To get cat or not?

[redberries]

I thought I'd ask here for thoughts as I'm so confused and not sure what to do.

I'm a single mum to a 9 year old who adores animals. He is desperate for some company at home and would dearly love a pet. I know lots of children ask for a pet and never get one, but his desire is very strong. He found lockdown incredibly hard and has suffered a great deal emotionally and I know in my heart that a cat would be wonderful for him. I take him to animal therapy (counselling) and he adores handling the dogs and animals. But he's desperate for his own.

I have never lived with pets as an adult although grew up surrounded by them. But a few years ago I bought us a puppy thinking it would be good for us (it can get lonely in a house of two), but I just couldn't cope with it and had to rehome it with my sister. I took the puppy in at the wrong time of my life when I had a very stressful job, and I wasn't prepared for how much work it would be and how needy this little thing would be. I couldn't go anywhere without it getting really distressed and subsequently pooping everywhere, and I mean everywhere! This resulted in me having panic attacks, depressed and crying constantly. I just did not cope much of the time and felt terrible, and just wanted my old life back. But when I was relaxing and snuggling with the puppy, I adored her, and she was such a a sweetie. A big part of me regrets not pushing through that time as I did break my son's heart rehoming here, and he's never forgotten it. And then we'd probably all be happy and used to each other.

So a couple of months ago I started to think about a cat, as everyone has told me they are much less work / more independent etc. I fell in love with the British shorthair breed and have been researching them. I have found two year old cat that I can have if I want, and I feel this would be better not to go. through the destructive kitty stage. I feel I could perhaps cope better with that. But I'm so worried that I'll have a similar reaction and the panic attacks will return. My close friend I've discussed this with says a cat will be different. But I'm also such a total clean freak with an immaculate house, I'm worried about having a litter tray for the next 15 years and having a smelly house and pooping scoop. That just isn't me! But I couldn't bear the worry of having an outdoor cat.

I think the love a cat would bring to our house would be amazing, hence why I decided to consider it in the first place. I feel I've found the perfect cat for us but when the reality hits me of getting this little creative, I am hit with this big wall of anxiety and worry. I wonder if I should just not risk it, but that also breaks my heart for my son, who is aching for one.

Please if you can offer any insight to help me unravel this, I'd appreciate it .x

 

[GoldyCat]

It's a good idea to get an adult cat because you know what you're getting personality-wise. Has your son met the cat? If you're getting a pet specifically for him you want to be sure he can bond with the cat before bringing it home.

Include your son in the decision-making process. Talk to him about what it means to be a cat parent long term. This is a living creature, not a toy. At 9 years he's certainly old enough to take on the responsibility of scooping litter boxes and feeding the cat (with supervision).

Is there a time limit that the cat will be available? If you're feeling pressured to make a quick decision you might want to pass on this and wait until you're more comfortable.

for a happy outcome, whatever you decide.

 

[gilmargl]

Welcome to TCS! I'm sure you have come to the right place to find answers to your questions. When (and if) you do take on this cat, there will always be people here willing to help you with any problems you may encounter living with a cat.

I can well understand your uncertainties about whether or not you are doing the right thing. Having panic attacks again and having to give up a second pet are not going to help your mental health or your self confidence.

Do you have a good friend and cat-lover in the neighborhood who would support you if you start questioning your decision to take on this cat? Would your son be terribly upset if the cat doesn't immediately become the companion he is looking for? Taking on a cat is an adventure - you cannot predict how things will turn out. A British short-hair is a beautiful, sensitive cat which usually has a very pleasant and easy-going nature so, as long as she has been well-treated up to now, you should have no problems. Try to find out why she is being given up for adoption so that you get some idea what you can expect.

Regarding smells and cleaning litter boxes, my experience is that there are no reasons why a litter box should smell and, in my opinion, cleaning a litter box is more acceptable than taking a dog outside several times a day! You will get used to it. But, I don't think it is a job you can expect a 9 year-old boy to do. He can at least feed her and make sure she has fresh water every day.

