Will I Ever Get Over Her?

[oreocat123]

hello everyone,
i didn't know where should i put this but i just wanted to let it out to someone,
my cat "odette" passed away this Wednesday. at the age of 5 years only.
and i can't for the love of god stop crying, everything reminds me of her, every corner, every space, every thing, her treats, the spot she used to sleep in, her food, her hairs that are still here.
she was perfectly fine, playing and running and eating and everything and i don't know what happened, which is what pains the most, that she was in pain and i didn't notice it.
it happened so suddenly and unexpectedly that i'm still in shock.
and for the past two months i didn't give her enough love and care since i was so busy with college and i regret it, it hurts my heart and the guilt is overwhelming, i regret every moment that i didn't spend with her, every ounce of care and time that i didn't give to her.
if i noticed that she wasn't okay she would be with me right now, if i only knew, if i took her to the vet she would've been okay and fine. and i just want her to forgive me because the guilt is eating me.
she was so young, she had a whole life in front of her, she depended on me and i disappointed her.
i want to know if anyone has lost a beloved cat before and if they are okay right now? because i don't feel like this feeling will go away and i just want a reassurance that everything will be alright.

 

[catlover73]

I am very sorry for your loss.

It really sucks but sometimes there are no answers as to why our baby's pass away. Sometimes vets can't fix things to. I lost two brothers to strokes a year apart years ago. They were healthy one moment and then they suddenly were not. I did take them to the vet and there was nothing that could be done their quality of life was completely gone and I had to put them to sleep. It took me a while to stop blaming myself for not being home when the strokes happened even though the vet told me it would not have changed anything.

I lost another cat before that to a poop blockage we missed due to both of us being busy with work. The vet thought she was going to be able to fix the issue. She was treating Baby-T and her heart gave out. The vet was in tears when she called and told my hubby what happened. I had visited Baby-T the night before and she really acted like she felt better. It was really hard not being able to say goodbye. The what if I had caught the issue sooner plagued me for a while.

The guilt and what-if's are a normal part of grieving. You gave your baby the one thing she wanted a home and love. None of us can be there 24-7 and that is hard to work through. I can not tell you how long it will take for this stage to pass as grieving is different for each person. I can not tell you how long it will take until you will be able to look back on the memories of the times you shared with Odette without the constant tears. All I can say is you will get there. Hugs to you during this very difficult time. Odette is now an angel watching over you. The love and memories you shared can never be taken away they are eternal.

I can tell you this is a wonderful community where you will find support from people that care and understand what you are going through.

 

[Lya]

I'm very sorry for your loss.

I found this place out of crippling fear of lossing my baby, my Little Fang. Most people don't understand how much you can love a little creature, but it's real.

I say it in a funny tone, but I mean it and I often say she's the love of my life. When I read what you say it reminds me of all the nights and days I cried out of fear of losing her, and all the pain of losing any furry family member I had. Sometimes life is not fair, sometimes life gets in the way, and the truth is I don't think there's anything I can say that will actually make you feel better. But I think this pain will pass. Sometimes love can be painful when out loved ones leave, but if this pain is the result of loving them I would have to endure it, 'cause not knowing them would be worst.

I'm deeply sorry. It's okay to cry. Odette is now running wild, don't blame yourself. Things happen and sometimes even if we do everything right, things can go wrong. Don't look back thinking what could be, but to remember the happy moments, even if they seem kinda painful right now.
Hugs, love and strenght.

"Cats don't die. They just get bored and go around the universe"

 

[Margret]

I hate it every time I read posts like this.

oreocat123 , I'm so very sorry to hear of your loss. Please read this thread: Grieving. It may help.

Yes. If you do your grief work it will get better, I promise. Like catlover73 , I can't tell you when it will get better, but it will get better. Almost everyone here has lost a cat; many of us have lost several, so we know how painful it is. Please be aware that, because this is a community, and because we understand that our cats are members of our families, we will be here for you whenever you need a shoulder to cry on, for as long as you need shoulders to cry on. No one here will say something stupid like "Get a life! It was just a cat!" or "It's been six months; get over it already!" We know better. Your Odette was not "just" anything - she (not "it") was a beloved member of your family and we expect to grieve when we lose family members.



