Should I Get A Friend For A Shy Cat?

[bornagirl]

Hello! I was hoping for some advice
I have a year old male Scottish Fold and recently I've been trying to decide on a second pet. Here's a thing - my cat is quite shy and easily spooked (We got him from a breeder so its probably just his personality, not some trauma). When we juat just got him he hid for a while (which I think is normal) and then he took to ke pretty quickly - but only when I was lying on the couch and he would come to be petted. Whenever me or my partner would stand up and move in his direction, he would run and hide under furniture. He was a scared and ran away from my my partner for months (and we live together so its not like he never saw him). Now he's all settled at home with us. But if someone comes over and tries to pet him or feed him snacks or just bothers him in some way - runs away and hides under the bed or closet. If a person doesn't really pay him much attention he's fine, just a bit cautious maybe.
So basically I've been thinking about getting a second pet - either a kitten or a small dog. And I'm really concerned if that would be good for my resident cat? I realy don't want him to be scared, or unhappy, or even bullied by a new pet. I would, however, love for him to have a friend to play with as I'm planning to start working more in the fall (I worked part time ever since I got him).
Maybe some of you have any experience with this? Or just some general tips?

 

[rubysmama]

My family, and now myself, only ever had one cat at a time, so I can't advise on getting a second cat.

Other members will likely reply with comments and suggestions. Meanwhile, here's some TCS articles that may be helpful:

Your Second Cat: How To Choose The Best Friend For Kitty
Best And Worst Dog Breeds To Live With Cats

Introducing Cats To Cats
How To Successfully Introduce Cats: The Ultimate Guide
The Multi-cat Household

Introducing Cats To Dogs
How To Safely Introduce A Cat And A Dog
Caring For Cats And Dogs

 

[di and bob]

I would suggest a shy, male fo0r a buddy. Get one taht has the same temperament. Don't get a confident, aggressive one, he would bully your little one. A female would not interact with him and keep him at a distance. It is not uncommon at all for a cat to bond with one person and not another family member. I have three on my lap and my poor husband has none! It is good he is afraid of strangers, you don't want someone picking him up.

 

[ArtNJ]

Usually a one year old cat is fine with a kitten. However, your cat's shyness does increase the chance of problems, and the introduction process article that rubysmama linked should be used. Also, be aware that an introduction process often doesn't solve the issue when a kitten is introduced to an older cat. This is because the problems often don't come from distrust or meeting a new cat anxiety -- rather, kittens love to jump and play on older cats and don't take no for an answer. For whatever reason, this can make some older cats very anxious and scared. Quite common for this to be a real problem when the older cat is 2+, but there is some chance problems here given that your one year old is still so skittish. If you can find the rare gentler quieter kitten, that would be best, but even if you get a kitten of a breed that maybe tends to be a little more low key like a Persian or Himalayan, there are no guaranties. Avoid breeds that tend to be more active like Abyssinian or Bengal.

Bottom line - there is enough risk of making things worse for your cat that I don't think you should do this to get him a friend. If you really want another cat, thats different, do it now while your cat is still young enough to hopefully accept a kitten with minimal fuss.

 

[bornagirl]

Usually a one year old cat is fine with a kitten. However, your cat's shyness does increase the chance of problems, and the introduction process article that rubysmama linked should be used. Also, be aware that an introduction process often doesn't solve the issue when a kitten is introduced to an older cat. This is because the problems often don't come from distrust or meeting a new cat anxiety -- rather, kittens love to jump and play on older cats and don't take no for an answer. For whatever reason, this can make some older cats very anxious and scared. Quite common for this to be a real problem when the older cat is 2+, but there is some chance problems here given that your one year old is still so skittish. If you can find the rare gentler quieter kitten, that would be best, but even if you get a kitten of a breed that maybe tends to be a little more low key like a Persian or Himalayan, there are no guaranties. Avoid breeds that tend to be more active like Abyssinian or Bengal.

Bottom line - there is enough risk of making things worse for your cat that I don't think you should do this to get him a friend. If you really want another cat, thats different, do it now while your cat is still young enough to hopefully accept a kitten with minimal fuss.

I do want another cat but not enough to compromise my cats happiness. I think maybe he'll be better living alone. Thank you

 

[maggiedemi]

My male cat is a former feral and he is terrified of all human strangers, but he loves other cats. He is not afraid of them at all. So it could work. I would get a friendly male cat around the same age. Maybe you could foster in case it doesn't work out. Or visit a shelter and make sure the cat is friendly to people and other cats.

 

[catsknowme]

If you are willing to consider it - think about an elderly cat that does well with other cats. They are not so "in your face" as kittens but also tend to not be as cocky as young cats.
Also, your guy definitely needs confidence building. I would block off his hiding places except for his carrier as his base camp. But I would give him a tall tree or shelves so he can seek safety from heights rather than "caving" (like a leopard or mountain lion). Jackson Galaxy has some great episodes on "My Cat From Hell" about that.
Whether or not he is a "single child", he will benefit from being a happy, confident cat, king of his domain, ruler of all he sees.

 

[catlover73]

I adopted a young adult cat years ago that was abused and abandoned before I adopted her. She was abandoned in a friend's pick-up truck at night in the middle of winter in Chicago. It was a really cold night and she may not have survived if my friend and his room mate had not decided they were hungry and went out to eat in the middle of the night. I think the only reason they were able to carry her indoor is that she was too cold and scared to fight them. She was scared of everyone and everything when I first adopted her. She bonded very quickly with my other female cat that was a couple years older. My other female cat was very social though and not scared of anything. I think my other cat's confidence around humans really helped my other cat get over being scared of everything. Both my cats were females so it is possible for female cats to bond with other cats.

