can build more confidence and trust with H.

I am highly confident you will get there. Everything I am seeing is just normal intro things. Just takes time to build that trust. And getting past the novelty of having a sister which just takes time. We'll get there.

Please let me know if you have any concerns, need clarification, etc.

 

[cat nap]

Firstly, thank you SO MUCH for your detailed and thoughtful reply. I often feel as though I'm in this alone, so having some advice and reassurance means a lot to me.

Sure, anytime. You'll really find that when you're on the Cat Site, you're never alone. Someone will always be around to try and help. Sometimes we can't come up with great answers, but because each of us has our own unique experiences, then you're more than likely to find something useful.

I have to caveat my response as I haven't ever worked with Bengals. I think we are all going to learn a lot. Bengals are definitely more active and need a lot of play etc. I know a little about Bengals but not a lot. So I am hoping those with experience can add to this thread.

I also have to confess that I have never actually worked with any Bengals. (My previous neighbour had a bengal, and he was super smart, acted like a dog, in that he would follow the neighbour in his backyard, and to the front of the house, and would often play fetch with him. Quite amazing to see.

I've only read things about them, in that they are highly intelligent, extremely loyal, extremely playful, and high energy...so I figure they are like regular cats, but with added energy, and might need more playtime and extra mental stimulation.

In this play stage are they likely to get to know each others styles and learn to respect them or not? How does it usually work with cat intors? (although I respect they are all different)

Yes, definitely...that is one of the goals,...to allow each cat to slowly adjust to how the other cat reacts.
While playing, cats are totally learning about each other, what the other cat likes and does not like, what each prefers as in chase or wrestle, how strong, when to play, and definitely how to respect the other cat's boundaries.

By doing the cat-intros, in a slow process of steps, you’re allowing time for each cat to learn from each other, and also correcting for anything worrisome, through Play (and distraction), Food (distractions and security), Height (enrichment, distraction, safe spaces), Love (affection, enrichment, bonding).

The method that Calicosrspecial uses, and also came up with, called ‘Play, Food, Height, Love’ (mnemonic Play For Her Love) works especially well at the ‘play stage’…since it incorporates all the important useful methods…and breaks them down into understandable ‘behaviour modification tools’ or ‘skills that you use’ to get our cats to co-exist peacefully.

In the Play stage, you're allowing them to interact, so they can learn from each other, ...but you are also observing what happens 'before, during, and afterwards'...so that you only allow 'good interactions' to take place. In this way, you are building on having way more 'positive interactions' and less of the negative ones. (I think calicosrspecial mentions this, as a way of building positives, and continuing on building upon that 'positive foundation'. Distracting when you think it's going towards negative, and trying to end each face-to-face encounter on a positive...then giving treats/praise as a reward.)

When you're introducing cats at a slow pace, ...then you are allowing them to make gradual adjustments...to each other,...and they are also, at the same time...lessening their fear responses.

For instance, you start with the basics of the cat-intros...in using the 5 Senses...starting with Sound, then Scent and Taste.

Scent is huge, ..since cats truly get to know each other through scent. They use Scent to know who the other one is, how they are feeling, fearful or relaxed, health, friendly, adrenaline, pheromones,...all this information our cats get through Scent.

At this time, you're also using Taste(food) to make only positive associations with the other cat.
Cats like Food, so they come to associate all the good feelings and Security around food, with the Scent of the other cat.

After they actually know each other through Scent, then you introduce Sight. (most people do rush this part, because they feel that their cats are ready to meet, and see each other, but sometimes the cats get easily 'startled' by what they see. It's just so new and overwhelming for them, to suddenly see a cat there...so again you take it slow, with gradual sight, and open up the visuals in small steps.

Everything is done in a slow, orderly, and gradual basis,..so that both cats can have time to take in the new information, and adjust.

Touch, of course, is the last sense in cat-intros, where you allow face-to-face meetings, but keep them short, initially…so that the meetings again end on a positive note.

