As many of you know I am recently married. He is a wonderful, wonderful man but there is one thing about him that I really don't know what to do about and need your advice. Keep in mind that I am not leaving/divorcing him over this. I have known him for a very long time and we lived together before we got married so I know for sure this is my only issue with him. Here it goes........
He has animal issues, it's much worse with the cats than the dogs. Here are "his" rules for the cats. They are to be kept in the pet room during all unsupervised times, if they get out and he is too busy to supervise them he puts them back in the room. When they are out they are absolutely not allowed in the bedroom or the kitchen and they are not allowed to get up on anything but the dining room chairs.
Here are his reasons for doing this. He doesn't want to live in a home that is covered in animal fur so no bedroom, no kitchen and no furniture (except the dining room chairs,). He doesn't want them knocking things over and breaking things so no jumping up on things - this rule stems from the fireplace. He keeps his trophies on there and the girls would jump up and knock his trophies over, one of them got bent. All these rules also go for the dogs.
So the only time the cats get out of the damn room is when the dogs are out with us in the evenings. Patches and Buttons really don't like being around them too much so they don't really venture out of the room (so the only way I get to spend time with them is to go into the room). Toonces will on occasion because she likes the dogs but when she gets annoyed by them she goes back in. Lately, since it's been cool out (i.e. no mosquitos, they aren't on heartworm preventative yet) I've been putting them out on our enclosed patio (on occasion mosquitos have found a way into the screened in patio) so they can get some fresh air and another place to be. I like being able to do this but it still seperates them from me and these are very needy cats for my affection.
It was bad enough when we moved into the house and he made the "no pets in the bedroom" rule. This was really the time I cherised with my purr babies because as I got into bed they would come in with me and we would play for a little bit and then settle in for the night. Toonces slept on the pillow with me, Patches at my side under the covers and Buttons on the floor next to me or on the bed somewhere.
Well, I have tried so many ways to persuade him. I've explained to him how we can train the cats so they can be out and not get on the fireplace, on the couch, or in the kitchen. You all know what I'm talking about: citrus sprays, jar of marbles, NO, etc. I even volunteered to vacuum everyday. All he says is that those things wont work! I've tried telling him how much this is tearing me apart inside because these are my children that I have had to hand raise and hand care for. We've gotten into some arguments over this. I've pointed out to him that this situation with the animals has in no way been a compromise. That I am the one who has been made to compromise to all his "rules" that he hasn't given any at all on this matter. He just comes back with, "I'm not going to live in a house where the animals can do whatever they please."
Okay you can see how unhappy this is making me, it's actually starting to cause problems with my depression - I need my babies! Well, things are getting worse - it's starting to affect their health and behavior. Toonces it getting very stressed about being kept in the room and is pulling out the fur at the base of her tail. Buttons is acting out behaviorally by pooping in other places besides the litter box. My girls are still affectionate with me when they get to see me, it's almost like they are starved for my attention.
Here are the options I have tought of: couples counseling. Maybe through some counseling we can fix this. I don't know if this is just an animal thing of his but I have a feeling if we don't do some kind of counseling, in the years to come it's not going to be like this with just the animals. Cat trees, one for the pet room and one for the living room (so they can be out when the dogs are but have a sanctuary that they enjoy, plus I can just walk over there every so often and give them some lovin). The other option is trying to find new and loving homes for my babies. It is tearing me appart inside to see this affecting my babies health and behavior. I know it would make me an emotional wreck for weeks but I do feel it would be in their best interest.
Please don't flame me, I just really need some advice and support. I know I haven't been the best member about that but you don't realize how much I really care about so many of you even though I don't always say something. Like when Donna's little baby died, my heart was wrenching for her and When Cat's Opie was in so much trouble and the times Tigger has come on and discussed her parents and job. Sometimes I just can't find the right words. I know I could say I'm so sorry for you and that I'm here, but sometimes that just doesn't seem to be enough.
Thank you so much for listening to me now and listening to me in my previous "issue" post.
He has animal issues, it's much worse with the cats than the dogs. Here are "his" rules for the cats. They are to be kept in the pet room during all unsupervised times, if they get out and he is too busy to supervise them he puts them back in the room. When they are out they are absolutely not allowed in the bedroom or the kitchen and they are not allowed to get up on anything but the dining room chairs.
Here are his reasons for doing this. He doesn't want to live in a home that is covered in animal fur so no bedroom, no kitchen and no furniture (except the dining room chairs,). He doesn't want them knocking things over and breaking things so no jumping up on things - this rule stems from the fireplace. He keeps his trophies on there and the girls would jump up and knock his trophies over, one of them got bent. All these rules also go for the dogs.
So the only time the cats get out of the damn room is when the dogs are out with us in the evenings. Patches and Buttons really don't like being around them too much so they don't really venture out of the room (so the only way I get to spend time with them is to go into the room). Toonces will on occasion because she likes the dogs but when she gets annoyed by them she goes back in. Lately, since it's been cool out (i.e. no mosquitos, they aren't on heartworm preventative yet) I've been putting them out on our enclosed patio (on occasion mosquitos have found a way into the screened in patio) so they can get some fresh air and another place to be. I like being able to do this but it still seperates them from me and these are very needy cats for my affection.
It was bad enough when we moved into the house and he made the "no pets in the bedroom" rule. This was really the time I cherised with my purr babies because as I got into bed they would come in with me and we would play for a little bit and then settle in for the night. Toonces slept on the pillow with me, Patches at my side under the covers and Buttons on the floor next to me or on the bed somewhere.
Well, I have tried so many ways to persuade him. I've explained to him how we can train the cats so they can be out and not get on the fireplace, on the couch, or in the kitchen. You all know what I'm talking about: citrus sprays, jar of marbles, NO, etc. I even volunteered to vacuum everyday. All he says is that those things wont work! I've tried telling him how much this is tearing me apart inside because these are my children that I have had to hand raise and hand care for. We've gotten into some arguments over this. I've pointed out to him that this situation with the animals has in no way been a compromise. That I am the one who has been made to compromise to all his "rules" that he hasn't given any at all on this matter. He just comes back with, "I'm not going to live in a house where the animals can do whatever they please."
Okay you can see how unhappy this is making me, it's actually starting to cause problems with my depression - I need my babies! Well, things are getting worse - it's starting to affect their health and behavior. Toonces it getting very stressed about being kept in the room and is pulling out the fur at the base of her tail. Buttons is acting out behaviorally by pooping in other places besides the litter box. My girls are still affectionate with me when they get to see me, it's almost like they are starved for my attention.
Here are the options I have tought of: couples counseling. Maybe through some counseling we can fix this. I don't know if this is just an animal thing of his but I have a feeling if we don't do some kind of counseling, in the years to come it's not going to be like this with just the animals. Cat trees, one for the pet room and one for the living room (so they can be out when the dogs are but have a sanctuary that they enjoy, plus I can just walk over there every so often and give them some lovin). The other option is trying to find new and loving homes for my babies. It is tearing me appart inside to see this affecting my babies health and behavior. I know it would make me an emotional wreck for weeks but I do feel it would be in their best interest.
Please don't flame me, I just really need some advice and support. I know I haven't been the best member about that but you don't realize how much I really care about so many of you even though I don't always say something. Like when Donna's little baby died, my heart was wrenching for her and When Cat's Opie was in so much trouble and the times Tigger has come on and discussed her parents and job. Sometimes I just can't find the right words. I know I could say I'm so sorry for you and that I'm here, but sometimes that just doesn't seem to be enough.
Thank you so much for listening to me now and listening to me in my previous "issue" post.