If you do decide to get another cat though I would look at a confident adult cat around the same age. I do not think I would get a small dog or a kitten to introduce to a shy adult cat. I think they would be a little too in your face for a shy adult cat. You want to look for a confident laid back cat around the same age as your baby. I do not think gender matters as much as the personality of the cat. I have a female living with three males and they get along well. My female is the oldest of my cats.

 

[duncanmac]

I know it is hard for you to tell with your cat, but our shy cat is shy only around people. He is very outgoing with our other cat.

We started out with a boisterous kitten, Duncan, who had no litter mates and no manners. So we got a second cat, Barry, to tire him out - turns out the second cat was super shy but only with people. Since we introduced them, Barry has always sought out Duncan - will walk away from being petted when Duncan walks into the room to head butt him and walk next to him. They will randomly chase each other around and play footsie. This gives us a break.

When company comes over, Barry hides under the bed usually for the duration, but he has started coming out when the evening winds down. Whenever there is a loud noise, his first instinct is to run and hide - even from me. I don't think a second cat has as much to do with alleviating his shyness as just the time we spent with Barry building up his confidence.

 

[Etarre]

Some cat adoption groups allow you to foster a cat prior to committing to a full adoption to see if it's a good fit for your family, including any current pets. The place we got our kitty calls it "foster to own." This could be a good way of testing your cat's compatibility with another cat.

I've read that confident cats can sometimes be good models for shy cats about how to interact with humans. My personal experience is that I owned a cat who was very shy with humans, and she was also terrified of other cats the few times that she encountered them in person (rather than through our window). She was clearly best off as an only cat. Despite all the people who believe that cats are ALWAYS better off with another cat friend, each cat is different, and I think that some are most content to be only cats.

 

[bornagirl]

Thank you all for the help!
I thought about talking to a shelter about fostering (also a friend of my said she would be willing to take the new cat if it doesn't work out for me) but I feel like with my cat it might take a long time to figure out if it works? And if it doesn't, by the time we have to give the cat back we will be attached and the resident cat will be left feeling unsafe/confused.

 

[lutece]

Have you talked to the breeder of your cat about his shy behavior? Since the breeder raised him as a kitten and has experience with his relatives, the breeder might have insight into his temperament and whether he would do well with another cat.

 

[ArtNJ]

It doesn't always take a long time when the newcomer is a kitten. Sometimes the older cat is pretty much just ok with it from the get go. With an older foster, it might take a bit longer, but not always.

 

[Desertmouse]

Hmm....what is your shy guy like when it comes to play time? Is he the type who loves to play? If he is then a kitten might not be such a bad idea. If however he doesn’t care for playing as much I would consider a senior cat (or at least one well into their adult years, like in the 7 to 12 year range). I love that you have considered fostering for him and have such a great friend willing to take the cat if it doesn’t work out! Of course the more you know about any possible new cat the better off you are going to be.

As far as adopting a small dog goes, well it can be a mixed bag. A big factor I would think is where you end up looking to get the dog. If we are talking a breeder you will have a better chance knowing how he might react to your boy. Likewise if you can find one that is being fostered or that the owner is looking for a home for you can also have a better idea on his personality. I can tell you that in my house I have Sadie (my avatar) who is 13ish, Charlie who is a small dog, Pomeranian/chihuahua mix and over 14, and Loki a 105 pound black lab at about 6 years (I think). The Loki is scared of Sadie, but Charlie will snap at and even chase Sadie away if she gets to close to anything of his (including us humans sometimes). But then I have also heard of small dogs and cats being best friends.

 

[ArtNJ]

Oh I missed you ask about a small dog. Yeah, I only have one experience with that, but you might find it interesting. My cats don't like other cats that come into the yard, and my older cat doesn't even like the 2 year old cat. Yet when we got a small puppy that was visibly scared and just standing still kinda shaking, they both seemed pretty ok and were quickly willing to investigate. I knew they were going to be ok before my daughter knew she was allergic to the puppy I think any introduction has an element of unpredictability, and you can only infer so much based on what you've seen of your cats personality so far.

 

[bornagirl]

Hmm....what is your shy guy like when it comes to play time? Is he the type who loves to play? If he is then a kitten might not be such a bad idea. If however he doesn’t care for playing as much I would consider a senior cat (or at least one well into their adult years, like in the 7 to 12 year range). I love that you have considered fostering for him and have such a great friend willing to take the cat if it doesn’t work out! Of course the more you know about any possible new cat the better off you are going to be.

As far as adopting a small dog goes, well it can be a mixed bag. A big factor I would think is where you end up looking to get the dog. If we are talking a breeder you will have a better chance knowing how he might react to your boy. Likewise if you can find one that is being fostered or that the owner is looking for a home for you can also have a better idea on his personality. I can tell you that in my house I have Sadie (my avatar) who is 13ish, Charlie who is a small dog, Pomeranian/chihuahua mix and over 14, and Loki a 105 pound black lab at about 6 years (I think). The Loki is scared of Sadie, but Charlie will snap at and even chase Sadie away if she gets to close to anything of his (including us humans sometimes). But then I have also heard of small dogs and cats being best friends.

He loves to play! He runs around a lot in the mornings or at night (just as we plan to go to bed, haha). He also has days when he can't be bothered to get down from the closet on which he sleeps but usually he really enjoys playing. I keep buying new toys to make play time more interesting.
Labs seems to be perfect dogs for cat household but too big for an apartment (also probably too big for my shy cat). I was thinking about a smaller dog (I read that pomeranians, shih tzu, pugs, basset hounds (I know he's not small but not too active) supposedly gets along well with cats) but I think a puppy might be too rough/intense for my cat?
If I get a pet I should probably go for a cat but I'm still undecided.
Thank you so much for all the info!