Well as you may have guessed from the title of this thread, I have realized that I need to end my relationship (which has been over for sometime if I am to be honest). Ive seen some good advice on here for similar situations, and am hoping I can get some words of wisdom. I have been with my bf for about 3.5 years. We live together. I am 27 and he is 39. We started dating before I moved to Edmonton, and about 7 months after I moved here, he moved to Alberta as well. I knew at the time that moving in together was too quick a move, but it was a convenience thing, and a "new love" thing. We made it work alright, but I knew within a year of him moving here that he was not "the one", but we were happy and enjoying things a lot of the time. FF to now and some reasons it is over (short version): different long term goals/priorities, different feelings on "big" things like family, politics, friendship etc., *no* communication, no more sex life, and frankly, a good dose of verbal and emotional abuse on his part due to anger and depression issues. I really just cant take it anymore, and at the beginning of July, for me, a line was crossed that I cant/wont get back over. So why have I drawn it out for the last 7 weeks? Well, dear bf was fired from his job after an angry outburst in late June, and only today started working again. He is terrible with money, and has no savings. While we have accumulated several thousand $ in cc debt (all stupidly, in my name as he has terrible credit), I am the only one who has been paying off these bills (and ftr, I am a graduate student who makes less than $25000 a year - I cannot afford to support us both while he blows his $ on his own things). So I really didnt feel I could "kick him out" - he literally would have had nothing and nowhere to go. I guess I could go on and on, but I feel/have felt trapped and even blackmailed into continuing this relationship, and I really really cant continue. Despite sounding sick and tired fed up and poisoned, I do love him (though not "in love") and dont enjoy the idea of hurting him and ultimately, giving us both a broken heart. I know he is also unhappy in our relationship, but I have had the scary realization that he is content to be miserable forever - and would indefinately continue our farce of a relationship. I meant to have "the talk" with him last weekend, but I was pretty busy in lab one day, doing falcon watch the other and ultimately chickened out. This weekend, we had a serious social commitment on Sunday that I needed to attend, so I figured I would try discussing things with him after that, but he basically walked in the door and went to bed. So I plan on it for today, but theres a preseason NFL Giants game on, and I knew he wouldnt talk to me or listen to me during this. Turning off the tv would likely have cause a destructive outburst from him, and I dont want to "do this" in a situation I *know* will be explosive - but maybe I am kidding myself about his ability to be mature at any time. So immediately after the game ends, which he has been nodding off during, he goes to bed - and imo, also not wise to try to break up with someone who cant stay awake. I guess Im looking for thoughts, advice, bravery vibes - whatever. I know prolonging the inevitable is only making this worse for both of us, and is unfair to him. I am worried for him though, Im willing (though not happy) to give him up to a month to find a place and move out, as this is my apartment, and pretty much everything in it is mine - he gave away/sold/threw out a lot of things before moving to AB, and once when we had a big fight and I tried to end things with him 9 mos after he moved here, he literally threw out everything he owned in a tantrum. I ended up salvaging some personal things from the dumpster, but the local homeless made off with anything of value, and the majority of his $ since has gone into his DVD collection...I just dont know what to do...well I do, I just dont know how to do it/what to expect, and I feel very uneasy. PLUS Im sure he thinks of Daisy as his, despite us adopting her together, and not surprising, I paid the adoption fee, the microchip fee, her pet license, and all her vet care in the last year, and Im not willing to let him have her (I think its against my adoption contract in any case - I just dont see him "accepting" this). UGH!!!
If youre still here, thanks for reading, and please spare a thought for me
If youre still here, thanks for reading, and please spare a thought for me