Re my feelings, I completely understand that and I do see how it can negatively effect them. For instance even when I shout NO sometimes at T I think this makes the situation worse for H as she can hear the tone in my voice and doesn't understand. I tried something different today; they got into a bit of a tumble and instead of telling T off I told them both everything was okay and gave them some chicken in the puzzle feeder. This seemed to help diffuse the situation but my concern is that I'm rewarding T's bad behaviour? What's the best thing to do after they have a bit of a tumble? I really don't think telling T off is helping.

I had to think about this for a bit, since yes, at first it does seem like you are rewarding…but yet you ‘diffused’ and ‘distracted’ …so really you created a different path for them to go towards, and left both cats with good feelings.

Your observations are spot on, in noticing that shouting "no" only makes the situation more tense.
So true about using your ‘tone of voice’ and not shouting to scare the cats.

What I usually do is say ‘hey, hey, hey’ or clap my hands…just to momentarily distract the cats.
(I do like calicos suggesting of using the word "okay"...since it's calming,...but I tend to like using words that I don't normally use at other times, ...just to grab their attention. Though, if I give it more thought, I probably use "hey" at other times, as well.)

If you can get your T to even momentarily distract, and disengage from what he is doing, then you’ll use this technique at other times, where you want to change his behaviour onto something else.

(Last month I watched a youtube video from 'Helpful Vancouver Vet'...called 'Cat names that get your cat's attention', where he uses ‘high pitched’ sounds to get his cat’s attention. It was funny, in the sense that he alters the names of his cats…to end in the ‘eeee’ sound, but also useful, because his cat ‘Lancelot’, who he calls ‘Lancy’ actually turns and listens to him, each time he says his name.)

Perhaps you can try using such a ‘nickname’ for your cat T, and end his name that way…just to see what he does. If he listens or not.

I do interfere with the litter box, I sort of gently push T away when I see it happening, and with the scratching post. Is this okay? We have 2 litter boxes in a flat. Our flat is about 1000 square ft so isn't huge, but T seems to prefer using the litter tray in H's safe room. This has only recently started happening, he would happily use the other one in the hall before. Regarding places to get up, we have a cat tree in H's safe room (bathroom) that she uses, and T has his own cat tree (that H daren't use - he gets really upset about that), we also have bookshelves, desks and tables, and H likes jumping on the kitchen counter (which personally I don't have a problem with).

Sure, gently pushing him away is fine. If you do it repetitively enough, T should get the message.

If you can add a 3rd litter box, to another area, then that may be useful, too.
Doesn’t have to be a real litter box, even something like a clear plastic, high sided tote box would work.
That way H would never be prevented from having access to one.

(1000 square feet is kind of big for a flat. Here in Canada, my one friend is in a 400 square ft flat, with one cat, and another one is in an 800 square ft flat, but no cats.)

Okay, so play time with T has been increasingly difficult. When he was a kitten he would love to play fetch, love feather wands and love kicking springs about but as he's grown up he doesn't seem interested in toys at all. To be honest it's one of the reasons we got H. T seemed bored and in need of attention, but didn't much enjoy toys for whatever reason. He does have his mad half hours where he runs up and down the hall, but to be honest, his 'play time' is mostly chasing H... I guess we should work on that? I've told my boyfriend to go via the pet shop on the way home this evening so we will see how that goes! How long would you say each play session should be? I do try and give T some play time just me and him when I get H to bed, but again he's rarely interested.

I’d give each Play session a good 10 minutes of real active play.
If you can get in 1 hour to 1.5 hours per day, that would be really, really good.

Just divide the hour into 10 minute sessions,…say two ten minute sessions in the morning, two in late afternoon, and two in evening. Or really however you’d like to break it down, but try to be consistent and plan for some sort of routine.

Playing with T will be the key, here.
Since you'll have to expend his energy, and get him motivated to Play with you, ...try doing a rotation of toys.
I know that you said that T does not seem interested in any of the ones he used to play with,... but sometimes cats do get bored with their original toys...but then get to playing with them again. Sometimes they don't like the new toys, until the toy starts to smell different, or more like the home.