Margret

 

[di and bob]

I can't honestly say you ever have those feelings go completely away, I think it is more of learning to live with them. I do know one thing for sure though, going over and over all the things you should have done, or could have done is pointless, it changes nothing because nothing can change the past. Grieving always brings these feelings up, because we miss them and want things to stay the way they were forever. It is a little easier to accept the passing of an 18 year old but it hurts just the same because we had that many more years to love them and have them in our lives. I pray hard for each and every one of my little ones to die in their sleep after living a long, full live. It happens so rarely for them to go this way it is almost nonexistent.
Cats are masters at hiding injury, pain and disease, by the time we figure it out often it is too late. Like all living beings, they fight against death, and it is so painful for us to witness this pain when we love them so much. It all comes down to one thing, you had each other for a little while, Odette knew you loved her and she loved you back. That bond you formed can never be taken from you. You gave her her world and it was you that made her life complete and happy. That is all she wanted, and you gave her that. None of us can spend 24/7 with those we love. We would like to, we yearn to, but it is not possible because this world is not a perfect one and neither are we. We all make mistakes, we are all learning hard life lessons, no matter what our age. Hopefully we take something away from this grieving process, something that helps us in future relationships and love.
Do not make Odette's death more important than her life. Don't dwell on the end and what could have been different, because it is as it is. She would never want you to be in such pain because of her. She loves you too much to be the cause of that much pain, just as you would never want to be the source of such pain if you were the first to go. You only wanted happiness and love for her, and she wants no less.
Her new path will always parallel yours. She is tied to your soul, she will always be a part of you. As long as you have your precious memories she will be near. Let her help you, accept the comfort she sends your way and know she will always have a secure place in your heart. Time is the only thing that helps to dull the sharp edges of grief. Take one day at a time, get through the pain, and purposely keep thoughts that are of happier times. Keep busy, and let friends help you that understand what you are going through.
I'll keep you both in my thoughts and prayers, I know how much this hurts. Take care of yourself......RIP sweet Odette. You will never be forgotten, you will be forever missed. Keep sending what comfort and love you can, please let the one that loves you so much know you are safe and whole on your new journey. May the good Lord bless and keep you, until you meet again!

 

[tabbytom]

Hi oreocat123 , we are so

to hear about the passing of Odette . We here TCS do grieve with you and we know it's painful and Odette will be sadly missed by all.


Much

 

[Plumeria]

Welcome to the brokenhearted mothers and fathers club. It is a club that nobody wants to join but once you're in it, you can never leave. But then, as someone said, and I cannot for the life of me recall who it was, I apologize, that when you decide to love a cat, you commit to being there till their very end whether they fall ill, you find them dead, or have to make the very difficult decision to put them to sleep. It's just something we have to deal with as a price for all the love, light, and happiness cats gift us. I am very sorry for your loss. Today marks 1 month from the fateful day I put my beloved son, Leroy, to sleep due to brain cancer. The first week was the hardest. The numbness, loss of purpose, raw excruciating pain, feeling terribly alone and not knowing what to do. Don't get me wrong, it is still hard, especially on anniversaries, but I have gotten stronger, regaining my appetite day by day, and am learning to live with the grief. You will too. This site has helped and continues to help me a great deal. It will help you too, so come talk to us as often and as many times as you need.

