Wondering If We Made The Wrong Choice

[catladyboo]

Sorry in advance for the long post.

On Thursday evening my mom and I brought our 12 year old cat to the vet and we were given two options.
Back story - last fall Tucker had a hairball problem which resulting in two enemas to help him pass it. While he was at the vet for that they had run a couple of X-rays and we were told they saw a funny spot on his lung and we were encouraged to bring him back in 2 months time.
A month later, I purchased a home and moved out bringing one cat with me (the one I brought home a few years ago), leaving behind Tucker who was my moms little buddy. Shortly after I moved out I had major problems with my cat here at home - - long story short some anti anxiety medication did a number on her liver (I have a thread about her on this site too).
A few weeks ago my family noticed that tucker wasn't eating much and had lost quite a bit of weight as well as was making a funny "hairball noise" without bringing anything up. They tried what they could at home over the last few weeks to help him gain weight but nothing worked and I believe the noise he was making became more common.
After witnessing these things I convinced my family a vet appointment was necessary.
Thursday night we brought him in and had another X-ray taken to find out he his lungs were full of fluids, the chest area was so full you couldn't even see his heart. We were given two options, drain the fluids or let him go.
After all the reading I've done with fluids building up I knew they were sure to come back and the vet reassured us of that as well. The mass was still there and the vet was positive it was cancer as his other symptoms were pointing to that too (major weight loss, rising temperature etc).
My mom and I were devasted. Two years ago we lost our other 12 year old cat as he was full of cancer (we got the call in the middle of the biopsy and decided not letting him wake up was the most humane thing) and my only regret with him was not letting him go sooner as I know he suffered terribly for the last little while. But I fought hard for him.
We decided in Tucker's case that we wouldn't make that same mistake and we let him go that night to spare him any future pain and suffering.
The euthanasia was a terrible experience - tucker was so messed up from the sedative it was horrible to see. He cried out when they tried to put the catheter in, they gave him a bit more sedative and in the end we gave him the final medication without the IV which thankfully didn't sting him.
I have full confidence in this veterinary clinic, I've been going there for years for multiple cats and this one vet in particular as always been spot on.
But, in this case I'm wondering if we made a mistake. I know we can't go back. A big part of me just wonders "what if". What if we drained the fluids and solved the issue? What if it wasn't cancer? I'm having such a hard time with this. Looking back, I know Tucker wasn't well. But I always know he wasn't ready to go like I've seen in prior animals.
I guess what I'm looking for by posting here is experiences with masses on the lung/extreme fluid build up. I don't know if I'm just wanting reassurance that we did what was best for him or maybe learn from my mistake. I've fought so hard for every animal I've owned - thousands of dollars, hours of research, force feeding every few hours, so much time and effort for the ones I love and with Tucker, I wonder if I gave up too soon.

 

[laura mae]

I totally understand your questions. It's normal to wonder if you did everything you could. I had two girls from the same litter who developed some similar type of tumor/mass/thickening that resulted in the same kind of fluid build up. They had it in their abdomens and not their chests, but, of course the same kind of problem. Oddly their mother (who lived with a friend) had the very same type of thing so it was definitely a hereditary issue. My friend made the same decision immediately and worried she'd made the wrong choice, but that question was answered with her two offspring.

With Charlie, she didn't have massive fluid build up, and whatever growth she had, grew worse, very fast. That seems the pattern with cats and cancer. With Etta, I tried like hell to save her. Had the fluid drained by a specialist. I had the fluid tested by a vet specialist cytology lab. She was on a medication that was fairly new to cats to try to stop the leaky vessels that cause fluid build up and they also use it for congestive heart failure and chest fluid build up. It didn't work for Etta and eventually her platelet count just started plummeting. Anemia, difficulty breathing....that's when I ended it. But the fluid built back up almost right away after two drainings. It will always come back unless you can find what's causing it and stopping it. I researched that until I was bleary eyed and falling asleep at my computer every night.

you made the right decision.