You don't have to spend that much money on toys, but having a good wand toy, or kickaroo, or something the cats can fetch is very useful. Ping pong balls, scrunched up paper...are all toys that appeal to most cats.
Be creative, and make your own toys,...or an obstacle course...simply by using empty boxes, and arranging them in your home so that the cats can get in and out of, explore, and run around in. Tunnels are very popular.

So what about making some homemade cat puzzles. (pretty much all these ideas are from other members)
Homemade Puzzles - Food Puzzles for Cats
(the above link was provided by Furballsmom and also Hellenww.)
(I just did a "search" for 'cat food puzzles'....in the upper right hand corner...and you get many threads that mention them.)

Or how about: How To Choose The Best Toy For Your Cat – Cat Articles
Amazon.co.uk | Cat Toys
Amazon.co.uk | Interactive Toys for Cats

The layout of my home.. it's a flat, so all on one floor. They are indoor cats too (I don't know if I mentioned that). We have a long hallway which is where they run up and down. H's safe room is the bathroom, with her cat tree, toys etc, and it's a fairly decent sized bathroom (in the UK here, I don't know what sizes flats / bathrooms are like in the US heheh). I'd say it was fairly easy for H to escape. Her favourite thing is running through the hallway then straight onto the kitchen dining chairs that are tucked in so T can't get her. T loves to sleep on our bed or on his tree. H likes to sleep on her tree, under the bed, on my lap or on the sofa! In fact her new favourite place is to sleep on the desk whilst I work (I will attach a picture). I don't think netting would be great for us, but it's certainly something I would consider should we not see progress.

So I take it that it's a one bedroom flat, with doors on the bedroom and bathroom?
Do you own the flat, or do you rent...in other words...are you allowed to put holes in the walls, and put up some cat shelving?

If not, could you create 'zones' in your place by using dividers?
Perhaps the 'netting' is really not a great idea, since your T would likely just climb it, and hang on it, and climb some more.
Maybe an actual room divider, like the one mentioned by FeebysOwner, where wire mesh shelving is used, and attached with zip ties. Post #2 of this thread: Featured - Door blockade for cats getting to know each other

How to Build a Free-Standing Cat, Dog, or Pet Gate Cheaply, Without Tools

Thank you for your words about the behaviourlist. Honestly I thought she was horrible and it was very upsetting! I'm glad you think all hope is not lost.

Uhhh...that so called animal behaviorist sounded like the worst. It's probably best just to forget her, and her terrible advice. (It usually takes me about a week to forget the garbage that people say, but I am getting better, in lowering it down to 3 days now.) I have to take my own advice and breathe and relax, too.

I've attached a couple of videos of their interaction today. They're not the best but it's something. I will try and get more. But you can see that T kind of corners H, he does this often.

I did watch the videos, and I do see what you are referring to.
T wants to play with H, but she is just much smaller, and T does not understand that she does not want him to pounce, surprise, or play rough. As H grows larger, she will also begin to become more assertive, and hopefully teach T some further manners.
Female cats are usually not shy with teaching other cats about what they want.

T actually does limit his pouncing and playing,..so that is really good to see.
And good to see that H does not run far away or immediately want to retaliate.

The thing I would suggest, but I'm just not sure how you can implement it...is that H really needs to have a 'safe room' or 'safe zone' ...safe place, ...where she can run to, and not be bothered by T...at times.
Your bathroom is huge...(I can probably live in there , mine is like 5ft by 7ft, or 6ft by 9ft, yours looks a lot larger), but I'm not sure if it is the proper place for both T and H to play in, right now together, during the cat-intros.
My reasoning is that H needs to feel protected and safe, security,..to build her confidence...so she also needs a space where she can relax and not be bothered by T.

That is why I was hoping that may be you could divide your place into some 'zones' where the cats will still feel a part of the action, but also separate. It's just something to think about, which may help in the cat-intros.

I did read that bengal cats love water,...so I'm not sure if your T does or not?
If you have a bathtub, then giving T access to it, ...might help him have another venue of play, ....if you are okay with him splashing about in the tub, for a while.