In your specific case, I believe a cat is a good choice for you and your son, but I think you need someone nearby to whom you can turn should something untoward happen and you need reassurance. You could ask at a local shelter if they would be willing to let one of their staff act as a "mentor", at least during the early stages of this new adventure. Where I volunteer, we support older people with cats or dogs who need help (mostly when they want transport to take their animals to the vet or when they themselves have to go into hospital). I know we are not very happy to do this for younger people where we feel that we are being used. But, as you would only be looking for someone willing to talk to you about your uncertainties they may be able to recommend a suitable cat-lover.

I am sure you will feel much better when you finally make a decision and get on with life instead of worrying about what might or might not happen. I wish you the very best of luck with your decision. Let us know how you get on! x

 

[Furballsmom]

Tying in a little bit with what gilmargl said, when Covid restrictions ease, if you haven't made a decision at that point yet you could possibly look into volunteering, both for him if they don't have minimum age limits and for you, at a shelter or rescue . It could be helpful in several ways.

I couldn't go anywhere without it getting really distressed and subsequently pooping everywhere,

This sounds to me as though the puppy might have been too young, not well socialized and/or had health issues, but in any case the situation wasn't fair to you either since the animal suffered this much from separation anxiety.

they are much less work / more independent

To be upfront with you, when giving a cat fully responsible care they aren't less work (although it depends on your definition of work versus doing the necessary and required things out of love) - there's the daily, sometimes twice daily, fresh food in clean dishes and fresh water in clean bowls, regular grooming/brushing even with a shorthaired cat, clipping claws, possibly cleaning up hairballs, litterbox maintenance and of course annual wellness visits with a good vet...

However, as mentioned, two litterboxes for one cat (recommended), with both boxes being cleaned on an at least once daily basis usually means no odor. There may be some litter tracking, but a couple of litter trap mats should help with that. There are enclosures for litterboxes that look like furniture - this could be an answer for you.

The 12 Best Cat Litter Box Furniture [You Need Right Now]

Be aware that you will probably be finding fur in amazing places.

Regarding breakables and rambunctiousness, which translates into zoomies for cats of any age, museum putty is excellent.

This article can provide you with information that may be useful
First-time Cat Owner’s Guide – TheCatSite Articles

 

[amethyst]

Since one of your main concerns seems to be having to scoop the litter box, you might want to look into automated litter boxes. They are pretty pricey, and I've never tried them (I have too many cats, lol) so I can't really give you any insight, but some people love them and they can help take some of the work and worry out of the litter box duty. It would help keep smell to a minimum since it will automatically sift out the poop and pee (if you use clumping litter) day or night after your cat goes. That means no daily scooping, you just empty the container the poop and litter clumps get sifted into, I think most come with a bag the waste goes into and you just change it out. Not all cats like them though, and they aren't perfect, but it's maybe something to think about anyway.

How To Choose The Best Automatic Litter Box For Your Cat – TheCatSite Articles

 

[redberries]

Thanks to you all for such kind replies, I really do appreciate it.

I don’t feel I can get my son involved in meeting the cat etc in case I can’t or don’t go through with it - that would just cause too much pain for him. I have had a long video call with the lovely cat owner - it’s a retiring mating queen and she is very affectionate and has been really well treated. I really do think she’d be the perfect cat and not easy to find another like her.

I have spent so much time researching this and have found biodegradable disposable litter boxes which I’d probably find easier than cleaning out a big covered litter tray. Also I have researched litter and have found one I think would be the the best for odour control. But I really am such a clean freak, any odour is going to be difficult to handle. I’ve sent the various automatic litter boxes but they look like a really big job to take apart and clean once a month. Plus I think about the cat going inside this thing and it’s fur brushing up against the sides which will of course have remnants of wee and poo on if it’s only being washed once a month. I have enough to do being a working single mum without that job!!

