Thoughts on gravestones and "sterilizing" cat collar for burial?

[Andrepartthree]

Waddle thank you so much ... comments like this really help when I'm struggling with the guilt and cowardice on my part as far as just leaving him out there ... so thank you I truly appreciate that ... I spent a fair amount of time in Minnesota myself (born there, lived there until 5, moved back there from 10 to 17 years old, moved back there again from 23 to 28 years old ) ...

I appreciate the suggestion about the plain marker .... but to be honest with you I can't even get my wife to come here on the catsite forum and read all the incredibly comforting posts here and the super comforting links/threads listed under the sticky "thoughts for grieving cat lovers" under the "crossing the bridge" part of the forum here.. I wrote a ten page story (will probably follow up with an "epilogue" part two of the story ... basically stuff I meant to put in the initial story that I didn't) as a way of processing the grief (Pebble the cat's spirit shows up and has a conversation with his humans before leaving for good , the goodbye we never had with him) ... and I can't get her to read even the first paragraph of the story. NOT a complaint by any means about her, sometimes she breaks down sobbing saying her son (Pebble the cat, not our human son) is gone but otherwise her response has been to throw herself into work, her studies and to do her absolute best not to think about it... everyone grieves in their own way I guess so all I can do is wait and try again ... at this point I'm thinking a few months from now before I even broach the gravestone topic with her and if that doesn't work wait nine more months until it's been a year... even if she never, ever agrees to the gravestone just being able to bury his collar and the other stuff I mentioned in the post above will help a lot , for me anyways at least and my daughter (not sure how my son feels about it he keeps his cards close to his chest ) ... I'll know exactly where his collar and the other things I mentioned above are buried (heck I'll be the one digging the hole ) ...

I won't say who since this person sent me a private message (thecatsite refers to it as "starting a conversation" so I guess I should say that instead ) and I wasn't sure if that meant they wanted their identity kept secret but it was very comforting as well re: the guilt over just leaving Pebble there so thanks to you mysterious stranger .. but I also wanted to mention his (her?) incredibly helpful advice for anyone else who reads this thread with similar questions to my own.. check with the electric and water company in your area before digging which is something that would NOT have occurred to me at all... apparently utility lines are as close to two feet to the surface (something the person who sent me the message kindly pointed out) ... also unlike our family if you have the actual remains to bury the person who messaged me gave this very useful advice too... dig a hole as deep as possible and put kitty litter near the top before covering with more dirt (apparently scavengers don't like that) to discourage a horrific scenario where some animal digs up the remains of the beloved cat member of your family ... I've seen posts on here where someone mentions a very big, heavy gravestone placed directly over the burial spot which to me seems like a great idea, would be difficult I imagine for predators to despoil the final resting place that way.

 

[wily1]

First of all so sorry for your loss, I think you made the right choice not to get the remains. It is better to remember your kitty the way he was. I'm single and live in a condo so when my kitty goes I will have him cremated to keep him close as no place close to bury him. Already told my nephews that when its my time I want his ashes buried with me, even though I know we will be reunited in spirit. Hopefully I will have Tim for a bit as he is only 7. As far as the collar, when my dad passed away a couple of years he still had our family dogs collar after more than 25 years, he kept it in his night table. My mom gave it to me and will also ask for it to be buried with me. A collar is a nice way to remember your pet as they were. Again do not beat yourself up, I would not want to see my cat that way.

 

[Andrepartthree]

Thank you so much Wily1 that really helps a lot , truly it does ... Halloween is pretty depressing for me right now since our little guy Pebble was rescued off the streets (found him there crying lost and alone) as a one month old by us October 26th, 2018... but the emotional pain is slowly decreasing day by day.. when I start to dwell too much on it I find it helps to imagine ghost-Pebble showing up and slapping me in the face with his paw with an angry look on his little face ...I've also discovered it helps to imagine the reverse situation.... myself dead, coming back as a ghost and seeing Pebble mourning (not eating his treats, refusing to play with his toys, staring mournfully out a window) and imagining how that would make me feel ....

You know I was thinking the same thing about our little guy's collar ... on the one hand looking at the collar even years later and being able to smile and think of him would be great.. on the other hand I'm thinking to myself "cripes, I couldn't even bring myself to bury his remains I have to at least bury the collar so I know that I did something ! " (the "guilt reflex" if I don't bury his collar since I didn't have the guts to go for his remains).. so I'm still trying to reach a decision about that ... but thanks so much, every person who tells me not going for his remains was understandable makes me feel that much less guilty about it so I truly appreciate that ...

I'm glad Tim is still with you ... and I'm so sorry to hear about your dad passing away ! .... our other cat Cinnamon (and I can't believe I didn't mention her until now) is eight years old and has been with us 7 years as of September 2020 (the local animal rescue shelter we rescued her from gave their best guess to her age as being one year old when we first adopted her) so fingers crossed she leads a long life ... but this has all definitely been a sobering wake up call, even in the best case scenario when the feline member of your family lives a long life the odds are good that you're going to outlive the cat member of your family and it's going to hurt when it happens....