 

[catladyboo]

I totally understand your questions. It's normal to wonder if you did everything you could. I had two girls from the same litter who developed some similar type of tumor/mass/thickening that resulted in the same kind of fluid build up. They had it in their abdomens and not their chests, but, of course the same kind of problem. Oddly their mother (who lived with a friend) had the very same type of thing so it was definitely a hereditary issue. My friend made the same decision immediately and worried she'd made the wrong choice, but that question was answered with her two offspring.

With Charlie, she didn't have massive fluid build up, and whatever growth she had, grew worse, very fast. That seems the pattern with cats and cancer. With Etta, I tried like hell to save her. Had the fluid drained by a specialist. I had the fluid tested by a vet specialist cytology lab. She was on a medication that was fairly new to cats to try to stop the leaky vessels that cause fluid build up and they also use it for congestive heart failure and chest fluid build up. It didn't work for Etta and eventually her platelet count just started plummeting. Anemia, difficulty breathing....that's when I ended it. But the fluid built back up almost right away after two drainings. It will always come back unless you can find what's causing it and stopping it. I researched that until I was bleary eyed and falling asleep at my computer every night.

you made the right decision.

Thank you, Laura. Your reply is so appreciated though I'm sorry to hear of your experiences. These situations are so tough, both physically and emotionally draining. It's hard to let go of our fur babies who've done nothing but provide us with unconditional love. Even harder to watch them suffer through such terrible diseases.

 

[kashmir64]

I have no experience with fluid buildup. But with my Mau, when he started to lose weight I took him to the vet, blood panels came back good. A few weeks later, took him to a different vet and they said he was dehydrated and to give him sub-q fluids. If either one would have told me that 3 weeks later he was going to suffer and scream for 12 hours while he slowly and painfully died, I would have put him down immediately. (it was a Sunday night and even the animal hospital was closed).

You did the right thing.

 

[kittens mom]

Second thoughts over euthanasia is normal. I've been through a few bad euthanasia with horses. It sticks with you. It sticks with you when it goes perfectly. We are programmed to save our pets not kill them so no matter how right you know it is you will always go back later and question yourself. Once there is little to no hope for quality of life it's generally considered kindest to let them go a bit too soon rather than later.
It sounds like you did exactly the right thing and all of us carry regrets thinking of all the ways or what ifs we might have used to save them or prolong their lives.
Treatment with no hope of a cure is cruel not only to the animal but to the humans and those around it. you have to learn when you're doing the right thing and not convince yourself you just gave up.
It's easy to throw thousands trying to save our precious pets but in some ways much harder and uses more wisdom to know when not to. There is that moment that you know and it's important to hang onto that because you will need it as a reference point in the days that follow.
I am so truly sorry for your loss. The site is filled with posters who have lost a cat. Each one would have begged borrowed or perhaps stolen to give them extra time or heal them but in the end despite the agony their loss causes knew when to say goodbye.

 

[catladyboo]

I have no experience with fluid buildup. But with my Mau, when he started to lose weight I took him to the vet, blood panels came back good. A few weeks later, took him to a different vet and they said he was dehydrated and to give him sub-q fluids. If either one would have told me that 3 weeks later he was going to suffer and scream for 12 hours while he slowly and painfully died, I would have put him down immediately. (it was a Sunday night and even the animal hospital was closed).

You did the right thing.

I'm so sorry to hear what you went through with Mau. That's exactly what we wanted to save Tucker from experiencing. Sometimes I wish we could see into the future to avoid situations like what you painfully had to experience.

 

[kashmir64]

I'm so sorry to hear what you went through with Mau. That's exactly what we wanted to save Tucker from experiencing. Sometimes I wish we could see into the future to avoid situations like what you painfully had to experience.

Thank you. He was a Mau, his name was Macleod. People think that a natural death is like in the movies. The person says "I love you", closes their eyes and passes. It doesn't happen that way in real life unless they are euthanized.
The right choice was made here, and I can't stress that enough.