I have the added worry that once a month I have to stay away from home for 3 nights even during Covid - one of the reasons I considered an adult cat as hopefully with a neighbour popping in, that would be ok. But it’s another layer of complexity and organisation to my life that I currently don’t have to think about.

The hair also worries me - with a robotic hoover on and being on top of cleaning, is that really so bad?!

I feel I’ve found such a perfect cat. I have seen her temperament and how loving she is and from a reputable person. But I fear the settling in period will be hard for her having lived with other cats for so long. She’s not used to being alone at night either. Abs what will that do to my anxiety. I wish I didn’t have this feeling and worry and had more confidence to go for it.

So whilst I do want her, you can see the worries I have and I really so swing from ‘just don’t risk i to ‘just go for it’ several times a day.

Anyway thank you for listening.

 

[Neko-chan's mama]

Cleaning a litter box for one cat is not hard or time consuming. You could look into sifting litter boxes. Chewy.com has one that's 3 parts, two litter trays and a sifter. They stack, and you just lift the top tray, dump the litter into the bottom, lift out the sifter, and dump the pee and poop. There's also litter box wipes and you could wipe the sifter and empty box every day if you choose to. As for door control, there is also the litter genie. I don't use it, but a friend did and loved it. As to fur, with a daily brushing will cut down on the fur on carpets and furniture.

 

[Maria Bayote]

You have good advices above. As mentioned, think it hard and do not rush. I love the recommendation mentioned above to include your son in your decision making.

Cats are more independent. If they want to go, they will just go to the litter box and poo/pee, unlike a dog. However, not all cats like to be held. You may also consider that most cats want to be left alone and thus defeats the purpose of getting a "company" for your child, so better to take your time in the selection process. Fostering may also be an option.

When you have a cat (even a dog), expect the house to have fur on the carpets, couch etc, even on your clothes. So I hope you will be ready for this. As for the litter box, I have a small apartment with several cats but no poop smell. An automatic litterbox is a good idea for you. Otherwise, scooping at least twice a day will do.

Take your time. I know you will come up with the best decision for you and your son. We are excited to hear for your updates, and should you decide to adopt, we look forward seeing the photos of your kitty.

You can do this!

 

[di and bob]

Your son is way old enough to take on most of the responsibility of caring for the cat. As for the smell of litter, it is a matter of changing brands until you find one that is acceptable to you. The one I find controls smell more than any of the high-priced brands is Scoop Away at Walmart! Cats are more independent and don't need as much attention as a dog, but still are a responsibility. Do you realize that when you bring the cat home she will be so frightened she will remain hidden for as long as weeks? cats absolutely hate change. She will come around quicker if you have your son sit quietly in the same room where she is hidden, read quietly to her and leave a few treats when he goes. We will help you in any way we can. make sure you have two litterboxes, clumping litter (much easier), food, and a cardboard scratching pad for her to use. The first few days you won't see her if at all, she will explore at night for a while and use the litterbox and eat and drink. Just make sure you don't try to force a cat into anything, you have to make them think it is their idea! Good luck!

 

[redberries]

Thank you for all this advice. Di and Bob - yes I was aware that the cat would be frightened and could take weeks to feel relaxed. I think the adult cat idea appeals for many reasons, but I have been worried about this aspect of it, especially since this cat is not used to being alone having lived with lots of cats. I think the reality is I probably suffer too much anxiety for the potential issues that might arise. I worry about worrying. It's ridiculous!! I think the advice to take my time is the best advice. Thank you

 

[di and bob]

One thing that I learned for sure in all my years is that almost NOTHING that we worry about comes true. Think about it, and keep repeating it to yourself!