(Ooops....looks like I am a few posts behind...so I have some catching up to do, and video watching, too. )

 

[calicosrspecial]

Sure, anytime. You'll really find that when you're on the Cat Site, you're never alone. Someone will always be around to try and help. Sometimes we can't come up with great answers, but because each of us has our own unique experiences, then you're more than likely to find something useful.

I also have to confess that I have never actually worked with any Bengals. (My previous neighbour had a bengal, and he was super smart, acted like a dog, in that he would follow the neighbour in his backyard, and to the front of the house, and would often play fetch with him. Quite amazing to see.

I've only read things about them, in that they are highly intelligent, extremely loyal, extremely playful, and high energy...so I figure they are like regular cats, but with added energy, and might need more playtime and extra mental stimulation.

Yes, definitely...that is one of the goals,...to allow each cat to slowly adjust to how the other cat reacts.
While playing, cats are totally learning about each other, what the other cat likes and does not like, what each prefers as in chase or wrestle, how strong, when to play, and definitely how to respect the other cat's boundaries.

By doing the cat-intros, in a slow process of steps, you’re allowing time for each cat to learn from each other, and also correcting for anything worrisome, through Play (and distraction), Food (distractions and security), Height (enrichment, distraction, safe spaces), Love (affection, enrichment, bonding).

The method that Calicosrspecial uses, and also came up with, called ‘Play, Food, Height, Love’ (mnemonic Play For Her Love) works especially well at the ‘play stage’…since it incorporates all the important useful methods…and breaks them down into understandable ‘behaviour modification tools’ or ‘skills that you use’ to get our cats to co-exist peacefully.

In the Play stage, you're allowing them to interact, so they can learn from each other, ...but you are also observing what happens 'before, during, and afterwards'...so that you only allow 'good interactions' to take place. In this way, you are building on having way more 'positive interactions' and less of the negative ones. (I think calicosrspecial mentions this, as a way of building positives, and continuing on building upon that 'positive foundation'. Distracting when you think it's going towards negative, and trying to end each face-to-face encounter on a positive...then giving treats/praise as a reward.)

When you're introducing cats at a slow pace, ...then you are allowing them to make gradual adjustments...to each other,...and they are also, at the same time...lessening their fear responses.

For instance, you start with the basics of the cat-intros...in using the 5 Senses...starting with Sound, then Scent and Taste.

Scent is huge, ..since cats truly get to know each other through scent. They use Scent to know who the other one is, how they are feeling, fearful or relaxed, health, friendly, adrenaline, pheromones,...all this information our cats get through Scent.

At this time, you're also using Taste(food) to make only positive associations with the other cat.
Cats like Food, so they come to associate all the good feelings and Security around food, with the Scent of the other cat.

After they actually know each other through Scent, then you introduce Sight. (most people do rush this part, because they feel that their cats are ready to meet, and see each other, but sometimes the cats get easily 'startled' by what they see. It's just so new and overwhelming for them, to suddenly see a cat there...so again you take it slow, with gradual sight, and open up the visuals in small steps.

Everything is done in a slow, orderly, and gradual basis,..so that both cats can have time to take in the new information, and adjust.

Touch, of course, is the last sense in cat-intros, where you allow face-to-face meetings, but keep them short, initially…so that the meetings again end on a positive note.

I had to think about this for a bit, since yes, at first it does seem like you are rewarding…but yet you ‘diffused’ and ‘distracted’ …so really you created a different path for them to go towards, and left both cats with good feelings.

Your observations are spot on, in noticing that shouting "no" only makes the situation more tense.
So true about using your ‘tone of voice’ and not shouting to scare the cats.

What I usually do is say ‘hey, hey, hey’ or clap my hands…just to momentarily distract the cats.
(I do like calicos suggesting of using the word "okay"...since it's calming,...but I tend to like using words that I don't normally use at other times, ...just to grab their attention. Though, if I give it more thought, I probably use "hey" at other times, as well.)

