Shy And Untrusting Cat: Help Please!

[maggie101]

So true. Peaches bites, Maggie is polite, Coco is timid, a lap cat,and loves to be brushed. It took Coco 3 months to leave under my couch, then bedroom a year. Now she plays with Peaches in my dining room mostly,away from Maggie. Maggie stayed under my bed for a few months and ran from strangers. I had to show pics to prove she existed. Peaches, immediately sociable. Not a lap cat. Won't let me brush her so I use gloves with bristles for brushing. Everytime she walks by I give a swipe. I can go on but it would take all day

 

[apparatchic]

You're not a bad cat parent at all! It took my girl Rosa eight months before I was able to pet her - she hissed at me anytime I got close! (This was an extreme case, lol - she was rescued as a semi-feral kitten and had been returned to the rescue by a previous family, so she took her time learning to trust me.) Some cats are just shy.

My tips:

-Feliway is often recommended and I think it does help, but it definitely wasn't a cure-all for me - I got it because I think it made Rosa more comfortable, not because it let me get closer to her.
-Keep playing with her! Playing establishes trust and associates you with positive things. Treats are also good, if she's food motivated. (Mine aren't, which is annoying!)
-The first way I was able to 'touch' Rosa was with the long wand of a toy (the 'Da Bird' toy), about 5-6 months in. This gives the cat some distance while still associating you with the good feelings of pets. Eventually (at 8 months in) I was able to move my hand up the wand and touch her briefly. That turned into just being able to reach out and pet her with my hand sometimes. And THAT turned into the current situation, which is that she will hop up on the cat tree and demand pats and brushing, sit on the couch with me, headbutt her brother (adopted in May) for love, and more or less be a total opposite of the cat I brought home last August.
-Rosa still won't let me pick her up! I don't even try right now because I want her to trust me. We'll get there someday.

But girl: Patience. It drove me crazy and I felt like an awful cat mom, but truthfully time is the only thing that convinces some cats that you're safe. She WILL make progress, but let it be at her pace. If there's a vet who can make a home visit, that might also be a good solution for you - there's a mobile vet service in my city that just comes to my apartment and I love them because I don't have to upset either of them by stuffing them in a carrier.

 

[GreyLady]

Some cats are really slow to warm up. I think everyone posted really good advice to be patient and keep teaching her you're her friend. Playing with her every day is great!

As an alternative to stuffing her in the carrier for the vet, you can put the carrier in one of the main rooms, make it a comfy place to lay down and throw some treats in there every now and then until she know she can go get the treat with you watching. Then you can just throw the treat in and close the door. Even with Grey who was terrified of the carrier before it only took a week of treats in the carrier until he would go in ~timidly~ so you may be able to just get Luci to go in the carrier by feeding her in it or giving her treats in it

 

[jopua]

Thanks so much guys! I'm feeling waaaaay better about this! It's just good to know me and my little girl are at least going somewhere. I just want to give her the life she deserves, y'know?

My last question would be, I guess, since I have a 2nd cat coming soon (one that just kinda fell into my life and I had no plans of getting til he just arrived) and since Luci hasn't been to the vet yet...

Should I try bringing her to the vet, just kinda force her into a carrier somehow?
or do a home visit?

I live in a studio apartment, so my worry for a home visit is she might not feel safe at home anymore since there's only room.

Or should i just wait it out? Luci seems healthy for now. and the 2nd cat has all his shots, is cleared for fleas, FiV and all those other stuff and everything.

 

[GreyLady]

I would just take her to the vet. See if you can get her in the carrier as painlessly as possible. If food wont work you can hide the carrier around a corner put it on its back, so the entrance is facing up. Then wait until she doesn't know it's out/ isn't suspecting something. (usually I'd say set it up in another room so she cant see it) Then pick her up and cover her eyes and plop her in the carrier before she can even see it and close the door. Gravity + surprise should get the job done.