 

[redberries]

One thing that I learned for sure in all my years is that almost NOTHING that we worry about comes true. Think about it, and keep repeating it to yourself!

thank you x

 

[Maurey]

As a bit of reassurance -- former queens, especially from responsible breeders, are commonly show animals, starting from a very young age. As such, they're a lot more confident in new situations and places, as they're extremely well-socialised. Jumanji slept in my bed the very first night I had her home (she was 8 months old at the time, and she wasn't a show animal, just sold as a neutered pet due to her, at the time, smaller than average size). Chips, my second cat from the same cattery (and Jum's dad, a retired stud and show cat), came to me recently, and he's 3, going on 4 in late June. He spent a few hours hiding, but with some Feliway in his home base hidey room and some reassurance, he was out exploring his new space. Despite a lot of growling and hissing the first day, it's a week today, and he's pretty much fully settled in. Jum and Chips are still getting reacquainted, but they're doing really well -- not heard any serious growling or hissing since day 3 or 4. They tag-team waking me up for breakfast at this point haha.

Cats from responsible breeders, and especially show cats, tend to be more human focused (both of mine are needy and love cuddling, and I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm sure the breeder can give you a good idea of the retiring queen's personality), and they're highly unlikely to have behavioural issues like scratching furniture or missing the box. It IS important to note, though, that you can't really influence who the cat chooses to bond to -- she might bond to you, instead of your son, even if he's the one feeding her.

In terms of fur, I do agree that fur on clothing, furniture, and the floor is something you'll have to cope with with any non-hairless animal to some extent, but it's definitely manageable. I hoover every-other day (though I have two Maine Coon -- very large fluffy cats), and with frequent brushing, the only things that have significant amount of cat hair on them are the clothing I wear at home (mainly because I only bother removing their fur pre-laundry, as I don't particularly care about my at-home clothing), and the cat's things like beds or their trees (surface clean as needed to get fur off, around once a week for me w/ 2 large cats, deep clean twice a year where I take off all their bedding for laundering). My cats are both used to and benefit from bathing (dandruff in the winter because of CH, proneness to matting caused by excess grease in summer), which also helps remove excess fur more effectively than just brushing would. If you want to go that route, I'd suggest consulting with the breeder, and asking if they have any recommendations for groomers that specialise in cats.

In terms of litterboxes -- I have two large boxes for my two (mainly because I have no good place to put a third due to the dimensions), and they do great with them. No litterbox smells, both because they're on high quality diets and because I use pad and sieve litterboxes (something like Purina's Breeze system). I change pads around once a week (flipping the tray as needed), and check for hard waste in the litter once a day (ymmv -- my cats are on raw, so they don't poo much -- every other day on average).

 

[redberries]

As a bit of reassurance -- former queens, especially from responsible breeders, are commonly show animals, starting from a very young age. As such, they're a lot more confident in new situations and places, as they're extremely well-socialised. Jumanji slept in my bed the very first night I had her home (she was 8 months old at the time, and she wasn't a show animal, just sold as a neutered pet due to her, at the time, smaller than average size). Chips, my second cat from the same cattery (and Jum's dad, a retired stud and show cat), came to me recently, and he's 3, going on 4 in late June. He spent a few hours hiding, but with some Feliway in his home base hidey room and some reassurance, he was out exploring his new space. Despite a lot of growling and hissing the first day, it's a week today, and he's pretty much fully settled in. Jum and Chips are still getting reacquainted, but they're doing really well -- not heard any serious growling or hissing since day 3 or 4. They tag-team waking me up for breakfast at this point haha.

Cats from responsible breeders, and especially show cats, tend to be more human focused (both of mine are needy and love cuddling, and I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm sure the breeder can give you a good idea of the retiring queen's personality), and they're highly unlikely to have behavioural issues like scratching furniture or missing the box. It IS important to note, though, that you can't really influence who the cat chooses to bond to -- she might bond to you, instead of your son, even if he's the one feeding her.