You lost your baby unexpectedly and prematurely at a young age. That is very difficult to deal with. You replay what happened over and over again, things you did or didn't do, what you could've done differently, how this could happen, the guilt, anger, overwhelming sadness. I still do this too. Right now you are still in shock. But do remember that you loved and will always love your baby. That IF there was something you missed or didn't do, it was not done out of spite or not caring. You simply didn't know. Cats are notoriously good at hiding pain and by the time it shows, it is often too late to do anything. Odette loved you, she always will, and is still with you in spirit. The love between you will never die

 

[southernbama]

I'm so sorry for your loss and you are feeling everything I felt and still feel. My heart goes out to you. I lost my cat 4/29/18 due to him getting hit by a car. I had him for 6 years and adopted him when he was 2 years old. He was an indoor cat and I had been letting him outside for a little bit while I cared for some rescue kittens. He was a little overweight and I thought exercise would be good for him. Once he got a taste of outdoors, that is all he wanted and he would cry, beg, and scratch at the doors. I didn't cry yesterday but had a hard time sleeping last night. It comes and goes like the ocean waves. Cry as much as you need, grief is a process we have to go straight through. I have trouble every Sunday morning because he was killed on a Sunday but I think its getting better with time. I still think about him everytime I change the litter box. He was such a large cat and I had to get him the xlg litter box. I miss hearing his pitter patter through the house and his vocalization. I miss him greeting me at the door and I know in winter I will miss him snuggling close beside me. I've had a lot of guilt about letting him outside and not protecting him but that is getting easier to deal with.

 

[southernbama]

hello everyone,
i didn't know where should i put this but i just wanted to let it out to someone,
my cat "odette" passed away this Wednesday. at the age of 5 years only.
and i can't for the love of god stop crying, everything reminds me of her, every corner, every space, every thing, her treats, the spot she used to sleep in, her food, her hairs that are still here.
she was perfectly fine, playing and running and eating and everything and i don't know what happened, which is what pains the most, that she was in pain and i didn't notice it.
it happened so suddenly and unexpectedly that i'm still in shock.
and for the past two months i didn't give her enough love and care since i was so busy with college and i regret it, it hurts my heart and the guilt is overwhelming, i regret every moment that i didn't spend with her, every ounce of care and time that i didn't give to her.
if i noticed that she wasn't okay she would be with me right now, if i only knew, if i took her to the vet she would've been okay and fine. and i just want her to forgive me because the guilt is eating me.
she was so young, she had a whole life in front of her, she depended on me and i disappointed her.
i want to know if anyone has lost a beloved cat before and if they are okay right now? because i don't feel like this feeling will go away and i just want a reassurance that everything will be alright.

 

[les26]

I am sorry that you lost your sweet little friend, it is one of the worst feelings we humans can experience in our lives, but it is a trade off that we accept when we decide to take care of them, the down side of having pets, but it would be such a worse off world if we didn't do it, wouldn't it? The grief can be overwhelming and your heart is broken and you too feel like you will die and don't care iif you did, that is how hard it hits, but with time, love, patience and prayers you WILL get over it to the point where you can deal with it, and most likely in time take another little one in need to take care of. The herb Holy Basil really helped me deal with the loss of Sebastian a few years ago, you might want to check into it.

"Their last breath on Earth is their first breath in Heaven"

I hope that your heart heals a bit more each day, God Bless.....

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Rest you gentle, Odette, dream you deep. Your pawprints are on your mama's heart forever.

No, Darin, you won't "get over" it. What you will do, eventually and day by day, is to get through it. And that will happen in such tiny increments that you may not even know it is happening until one day, some day, you think of Odette and a smile comes to your face...a sweet, sad smile, but a smile. For now, hold on to this. Love never dies. Ever. Love simply changes form and continues on, still Love. Love abides. And Odette knows full well how much she was loved, and what you would have been willing to do for her had you known, and I promise you, Odette's only regret and sorrow is the pain you are in now.

 

[oreocat123]

hi,
i just wanted to thank you all for the heartfelt love and support that was sent toward me and my beloved odette who will always be missed.
today i didn't cry, i woke up feeling much lighter and better knowing that she will always be here with me in spirit, even though i'm still undergoing the process of self forgiving and healing, it felt better.
she will always have a special place in my heart since she was my first pet, and hopefully is not the last one.
thank you everyone it is deeply appreciated.