A Lot Of (still) Newbie Questions

[bbdoll22]

Yes no mention of cats.

 

[MoonstoneWolf]

So I talked to another specialist. This one was much more helpful. I think we found out what to do with my Mom. I was told that if I want to spend time outside to just tell my Mom I'm going to police the yard for trash and that she can just yell out the window if she needs me and then go outside. She also said that I could sneak outside when Mom takes her naps but trying to explain to her is just going to cause an argument and make her more upset. Also I was told to not give in to my mom's irrational demands. The reason is because if I give in then in her mind she's going to think "I won this fight" and then she'll pick another fight and react even more aggressively. So I was told that I have to "think like my Mom." If my Mom is afraid that she may fall while I'm outside then I should get a medical alert and say "Mom I got this and will set it up because there are times that I'm outside cleaning up the yard for you or running errands for you. If you fall and I'm not home then you can use this to call for help." She said I should take time out for myself and that it is not being deceitful sneaking outside but just allowing myself to enjoy a bit of pleasure so I can be there for her when she needs me. She also thinks that Mom's resistance to going to a doctor is that she may realize that she is in the early stages of dementia and that means she will no longer be in control, so she's exerting herself in an aggressive manner in hopes that she remains in control of situations and herself. So our strategy is for me to fill out a doctor checklist and then call her doctor on Monday. One thing I know for sure is that my Mom is terrified of having that kidney issue again and so her GP will use the excuse that she just wants to do a regular 2 year follow up to make sure she's still ok and to avoid a repeat of the kidney failure. My Mom doesn't know what kind of procedures take place after such a thing so it's something that won't make her suspicious. But she's outlining step by step for me what to do. But they all agree that it sounds like Mom is in early dementia and so we'll treat it as such until diagnosis. And even if it's just old age then a lot of technique used for dementia patients can still be used. And she loves the idea of my book I'm writing that I put on hold "Notes to my Older Self" as well as my firm decision that when my dl expires in 2024 I will not renew because realistically Mom won't be around then and I won't have anyone to step in and take away my license from me if I can not drive a car any longer. And after seeing Mom and the man up the street, I'm more terrified of alzheimer's then I was for the past 45 years of my life. So Monday I call the doctor and see what we can do as I am POA. And she's sending me literature so that I myself can maybe apply for medicaid and get a diagnosis for myself as well since I'm terrified that I may one day suffer from it.

 

[maggiedemi]

Wow! I'm glad you called them. They really gave you some great advice.

 

[MoonstoneWolf]

Wow! I'm glad you called them. They really gave you some great advice.

I forgot I did mention the cats in the first call before Willowy suggested not to. Sorry I should have known without being reminded but I still got the advice to continue what I've been doing. Anyway the guy up the street is wandering around again so poor cats, I had to shut the door on them again so we can set the alarm. In that instance I do agree with my Mom, the man is really scary and he used to be so easy to talk to. It does scare me wondering what I'll be like

 

[Willowy]

I'm glad you found a good resource!

Not everybody gets Alzheimers/major dementia, even with a family history, so don't worry too much. But if you do, ironically, if you don't have any family it'll be easier to get care. They'll round you up into a home right away instead of trying to parcel you out to relatives because they know there's no other choice.

 

[MoonstoneWolf]

I just received information on free resources for me to get evaluated as well. Regardless I'm not turning myself over to a medical field to just take control if and when that happens to me. I want to have someone I know and trust to take charge but I do want to be evaluated first. I almost died form "experimental prescription drugs" by several doctors because my body rejected and I can't even take as much as an aspirin now without negative effects. Imagine suffering from a fractured bone in that kind of pain without being able to take meds or my stomach begins to rupture. I got to the point it affected my meals and was scared to death to even eat for awhile (until I started intermittent fasting) and I'm scared to try any kind of med now because of what happend so I want to be prepared for when that time comes, if it does, for me. Mom never had a bad experience with meds but then I'm adopted so I can't go by how things affect her or not.

Treasure is here but Shaman isn't. Treasure doesn't seem to be bothered and is eating normally so I"m sure Shaman is ok. We've had some really cruddy days.

And I hate to keep aggravating but does anyone have any ideas what I can do with this carpeted cat tree during the daytime so Mom doesn't throw her fits?

