Should I get a new cat for my old one?

[zunarj5]

I recently lost one of my girls (much too soon before her time) but still have her mother. How can I be sure she would be okay with a new cat? Her personality has changed since her daughter passed. She seems to have become more affectionate, spending more time in my lap, sleeping against my side every night, being more talkative (although still with a quiet voice). I don't know how to read this. Is she being more possessive of me now that she doesn't have to compete for me, or is she missing her daughter? I would be okay with having just one cat, she's all I need to fill my life. But I tend to think that most cats would be happier and less lonely with a feline companion. Another source of doubt is I don't know if she would accept another cat. She spent her first few years in a home with a number of cats, then all the years since then with just her daughter and me, so she should be theoretically able to adapt to another cat. But her play with her own daughter occasionally degenerated into noisy furballs.

 

[ArtNJ]

How your girl kitty reacted to new cats years ago is not particularly relevant. We see this issue quite a lot. Only recent experiences with new cats are really good evidence of how a cat will be with new cats. What *is* relevant is that you cat sounds like she has more than a few years on her. As cats age, their adaptability goes down and the chance of problems goes up. If you cat is, just guessing, middle aged, say around 6-8ish, there is a very decent chance that she will never warm to the new cat. Its a dice roll, and all outcomes are possible, but with a middle age cat, the odds of friendship with a new cat are iffy. If she is more like 9 or 10, the odds of friendship are even less.

If you do not want a new cat, you should not do this for the sake of your current cat. Closer issue if your girl kitty was younger, but even then, I think its important that the owner want a new cat. Millions of cats do great as only cats, and it sounds like yours is doing great as well.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

I would think about this carefully, as you said that Mama has become more affectionate. She may be a more submissive cat, and is now blossoming with no one to "keep her in her place." Yes, that can happen, even with mother/daughter relationships. It has to do with personality, not familial ties. My own girl was very standoffish when she lived with her sister. It is only after I moved out of my shared home and into my own place that she blossomed into the astoundingly bossy, bratty, loving cat she is today. I would never ask her to take second place again. Just something to consider. DO spend time with her, and play with her. She'll be fine, and maybe even better than fine.

 

[zunarj5]

How your girl kitty reacted to new cats years ago is not particularly relevant. We see this issue quite a lot. Only recent experiences with new cats are really good evidence of how a cat will be with new cats. What *is* relevant is that you cat sounds like she has more than a few years on her. As cats age, their adaptability goes down and the chance of problems goes up. If you cat is, just guessing, middle aged, say around 6-8ish, there is a very decent chance that she will never warm to the new cat. Its a dice roll, and all outcomes are possible, but with a middle age cat, the odds of friendship with a new cat are iffy. If she is more like 9 or 10, the odds of friendship are even less.

If you do not want a new cat, you should not do this for the sake of your current cat. Closer issue if your girl kitty was younger, but even then, I think its important that the owner want a new cat. Millions of cats do great as only cats, and it sounds like yours is doing great as well.

Mom is now 11. It's not that I don't want another cat. I would be happy to be owned by one or two cats. They're wonderful creatures. But I have to look at everything through the lens of what would be best for them.

I would think about this carefully, as you said that Mama has become more affectionate. She may be a more submissive cat, and is now blossoming with no one to "keep her in her place." Yes, that can happen, even with mother/daughter relationships. It has to do with personality, not familial ties. My own girl was very standoffish when she lived with her sister. It is only after I moved out of my shared home and into my own place that she blossomed into the astoundingly bossy, bratty, loving cat she is today. I would never ask her to take second place again. Just something to consider. DO spend time with her, and play with her. She'll be fine, and maybe even better than fine.

Actually, when the two of them would get into cat fights, I'm pretty sure Mom was almost always if not always on top.

 

[ArtNJ]

Yeah, I have no idea of the exact odds, but I'm pretty sure that the odds of an 11 year old ending up friends with a kitten are a good bit less than 50%. Maybe even less than 25%, but thats just going from people's posts and my own experience, not like there is any hard data. Still, pretty sure that the odds that the 11 year old will be stressed out for a good while, followed by a long climb towards toleration are higher than friendship. So to me, if the only consideration is the 11 year old, it really doesn't make sense to get a new cat for her sake. If YOU really want another cat, then its up to you to weigh everything, but don't do it if the only consideration is the 11 year old.

 

[susanm9006]

It sounds like she is quite content being the only cat. If you can’t live without a second cat that’s one thing but as for her she will probably be happiest living out the rest of her life as the pampered single pet.

 

[zunarj5]

She was part of a pampered pair, so she's not getting any different treatment now. It's just that I'm out of the home 10 hours a day and I worry that she's lonely without any company during those hours. I loved watching her and her daughter playing together, grooming each other, sleeping cuddled together in a pet bed that I would think was only big enough for one. I wouldn't get a kitten anyway as I know they're high maintenance. There's an adult cat at a nearby shelter who's supposed to be very affectionate with both people and cats. If I can save her life, then maybe it's worth a try.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Well, bear in mind that she is sleeping for most of that time. Then there are the cat chores...eat a bite, drink a swallow, prowl around making sure that NOTHING HAS MOVED, litter box, then more sleep.

 

[ArtNJ]

A lot of shelters will let you give a cat back if there is a problem, and with an adult cat, its not like you are taking up prime adoption days, so yes, it could be worth a try. The difficulty is this -- could you really give the cat back if after a two week intro process, it looked like the problems were severe?

If the adult cat is a good match by temperment and activity level, the odds for peaceful coexistence may not be too bad, but friendship is still a hope rather than an expectation. So I still think you should proceed only if you also want the cat.

Of course, you might have aready pulled the trigger, its been a bit?

 

[Mamanyt1953]

And bear in mind that introductions can run months, rather than weeks, and still be successful in the end.

 

[zunarj5]

Thanks for all the advice. I checked with a local "crazy cat lady" with a ton of cats and she said that while Mom may eventually come to tolerate the newcomer, she will probably never become close with her. I'm not interested in cats who just tolerate each other and keep their distance. I've reluctantly decided to let Mom have me all to herself for the rest of her life. If I accidentally added stress to her life, it would hurt both of us.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

We can never know ahead of time if they will become friends or not. Given that you don't want a situation where there is merely tolerance, and given that Mom is seemingly thriving on being the sole recipient of your attention, I think you have made the right decision for the two of you!