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- Mar 21, 2022
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Hi everyone,
Looking for some advice and some non-judgement here. I scrolled through some of the other cat anxiety threads but I think I may have something worse than just the post-adoption blues.
I grew up having cats and have been wanting one for years. Until about a year or so ago, I lived in places that didn’t allow me to have a cat. The plan was always to foster a cat because someday I'd have an apartment on my own and I would work from home and it'd be the perfect landing pad for cute little old senior cats and then eventually foster fail at some point. About two months ago I moved to a new city and decided that I would adopt instead of foster to "show my commitment to my new city" and I was also feeling pressure (both placed on by myself and my family and friends) to get a cat as a companion. Many of my friends and family told me I wouldn't be able to emotionally handle fostering and would just end up adopting anyways. So I decided to commit when I saw a cat online.
I wasn't able to meet him before I picked him up since he was coming from out of state and from the moment I picked him up two weekends ago I have felt intense regret. He had a few behavioral issues at first (yowling whenever he couldn't see me, etc) that seem to have resolved itself. He also smelled pretty bad from transport and kept getting litter stuck in his fur but I got a groomer to come and fix him all up so now he smells ok! So my excuses or reasonings for this whole thing not working have dwindled. Honestly, he’s an amazing cat - loves to sleep next to me - even as I'm writing this he is sleeping basically on top of me. I do live alone and have noticed that he only comes out when it's bedtime, he hears other people's voices (movies etc do not get him to come out, only other people's voices like when I am on the phone), or when people come to visit. He's a total ham with visitors and even lets them rub his belly. Getting a second cat is not an option, my apartment is just not big enough. So I do wonder if my home is the right fit in regards to it just being me.
But the worst of it all is that I've been crying to the point of sobbing basically every day from anxiety but also the realization that I'm pretty unhappy and lonely with my life in general and just used moving to a new city (something that was supposed to make me happy) and getting a new cat (also something that was supposed to make me happy but surprise! it didn't) and so I've just put two band-aids on a wound that probably needs sutures. I did have an emergency therapy session last week (didn't really help) and starting with a long term therapist this week to hopefully work on these deeper issues. But while that's happening I have a cat whom I'm responsible for and supposed to love but honestly if the foster family came to me right now and said “we want him back” I would give him back in a heartbeat. He's the type of cat who deserves someone who is obsessed with him and will give him so much love and I just don't know if I'm capable of that now. Do I make him wait and see for me to go through therapy, figure out what will actually make me happy and then maybe able to finally give him the love he deserves? Or do I work with my rescue to find him a home where he will have that love that maybe I can't give him now? I've talked to my friends and family and they all say it's "my decision" and they won't hate me for either way I decide but I feel like a complete failure for even feeling this way.
If you made it all the way to the end, thanks for reading and any advice would be appreciated.
Looking for some advice and some non-judgement here. I scrolled through some of the other cat anxiety threads but I think I may have something worse than just the post-adoption blues.
I grew up having cats and have been wanting one for years. Until about a year or so ago, I lived in places that didn’t allow me to have a cat. The plan was always to foster a cat because someday I'd have an apartment on my own and I would work from home and it'd be the perfect landing pad for cute little old senior cats and then eventually foster fail at some point. About two months ago I moved to a new city and decided that I would adopt instead of foster to "show my commitment to my new city" and I was also feeling pressure (both placed on by myself and my family and friends) to get a cat as a companion. Many of my friends and family told me I wouldn't be able to emotionally handle fostering and would just end up adopting anyways. So I decided to commit when I saw a cat online.
I wasn't able to meet him before I picked him up since he was coming from out of state and from the moment I picked him up two weekends ago I have felt intense regret. He had a few behavioral issues at first (yowling whenever he couldn't see me, etc) that seem to have resolved itself. He also smelled pretty bad from transport and kept getting litter stuck in his fur but I got a groomer to come and fix him all up so now he smells ok! So my excuses or reasonings for this whole thing not working have dwindled. Honestly, he’s an amazing cat - loves to sleep next to me - even as I'm writing this he is sleeping basically on top of me. I do live alone and have noticed that he only comes out when it's bedtime, he hears other people's voices (movies etc do not get him to come out, only other people's voices like when I am on the phone), or when people come to visit. He's a total ham with visitors and even lets them rub his belly. Getting a second cat is not an option, my apartment is just not big enough. So I do wonder if my home is the right fit in regards to it just being me.
But the worst of it all is that I've been crying to the point of sobbing basically every day from anxiety but also the realization that I'm pretty unhappy and lonely with my life in general and just used moving to a new city (something that was supposed to make me happy) and getting a new cat (also something that was supposed to make me happy but surprise! it didn't) and so I've just put two band-aids on a wound that probably needs sutures. I did have an emergency therapy session last week (didn't really help) and starting with a long term therapist this week to hopefully work on these deeper issues. But while that's happening I have a cat whom I'm responsible for and supposed to love but honestly if the foster family came to me right now and said “we want him back” I would give him back in a heartbeat. He's the type of cat who deserves someone who is obsessed with him and will give him so much love and I just don't know if I'm capable of that now. Do I make him wait and see for me to go through therapy, figure out what will actually make me happy and then maybe able to finally give him the love he deserves? Or do I work with my rescue to find him a home where he will have that love that maybe I can't give him now? I've talked to my friends and family and they all say it's "my decision" and they won't hate me for either way I decide but I feel like a complete failure for even feeling this way.
If you made it all the way to the end, thanks for reading and any advice would be appreciated.