 

[catladyboo]

Second thoughts over euthanasia is normal. I've been through a few bad euthanasia with horses. It sticks with you. It sticks with you when it goes perfectly. We are programmed to save our pets not kill them so no matter how right you know it is you will always go back later and question yourself. Once there is little to no hope for quality of life it's generally considered kindest to let them go a bit too soon rather than later.
It sounds like you did exactly the right thing and all of us carry regrets thinking of all the ways or what ifs we might have used to save them or prolong their lives.
Treatment with no hope of a cure is cruel not only to the animal but to the humans and those around it. you have to learn when you're doing the right thing and not convince yourself you just gave up.
It's easy to throw thousands trying to save our precious pets but in some ways much harder and uses more wisdom to know when not to. There is that moment that you know and it's important to hang onto that because you will need it as a reference point in the days that follow.
I am so truly sorry for your loss. The site is filled with posters who have lost a cat. Each one would have begged borrowed or perhaps stolen to give them extra time or heal them but in the end despite the agony their loss causes knew when to say goodbye.

Thank you Kittens mom, your words couldn't be more true. My gut instinct at that moment told me letting him go was the best thing we could do for him. We were told what it seemed to be, with very slim chances of heart disease or pneumonia (Like the vet has hoped for rather than cancer). We were told it looked like he had days left, maybe a few weeks tops if we drained the fluids. When I heard days there were no questions. I just struggle/second guess without that 100% positive diagnosis.
It is slightly comforting to know that this a common feeling after euthanizing. If anything is positive from this situation it's that we more than likely saved him anymore suffering than what he may have been experiencing (I hope). I'd rather be hurting now than have him living miserably.

 

[catladyboo]

Thank you. He was a Mau, his name was Macleod. People think that a natural death is like in the movies. The person says "I love you", closes their eyes and passes. It doesn't happen that way in real life unless they are euthanized.
The right choice was made here, and I can't stress that enough.

Oh my goodness, sorry! I apparently don't know my breeds very well. WOW, are they ever gorgeous.
Thank you again, so much. I appreciate it more than you know.

 

[Lisa baechle]

I lost a kitten recently to euthanasia. The vet was not clear on exactly what was wrong but assured me all possibilities were not good. I think vets should implement a couple new things when presenting euthanasia to owners especially owners of kittens, puppies and younger animals.
I think that all possible illnesses, including the treatment, should be in writing so the owners can weigh their options. When your grieving you can't think clearly and you don't hear all of the words that the vet says. I found myself many times preoccupied with my suffering animal and I know I didn't retain all the info.
A "cooling off" period. Time to contact friends for advice. Maybe do a little research so you can ask the right questions.
And finally, a walk outside in the fresh air. To clear your head. Find your balance and get the blood flowing in your body.
Not all situations will allow for these suggestions realistically, but I bet there would be a lot less regret and much more peace from owners who would take the opportunity to think things through, rather than to live life with the burden that you may have made the wrong choice for your baby.
My heart goes out to you. You are not alone in your feelings. The only comfort I can find in my choice is that AJ knew he was loved. But did he feel let down in the end. That I will wonder until the day I die.

 

[catladyboo]

I lost a kitten recently to euthanasia. The vet was not clear on exactly what was wrong but assured me all possibilities were not good. I think vets should implement a couple new things when presenting euthanasia to owners especially owners of kittens, puppies and younger animals.
I think that all possible illnesses, including the treatment, should be in writing so the owners can weigh their options. When your grieving you can't think clearly and you don't hear all of the words that the vet says. I found myself many times preoccupied with my suffering animal and I know I didn't retain all the info.
A "cooling off" period. Time to contact friends for advice. Maybe do a little research so you can ask the right questions.
And finally, a walk outside in the fresh air. To clear your head. Find your balance and get the blood flowing in your body.
Not all situations will allow for these suggestions realistically, but I bet there would be a lot less regret and much more peace from owners who would take the opportunity to think things through, rather than to live life with the burden that you may have made the wrong choice for your baby.
My heart goes out to you. You are not alone in your feelings. The only comfort I can find in my choice is that AJ knew he was loved. But did he feel let down in the end. That I will wonder until the day I die.