If you can get your T to even momentarily distract, and disengage from what he is doing, then you’ll use this technique at other times, where you want to change his behaviour onto something else.

(Last month I watched a youtube video from 'Helpful Vancouver Vet'...called 'Cat names that get your cat's attention', where he uses ‘high pitched’ sounds to get his cat’s attention. It was funny, in the sense that he alters the names of his cats…to end in the ‘eeee’ sound, but also useful, because his cat ‘Lancelot’, who he calls ‘Lancy’ actually turns and listens to him, each time he says his name.)

Perhaps you can try using such a ‘nickname’ for your cat T, and end his name that way…just to see what he does. If he listens or not.

Sure, gently pushing him away is fine. If you do it repetitively enough, T should get the message.

If you can add a 3rd litter box, to another area, then that may be useful, too.
Doesn’t have to be a real litter box, even something like a clear plastic, high sided tote box would work.
That way H would never be prevented from having access to one.

(1000 square feet is kind of big for a flat. Here in Canada, my one friend is in a 400 square ft flat, with one cat, and another one is in an 800 square ft flat, but no cats.)

I’d give each Play session a good 10 minutes of real active play.
If you can get in 1 hour to 1.5 hours per day, that would be really, really good.

Just divide the hour into 10 minute sessions,…say two ten minute sessions in the morning, two in late afternoon, and two in evening. Or really however you’d like to break it down, but try to be consistent and plan for some sort of routine.

Playing with T will be the key, here.
Since you'll have to expend his energy, and get him motivated to Play with you, ...try doing a rotation of toys.
I know that you said that T does not seem interested in any of the ones he used to play with,... but sometimes cats do get bored with their original toys...but then get to playing with them again. Sometimes they don't like the new toys, until the toy starts to smell different, or more like the home.

You don't have to spend that much money on toys, but having a good wand toy, or kickaroo, or something the cats can fetch is very useful. Ping pong balls, scrunched up paper...are all toys that appeal to most cats.
Be creative, and make your own toys,...or an obstacle course...simply by using empty boxes, and arranging them in your home so that the cats can get in and out of, explore, and run around in. Tunnels are very popular.

So what about making some homemade cat puzzles. (pretty much all these ideas are from other members)
Homemade Puzzles - Food Puzzles for Cats
(the above link was provided by Furballsmom and also Hellenww.)
(I just did a "search" for 'cat food puzzles'....in the upper right hand corner...and you get many threads that mention them.)

Or how about: How To Choose The Best Toy For Your Cat – Cat Articles
Amazon.co.uk | Cat Toys
Amazon.co.uk | Interactive Toys for Cats

So I take it that it's a one bedroom flat, with doors on the bedroom and bathroom?
Do you own the flat, or do you rent...in other words...are you allowed to put holes in the walls, and put up some cat shelving?

If not, could you create 'zones' in your place by using dividers?
Perhaps the 'netting' is really not a great idea, since your T would likely just climb it, and hang on it, and climb some more.
Maybe an actual room divider, like the one mentioned by FeebysOwner, where wire mesh shelving is used, and attached with zip ties. Post #2 of this thread: Featured - Door blockade for cats getting to know each other

How to Build a Free-Standing Cat, Dog, or Pet Gate Cheaply, Without Tools


Uhhh...that so called animal behaviorist sounded like the worst. It's probably best just to forget her, and her terrible advice. (It usually takes me about a week to forget the garbage that people say, but I am getting better, in lowering it down to 3 days now.) I have to take my own advice and breathe and relax, too.

I did watch the videos, and I do see what you are referring to.
T wants to play with H, but she is just much smaller, and T does not understand that she does not want him to pounce, surprise, or play rough. As H grows larger, she will also begin to become more assertive, and hopefully teach T some further manners.
Female cats are usually not shy with teaching other cats about what they want.

T actually does limit his pouncing and playing,..so that is really good to see.
And good to see that H does not run far away or immediately want to retaliate.