 

[MoonstoneWolf]

I am so sick of rain. The cats are too. They can't run around and play like they want. I mean seriously 7 days in a year that we did not have rain or snow?

Poor Shaman and Treasure look drenched but thankfully (so far) Mom isn't complaining about them being under the porch. I still have no seen Shadow for a few days. Hoping she found a kind soul to feed her so she doesn't have to be fighting Treasure all the time. Or she may be sneaking to the food bowl during the day when Treasure and Shaman are headed to the bushes. Rain doesn't bother Shadow. I've seen her outside with 70 mph winds, hail and a tornado with sirens going eating at the bowl like it's an every day occurrence.

 

[MoonstoneWolf]

Yaay, just as I said. Shaman and Treasure ran to the bushes because of the storms. Shadow is at the bowl eating now. I won't disturb her. She just looked up at me with curiosity when I looked out the door but she's eating. She looks good and healthy.

 

[bbdoll22]

Glad to hear Shadow is back.

 

[MoonstoneWolf]

Glad to hear Shadow is back.

She finished eating and she just casually strolled off with rain pouring down on her and on wet grass. Doesn't seem to bother her at all. For once her tail wasn't tucked between her legs when she walked off but high and elevated like a happy cat. I still wish someone would take her though. I do want Shaman and Treasure as Treasure is attached to me now and she won't go anywhere without Shaman. But I don't feel like playing guard the food bowl the rest of their lives either, although once the situation with Mom is resolved or I get a place of my own I can put her in a room by herself to eat away from the other two.

 

[MoonstoneWolf]

So Shaman took it upon herself to play with one of the toys I set up. Usually she just sits and watches Treasure. I am finding out (and I think someone mentioned this to me already on this thread) that bringing out the toys at dinner time and leaving til breakfast the next day seems to be something special for them and they enjoy playing more. Of course on very rainy days I leave a small toy out for them for quick retrieval in case Mom comes. Shaman let me know "It's time" by going over to the cat tree and looking at it then me then it again.

Oh and something else, I walked up the street to ask a neighbor something (not cat related) with Treasure and Shaman following me. lol Mom didn't say anything so she either didn't see or she did and thought I was giving them to someone.

 

[MoonstoneWolf]

I still am not getting any resolution to the cat tree tragedy

 

[MoonstoneWolf]

My heart is breaking in two. I cry whenever I close the door on Shaman and Treasure. I sure hope they don't think I hate them or something because of that hoarding situation they came from. I can't handle my emotions very well and my Mom is the major cause of all of this. I know she can't help being in early dementia but it still breaks my heart when the 2 are just outside the door wanting in and Mom is so adamant about them not even being fed. I sure hope this doctor doesn't tell my Mom that I called about her or I'll be homeless. The doctor has told my Mom about this before so I'm not holding out much hope.

 

[MoonstoneWolf]

The doctor snitched to my Mom saying that I'm trying to get rid of her by claiming she needs to be evaluated for dementia. So Mom is on the warpath again. This situation never gets resolved. And sadly I have a 10 to 16 month wait for low income housing (wait period) and b that time this situation can have me in a mental institution.

 

[MoonstoneWolf]

I have no doctor, no insurance and no money to go to a doctor. Open enrollment in St Louis is November only and last year I did not qualify and doubt I will this year. This is a tragedy here.

 

[MoonstoneWolf]

This is why I literally spend 20 hours a day doing surveys. And half the time I'm up during the night doing them so I don't get yelled at.

 

[MoonstoneWolf]

This is my last post for quite some time. The situation with Mom gets worse, and sadly since she's not normal or the typical dementia patient the suggestions are just not working. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. Should I let this continue and be a prisoner or should I stand up to her and she works herself into another heart attack and dies on me? Either scenario is not good. ALZ just is out of options too because of my Mom's nature and personality. Thanks for all the suggestions you gave and I guess if this was a normal person we were dealing with this would have been resolved by now. I'll have to just deal with this and sneak around with the cats for the time being.

 

[maggiedemi]

Can those people you spoke to on the phone give you any more ideas?

 

[MoonstoneWolf]

Can those people you spoke to on the phone give you any more ideas?

My Mom listens in to all my phone calls and works into a heart attack if I go outside.

 

[maggiedemi]

Maybe it's a panic attack, not a heart attack?