I couldn't agree more. I too, will wonder forever if we made the right choice/what was really wrong with Tucker. I'm trying so hard to have full confidence in our vet and that she presented us with the two most viable options. I just hope we took the right one. I still have a cat here, Boo, who has to go in for regular blood work after her liver issue earlier this year... I'm debating on asking more questions about Tucker when I go next time. Did they see more masses than just the one on his lung? The one they saw months earlier, had it grown? At this point I want to hear yes, so I feel more at peace with this decision. Thursday is still a blur, I have more questions now than what I could think of that night.
I'm sorry to hear you're struggling with the same type of situation.

 

[kittens mom]

Thank you Kittens mom, your words couldn't be more true. My gut instinct at that moment told me letting him go was the best thing we could do for him. We were told what it seemed to be, with very slim chances of heart disease or pneumonia (Like the vet has hoped for rather than cancer). We were told it looked like he had days left, maybe a few weeks tops if we drained the fluids. When I heard days there were no questions. I just struggle/second guess without that 100% positive diagnosis.
It is slightly comforting to know that this a common feeling after euthanizing. If anything is positive from this situation it's that we more than likely saved him anymore suffering than what he may have been experiencing (I hope). I'd rather be hurting now than have him living miserably.

I think it sort of a shame there is so little mental preparation offered at veterinary clinics. Most of us are barely functioning at the point we have to do this and running on auto-pilot. I remember so clearly with Kitten it was like we were outside ourselves not feeling at the moment and the reality crashed down on us later and you think what have I done. It's not just common it's normal to have regrets it's how the human mind works. Again I am so sorry for your loss all of us here know the pain associated with euthanasia.

 

[DeannaF]

I'm really sorry you had to go through that. I went through something similar with my cat 4 years ago. He stopped eating and lost weight really fast. I took him in for an x ray and there was 2 huge masses on his lungs that I had no idea was there. I felt so bad. I decided since he was already asleep for the x Ray Togo ahead and let him go. My daughter was 4 at the time ans was with me...I cried so hard.

You did the right thing.

 

[Lisa baechle]

AJ didn't stop eating, he tried to live with the pain. You know how cats are... they are experts at pretending they are not sick and that's why it's almost too late once you realize something is wrong. I just felt that without support from his vet....
Nothing makes sense.

 

[aryia]

There is no wrong choice here. You made a choice because you love your kitty and he will know exactly that. Somewhere deep down I believe they know you wouldn't put unnecessary pain on them.

I had a kitty two years ago which after several stressful vet visits and chest drains still refused to gain weight. Despite the two week 'death sentence' our vets (without being able to pinpoint her problem after a whole mirage of tests) gave her, the fluid in her lungs never relapsed yet she still refused to gain weight. She passed about half a year later, in my lap, on the way to the emergency vet. Between my daily attempts of trying to get even the tiniest amount of food in her and a cat's incredible ability to hide pain, I keep wondering if there was a point in time I should've called for euthanasia.

We make our choices out of love. You made a choice for him to suffer less. Our kitties know it.

 

[Lisa baechle]

But I miss him so much. He was such a good cat. He started life out as abandoned and sick...his life 8 short months later. It's just not fair. He had a good life while here. He had Ezmirelda to play with and keep groomed, he had a huge fish aquarium to play in and around and he never felt hunger again. All that I know, but I just wish I could have had more time with him. He was just a baby and he was so sweet, so soft and my lap kitty I always wanted. He was perfectly happy laying in my lap and so content. I just wish the vet would have tried harder. I know we didn't have an appointment and I appreciate her seeing us, but I wish she would have felt it enough in her heart to not encourage that I let him go but know enough about the situation I was facing and look out for me too. She said he is not going home "you either let him go or get him an ultrasound somewhere and probably surgery where ever you end up. If she would have said "we will do the surgery here asap". Why couldn't she have done that? Why didn't she want to save his life. I payed almost as much to have him euthanized as to have surgery. Only a couple hundred more and surgery would have been covered. It wasn't the money. Aj's body would tense up whenever we hit a bump in the road. He was crying in the car. I didn't want to drag him all over town to some ER vet who didn't know his body like she did. I was a wimp because I didn't want him to cry anymore. I should have tried harder. I should have made those phone calls, but I didn't and I don't know why.