In terms of fur, I do agree that fur on clothing, furniture, and the floor is something you'll have to cope with with any non-hairless animal to some extent, but it's definitely manageable. I hoover every-other day (though I have two Maine Coon -- very large fluffy cats), and with frequent brushing, the only things that have significant amount of cat hair on them are the clothing I wear at home (mainly because I only bother removing their fur pre-laundry, as I don't particularly care about my at-home clothing), and the cat's things like beds or their trees (surface clean as needed to get fur off, around once a week for me w/ 2 large cats, deep clean twice a year where I take off all their bedding for laundering). My cats are both used to and benefit from bathing (dandruff in the winter because of CH, proneness to matting caused by excess grease in summer), which also helps remove excess fur more effectively than just brushing would. If you want to go that route, I'd suggest consulting with the breeder, and asking if they have any recommendations for groomers that specialise in cats.

In terms of litterboxes -- I have two large boxes for my two (mainly because I have no good place to put a third due to the dimensions), and they do great with them. No litterbox smells, both because they're on high quality diets and because I use pad and sieve litterboxes (something like Purina's Breeze system). I change pads around once a week (flipping the tray as needed), and check for hard waste in the litter once a day (ymmv -- my cats are on raw, so they don't poo much -- every other day on average).

that's brilliant, thanks so much Maurey. I appreciate you taking the time to tell me all about your experiences. The cat I've found is definitely very human focused and loves cuddles as I've seen lots on video.

 

[Furballsmom]

...having a robo vacuum will help a lot with the fur (I don't have one ), plus BSH's, with regular brushing sessions that you son can do either with grooming gloves and/or a slicker brush (expensive grooming tools aren't necessary), aren't terrible shedders except possibly in the spring.

https://www.petco.com/shop/en/petcostore/product/well-and-good-black-cushion-slicker-cat-brush

Keeping in mind that every cat is different, but these are interesting little reads;

British Shorthair Cats – TheCatSite Articles

5 Things to Know About British Shorthairs

 

[Juniper_Junebug]

When I adopted my first (and only) kitty this past fall, I had similar concerns about adding a litter box to my 2-bedroom condo (where it would only fit in my small windowless bathroom). I was genuinely surprised by the lack of odor to the litter box. I'm sure it varies by type of litter and location, etc. -- I use clumping clay litter and a Litter Genie trash can (highly recommend). But it was remarkable to me how little I ever smell the litter box, except immediately after a poop. Strangely, the worst thing about the litter box is tracking. I use a honeycomb litter mat but it doesn't catch everything so I have to sweep or vacuum the bathroom every day to stay tidy.

FWIW, I'm glad I overcame my hesitation/worry (about the smell, and more generally about the responsibility). Cats are so much fun!!

 

[redberries]

When I adopted my first (and only) kitty this past fall, I had similar concerns about adding a litter box to my 2-bedroom condo (where it would only fit in my small windowless bathroom). I was genuinely surprised by the lack of odor to the litter box. I'm sure it varies by type of litter and location, etc. -- I use clumping clay litter and a Litter Genie trash can (highly recommend). But it was remarkable to me how little I ever smell the litter box, except immediately after a poop. Strangely, the worst thing about the litter box is tracking. I use a honeycomb litter mat but it doesn't catch everything so I have to sweep or vacuum the bathroom every day to stay tidy.

FWIW, I'm glad I overcame my hesitation/worry (about the smell, and more generally about the responsibility). Cats are so much fun!!

that's really good to hear, thank you!

 

[redberries]

One thing that I learned for sure in all my years is that almost NOTHING that we worry about comes true. Think about it, and keep repeating it to yourself!

I love this, thank you x

 

[maggie101]

I am in a one bedroom apt. 3 cats. Litterbox in my bedroom, bathroom and living room. No scent and almost dust free. You can't tell I have litterboxes. Be sure to get a Dyson vacuum. It picks it all up and no cords. My boxes are storage bins. Twice the size of the cat,3 inches of litter. I don't clean the hole box regularly but scoop every day. Take out the old,put in the new and mix it. Metal scoops that last year's. There are wipes to clean the scooper and periodically around the box