The thing I would suggest, but I'm just not sure how you can implement it...is that H really needs to have a 'safe room' or 'safe zone' ...safe place, ...where she can run to, and not be bothered by T...at times.
Your bathroom is huge...(I can probably live in there , mine is like 5ft by 7ft, or 6ft by 9ft, yours looks a lot larger), but I'm not sure if it is the proper place for both T and H to play in, right now together, during the cat-intros.
My reasoning is that H needs to feel protected and safe, security,..to build her confidence...so she also needs a space where she can relax and not be bothered by T.

That is why I was hoping that may be you could divide your place into some 'zones' where the cats will still feel a part of the action, but also separate. It's just something to think about, which may help in the cat-intros.

I did read that bengal cats love water,...so I'm not sure if your T does or not?
If you have a bathtub, then giving T access to it, ...might help him have another venue of play, ....if you are okay with him splashing about in the tub, for a while.

(Ooops....looks like I am a few posts behind...so I have some catching up to do, and video watching, too. )

FANTASTIC POST!!!!

 

[danteshuman]

I have never had a bengal but this doesn’t sound like a bengal problem to me. Please try to relax. Get calm, have a beer or glass of wine first, mediate, whatever you need to do ....then let them be together.

My first thought was dominance with biting/pinning down. I would caution you to not rescue her unless necessary because you don’t want her to learn she can scream and you will fight her battles. Cats are smart & I think bengals are smarter (& cats are masters at training their humans with whatever manipulation is necessary to get their way!)

Can play and are harness outside time (at least for the boy) before they play together with supervision?

Can you give her a box or cave which has such a small entrance & exit that he can not fit into but (but she can.) I also think looking at my cat from hell shows on how they catify can help her avoid them. I know bengals love to climb so all the cat shelves you can give them (& you can alway add more later to.)

Part of it may be her personality or gender. She may want to desperately play with him ...,,, just not so rough & where she wins!

A very secure escape proof screen or a lattice secured in front of your window can let you safely leave the window open with a window perch or cat tree. Throw in a few (or many) bird feeders plus a water fountain (or bird bath) all by/under a tree or bushes and you have cat heaven.

One thing my hyper punk taught me was outside time ‘hunting’ was like Ritalin for cats. Giving my insanely hyper terror 1-3 hours of outside time kept him from jumping on his brother and biting him right between the shoulder blades! (If he got bored he used his brother as prey! ) My Mom has 20-40 finches that call her yard home & my twerp loves visiting Nanna’s So he can watch all the birds (instead of the 10 my 2 feeders attract .) Their torture sis Canfield harness free because she never even tries to escape.


I have seen bengals calm down after they have to learn a no agility course (you keep changing it every week so you challenge them. Dante taught me that if you don’t tire their minds, no amount of play will tire them out! An hour a day of outside time kept him from going insane!!!

Puzzle toys you make can challenge him mentally.

If you see him hunting her, step in his way and then distract him with a new toy or dinner or throwing a smalll toy away from her.

 

[cat nap]

In the first and second video H was just trying to relax as she does and T comes in and sort of bullies her off her tree. Sometimes he does this and sort of sits where she was for a few mins. You can hear her hissing if you put the sound on.

Tree 1 video: If you slow down the video, you see T try to sniff H's tail. H does not like this. Hisses, but T is also in the process of either hissing, and then swatting at H. (0.01 mark)

Tree 2 video: T wants to play, but H is frightened of him. She notices that he is focused on her at the 0.05 mark.
She waits for his next move. He pounces...but she is prepared for it.

And, at the 0.13 mark she paws at his paw.
Amazing, ...she is one tough cat.
She is trying to teach him to play gentler.

Second and third video you can see what T tends to do when engaging her in play (or attacking her I'm not quite sure), he pounces on her and you can hear her little squeal. She really doesn't like this. Apart from distracting him is there a way I can discourage this behaviour? I try to supervise as much as possible but obviously I can't see what they're doing all the time, is this something he's likely to learn to do less of by the way of H telling him?

Yes, T is definitely being too rough with his play.
He is treating H like a toy.