 

[Lisa baechle]

Did I mention I didn't have any sleep Sunday night. Was at the Er vet twice at his vet and 7:15 so I had to make a decision like that with no sleep.

 

[Lisa baechle]

I guess there is nothing left to say. I am just going to have to face that my misery that I feel right now was my own doing. Ultimately, I made the choice to end his life. I am responsible for the regret I feel today. I just wish someone along the line realized that I hadn't slept, was upset and confused and helped me to do something else. I just wish someone was looking out for AJ and me and somehow made saving his life just a little easier than harder. I just wish someone would have interviened and said "Lisa what the hell are you doing, Fight for what you love, don't give up on AJ, I will help you and you don't have t o go through this alone". I will help you make the calls to get him an ultrasound, I will help you gather the funds, I will help you through this" but no one did and I was weak and tired and I failed.

 

[kittens mom]

But I miss him so much. He was such a good cat. He started life out as abandoned and sick...his life 8 short months later. It's just not fair. He had a good life while here. He had Ezmirelda to play with and keep groomed, he had a huge fish aquarium to play in and around and he never felt hunger again. All that I know, but I just wish I could have had more time with him. He was just a baby and he was so sweet, so soft and my lap kitty I always wanted. He was perfectly happy laying in my lap and so content. I just wish the vet would have tried harder. I know we didn't have an appointment and I appreciate her seeing us, but I wish she would have felt it enough in her heart to not encourage that I let him go but know enough about the situation I was facing and look out for me too. She said he is not going home "you either let him go or get him an ultrasound somewhere and probably surgery where ever you end up. If she would have said "we will do the surgery here asap". Why couldn't she have done that? Why didn't she want to save his life. I payed almost as much to have him euthanized as to have surgery. Only a couple hundred more and surgery would have been covered. It wasn't the money. Aj's body would tense up whenever we hit a bump in the road. He was crying in the car. I didn't want to drag him all over town to some ER vet who didn't know his body like she did. I was a wimp because I didn't want him to cry anymore. I should have tried harder. I should have made those phone calls, but I didn't and I don't know why.

No one here holds anything against you. The hardest person to forgive is ourselves even if we are doing the right thing at that moment. I can only tell you that in time the pain will dull somewhat.
This organization helped me when I lost my mare Nikki. They have moderated chats several times a week. I suggest them as a great resource to help you work through this.
Association for Pet Loss and Bereavement

 

[aryia]

The kitty I mentioned was 3 when this happened to her. She was way too young for such serious symptoms. When my vet mentioned euthanasia I was in disbelief and totally shut it out. There was no way my kitty was going to die at a mere 3 years. Hearing my wishes they started pushing diagnosis test and treatments. Everytime I had to take her in for tests she was so stressed, everytime it was more needles, more patches of fur shaved to be prodded and poked at. She would improve for 3-4 days everytime they drained her fluids and then her appetite would be gone again. The bills racked up quick too. After about 3000 dollars worth of tests and nothing to prove for it, I had to call it quits. Throughout her sickness, she'd be hidden somewhere in the house, alone, not wanting anyone close to her.

We all live with guilt after making such a big decision. But you have to believe you made the right one. There is no winning in this situation. Everyone wants to believe their kitty will be the miracle, but when vets push for euthanasia it's usually because they have seen enough similar cases to know there is only suffering past that point.

They all pass on some point in life. The important thing is that they were treated with love while they lived. There are lots of kitties around that never experience a single drop of love before they pass. I decided to adopt another cat a couple months after China passed. We loved China and there was no replacing her, but we had the resources to make another cat's life better so that's what we focused on while moving forward.