Wait, dilated pupils mean WHAT?!

[treeclimber]

The excerpt below is copied from a longer article here. It appears to be one of those spammy sites that fills the internet with low quality articles.

I clicked a search result with the title “Cat humps while kneading” because it sounded interesting, and came across this little unintentionally comedic gem:

———
Common Signs Of Imminent Humping

Want to know when "cat humps while kneading" might occur? Here are some excellent hints:

Dilated Pupils: While handling cats, you have to check their eyes every now and then. Once the pupils of the felines start to dilate, they are about to hump something in the very next seconds.

Excited Meow, Purr And Knead: If your fluffy friend makes plenty of noises all of a sudden then there is a good chance that it's ready to hump stuff.

Overly Affectionate: Cats like to hang around their owners but in the case they get oddly attached to you out of nowhere, beware of humping
———

Well OK then…

I never realized I was in so much danger of imminent humping!

 

[di and bob]

All that can mean many other things too! In the many cats I have had the privilege to live with, only 2 come to mind who humped blankets, etc. Cats usually do that when kneading because tehy are completely relaxed and feeling good. All those descriptions can mean excitement or joy too. If only one pupil is dilated and the other is normal, I learned that can be a sign of infection, or a anesthesia reaction that is affecting the brain, usually temporary. I learned quickly a cat's pupils will dilate soon before they attack too, a good thing to know with my cat that had Overstimulation Syndrome. When a cat is crouched down, ready to pounce, watch closely and you will see their pupils dilate right before they leap. Most likely an instinctive action to keep their prey in sight.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

But, yeah, humping is one of many things it can mean! I wouldn't worry overly much unless said cat straddles your arm. Or leg. At that point, all bets are off.

 

[treeclimber]

All that can mean many other things too!

But, yeah, humping is one of many things it can mean! I wouldn't worry overly much unless said cat straddles your arm. Or leg. At that point, all bets are off.

Thank you both for taking the time to write these replies.

Just to be clear, I am not concerned I am at risk of imminent humping by my cat. I posted this excerpt because I almost snorted water out of my nose laughing the first time I read it.

I do not think the person who wrote that article has ever lived with a cat…

 

[catloverfromwayback]

Thank you both for taking the time to write these replies.

Just to be clear, I am not concerned I am at risk of imminent humping by my cat. I posted this excerpt because I almost snorted water out of my nose laughing the first time I read it.

I do not think the person who wrote that article has ever lived with a cat…

I’d have snorted water too! What a ridiculous article.
Must tell Phoebe and Daisy they’re Catting Rong. I’ve seen plenty of dilated-eye moments and Daisy’s just this moment taken up residence on my arm for a knead-and-purr session, but they’ve never humped anything. (Do females even do that?)

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Just to be clear, I am not concerned I am at risk of imminent humping by my cat.

LOL, glad to hear it, and I, too, snorted iced tea onto my computer keyboard. I will say, however, that if you own a male cat, neutered or not, occasional random humping can happen. Generally when the Preacher has come to call. Or your mother. Or anyone who would leave you FLOORED with embarrassment! DO not ask me how I know this. His name was Primus.

 

[treeclimber]

I will say, however, that if you own a male cat, neutered or not, occasional random humping can happen. Generally when the Preacher has come to call. Or your mother. Or anyone who would leave you FLOORED with embarrassment!

“My human seems a little tense around this visitor… I know what will cheer them up, HUMPING!!”

Fortunately my boy has never done that. Going by head and body shape I’d guess he was neutered young before the male hormones ever kicked in and activated those instincts.