• Would you be able to buy him a 'stuffed toy'...which is the same size as H?
• Tie a string around it, and make the toy move, like an animal would.
• Watch what happens, and try to get T to pounce on it, and engage with the stuffed toy.

Preferably a stuffed animal one, which you can use as a 'substitute' for him to be able to pounce on, kick, and chew.
Just make sure the stuffed toy is 'cat friendly', meaning no plastic parts that he can swallow, no loose labels or strings, and no stuffing that is dangerous for cats.
(I'd probably buy a few, ...and see which ones he likes.)

• When T gets into this "laser focused type of play" and he focuses his attention onto H, ...try using a towel, to interrupt his 'line-of-sight'...and then see how he reacts.

T should be stopping his rough behaviour, but since he is treating H like a toy, ...for some reason he is disregarding her squeals and growls, ...or misinterpreting them as ordinary play sounds.
I don't think he understands his own strength, here, or that he is much larger and stronger than H.

But T does Disengage, and he does Listen, and he also does not pursue...so he is not trying to hurt her.
It almost seems like he just wants her to fight back, ...so that he could have a fun wrestle...not thinking that she does not want to.

What is fantastic, is that H is super tough, and does not fear him, in the sense that she does not run out of the room.
She is gaining confidence, but does need to be helped...when he plays too rough.

The reason you have to intervene, ...is to give T the message that rough play like this...is not allowed in the home.
You can tell that he understands, you, by the way he disengages, and looks around.

• Playing with him, individually, to draw off the energy he has, will help to calm him down in his playtime with H.

I've also attached a video of T like 'spying' on H. He tends to do this in the hallway. It's actually quite funny to look at but I can imagine quite intimidating for her!

Again, here, T is wanting to engage H in play.
He's like using the tactics of 'observing then wanting to ambush'.

I don't think that T knows that he is big, in comparison to H.
And yeah, that's kind of intimidating, to see a face like that peering around a corner.

My main concern is I don't know how we've gone backwards in the progress. H used to partly enjoy running after T and they would do it backwards and forwards a couple of times. I don't understand why she's avoiding him now?

What could have happened is that during the 'recovery period' for H,...she still may have felt a bit sore, and then if T attempted to play with her...and she felt some soreness, this could have turned her off playing with him, altogether.
(The spay operation cuts into the outer skin layer, then the subcutaneous fat layer, and then the abdominal muscle,...so healing from that would take some time.)

(I know with myself, just having a simple laparoscopic procedure, where only 3 small holes are made, that the pain lasted for one month afterwards. It only hurt when getting up from sitting or getting up from bed. I thought it would be like a 'paper cut'. Nope. Oh, well. Live and learn. Though I do know our cats are much tougher, and hide pain so well, so who knows the level of pain that cats can tolerate.)

What Calicosrpsecial said is true, though. We'd only just be guessing as to why H stopped playing, and enjoying the running.
Better to focus on what's happening 'today'...and improve on where we can.

Also, I wanted to ask re the chasing. Is it possible she is engaging in play even though she's always being chased rather than chasing? I read somewhere that cats are playing if they take it in turns. As this is very one sided I'm more concerned about T being a bully.

I also don't thing that T is being a bully.
And that the chasing will return to the back and forth, that you saw earlier...but it might be different, in that you won't know who started it, but as long as it ends with both cats mutually going their separate ways, then it will be okay.

What I'm not sure about...is whether T... has fully accepted H into his territory.

You mentioned that T does not like it when H sits on 'his cat tree'. That he gets upset.
And that he also pushes H away from toys, or the scratch pad.
So maybe T is still not 100% accepting of H, being in his space, yet.

It's hard to tell which part has to do with... fully accepting the 'new cat' and 'sharing his humans' with her, his space, his stuff, ...and which part is T just wanting to play with H.
If T is still a bit jealous of H, and not getting equal time with his humans, then he could be feeling a bit unsettled, too.

We will know more, once you set up a routine for Playing with T, and see how he responds.